I don't think you should tell... you are not the marriage police. That's for starters. Second, you are exposing yourself to potential problems. His wife may be a psycho bitch - she may actually blame you. And yes, it's very possible that you'll be splitting up a marriage and that's going to have very deleterious effects on any kids in that house.
If you want to feel like you've done something... sit him and down and explain to him that you're not telling his wife, and you're not having a relationship with him. And... if he wants to continue this kind of behavior with other girls... sooner or later he's going to be exposed and be responsible for the breakup of his marriage - and all the negative consequences that will have for his kid (s).
I've seen this happen many times... a girl don's her armor and charges the hill and tells the wife, thinking she's doing the right thing - and then the wife (who is in denial) actually attacks the woman trying to do a good thing.
It's unpredictable. If you were related to him or his wife was your friend, you might have a dog in this hunt. As it is... you really don't.
Another fuckin' asshole that has no understanding of true love and sacred marriage. I continue hate saying this, but yes. Tell her. Until idiots like him understand the crap they're doing, it's going to keep happening.
He took vows and it's quite disgusting of him to ignore him. I'm currently in the same situation. I have his nudes and vids!! I told him I'm going to tell his wife and he told me it's not him in the video but some other guy I was screwing. He's denying it when it's clearly him and I recorded the videos of him myself lol. After we had sex a few times he turned into a bastard. I knew this was just a fling but he did some hurtful things. I'm trying to track his wife down through her job and give her the pics in an envelope. Yes I was sleeping with a married man but I never stood with his wife or took vows... HE DID. Not my problem. They have kids. It's better for parents to be divorced and happy than to be together and miserable. Kids aren't stupid and they will notice. Why should kids have miserable parents?
I think you should tell her. If you were in her shoes, I'm sure you would want to know. I certainly would hope someone would tell me if I was being cheated on.
I honestly don't know why so many people say "think of the kids." Um, why is it better for kids to have parents who are married and unhappy rather than divorced parents who are happy? Parents don't have to be married in order to be good parents to their children. Staying with a cheating spouse "for the kids" is probably setting an even worse example because it would just show that cheating is acceptable and should be tolerated in a relationship. I would prefer to set the example to my children that they should never stay in an unhappy relationship...
In my opinion, i think you should tell her. Even though he hasn't gone on a date with you or anything has happened between you two, he is flirting and sending nude pictures. If you were dating/married to someone would you not be upset if you found out they were sending nudes and looking for other girls online? I know if it was me i would like to know. Maybe things will go badly between them after you tell her but maybe she can also see why he is doing this and what is wrong with their marriage why he feels he needs to do this and they can work on things.
Absolutely tell her! All the guys on here saying it was only virtual and since you guys didn't actually have sex are living in a dream. Emotional cheating is still cheating. Also as for the kid - I'm assuming that the kid is young (I'm not sure how old) but the younger the kid is the more easier a divorce would be on it, rather than letting it go on longer and longer, cause she'll eventually find out cause most likely he'll keep doing it with other women. It's up to this woman the mother to make the best decision for the child, not you.
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u If you were in her position, would you want to know? Once she has the information, it is her responsibility to consider her child while deciding what to do.
You will open a can of worms with teeth. And like you say, the child is innocent in this, so why deliberately make the child a victim of his fathers crime. Let them sort this out, you shouldn't feel obligated to tell her as you don't know her, and your efforts will only be seen as an effort to cause trouble through sheer jealousy, so I would bury any moral thoughts of this beneath the sea and move on. His day will come and it won't be your fault of the outcome, because bad things can happen, no one knows how she will react, just look at Jim careys ex girlfriend. Do you think he would of done things differently if he had known her response to the split?
To me, the kid is all the more reason to tell her. He isn't committed to the marriage, and you can bet he was doing this before you, and will do it again. That means that a split is inevitable, so better now than later, both for the mother and the child. As a child raised for a good part of my life in a home where my parents didn't want to stay married, but did for us kids, I can say that a child is happiest when his/her parents are happy. Kids pick up on the tension and hostility present in such an environment, and are better off in the long-run if the parents go ahead and split.
