You can only be in a relationship with someone you're attracted to. Unfortunately with that comes the downside that the guys you're attracted to will probably think they're out of your league, unless you're incredibly attractive yourself. I know a few people who have held their extremely high standards til their thirties and still haven't found someone to settle down with. I think being being extremely picky is definitely a curse though, it lowers your chances of a successful, happy relationship experience by a lot.
I didn't say I was being picky. I said I was staying within my range. Yes, some may definitely think that I'm not attractive enough for them... and that's fine. But this isn't a high standard for me--it's realism.
Not really, a lot of what you've said is subjective and subject to opinion. Sounds like you posted this take expecting people to argue with you or jump on your bandwagon. I don't really wanna satiate your weird fetish so I'm gonna head off
Please do. Common sense dictates that most of what I said isn't subjective at all--besides what people consider attractive and that I wanted to alert those who seem to lazily use the word "shallow" to a possible reason why people choose not date unattractive people.
Glad that you know what my fetish is even though you know nothing about me. Irrational. And I posted this take expecting people to agree with me even though I said they were free to disagree? Right.
For sure, some people definitely grow on you! Nothing like great conversational foreplay.
I'd rather marry a guy who is a 6/10 (with an awesome personality.. talent etc) than one who's 10/10. Mainly because I'd rather have someone get better looking the more they grow on me, than someone go down a notch. Looks don't explain chemistry.. when someone touches you and it just feel RIGHT.
Totally agree! I was with someone purely for intelligence, good heart and personality but had little to no sexual attraction. I put the blame on myself for not feeling turned on. Took me years to realise that if I don't get turned on then I DON'T! And I couldn't handle a sexless relationship any longer! I was miserable. It's not shallow. This is science.
Whenever you have to try so hard to justify something that suggests you feel a certain way about something. I would suggest you take a close look at those feelings rather than write an essay in order to justify your actions.
Frankly. if you've never feel in love or had sex with someone you did not initially find attractive, than yes, you are shallow, you are superficial, it's really that simple. And yes. Being shallow and superficial is NOT a good thing. It's a bad thing. You're shutting down people based on looks and judging them based on appearances.
People who aren't shallow or superficial would spend time and get to know people, maybe even date a few they didn't initially find attractive. The problem is people don't do this, they talk about standards, but six packs and biceps aren't standards, being 6' tall isn't a standard. Having a full head of hair isn't a standard. If you think it is, you have some growing up to do.
If you sleep around with people, it should be obvious you would have to be attracted to them. It's not like I'm going to clubs and chatting women up: "'scuse me, miss, the inner you looks so beautiful, I'd love to take you home and nail you to my bed!" No, that's not going to happen.
Once I get to know her more, she Might become more attractive? Look, I'm a busy person, I'm all for hanging out with her and getting to know her, however, in that case this is serious and not just about sex. This does NOT dismiss the importance of sex. I wouldn't be into finding out more about her if she didn't ignite even a tiny spark in the dark corners of my soul. (Yes, very poetic).
Eventually we arrive at the idea hidden between the lines of this take: guilt tripping. Yes, I am a cruel and heartless, inconsiderate bastard for having the cojones to Not want to sleep with someone I don't like physically. It's so wrong, I shouldn't be this shallow and blaa blaa blaa blaa blaa blaa...
I agree with your take on this topic, though I find it somewhat hysterical that you are so careful in approaching this problem :D As if trying not to offend or at the most, cause as little offense as possible.
I don't care who I offend. Most of my antagonistic answers have been removed. People are free to disagree with me as I've said because I tried to take a common sense approach.
The issue is that plenty of your gender didn't read through it and assumed, tried to offend me, and some began to be hypocritically arrogant.
It's nice to hear a women say the same thing. I thought it was funny when women put down guys, saying their shallow for wanting a certain physical look. Especially when most on dating site's etc. ask/are concerned about "how much you make", Now what is more "shallow" concern about what they look like or how much they earn?
I see beauty in every person and living creature on this earth, and this view had given me a very satisfying, enjoyable, and fulfilling life that just gets better and better.
Which girls did I go out with? The girls that cared for me the most. Do this guys and you will be in an abundance of joy.
