Should guys who are constantly rejected even bother to continue to ask out women when they've already done their best to improve?

[Anonymous]

So i've spent a lot of time trying to improve relations with the opposite sex. I've definitely failed though because i've probably spent thousands of hours with barely any success. It seems like no girl is interested in putting any effort into making things work with me. I don't consider myself pushy; i don't spam texts, i dont ask the girl to hangout everyday, but I make a genuine effort to do things like cooking dinner for her, etc. I don't escalate romantically fast either, because mainly I get a vibe that they're not ready yet--you can usually tell by body language and their proximity to you. Still girls seem completely uninterested romantically, although strangely they do agree to dates which doesn't seem at all consistent.

But after a while I get tired of having to always initaite texts, always initiate dates, always drive the conversation, and always escalate. Escalation always fails with me anyways. After a while I stop with that and give it an entire week, but generally there's still no attempt to reach out from them, which is my que to never talk to them again. For the record I also don't pressure for sex or anything like that unless they seem interested or we've been dating for a while. I've never had any success with these dates. And the same progression just keeps happening over and over again no matter what i do, no matter how much I lower standards.

I'm just so tired of it. Many girls can just sit there with 10 different guys texting them and then pick and choose easy mode. If they want a free dinner and entertainment they can manipulate you into thinking they're interested in you. And then they can just sit back and let you do all the work. If you don't drive the conversation it becomes super awkward. I wish it was more 50/50, but its more like 95/5. Is it the fault of women? No, its my fault, but not entirely.

It looks like a life of lonliness or chasing a bunch of false hopes that have the power of teasing. Either way is depressing. CLearly i don't really have what it takes. Apparently im not a desirable male for whatever reason. Of course evolution never claimed that everyone was guarunteed any reciprocated love. It seems like a complete waste of time--an unpleasant waste of time. Should I just give up at this point honestly?

[udolipixie]

Should guys who are constantly rejected even bother to continue to ask out women when they've already done their best to improve?
In my opinion they're suited to stop pursuing if they think they'll get no viable results.

"It seems like no girl is interested in putting any effort into making things work with me."
More likely the gals you want are uninterested so it may seem suited to not pursue unless you're open to gals you don't want.

"No, its my fault, but not entirely."
Egh in my opinion it is your fault entirely for allowing it to continue. If you wanted it to be 50/50 you could eject when it's not instead of staying.

[BabeBarlow91]

I am sorry to read this. What type of girls are you historically drawn to? Do you have a type with regards to height/weight/colour (blonde, brunette, etc.)/ethnicity/education/background/lifestyle? etc.

[Asker]

Nope, I am not picky at all. My only criteria is that they have to be interested in me. And i don't mind girls with some extra weight or even not the best face as long as they have a good personality. And they don't even have to have a good personality at this point lol. I mean at some really extreme weight I would draw the line.

[BabeBarlow91]

I think that might be your actual problem. You see, you've cast the net very wide, perhaps too wide, in terms of just liking a girl. If your only criteria is that they show some interest in you, what do you have in common on other levels? I can like a guy because he fits my physical criteria and I can then overlook his annoying habits/traits but only for so long before I realise we don't have that much in common. The reason: I focused on allowing it to roll to see where it go in the hopes that we would click elsehwere in the situation. It rarely worked. But that's my scenario.

I think if you aimed to really zone in on what you truly like (irrespective of what that is - curvy/slim, blonde/brunette, black/white, educated/streetwise, etc.) then you would have a bit more success with girls.

I do think you need to work on your self esteem a little too because you are clearly worthy of getting a date but you come across, to me, as someone who tries too hard. I don't mean that to be cruel.

[Asker]

thanks for your time. I appreciate the amount of effort you put into this. Unfortunately the girls I really like are way out of my league; my first too crushes shut me down and rejected me outright because i was naive. I used to have self esteem and confidence, but each rejection has been like a wave-- eroding me into sand. I've lowered my standards as low as i can to try and compensate, but I agree with your analysis about casting the net too wide. Normally i would pursue girls too attractive for me though. But perhaps I should stop trying? I mean maybe not trying will get me somewhere in contrast to putting in effort which has not. Im just worried because girls aren't approaching me.

The other problem is that my interests are exceedingly different from most girls. Things that very very few girls are interested in like politics philosophy, debate, programming, video games, etc. I recognize this is contributing to why girls lose interest--we dont share anything in common.

[Asker]

ill definitely give you mho too

[BabeBarlow91]

Thank you, that's kind.

Do not lower your standards to as low as they can go - only pick up the trash to put it out please. Please don't dilute your requirements to such a level that you get lost in the girl and the relationship.

Raise your standards to whatever it is you like - if you like tall, sexy, curvy brunettes then stick that. To get you back in the saddle, choose a girl that is the average of what you like, then question her about her interests/goals, etc. and if she doesn't meet you 50% of the way, leave it alone. Don't be afraid to leave it alone because they are not lined up like buses. If you leave it alone, it will generate some personal power within you - I tried, it wasn't for me, onto the next.

You can do this !

[Tkd233]

I understand your frustration, but you haven't found the right typeof girl yet. you will, just be patient.

[Asker]

I'm not convinced; rather I think its unlikely that I'm the right kind of guy for most girls.

[Tkd233]

What are you like as a person and as a boyfriend? give me like3 examples of each and i can tell you if i know of girls who like the type of guy that you are categorized as. I'm sure More girls like you than you think :)

[kheserthorpe]

Change your approach.

You're investing way too much effort in dead ends. When you are getting the 'don't escalate' vibe, it it's accurate, don't take it as 'slow down'. Take it as 'goodbye waste of time'

With the time you save trying to avoid getting a direct no from lost causes, invest 1/3 in pursuing more girls and 2/3 in making yourself more attractive.

[Dchrls78104]

I wouldn't bother. You can't keep hitting your head on the brick wall. I personally don't know how much humiliation I would be able to take.

[nileve]

don't chase just catch when one comes at you

[MyUsernameRules]

But if a guy isn't good looking enough, he's not going to have many or any coming at him.

[nileve]

my boyfriend isn't handsome it just depends on your charm and confidence.. i liked him because he showed interested by being shy and he was himself he farted in front of me on the first night i slept over which was the 6 time i saw him trust me not attractive