Are you being "GASLIGHTED?"

[coachTanthony]

The term "gaslighting" has been around since the 40's and 50's. It originated from a play called "Gas Light" (1938), in which a husband tries to convince his wife that she is going insane by causing her to doubt her own perceptions and memories. The term has been used in the psychological community to refer to a form of emotional abuse in which the abuser manipulates the victim into doubting their own perceptions and memories. The word has become part of our lexicon today due to it's popularity on social media.

Here are some examples of gaslighting:

Denying that certain events occurred: The gaslighter may deny that certain events or conversations ever happened, even when you have clear evidence or remember them vividly.

Twisting their words: The gaslighter may twist the victim's words or statements, causing the victim to question their own memory and understanding of the situation.

Manipulating their environment: The gaslighter may manipulate the victim's environment, such as moving objects or hiding things, and then deny that the objects ever existed or were moved. This can make the victim feel like they are losing their mind.

Gaslighting their feelings: The gaslighter may deny the victim's feelings or experiences, telling them that they are wrong or that they are overreacting.

Isolating them: The gaslighter may try to isolate the victim from their friends and family, making it harder for the victim to get support and validation.

If you think you are being gaslighted here are a few things you can do that might help:

Stay grounded in reality: Try to hold on to the facts and things that you know to be true. Keep track of events and conversations, and share them with a trusted friend or family member.

Seek support: Talk to someone you trust about what is happening. It can be helpful to have someone to confide in and to remind you that you are not alone and that your feelings and perceptions are valid.

Stand up for yourself: It's important to assert your boundaries and to let the person know that their behavior is not acceptable. This can be difficult, especially if the person is trying to manipulate you, but it is important to communicate your needs and to set limits.

Seek professional help: If you are feeling overwhelmed or if you are unable to cope with the situation on your own, consider seeking the help of a mental health professional. A therapist can provide you with support and guidance as you navigate this difficult situation.

Consider getting out: If the gaslighting is severe and is having a serious impact on your mental health and well-being, it may be necessary to consider leaving the relationship. This can be a difficult and complex decision, and it is important to have a plan in place for your safety and well-being.

Gaslighting is a serious form of abuse and can have serious consequences for the victim's mental health. If you are experiencing gaslighting in a relationship, it is important to seek help and support. Are you being gaslighted? Let me know below.

[AmandaYVR]

Ah, were you inspired by it being the 2022 word of the year named by Merriam-Webster dictionary? Interesting phenomenon, eh, Coach? What a world we live in...

No, I haven't exactly had the pleasure.

[coachTanthony]

I didn't know that it was 2022 word of the year by Merriam_Webster. One of my clients was getting gaslighted so I thought I would put something out.

[AmandaYVR]

Ah. Yep, it's a very hot topic these days.

[coachTanthony]

Yes it's one of those words like "narcissist" that has taken over the lexicon.

[AmandaYVR]

True true.

[dustybiker]

I have experiences this, yes. Thankfully I had a number of witnesses. That is key to breaking those people’s attempts. Witnesses.

[dustybiker]

Thanks for mho

[Guy13]

Ah yeah gaslighting and Narcissism... so glad I avoided this so far. Informative Take.

[TruthBringer]

Sadly, I had my fair share of gas lighting in the past.

Being made as if I was crazy for hearing or reading the things that literally came from her end. Only, I didn't know there was a term for it. This was over 6 years ago.

In my case, she threw hurtful words my way and then denied actually meaning it the way she said it, whereas I did not buy any of her excuses. I know exactly what she said. And when I confronted her about it, she dares to claim I'm "exaggerating" and play the victim that I was the one to make her feel bad. When it was she who threw hurtful words. Words that no significant other wishes to hear.

How I dealt with it:

So what helped was standing my ground and just leaving the relationship. At that time it was basically a mountain of reasons that piled up to why I had to leave. And despite the 2-3 years of recovering from that relationship, I'm happy I left.

