My thoughts on being lonely and perpetually single in my 30s.

[Anonymous]

I am about to turn 40 years old in a few short years, and I've never had a girlfriend, never held hands with a girl, never kissed a girl, never heard a girl say "I love you". But you know what? I've gotten used to being by myself, even at work among coworkers I feel alone.

I think I'm the problem, nobody else is responsible for my happiness but me. I'm just too pathetic to even find happiness within myself, no matter how hard I try, and I've tried to improve things so god damn hard yet I can't seem to move past my station in life, as if God wants me to suffer. I was never one of the blessed.

It was never about just sex, it's the companionship, having someone who adores me wrap her arms around me at night, sharing moments with someone who loves me as much as I love her. Unfortunately, at this point I don't think anybody will love me or care about me as much as my mom did, she's the only person who was ever there for me and she's been gone for a few years. Sometimes I feel like ending it all and joining her on the other side.

I'm sorry you all had to read this, I just felt like I needed to vent and I have nowhere else to turn to. Nobody ever listens to me, nobody sees me.

[FunkyMonkee]

Same here, man!! I've been alone most of my life, nobody to share music, ideas or anything else with. If I wanted to go out and play, it was almost never what I wanted to play, I had to play what everybody else wanted to play, whether I liked it or not. My only true friends were my records and toys. Nobody listens to me `til it's too late, nobody wants to be friends, let alone a girlfriend!! I've had two fake girlfriend's (one was only using me to make another guy jealous, the next was already out of her mind at the time but I didn't know it `til about a week later.) and one real one that ended up cheating on me after a few years. After my aunt died 2.5 years ago, I've had NOBODY here other than a couple rabbits in the front yard that come begging for bread, every day and my ex-neighbor that takes me to the store once or twice a month. The rabbits don't converse and Ron never stays for more than about 5:00 to help me get the groceries into the house. Nobody calls, nobody visits, hardly anybody e-mails, this site is about the only contact I have with the outside world! I have no family left that actually gives a fuck about me I lost MY house 3 years ago thanks to my greedy ex-sisters and now, I might be losing THIS house to my greedy ex-cousins tomorrow!
It's been 22 years since I've had even a surrogate girlfriend and almost 28 years since I've fucked one! A great deal of my life, especially the past 30-some years, had been a huge pile of shit!! Will I EVER get MY life back? Most of what I was able to rescue of it from MY house has been in storage for the past 4 years!! Basically, just sitting in limbo until I get THIS chapter of my so-called "life" sorted out, hopefully, tomorrow! But, if I lose THIS house, too, I have no idea where I'm gonna go!!

[EricSummer]

First of all, please get a therapist and talk about your thoughts of "ending it all". You need help and we men should not just struggle on our own in such a situation.

Secondly, your life is not over. If you make some changes and go out there to meet women, it is quite possible that you find one who would want to love and be loved.

I do not know the exact challenges in your case, of course. Is it exessive shyness? Are you on the autistic spectrum? Are you unusually short or disfigured or something? Anyway, therapy is the first step, that much is sure.

[Anonymous]

You get out of life what you put into it. You must be doing something wrong.

[myTake Owner]

Nah, I'm too short and too ugly for this world. I've given everything I had into life and only receive garbage in return.

[Rei13]

Your feelings are completely valid and I am glad that you shared them. I don’t think there is anything inherently wrong with you for not having those things. I have a friend in her thirties that never did any of those things either but is happy with her life. She is really pretty too. Another friend who was around 30 when she met her husband and experienced those things for the first time. There was nothing wrong with her either, it just didn’t happen until she was older. There is no set timeline for when you will meet your person and you don’t know where you will be a year from now. Have you considered going to therapy? It helped me personally get to a healthier place. You have so many great things to offer and I hope that you will able to see that

[Middleman]

I totally understand what you're saying here since I've been in those very shoes before. But one thing that differs with me is that, no matter what the circumstance I face in life I will always remain calm and happy. Why? Because I realised my happiness is determined by me and ONLY by me and not by anyone else however much they think. If I cannot find my own happiness, nobody can do that for me, not even my parents or siblings.

