Had a stupid argument and haven't spoken for more than a week, who should apologize?

[Anonymous]

Hi all so I've been with my boyfriend for about 2 years now and for the past 3 months its been very unstable. When we go out there was always something I did to upset him. Recently we had a fight and it's been the longest period we have not spoken for. It started because he accepted a shirt from a guy at his work which was stolen and I believed morally it wasn't right and asked him to give it back. My parents store was robbed the week before so I guess I was ultra sensitive. He laughed it off claiming I was overeacting. He then tried to sweet talk his way out of it but it didn't work. I said I didn't want to be with a shady kind of person. I expected him to say I'll give it back, it's not a problem but he didn't and he took it as I'm dumping him and the conversation ended abruptly. I was surprised he chose a dumb shirt over me as that's how it felt. In the past I have made so many sacrifices for him I thought his stubbornness was ridiculous. For example a free photo shoot my friends booked for me was canceled when he didn't approve because it was a male photographer. I was happy to cancel to please him as relationships are about compromise after all. I'm forever trying to please him and it was mutual in the past but refusing to do something as little as give a stolen shirt back in order to please me has really shocked me. I love him so so much and now I think he's waiting for me to contact him and apologize but how can I do that when I feel so strongly that he was clearly wrong?

Updates

+1 y

Contacted him 6 days later and he told me he cheated three days after we had this argument. He said it was a mistake but he knew that this was the only way I'd move on because it was an unhappy relationship. I'm devastated but its over.

[smellylittlecat]

Well I think if you do love him and feel that the t-shirt incident was not really that serious and something you guys can make up on, I think you guys should talk about your feelings and eventually someone has to say sorry. You can be the upper woman and say it because maybe he is expecting it. It really matters if you really want to get back with him. I know it meant a lot to you and you might experience that in your relationship over the years if you continue it, but you should make it clear in a kind, understanding, civil conversation with him. Don't make it out as if he's the bad guy because that will only push him away. Anyway, let me just say feelings don't just change automatically. He is probably thinking about you too as I am about my ex. We haven't talked for a while either but when someone does say hello, things are ok for now. Someone has to start the conversation in order to get your message across or things will be left unsaid. That is if you want it to. If you guys feel like you need more time, just put it on hold until you think you're ready to apologize/talk. Don't wait too long as he might think you're over reacting and over him.

Was it him who broke up with you? It should be you to come up and talk to him. I always felt like that. If it was him who messed up, he should come to you... At least that's how it seems according to my friends and what they have told me to do about my ex. But if it's really getting to you, I say step up and be the one to contact him.

[jimmajam]

I agree with Jermaine that you should just get back in contact. You don't have to jump right into arguing again about the shirt. Just talk about whatever like you would have before the fight. Once you get friendly again you can work out the shirt issue. You obviously don't see the shirt as THAT big of a deal now, so it's probably best to agree to disagree and move past it.

I don't think he's using it as a way out. From what you wrote it doesn't sound like he wanted to break up, he just didn't understand the big deal about the shirt. I doubt he thought you'd get that upset or that it would lead to breaking up.

[Jermaine1502]

Contact him but you don't have to say your sorry at all just agree to disagree but also something you need to think about is maybe its bigger then the shirt and he's looking for a way out of your relationship...cuz honestly I don't know any guy that would lose their woman over a shirt that they didn't buy or that isn't one of a kind.

[IgottaQuestion2]

I would say you were the one that put your relationship in jeopardy over a stupid shirt. Who the fuck cares.

Same with the male photographer, he was wrong there. What's so bad about a guy taking pictures of you over a woman, that's some stupid jealous bullshit.

You are both being stupid.