Enlightenment:

It has been many years since I broke up, and only last year did I realize I was dealing with covert narcissistic abuse. I know I know, nowadays everyone claims to have had a narc in their lives. I had my doubts every single time, but the moment I stumbled on the topic of narcissism, she ticked all the boxes. I spent 7 extra months extensively researching the topic, and it is extremely likely I was dealing with a covert narcissist. This explains why I was dealing with excessive rumination and unresolved cognitive dissonance for years after the beak up. Whereas within a normal relationship, people get over it within a span of months. It is only after realizing I was dealing with a narcissist that I finally got the closure I had long given up on getting.

In hindsight:The gas lighting during my relationship with my narc ex had left me questioning my sanity so many times, and brought nothing but confusion. Now that I understand things a lot better, I now know that everything I thought, read & heard were correct. She kept denying and trying to twist reality, but it didn't work. My intuition was right. And the cherry on top of the cake was that her actions proved my intuition flawlessly.

[Malgaran]

Something I'm awfully familiar with. My Sister is a Diagnosed BPD, and the amount of gaslighting I experienced growing up was insane, but not just from her either. My mother as well.. not sure what to call her, but a lot of her traits can actually remind me of schizophrenia. In her case, she legit believes in her own reality, the actual reality of things that happen, does not even register. Like she was rather abusive towards me when I was a kid, but she legit has no memory of it, it can kinda happen with my sister as well, but in my sisters case it's more like a cover up, to always be a victim and never the villain.

It's kinda crazy now that Im away from it all, feel like my mind has been in a constant warzone over what "reality" is. Last 2 years in particular I felt the after affects more of growing up like this. My mind has just tanked. Used to remember every little detail about everything, in order to stay sane and combat all the gaslighting, now that I'm out, I have like no functional memory anymore. My short term memory is so bad.

The reality of everything I been through, is rather soul crushing, don't really have the energy to say or explain much of anything anymore, just too tired. Always too tired.

[Anonymous]

All the time. The parents did it. My youngest nephew is doing it. I caught him punching his brother. several times - really hard. They were fighting. I took what they were fighting over. It went from HE DID it first (a possibility, but I didn't see it, and I'm skeptical, because the younger one never said "He's hitting me!" or "Ow, quit hitting me!" It was all about "I want it! Gimmee!" type stuff). Now... it started with, "Well, he hit me first!" to "I didn't punch him THAT hard, I just tried getting his hands off my stuff!" to "I never hit him! He was the one punching me!" Then it remained him yelling about how he never hit his brother at all. I KNOW what I saw, at least as far as the younger one punching the older - hard - repeatedly. He does that quite a bit. He'll go to the bathroom, leave a mess, not flush, and I'll see him leave the room. Then it goes from "I flushed" to "I wasn't even IN the bathroom." I tell him it wasn't fun when grandma and grandpa lied, and it's a bad habit when HE does it. And once he settles on a lie that he wants to stick, he will die on that damned hill every time (again, like Grandma and Grandpa... though he never lived with them, so I don't know where he got it from). He lies about homework. He does a lot of lying. Big things. Small things. I keep telling him that if he was honest, it wouldn't be a big deal, just clean it up - takes maybe a minute. But he will throw a fit lying and take 30 minutes to fix the tiny problem (hang up your coat. Throw wrappers away. etc), and then I'm abusive and play favorites. It never was him that threw the coat down, or threw the wrapper on the floor when I SAW it not two minutes before. Ugh. this is a very hard lesson that he's not doing well at learning - I hope he doesn't grow up into an adult who does this.

[Chazmatazz269]

Not at the present, but i almost certainly have been in the past. It’s tough to know for certain under most circumstances because our memory and recall is so fallible so much of the time.
Anyone who seems to be absolutely certain of their faculties is absolutely wrong. This has been studied to great extent. My favorite book on the subject is “Being Wrong” by Kathryn Schultz. This book should be mandatory reading for everyone at middle skool, high skool and college levels, all around the world.

