Snooping in Relationships? No, It's not right. Trust.

[NoDoubt]

Cheating "Statistics"

I see a lot of ads and a lot of links telling us how to catch our partner cheating. They provide intell on how to track our partner's cell phones and how to check his phone bill and text log behind his back so we can find out if he's cheating. They provide us with statistics that 50% of all married men cheat in some way, and most of them using their cell phone. Well to me, this is bull crap.

Snooping = Trust Issues

I'm not saying I don't understand your concerns about your partner cheating, but I am saying that I don't believe it is right for you to go snooping and checking your partner's phone or email log. This definitely shows that you don't trust your partner. Every relationship requires trust if it is going to work out. As soon as you decide to check your partner's phone or email or phone bill/log, it becomes evident that you don't trust your partner and those trust issues come seeping in and create distance and damage to the relationship.

If your partner says they aren't cheating on you, you should believe them. Eventually if they are, you will find out. But you shouldn't find out by snooping.

Trust is the Key to a Healthy Relationship

How can you have a healthy relationship without trust? You can't.

Lets say you and your partner trust each other. You guys are honest, loyal, and well communicative. One day you're on Twitter and see a tweet that says something like, "Do this to find out if your partner is cheating!" And then there is a link. So you say, "Hey, let's check this out to find out if my partner is cheating."

So you do. You follow the link and you end up at a website that tells you to check his phone log or text log or something like that and will give you all these little things to use to see if your partner is cheating. So you become paranoid and you let this all settle in your mind in your heart. It grows, and grows and eats you up. So you decide to check your partner's phone and you see they called a number yesterday that you do not recognize. You think they must be cheating. So you then you confront them about it and they get mad because you're accusing them of cheating and you didn't trust them and went behind their back and you're angry because (let's say girls, this is your man) he called some girl... Or so you think. He tells you to call that number you found so you do. And you hear, "Hi, this is Larry. I'm currently not in the office but if you need me you can call my cell phone at (352)-555-555 or you can text that number. Have a nice day." Oops is right. So because you didn't trust your partner and snooped, you caused all this mess and so now all trust that your partner had in you is gone and your relationship has turned to ash in just a matter of hours because you didn't trust them.

Have Faith in Your Partner

So I just don't believe you should go snooping and I think everyone needs to have a little more faith in each other and if you are cheating, male or female, you're an ass and need to break up with both partners. But anyways, everybody needs to have a little more faith and trust each other. Don't go snooping, if your partner says they aren't cheating, just trust them. Okay? Because if you always question it, you'll never be happy and you'll never have the relationship you want and your relationships won't work.

I know some people have caught their partners cheating by snooping, but I don't think its right. Yes I'm glad you found out, but I don't admire the way you did.

Give each other that little bit of space and privacy and trust them with it. Don't snoop. Trust me, this will strengthen your relationship.

So thats #myTake on relationships and trust.

[The_Eternal_Emperor]

I don't believe half of those so-called "statistics". In any case, the person you are in a relationship should have enough trust and faith in you that they shouldn't want to snoop through your personal belongings. The fact that many people, women especially, feel that it is okay to snoop through their partner's phones and messages is appalling to me. And don't anybody dare give me that "if he has nothing to hide then he should be okay with it" bullshit. That doesn't fucking matter. It's wrong to snoop through other people's phones and devices. I don't give two fucks what your reason is. If you can't trust your partner enough to have the benefit of doubt, you aren't ready for a relationship. End of story.

[NoDoubt]

This exactly!!! I completely agree

[Anonymous]

Trusting your partner will not automatically make him/her a good person. I agree you shouldn't be snooping around but trusting your partner will not magically make the relationship healthy if it was l not to begin with. If he/she is a liar or Cheater it's not going going to make them magically stop

[NoDoubt]

I agree with you :)

[Anonymous]

I went on my boyfriend's Facebook, just to browse but of course, had the urge to briefly scan his messages to see who he was talking to most. I didn't think he was cheating or anything, I was curious. I found messages to his female friend who's admitted to liking him before. They weren't flirting and he wasn't cheating but he was bitching about me and was lying about an argument we had to make out I was the bad guy despite him admitting he was in the wrong and apologising. My view of him changed and my trust dropped for him after that. We had a minor argument, but he didn't complain about me reading his messages and never has.
Another time, I saw he went on Omegle which I thought was weird because he never has time for things like that and I didn't take him as someone who'd use them. I thought maybe he's looking for girls but I shook it off as irrational. I then found another site (I wasn't looking through his history by the way, it was on his recently visited), which was to find a fuck buddy. That was disheartening after the Omegle thing. I tried to brush that off but then found (all in one evening I must add) that he was talking to a girl he told me he had stopped talking to a long time ago because I could tell she was interested in him. They weren't just talking, they were asking sexual questions! I nearly left him over that. I do find it difficult to trust him but I'm glad that I found what I did so I'm aware and I can't be played by him. We've had other difficulties with similar issues but I pick things up all on his behaviour and I know when he's trying to hide something, so I don't have to snoop, his behaviour will give it away.