I would have agreed with you a long time ago, but I've been on dates with many attractive guys and wound up getting hurt. Then I met a guy who I wasn't physically attracted to and we hit it off. We're still dating, he's sweeter and nicer than those other guys I dated. I learned something for me.
Question: Is there something about that guy that you're attracted to? Because if so, I think that you're attracted to him somewhat. I'm not saying that women should go after the hottest guys.
I completely understand your opinion. Even though I work a little different when picking a mate we are all entitled to our own way. You can't deal with a man if not sexually aroused. Your not shallow because you also want him to have character. A shallow person doesn't. Character is what's on the inside shallow people just want the outside. I get it!
I agree. You should only date someone if you find them attractive. You end up hurting them more when they find out the blunt truth later. Beauty is definitely subjective, but there is also a general consensus on who is beautiful and who isn't. Attractive people have more options, and dating is 100 percent easier for them. Some people can even be with someone they don't find attractive, but it can be for other shallow or shiesty reasons as well. Also, some people are more selective than others.
Hahahaha. Difference in perspective, friend. I understand what you're saying and it works for some, but I think I'll work within my range. I hope you get a beautiful woman that's everything you want her to be. :)
Yea but that's the thing, don't limit yourself to a range lol, if you do that you may never approach a guy you actually like because he's out of your 'range'
I think you should approach anyone you like, whether he's super hot or not and let destiny takes it's path. You'd be suprised, one day you could meet the hottest guy ever with an amazing personality that's been waiting for a girl like you or the other way around.. Seen it happen all the time
As far as I'm concerned, it makes no sense to try and date someone you have no physical attraction for. Because when they start to become an ass (all people do), at least you can say, "well, at least you're hot!!" I believe that confidence is important (in men and women) and leads to upping the attractiveness meter.
It's perfectly fine to take interest in someone because of their looks. No need for all this butthurt. I can't date someone I'm not sexually attracted to and can't date someone whose personality I dont like.
@blackeagle007 of most people are average and most people are at one point in a relationship or he married. Then how do you think average women are getting supermodels. Wouldn't all the 10s group together so the rest of us average people just group together and make the average population. Just think about it you parents, neighbors, friends parents, grandparents, etc are couples with average looking partners. If women were as picky as people claim then why isn't the population substantially lower
I do agree with this 100 percent. The thing that I believe gets people so mad about this stuff is that they've been raised in a world that tells them that they are born the way they are and that they can't change it. They feel trapped in a way that they feel that they will receive very little love because of something they can't help.
This is very true. Also an average looking person can become very attractive to someone because of his personality or the other way around. We have to be realistic, looks DO matter, but they're not everything and sometimes personality outweighs looks.
I always enjoy reading your thoughtful posts/opinions. One of my favorite Gagers.
I didn't read the whole article, but from the title I pretty much have an idea of what you are getting at, and you totally have it wrong! Is it hard not to judge a person based on his looks, and try to get to know as a person. I'm in sales and I get to meet all types of individuals, and to be honest the only way to tell a person a part is by the way they dress. Attractive or not, makes no difference in their personality.
You can't even accurately tell a person by how they dress either... lol
I wish you would have stuck it through. I never said that personality wasn't essential. For people who only want looks, it's not. I'm not advocating that.
But a guy with a horrendous personality but is gorgeous is the same as a guy with a great one who doesn't make me wet--I'm not attracted to either.
I think you're getting confused between a friend and a partner, with a friend looks mean nothing, but with a partner personality AND looks are incredibly important to the pairs success.
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You can only be in a relationship with someone you're attracted to. Unfortunately with that comes the downside that the guys you're attracted to will probably think they're out of your league, unless you're incredibly attractive yourself. I know a few people who have held their extremely high standards til their thirties and still haven't found someone to settle down with. I think being being extremely picky is definitely a curse though, it lowers your chances of a successful, happy relationship experience by a lot.
I didn't say I was being picky. I said I was staying within my range. Yes, some may definitely think that I'm not attractive enough for them... and that's fine. But this isn't a high standard for me--it's realism.
I disagree, I think your view on attraction and realism is over simplified and generally skewed
Then you'd be wrong. But that's okay.
