You see this often on dating sites, single person only interested in long term relationships. But what does that really mean?
On one hand it can be easily translated to mean that you are dating for commitment and a future with someone, with the purpose of building a life a together and eventually marriage.
How do you get from the person I met online and know nothing about to having a long-term relationship with them?
Full disclosure I have no idea how to answer this question, but what I do know is that there is no road map to a perfect relationship. There always too many variables involved, depending on the two individuals and what the best path maybe vs. the most practical.
How to start a Long-Term relationship.
Every relationship starts out as non-exclusive relationships, that builds into a short term one, that might become a truly long term and committed relationship. Seriously this is the more practical approach... so why start off with saying I am only interested in a Long-Term relationship? I mean that is great, but tell me how you see yourself accomplishing that? Because trust me it has every bit and more to do with you then than the other person. So, before we get to the long-term relationship, what is it you are offering in the interim?
Because all the choices and actions you take up to the that point will determine what type of relationship it is and will be... but from the go you are virtually making the statement I am only interested in long term relationships. You are already placing limits on the process and eliminating alternative paths to the goal.
When does a long-term relationship actually become one?
Time is the only determining factor between a short term and long-term relationship. So, in the short term, what level of effort are you willing to put into today?
When you start getting into these types of discussions, that is when it all starts to get convoluted. Because it appears most people know what they want but have no clue how to achieve it. If you only want long term relationships, and you set that as a deal breaker... then all you are really offering in a promise for the future... but relationships do not really work that way.
You have to be willing to pay forward.
When it comes to relationships and building a future no matter what it is, it's about paying forward. It's about scarifying in the moment for a brighter future. If you want to be a doctor, lawyer or anything you have to endure years of education, before you can achieve that goal. It's not supposed to be easy. It's the first test to not only see if you have what it takes, but to be able to prove to yourself and all others that you do.
So that whole time you are going to school, to be a lawyer, you are not actually going to be one until you achieve it for yourself. But the more successful you are in the short term the more likely it will be you will achieve that goal. But it will come with hours of leachers, reading and writing... tests and earning grades. Nobody is going to give you an "A" grade without you putting in the time, effort and work to earn it.
Nobody who truly wants to achieve a goal, and furthermore is actually capable of achieving it, with quit because the professor demands too much effort or work... but at the end of all that work the rewards are tangible.
So, in the short term, your expected to pay forward with more than promises. It takes more than words and promises, it takes hard concise actions and a lot of work.
What is the Point Dave?
The point is do not link up with someone online and state you are only interested in in long term commitment when you have done nothing to earn that. You can speak about expectations, needs, wants, desires, hopes and dreams. The other person can agree with every word you just said...but in the short term what are you willing to sacrifice to achieve that goal for yourself?
Because you have to want it, before you can achieve it and you need to be open to the possibilities, work and effort, before you can earn it for yourself first. This requires action, not just words.