[Finchie40]

Yup my ex toxic wife gaslighted me for years making me feel like I wasn’t good enough , pointed out all my flaws , compared me to other men hated that others liked me like she was jealous of it , when I would Walk away she chase me back , blamed it on her anxiety and Depression and said she loved me but she never saw any wrong on her doings , never apologized for her actions , she would constantly play this victim and say that I am acting like a victim , I said yes I am a victim a victim to a selfish piece of shit that only cares about herself , with holding intimacy and affection from me like I had to earn it from her , I came very close To cheating on her because it was abusive behavior but I stopped
Myself knowing cheating isn’t the answer , I look back now and wish i did sadly to say , but she eventually cheated on me and that was my final straw to end it

[D_Bone_Steak]

For every person that's had to listen to "they're just a friend" and "they're just a nice person" only to find you loved one fucking someone else. You got gas lit motherfucker. I would just call it bullshit and make that the lexicon but I don't control this world. It is bullshit though.

[coachTanthony]

LOL that has happened to me for sure.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Happens to the best of us. Builds character and shit.

[EbeneezerGoode]

It's become such a commonly used phrase, like it's proper mainstream y'know... and I find it funny because a lot of the people who say it are young and a lot of young people are culturally and/or intellectually deprived so I expect a lot of them know f all about its origins. I wonder how many people even know why it's called gas lighting. To be fair a lot of not young people are also culturally and/or intellectually deprived so likewise probably also know f all about its origins.

Man I knew about it before it was cool. I knew about the film Gaslight before I even knew what gaslighting was.

Just find it funny that's all. People get all passionate and faux knowledgeable on things they don't even have a great understanding of. Not you, not at all... just, people.

[jshm2]

Basically it's a nicer way of saying "professional bullshitter"

The purpose of a bullshitter is not to be " always right," but to deny you from being "right". Either as it makes them looks bad, or makes them feel bad.

Thus it's a toxic person, who likes to use you as their punchbag.

[_piotr]

I have a problem with this fragment: "Gaslighting their feelings: The gaslighter may deny the victim's feelings or experiences, telling them that they are wrong or that they are overreacting."

Sometimes one can overreact, and you can not tell the person to stop that, because now you are a "gaslighter?

Sometimes the feelings are wrong and somebody needs to point it out: Like you can not say to Hitler that his hatred is wrong, because... you are gaslighting him? What?

This word can be used between any arguing people who just have different worldview or opinions. They don't agree, so one of them just throws "you are gaslighting me" and the conversation goes nowhere. It just promotes hatred and accusations.

This word is and will be overused.

[purplepoppy]

There's no need to deal with it, just walk away from the abuser. They're not going to change.

[coachTanthony]

You mean no need to tolerate it. Dealing with it has to be done whether it's walking away or seeking help.

[HuskyJ]

Yes in the sense that the same girls I keep running a huge chunk of economy, finance and defense for, and almost for free, keep taking that foe granted, but pretending they can just ignore me sexually/expect me to work for that as well - when they are obliged to give it to me absolutely whenever I am interested and efforrlessly (basically to offer to pull their pants down, bend over and let me have them wherever and whenever I like).

They'll have to wake up to that and start doing it that way by default for me.

[es20490446e]

Oh, I know very well what gaslighting is. Since I have dated a diagnoses borderline with narcissistic traits.

But it was a good experience after all, because now I realized I shall be more confident about what I know is true.

[Guardian45]

Not yet, but I don't think I'm easily convinced of that.

[Guardian45]

Good MyTake!

[coachTanthony]

Hey thanks.

[kevypatyy7]

Ohh I remember capri used the same word in Darby and the dead and I was confused what it meant. Thanks a lot for the information so helpful

[churbleburble78]

I experienced it from my ex (being gaslit by a woman - apparently less common?) and my partner experienced it from her ex-husband

[Fuentes]

If anyone did they getting drop kicked outta my life

[BJP21]

Ill top GASLIGHTING over cheating. One of the worse things anyone can do in a relationship

[OddBeMe]

If you discover your perfect life is a lie…just go back to the lie.

[Manuel2]

Weather your ghosted or gaslighted.
Move on and do not end up like Harry and Megan.