Not really, a lot of what you've said is subjective and subject to opinion. Sounds like you posted this take expecting people to argue with you or jump on your bandwagon. I don't really wanna satiate your weird fetish so I'm gonna head off
Please do. Common sense dictates that most of what I said isn't subjective at all--besides what people consider attractive and that I wanted to alert those who seem to lazily use the word "shallow" to a possible reason why people choose not date unattractive people.
Glad that you know what my fetish is even though you know nothing about me. Irrational. And I posted this take expecting people to agree with me even though I said they were free to disagree? Right.
Lack of common sense is apparent.
mad or naw 8-)
Not at all. :)
For sure, some people definitely grow on you!
Nothing like great conversational foreplay.
I'd rather marry a guy who is a 6/10 (with an awesome personality.. talent etc) than one who's 10/10. Mainly because I'd rather have someone get better looking the more they grow on me, than someone go down a notch.
Looks don't explain chemistry.. when someone touches you and it just feel RIGHT.
Totally agree! I was with someone purely for intelligence, good heart and personality but had little to no sexual attraction. I put the blame on myself for not feeling turned on. Took me years to realise that if I don't get turned on then I DON'T! And I couldn't handle a sexless relationship any longer! I was miserable. It's not shallow. This is science.
Whenever you have to try so hard to justify something that suggests you feel a certain way about something. I would suggest you take a close look at those feelings rather than write an essay in order to justify your actions.
Frankly. if you've never feel in love or had sex with someone you did not initially find attractive, than yes, you are shallow, you are superficial, it's really that simple. And yes. Being shallow and superficial is NOT a good thing. It's a bad thing. You're shutting down people based on looks and judging them based on appearances.
People who aren't shallow or superficial would spend time and get to know people, maybe even date a few they didn't initially find attractive. The problem is people don't do this, they talk about standards, but six packs and biceps aren't standards, being 6' tall isn't a standard. Having a full head of hair isn't a standard. If you think it is, you have some growing up to do.
If you sleep around with people, it should be obvious you would have to be attracted to them. It's not like I'm going to clubs and chatting women up: "'scuse me, miss, the inner you looks so beautiful, I'd love to take you home and nail you to my bed!" No, that's not going to happen.
Once I get to know her more, she Might become more attractive? Look, I'm a busy person, I'm all for hanging out with her and getting to know her, however, in that case this is serious and not just about sex. This does NOT dismiss the importance of sex. I wouldn't be into finding out more about her if she didn't ignite even a tiny spark in the dark corners of my soul. (Yes, very poetic).
Eventually we arrive at the idea hidden between the lines of this take: guilt tripping. Yes, I am a cruel and heartless, inconsiderate bastard for having the cojones to Not want to sleep with someone I don't like physically. It's so wrong, I shouldn't be this shallow and blaa blaa blaa blaa blaa blaa...
... What? I'm arguing that people SHOULDN'T be called shallow if they have a legit reason why they can't date an unattractive person.
I don't care if you sleep around and I don't care if you go for the hottest chicks. That's not the purpose of this Take.
I now wish we were able to solo out a gender on our Takes. Most of the guys on here didn't read it anyway.
I agree with your take on this topic, though I find it somewhat hysterical that you are so careful in approaching this problem :D As if trying not to offend or at the most, cause as little offense as possible.
I don't care who I offend. Most of my antagonistic answers have been removed. People are free to disagree with me as I've said because I tried to take a common sense approach.
The issue is that plenty of your gender didn't read through it and assumed, tried to offend me, and some began to be hypocritically arrogant.
Eh.
plenty of "my gender", eh? :D
It's nice to hear a women say the same thing. I thought it was funny when women put down guys, saying their shallow for wanting a certain physical look. Especially when most on dating site's etc. ask/are concerned about "how much you make", Now what is more "shallow" concern about what they look like or how much they earn?
People get so butthurt over the one or two people who aren't attracted to them that they miss all the ones who might be.
Like who you want to like, and know that not everyone has to like you physically. It's called life.
It's called common sense as you aptly putt it... lol.
I see beauty in every person and living creature on this earth, and this view had given me a very satisfying, enjoyable, and fulfilling life that just gets better and better.
Which girls did I go out with? The girls that cared for me the most. Do this guys and you will be in an abundance of joy.
I would have agreed with you a long time ago, but I've been on dates with many attractive guys and wound up getting hurt. Then I met a guy who I wasn't physically attracted to and we hit it off. We're still dating, he's sweeter and nicer than those other guys I dated. I learned something for me.