[HandsomeRaj]

If there has to be snooping then there's no relationship no matter what that relationship is termed. I've always believed in absolute freedom, understanding etc thus compatibility. There are things we don't / may not understand about the other person or their thoughts but fixations of thought and imposing them on the other is certainly no way to have a relationship

Faith is something that goes both ways and faith is about expectation whether self motivated or imbibed. Hence, compatibility is a must in a relationship :-)

There are instances where there's been no cheating (most times sexually) but the partner's suspicions and snooping has actually encouraged and initiated those lol

[Lonelywolf21]

I totally agree with you there, but I think it's as important of both of the partners to introduce the one you love to your trusted friends, family and anything else. I mean it's important that your partner knows about almost all the people you are around. I think this way gives you more faith in your partner and makes you less suspicious of "cheating. :)

[NoDoubt]

Yeah that's true :-) Well my man and I are long distance so I can't introduce him to everyone but like my ex talked to my stepdad and I last weekend at church and I made sure to tell him about that and when my sisters boyfriend started freaking me out by kind of flirting with me, I made sure to tell him that as well just so he knows what's going on and so I'm not hiding anything :-)

[Lonelywolf21]

hahha, yeah that's good for you. :) And it would be funny for your bf as well if you made a funny scene out of it. :P I think it can be hard to have a long distance relationship and especially in these cases it's important to let him know if creepy guys try to flirt with you. :P

I think for someone that lives close to each other it's important that your partner know who you are hanging around. It's not necessary to tell her /him every detail, but they have the right to know a little bit about your friends. :)

And another tip is to never make your partner suspicious. If you are hanging with your girl friends (as friends) be straight and tell her that. These things can make suspiciousness I think.

[NoDoubt]

Thank you very much for the advice :) I agree with you!

[Lonelywolf21]

Hhha, np. :P

[RedThread]

I totally agree.. If someone is that paranoid about their partner cheating then why even try to be with that person? I never understood this kind of behavior. I remember one of my exes sisters went through my wallet which I felt was super rude but I have nothing to hide so I didn't stop her. You kind of don't know how to react in that situation you know? Part of you wants to make them stop and another part of you realizes that makes you look guilty. It's a lose lose situation of violating trust.

[NoDoubt]

Exactly!

[RedThread]

I just don't get the whole jealousy thing. People can't force someone not to cheat if that's what they're hellbent in doing.

[NoDoubt]

That's also true. Never really thought of that.

[NoDoubt]

Good point :-)

[Phoenix98]

Honestly snooping is a waste of time simply by looking at someone you can tell something is off. By the way their body language is and how they differ from their normal everyday patterns and behavior patterns. though I do agree with article it's food advise for the minority of situations.

[NoDoubt]

That is true as well. Thank you :)

[SpareMeYourBs]

Our intuition is impeccable if we allow it. Ours, souls know when cheating is truly involved

[Phoenix98]

True, Spare.

[NoDoubt]

This is true as well Spare

[Eiffelgirl21]

it isn't wrong. sometimes people do thing to cause trust issues... or maybe their past or their life they lead. sometimes there are reasons. trust is key to a relationship... but if you are open and allow them to look then eventually they will stop looking... and be at rest with you.. I would rather them look then not look and have that worry every now and then. everyone worries its human nature. you're an idiot if you don't.. and that is why many marriages end in divorce when they find their partner has been cheating for years..

[NoDoubt]

You don't have to agree with my take. That's why its called MY take. Because it's my view on the issue. But yeah, I agree with the fact that everyone does have that worry, it's normal to worry about that in relationships at one point or another, I think. and as far as the looking thing goes, are you talking about looking for another partner or what? Because if you're saying looking for another partner as well as being with you, I don't agree with that because either way it's cheating in my opinion and also Im a jealous girl and the type where if my man is flirting with other girls and stuff like that, I get jealous. Like if I know they are friends that's fine but if I see him flirting, I get jealous and also feel like I'm not enough. So Id rather my man not do that and just trust him not to do that behind my back. but this is just my opinion and I do respect yours.

[Eiffelgirl21]

and there is an opinion section for MY opinion.
and no I am talking about in words of snooping. anyway you have a nice day little girl.

[NoDoubt]

Why thank you :) I will

[martyfellow]

Yes, if someone is acting suspiciously, then trust has already been weakened, right? Your checking their phone isn't the cause of the lack of trust, it's the RESULT, sometimes!

[lucius46ad]

Do you have any respect for privacy?

[jennifer8]

Your lack of respect for privacy would make you as bad as someone lying to you. We do actually have something called the Fourth Amendment of the constitution. Our founding fathers had their privacy invaded so severely they actually made protecting it a part of the framework of our laws.

[front2back]

To me, if your partner cheats, you'll find eventually someway or somehow. It might take time but eventually either guilt will consume them or somebody is going to speak up, you might even catch them. The point is they'll get caught without you actively having to do anything sooner or later if they're cheating. So don't worry and just enjoy the relationship.

