I'm in a long distance relationship and my girlfriend doesn't call me any more. What should I do?

[Freshadenfabreeze23]

We've been friends since January 2007 and recently decided to be together in August 2008. She lives in New York and I live in Louisiana. I haven't seen her since May. I with her 3 days ago but we haven't had a real conversation in about 2 weeks. I love her so much I would never want us to be apart. I cannot see myself with anyone but her. We used to talk all day everyday now I rarely even hear from her. Her mom says she's been acting like that towards everyone so I shouldn't feel singled out. It's stressing me out that the love of my life doesn't call me and speak or anything. I can't even sleep at night because my heart tends to hurt (literally) from thinking about her. I had two dreams back to back about us last night. I would really appreciate some advice on my relationship and how to relieve stress.

[markh110]

Haha, don't worry man, I had the exact same freak out, except try living in Australia and her being in Fiji :P

Are you able to call her? Maybe she'd appreciate the effort from your side?

Are you able to communicate by other means (E-mail, MSN, SMS, hand-written letter, even MMS-sending her a picture of you could be a cute reminder of who she's missing)?

You mentioned that you've been with her yet unable to have a proper conversation. Here's something I only very recently discovered the solution to. So I kept trying to D&M with her and chat with her the way I always did, and it kept failing. I got paranoid, I got scared she was losing interest, everything. Finally when I kept bugging her, she blew up and told me that she feels like we've been living seperate lives and that she still DOES have feelings for me even though she mightn't express it as much any more. Well, I didn't feel this way at all. I felt like she wasn't putting as much effort into the relationship. And here's where the problem is: SHE was having her own life, while *I* wasn't. I just spent a week hanging out with other friends and doing different things, and it actually was enough to make me understand what she meant, because while I still missed her in that time, I was still happy to be hanging out with other people.

My point is man, are you managing to have your own life? Hang out with friends, do things you can't do when she's around (While still being faithful of course) and just live your life! So that the next time you DO talk to her, you'll be even more happy to see her and talk with her.

I know that sounds really difficult, but if you can pry yourself away from her for just a bit (Remember, she WANTS you to have fun if she really cares about you), you'll surprise yourself!

Ok, now that's the distracting yourself part. As for the talking to her part... Maybe it's best you just confront her next time you chat and say, "How've you been going?" Her mum mentioned something's up, so maybe you can be the one to help her? If she says nothing's wrong, then leave it at that, but maybe you should also try and subtly ask her, "Why don't we have proper conversations like we used to?"

I hope you get SOMETHING useful out of this, man. It sounds like a bunch of random facts haha, but hopefully at least some of it helps :)

[Freshadenfabreeze23]

Thanks man... best advice ever! I call but she doesn't answer or respond to my texts. I doubt that she's cheating on me but how can you communicate with someone who doesn't pick up the phone?

[markh110]

Hm... This might be a strange question to ask, but how well do you get along with her mum? I'm very fortunate with my mum's girlfriend (Who loves me) that she's been able to tell me what's bothering her daughter when she won't tell me. Maybe you can call her as the concerned boyfriend and address your concerns to her? I TOTALLY understand if you don't feel comfortable doing this with your girlfriend's mum though!

[Freshadenfabreeze23]

Haha.. I've done that already. mom tells me that daughter isn't speaking to her either. but she has been spending a lot of time with girlfriend. she goes off to school in August to Barry University in Miami, FL. she'll be almost 1,000 miles closer to me now. Do you think that's she's just enjoying her friends before she heads off to school?

[BrettH]

i wonder if she has had achange in friends and who she hangs out with more. that tends to do quite a bit when you hang out with one group of friends vs another. ummm I have been fortunate enugh to not go thru that yet but I am also in a longdistance relationship so I understand your pain. I agree with markh and think that may be the problem I hope it is and I wish you luck!

[Razzlin]

I'm in an LDR also..

All I can say is that you should try to (if at all possible) try to arrange some time to physically see her, and discuss the matter.. communication is absolutely essential..

If it's a situation like mine where seeing them is not possible physically, perhaps a webcam would be a good option.

If that's still not available, you should try calling her.

That's the first step..

Second step is sitting down and asking her about it all directly but understandingly.. If something seems to be out of the ordinary for a person, then the best person to ask what is wrong is *that* person.. the only one who truly knows is themselves.. it's possible something has really been bothering her to the point of breaking her off from wanting to have social activity of any sort.. it might be good that you talk to her about it, so that she can get the item off of her mind.

[cutie4541]

long distance relationships are hard its event harder when you love them them so much it hurts to not be with them I think that's how you feel but sorry to tell you she might not feel the same and she might be flirting with other guys and stuff but don't freak I could be totally wrong maybe she feels the same way which is why she doesn't wanna talk to because it hurts that she's not with you and again sorry but I do think you should break up because that's really far away but if you guys ever move closer to each other then try again

if you have any question add me and ask away

[MysteAngel]

Sorry I didn't see this sooner! I was in a similar situation not to long ago so I know how you feel and what your going through. The easiest thing to do is honestly tell her all of this and let her know how you feel. If you do not mind my asking what kind of together are you talking about because if you mean break up after that then maybe she is hurt and not wanting you to leave her if you neeed someone to talk to here message me if you wish because I do know hw you feel and maybe I could help

[VirtuesQuest]

Breeze,

Go get your woman When a man finds a woman, it works out

He obtains favor from God to get the girl he desires. Ask momma questions

Get in touch with her friends to get more information

If you don't try to find her, you will regret it for the rest of your life

Women fall for men who go all out of their way. It is romantic when a man has an undying love.

[xxpeggyxsuexx]

Well, Maybe she is going through some changes in her life that you couldn't see. Such as her daily habits and so forth, things that a long distance relationship; no matter how strong, can't address properly. So I really don't like long distance relationships to begin with. You should ask her, if you get a chance, if a visit would be o.k. Seeing her would help you calm whatever worries you might have. A surprise visit wouldn't be appropriate, that's why I say ask her.

Here for ya,

Sean

[Freshadenfabreeze23]

Thank You So Much!... This website is freaking amazing... LOL

[Anonymous]

What is she in New York for, school..work?

Is she in New York by herself or was it a family/friend move?

[Freshadenfabreeze23]

She Lives In New york With Her Family... She Just Graduated From Schenectady Community College and she works 40 hrs per week...

[Anonymous]

seems like she's going through a lot don't take it to personal I guess

it might be school or work that she's getting used to, it could be a whole lot of things

you should call her and ask her wahts wrong she may be just as stressed as you

[petris101]

if you can go to her home,i think you will do much good or much bad.