Question: Is there something about that guy that you're attracted to? Because if so, I think that you're attracted to him somewhat. I'm not saying that women should go after the hottest guys.
I love his personality and his intelligence.
I completely understand your opinion. Even though I work a little different when picking a mate we are all entitled to our own way. You can't deal with a man if not sexually aroused. Your not shallow because you also want him to have character. A shallow person doesn't. Character is what's on the inside shallow people just want the outside. I get it!
Lol. Thank you. Someone that understands.
I agree. You should only date someone if you find them attractive. You end up hurting them more when they find out the blunt truth later. Beauty is definitely subjective, but there is also a general consensus on who is beautiful and who isn't. Attractive people have more options, and dating is 100 percent easier for them. Some people can even be with someone they don't find attractive, but it can be for other shallow or shiesty reasons as well. Also, some people are more selective than others.
You have a point it isn't shallow everyone has there own needs for a relationship some only need looks others want more
I think your aiming low because your afraid of rejection, when people aim low they achieve even lower. You always have to aim high
'A man's reach should exceed his grasp'
Hahahaha. Difference in perspective, friend. I understand what you're saying and it works for some, but I think I'll work within my range. I hope you get a beautiful woman that's everything you want her to be. :)
Yea but that's the thing, don't limit yourself to a range lol, if you do that you may never approach a guy you actually like because he's out of your 'range'
I think you should approach anyone you like, whether he's super hot or not and let destiny takes it's path. You'd be suprised, one day you could meet the hottest guy ever with an amazing personality that's been waiting for a girl like you or the other way around.. Seen it happen all the time
As far as I'm concerned, it makes no sense to try and date someone you have no physical attraction for.
Because when they start to become an ass (all people do), at least you can say, "well, at least you're hot!!"
I believe that confidence is important (in men and women) and leads to upping the attractiveness meter.
Your honesty is refreshing
Very true
Superficial and shallow is wanting a guy who everyone finds hot
But it's not superficial to want someone who YOU find attractive. That's just life
It's perfectly fine to take interest in someone because of their looks. No need for all this butthurt. I can't date someone I'm not sexually attracted to and can't date someone whose personality I dont like.
I'm the same way. If they're lacking looks/personality, then I'm not interested.
To all the gust who say women only date supermodels he explains it all right here. We're fine with regular guys
Exactly.
I doubt that. All women care about is looks.
No, it's not. I just explained it's not so for plenty of women.
@blackeagle007 of most people are average and most people are at one point in a relationship or he married. Then how do you think average women are getting supermodels.
Wouldn't all the 10s group together so the rest of us average people just group together and make the average population.
Just think about it you parents, neighbors, friends parents, grandparents, etc are couples with average looking partners. If women were as picky as people claim then why isn't the population substantially lower
This explains it:
www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1403443-the-reason-they-are-no-good-men-left-women-30-problems
If your wondering how women end up with average guys in their 30's and settle down with them.
I do agree with this 100 percent. The thing that I believe gets people so mad about this stuff is that they've been raised in a world that tells them that they are born the way they are and that they can't change it. They feel trapped in a way that they feel that they will receive very little love because of something they can't help.
This is very true. Also an average looking person can become very attractive to someone because of his personality or the other way around. We have to be realistic, looks DO matter, but they're not everything and sometimes personality outweighs looks.
I always enjoy reading your thoughtful posts/opinions. One of my favorite Gagers.
I didn't read the whole article, but from the title I pretty much have an idea of what you are getting at, and you totally have it wrong!
Is it hard not to judge a person based on his looks, and try to get to know as a person. I'm in sales and I get to meet all types of individuals, and to be honest the only way to tell a person a part is by the way they dress. Attractive or not, makes no difference in their personality.
You can't even accurately tell a person by how they dress either... lol
I wish you would have stuck it through. I never said that personality wasn't essential. For people who only want looks, it's not. I'm not advocating that.
But a guy with a horrendous personality but is gorgeous is the same as a guy with a great one who doesn't make me wet--I'm not attracted to either.
@Rashad quit being lazy and read the whole article.
I think you're getting confused between a friend and a partner, with a friend looks mean nothing, but with a partner personality AND looks are incredibly important to the pairs success.