[aumshivashanti]

Im sorry but if I had the choice to snoop and catch a cheater, or not snoop and catch them cheating on me 5 years dow, the road, I'd snoop through their phone. I'm not about to stay in a relationship with a liar!

[NoDoubt]

You make a good point @aumshivashanti but I'm afraid I have to agree with @front2back. I think you'll find out sooner or later and I'd rather the reason I find out not be because of trust issues and snooping because then I'm yelling at him for not being trustworthy and for being disloyal while I'm being untrustworthy and disloyal to him by snooping.

[aumshivashanti]

Well, I wouldn't even do it behind his back. Cheating is not a deal breaker for me, but lying is. If I suspected he was cheating behind my back, I'd demand that he tell me the truth and let me confirm or deny my suspicions right then and there. It may seem like a dick move to look at someone's personal property like that, but When you have a lot riding on a relationship (marriage and kids) its much better to kill any suspension than to let it grow into paranoia and resentment.

[Anonymous]

It depends. I went through my boyfriends phone and saw he was talking to a girl from his work. It was innocent on his part but I didn't care for it. He didn't know I wouldn't of liked that type of behavior but he changed it. It made us have a conversation that we needed and now I trust him more than ever and he doesn't speak with her.

[NoDoubt]

Yeah, I agree with you. I think I'd feel like I was doing something wrong by going though my man's phone though, like if he asked me too I might feel a little better but I don't know, I think I'd feel guilty lol

[Opinion Owner]

I'd probably feel guilty if I wouldn't of found anything for sure.

[NoDoubt]

Yeah. And that's the thing. I wouldn't go through my man's phone because I trust him so much and I trust that'd he not be cheating in anyway and I knlw I wouldn't find anything on his phone. I just think there needs to be that level of space. Because you guys are gonna get agitated and aggravated after a while when you being to feel claustrophobic from you guys invading each others privacy (well what privacy you do have) even if you don't have anything to hide. I don't knkw, it's just the way I feel about it all. Like if my man asks for my phone, I'll give it over to him because I have nothing to hide. But at the same time I'd feel like he doesn't trust me. Does that make sense?

[koullaras]

It's wouldn't have! Wouldn't of is not an expression!

[Opinion Owner]

It makes sense, and I wouldn't do it again. But I feel like people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.

[Laura1995]

I feel the same way. Relationship should be built on trust.

Unless there's a reason why you should be suspicious, then do NOT go through your partners emails or text messages. That's a major invasion of privacy.

[NoDoubt]

Exactly :-) I think that even if you have nothing to hide, there should be some level of privacy

[NoDoubt]

Space is actually more fitting. There should still be some level of space

[Laura1995]

Yes, everyone is entitled to privacy in a relationship.

[TadCurious]

You make very good points in your take, and I have to say I agree with what you say.

[NoDoubt]

Thank you!!!

[abzence]

When the snooping starts it's the beginning of the end.

[Bulldog48]

When the cheating starts it the beginning of the end.

[meowkat]

Trust, but verify (within reason). If stuff doesn't add up, then try to poke holes in the story. It's amazing to trust when you have a partner that deserves it, just don't be naive!

[lucius46ad]

What would be "within reason"?

[Prof_Don]

I say the only reason to snoop is because of high possibility of suspicious activity... those who snoop for no reason is a big problem!

[Bulldog48]

OK first of all in a relationship if there is trust as you say you should have no trouble letting your partner look at anything they want because there is nothing to hide. The same for them if you look. Everything between you two should be open and there to see. Why would you need to not let your partner see something? By the way nobody snoops for no reason.

[Bulldog48]

The whole point everyone is missing is that if two people have a loving trusting relationship there no such thing as snooping. My wife and I have an agreement that we can look at each others phones iPad whatever whenever we want. If we ever feel insecure at anytime we can look and it's OK. For a person to have an affair they have to spend time with the other person. You will know because they will make excuses to go out alone and quite often. It's actually very easy to find out.

[art84]

If I have reason to believe my relationship is in trouble, I will snoop to find out.

[Anonymous]

Hmm, I don't know if I agree with this... If I had a bf, he could totally look through my phone if he felt like it, I wouldn't care at all.

[martyfellow]

Some of us are just curious! It's not that we don't trust the other person!

[lucius46ad]

It's an invasion of privacy regardless of intent.

[martyfellow]

Big whoop. It's not like I invaded Syria.

[lucius46ad]

*DUMB*

[JackKerouac77]

Can two detectives have a relationship? Or is it doomed from the start?

[NoDoubt]

Lol honestly probably doomed from the start unless you two end up like Mr. and Mrs. Smith lol

[serp777]

Whats with the pointless picture? ALso snoop as long as you can get away with it. Take a page from the NSA.

[Anonymous]

I will if something funny is going on. I've always been right. Trust sometimes means be stupid. Watch out for yourself.