Can you list the troubling qualities of your all-time best partner?

[OlderAndWiser]

If I ask you to list the bad qualities of your worst-ever relationship, you could probably identify at least ten things that he or she did that drove you crazy. I could certainly give you a laundry list of outstandingly bad qualities of my worst relationship, and you would be asking, "OAW, how could you get involved with someone THAT messed up?"

She from Hell!

All I can say is that the experience with her is one of the things that made me older and wiser, because I learned some lessons from that horrible mistake.

But what about the bad qualities of your BEST relationship?

The "perfect" girlfriend? (according to AI)

You know that there is no one who is a PERFECT match for you, and even the best match on the planet will have some drawbacks. My Miss Helen is a great match for me, but . . . she lives half of her life speaking Mandarin with her Chinese friends, or watching Chinese television programs, and I DON'T speak more than ten words of Mandarin.

She also grew up in a culture which does not tolerate big displays of affection, and she is not as physically affectionate to me as I am to her. She also grew up in a poor, rural area of China and she usually lives her life as if she only has ten dollars in the bank; she is thrifty to the extreme and that bothers me because we can afford to make nicer purchases but she wants things from the bargain basement.

I think it helps to understand that a really good match for you is not a perfect match, and if that is what you actually believe, you are setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. When I say that Miss Helen is perfect for me, I don't really mean she is "perfect." I just means that her flaws are not deal breakers, are not close to being deal breakers, and I can tolerate her flaws and love her despite those qualities.

Why should I compromise and settle for someone who falls short of meeting all of my expectations?

1. The perfect woman for me does not exist.

2. More importantly, Miss Helen tolerates my flaws and loves me despite my numerous imperfections. Our relationship is reciprocal.

And that mutual love and tolerance, in my opinion, is how you get to being in a relationship that has a good chance of lasting for the rest of your life.

[midnightmoon05]

My first perfect match. Ex hubby.
1. raised as an only child by a very controlling mom.
2. he likes to be in control. I’m okay with that since he also respected me for a lot of my qualities.
3. Immature. I am as well.
4. anger issues. - due to not have the right to share his feelings with his parents. He was shut down.
5 neither of us had the maturity to handle difficulty…. It blew up and went downhill…with his anger issues and my lack of understanding.

[midnightmoon05]

My husband - he has very similar traits as my daughter.
1. Sensitive
2. He can be selfish due to his upbringing, so I had to talk to him sometimes… but nothing that would cause deal breaks.
3. Financials - he is more frugal. I don’t mind spending money within reason. It scares him till he has gone through 2 years. of our finances. He has gotten better now that he is seeing our spreadsheet that we truly only spending 50% of our incomes.

We had some issues before we got married…took 4-5 years to resolve. Glad we did and we are in much better place … everything else is a piece of cake to resolve.

Like you said, I have my own such as coming home and making a mess 😂 jk
We have a kitchen scissor that can be taking apart. One time… I found them in two separate kitchen draws… I just laughed it off that he can put things in different draws. Some people may get upset… It takes a lot to get me upset. That’s not one.

[Twalli]

The perfect person for me does exist. That doesn't mean she's perfect. It's like in Remember the Titans "I ain't perfect, ain't none of us are, but this team is perfect." My girlfriend isn't perfect, but she is perfect for me.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

Oh, yes. Of course:

1. Idealism. In the real world, this is not a fun thing to deal with and often leads to unrealistic expectations. Standards are extremely important, but they differ from idealism in that they are reasonable and attainable for the person. Idealism is a Utopian mindset that doesn't necessarily translate to the real world. Like theory vs practice.

2. Fear. I'll keep the details to myself. :)

3. Lack of boundaries. He was often used by others for his skill set because they were 'friends'. Who just happened to get in touch when they wanted something from him... It ticked me off and I fumed about it a lot.

And just so this is fair, my troubling qualities are:

Workaholic. I tend to push very hard to get things done, both for myself and others

Fear. Same as above. :)

Control. Born out of fear. I tend to not like to take risks or delegate easily. I don't like spending money, either. I'm working on it... :D

[Grond21]

Based on your qualities, I can see why you chose your username

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Grond21 I always could relate to her! :D

[Grond21]

And if you have red hair also, then it's a match.

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Grond21 I'm afraid not, sadly. Mine has a lot of variation and can go from caramel to medium blonde depending on sun exposure naturally.

[Grond21]

That's kind of a cool variation. Is caramel like a warm brown color?

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Grond21 Yes. It looks kind of like this, but a bit shorter.

[Grond21]

... wow. That's incredible hair you have

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Grond21 The pic isn't me, but it is like that. Thanks!

[Grond21]

I know it's not you, but if that is a good example are of the kind of hair that you have than my comment stands. Pretty incredible

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Grond21 It's close. Thanks! :D

[Grond21]

Absolutely. Good luck on finding the personality balance you are seeking

[TheRealPepperPotts]

@Grond21 Thank you. I am making it a priority. Appreciate the comments! :D

[Grond21]

My pleasure Almost Pepper

[AviatorTom]

The worst quality in a woman in one of my best relationships is her inability to admit something happened unless she saw it. For example, if she didn't see me vacuum the floor, she would tell me I didn't do it.

[DishLady]

Cheating and dishonestly were rather troubling with my first partner…. Omission (so again… dishonesty) was a big deal with my second and best partner.

[Crimsyjo]

That's sweet. The "perfect match" does not exist! That is true. And love is about acceptance. Unfortunately often it makes us try to accept truly bad things.

Erm... I guess my "best" relationship was my 12 Yr marriage. But it certainly had its share of downsides. And reason we not together still. Bad qualities were...

●his lack of drive. he had no urge to better himself or our life together. I had to take the reins to drive us forward.

●his dependency on alcohol. He could "function" but he couldn't sleep without alcohol and it spoilt our social life as I tried to keep his drinking in check.

●his inability to take care of me rather than me take care of him. Despite being ten years older than me. Most girls want a guy to make them feel taken care of!

[strateguy632]

make sure you keep a copy of this, mytake in a file in case admins delete your mytake due to a qustion mark. they delted mine for that, nitpicking for agenda to hide my opinions. but i had a copy to republish without? question mark.

[Agape93]

He has combat based PTSD and would lash out violently at night primarily.

At the time his English sucked.

He is very authoritarian. Like, do what I say or I'm going to make you.

He's not big on verbalizing affection or smiling.

[ohmyguy]

N bring back the evil spirits that long lay dormit it better let to live and let live why not try embrace the better qualities of partners now long gone.. shit I'd be better to make some stuff up if remembering in the positive spectrum of things you find to be cripplingly difficult incumbersivlely manage whenst attemting to bringing it upon forelight

[OlderAndWiser]

Perchance if you read what I wrote, instead of being immersed in grandiloquent prolixity. . . you would understand the reason for asking the question.

[Massageman]

Incessant talking.

Reading what is on a computer screen/phone screen to me (knowing full well that I am a VISUAL person along with most other males).

Having the innate ability to remove and put away ONLY the thing (s) with which I am currently using. If I'm not using it, it will sit there for half of forever.

[Dongie]

Never had one that close. I've led a sheltered life.

[jamesgoldman]

I don't recall my best partner having any flaws but my other partner was quite the spendthrift like we'd been dating for a couple of months when she offered to buy me a £5,000 watch (I turned her down)

[Anonymous]

He gets really jealous sometimes, which makes me feel safe but also gets on my nerves