They say life is what you make of it, and it is totally true. If you see life as a chore then it is. If you see life as an adventure, is meant to be explored, meant to be experienced with other friends then you'll see a different side of life. The key is finding your own happiness. Happiness doesn't necessarily mean you go out drinking and clubbing etc (although some folks really like it) - it's about taking steps to find what makes you tick, what in life makes you feel whole again. It doesn't have to be anything hard to do or expensive, just start with a small hobby or something, say collecting model cars, trains or Lego sets, music records, comics or such activities like computers/gaming/sports, cosplay & roleplaying. From these hobbies you can find like-minded people who share an interest and hopefully build a relationship from that.

[pathfinder69420]

There's a lot of pressure out there to entice one to compromise who they are and succumb to the lie that people must get together or are less than what they could be. This is simply not true at all.

The moment you give that power to others and cease to derive your self worth from within is the moment you set yourself up for a life full of problems and you will end up feeling so much worse than you do now.

What's out there right now? People say they are single, but they're not, they just use duplicitous language like: "I'm talking to a few people," "We're just hanging out," "Situationship (yuck, you shouldn't be with anyone if you're cool with this gross phenomenon), and the like. All of this works to empower immature people who are incapable of a real relationship. It's a sign they need to get themselves right and stop inflicting themselves on others.

Do you want to be led on? Do you want to be a meat bag among many on someone's roster? People treat people like toilet paper and then wonder why they are never happy, but it won't change because there's no accountability and no compassion.

Focus on your hobbies, raise your standards sky high, and don't waste energy on things that do provide fulfillment. It's not just about looking out for yourself, but ultimately, a healthy you is going to enrich any worthy, meaningful, adult relationship.

[IslaTheWitch]

It will be a female opinion.

I have a lot of friends in their 30s or 40s, and they are single.

The scenarios are different. Some had bad experiences, some had too high expectations, and some simply feel good alone.

Whatever the reason. Enjoy what you have and explore new horizons if you can and want to.

[inhua]

in life as harsh as it sounds, there's always those born winners and born losers

born winners are blessed with amazing genetics, grow up in safe environments, access to luxuries etc.

born losers are cursed with shit genetics, grow up in warzones, struggle to find food and water much less electricity etc.

both capitalism and socialism can be delusional in their outcomes and supporters of either side do not understand the flaws in their own systems

[catarecute]

you can still find love. i would advice that you go travelling and look for love around the world. America has a toxic dating mentality i am not being insulting i am just saying the truth. even my 50 something year old managed to find a pretty wife in Cambodia. i am not saying date in Cambodia i am giving you example.

[strateguy632]

a sad story but don't give up. "perpetual ", your want wrap her arms around me at night, sharing moments, is natural.

make the effort to know coworkers and they should know you are looking for a lady because the networking might lead to a common friend.

[Lara_Croft]

God is Good, it is well. you're a light-so shine. If you so desire and God wills it, you'll get that girl. Just turn tp God always Matthew 6 vs 33. You're a gem! Paul says, it is better to be single andf that singleness is a gift-keep using that gift until God signals otherwise

[ronaldo75]

Bro as a man who's had plenty of women and have had plenty of sex and everything in between - let me tell you something. YOU are the future. Feel proud about it. If you're happy at 40 and have never dealt the shit that comes with a lot of women these days - again... consider yourself lucky. God speed and safe travels. Enjoy yourself.

[Unit1]

It Does feel like women as a collective have marked us with a big X to avoid getting in relationships with us.

Your self defeated attitude is much more repulsive towards women than a man being broke.

[catarecute]

its not this guy makes me want to travel to America just to give him a hug. its American women who are toxic.

[Unit1]

@catarecute Noble intention. But if you want my advise - save it for those, who want to change. His self-defeating attitude won't change by a girl giving him a hug.

[catarecute]

a hug can help a lot. he seem like he misses his mum and needs some love from someone.

[Unit1]

@catarecute Yeah but the attitude won't change until he wants to. This will cause relapses.

[catarecute]

i can empathise honestly sometime i feel similar to him. i hang on to the hope that i can love god and my future child if i can't love men as most of them are too cruel.

[gorydetails]

Save up a few grand, take some time off work, and head to Colombia. Thank me later.

[Anonymous]

Cases like you make me depressed and angry because they remind me that they are male-dominated due to the unfairness that men always have to do the pursuing and make the first move all the time