There are many reasons why there are so many clichés about the inability to change an Adult, especially your Significant Other.
And I'm saying Adult because ever heard of the saying "You can't teach an old Dog new tricks" or "A tiger never changes its stripes" ?
But why don't we see their flaws when we start to date?
See, when you are in the beginning, you get wooed and romanced from left to right, that you barely notice their quirky little habits and flaws in general. That's when you actually accept his flaws indirectly, the first phase is just very blurry, because we can't get enough of each other and spending time together is the priority right.... ?
After years though, you notice the very same quirks that turn out into irritating quirks to you.... WHAT HAPPENED HERE?
Well, the Honeymoon phase is over, and now you are facing THE REAL ADULT YOU CHOSE TO HOLD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE (eventually).
And his or her habits and quirks are becoming the death of you, you even are so devastated by them that you are already picturing yourself to BREAK UP and start new ....
YOU WANT THEM TO CHANGE, you ask them to change, you want to sculpt your partner the way YOU WANT TO.
Look, here is my theory, encouraging someone to be their best self is an amazing quality of a supportive partner, but FORCIBLY trying to change your SO can do more damage than good for the both of you.
Remember, that changing partners will not change your relationship dynamics per se. Positive changes come over time not by force.
I noticed that the most common things people try to change in a relationship are:
- Religious perspectives, Politics, Family planning, Friends and Family hangouts and online gaming ...
REMEMBER: TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS where Violence, Force , cheating, and RADICALISM TAKE PLACE should be ended immediately, trying to change a violent or toxic partner is USELESS, that's when you should pack your bags and LEAVE for your own sake. Because there is no excuse in using violence, and MOST of these people have mental health issues and they can only change through a drastic therapy, not THROUGH YOU. Please remember this.
Trust me, if you want to damage your relationship, try to force changes.
On the other hand did you even look at yourself ?
Do you think you're perfect?
Don't you have quirks?
UH - OH
Here we go, what if somebody forces you to stop wearing your favourite color because THEY DON'T LIKE IT ? OR WHAT IF THEY WANT YOU TO QUIT PLAYING YOUR VIDEO GAMES?
THAT'S UNFAIR RIGHT?
Well Guess what ... it's also unfair to expect him/her to change his/her religious perspective and other believes just because YOU DON'T LIKE THEM.
At the end of the day, it's important to remember the positive things in your relationship.
Does your SO respect you ?
Does your SO treat you good?
Does your SO protect you?
Does your SO offer stability?
Remember, the presence of respect in a relationship will make both of you feel SAFE. Respecting each others flaws and quirks will not only bring your mind at peace, but you when you tolerate them you will even see eventual changes.
Good things come to those who wait
Add your thoughts about this, as you know, I love to discuss these things with all of you and see if I missed something.