If it was me, then I would tell her. No one deserves to stay in a relationship where their partner is basically lying to them and, in my opinion though not everyone else's, cheating on them. She should have all of the information and be able to choose whether she wants to put up with it or leave.
Everyone wants to "think about the kid"... but think about the kid in terms of what type of father is raising him/her?
I think the wife deserves to know because this guy is obviously scum. The father is the one ruining this family.. not you. It's not a secret he can hide forever so might as well do it now before more kids are involved.
As a person who has been cheated on, the only thing worse than being cheated on (which is what this guy was doing), is being cheated on and not know it.
the chances are you are not the 1st or the only person he has done this with so if I were the wife I'd want to know.
I'm an advocate for brutal truth. White lies won't help anyone and is just disrespectful when done to me. If i were the wife, i'd want to know what kinds of shit my husband has been up to, and then i can decide next on whether to stay together for the kid or kick his slutty ass out.
But many women are not like me, so...
Being on the other end I would much rather know than find out later through a third party. At least I could respect the other woman if she came forward, apologized, and explained what happened. It would have saved me a lot of heartache and stress that I didn't need or deserve if one of them had just come forward.
Plus it's much better for the kid if he grows up in two households that love him than one household that's too busy fighting each other to notice and care for him.
You need to approach the man and tell him if he doesn't tell her, then you will. Because if he cheated with you he'll probably cheat again. If he doesn't tell his wife, you need to. This is super serious. So the wife needs to know, but it would be about 1000x better if she heard an honest confession from him.
It's complicated... But maybe wait a while and then anonymously send her an email or something with the pics and a screenshot of text. Try to keep yourself as anonymous as possible. Be kind and just tell her that you would want to know if this was your husband.
She deserves to know because of the kid, maybe if he's caught out they can deal and he can change? Better sooner than later when she finds out he's been doing this for ages or something. Don't make her feel a fool, eventually this will come to light anyway.
Does he know your work or home address?
If not, then think you should tell her. Just don't give her any way to find you.
I wouldn't tell her, you don't want to be that girl who has to break it to his wife, and penitentially ruin their family even more. You only hear one side of the marriage, and all though he lied to you, it's best to just forget about it and move on. What he did was wrong, you didn't know- and now that you do makes you more aware of the situation and it's best to remove yourself as fast as possible.
You can expose him if u like but he will keep doing it ie cheating via on line and there will be some chick that does NOT care he is married and WILL date him - if u WANT to be bothered telling the wife TELL HER - one of these day she WILL find out u can't hide lying and cheating FOREVER...
Tell her. Once a cheater, always a cheater. You won't be the only one. In fact, you probably already haven't been the only one. Better for you to tell and not have her find out in a more hurtful way.
Not sure what you should do. Some people like to fake and pretend everything is fine and aren't looking for the truth and get mad when truth finds them. Some people say they would like to know the truth, but find out later that they actually don't, because they have no exit plan. It seems only a small percentage of the people who say they do already have an exit plan since day 1 and are thankful to the stranger for speaking up.
If it was just her and him then I would say go for it. But having a child involved... I wouldn't. You have to remember that some women are psycho and will keep the children away from the father's for little to no reason at all. If he told you to stop speaking to him then chances are she already knows or assumes and that is why he is stopping the contact. Leave it alone and move on.
You can't do it, simply for the sake of the child
it confront the husband about it and that you will not tell his wife becuas ehe has a chil but if he ever does it again that you will tell her
at least thats what i would do
He'll probably cheat with someone else if you let him get away.
The only valid point is that it will hurt the child when their relationship falls apart.
I think you should tell her. I was in this position with a guy last year. I was completely oblivious he had a partner until she contacted me. She was also pregnant with their child. She however took his side, I would never dream of interfering in someone's relationship like that. I felt awful about myself but I he was the asshole in the situation, I never knew. Just contact her and tell her.
Better to be hurt by the truth, than to be comforted by a lie. She needs to see he is no use to her.
What are you going to get out of this? You have nothing to gain from telling her. Telling her will just enmesh you in drama that you don't need. She probably already know he is doing this but she is just trying not to think about it too much.
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