How long is TOO long - fwb?

[boricuaNYstyle1]

Ok- so almost exactly 1 year ago, what was thought to be a one night stand turns out to be a really nice guy. We get to know each other and quickly become fwb'z- side note is that we are also now BEST FRIENDS literally. I mean- it was awesome. So it's been a year and of course feelings have become involved. More than several times he's said that he loves me; doesn't want me to be with anyone else; we've even talked about the possibility of a child. Then there are days when he bashes relationships; "women ain't shyt"; and he AVIDLY states he doesn't want a relationship. By now I'm in love with the man and could see a future with him- (he surely assisted me toward this thinking). I've been 1000% monogamous although not obligated. So last week he comes and says that he received a call from another sexual partner (surprise surprise) who could've potentially given him an STD - and this is just the tip of the icebergs I'm seeing all of a sudden. EVERYTHING CRASHES. Now I'm 'stupid in love' since I started hanging onto every word of his; but his actions are completely the opposite. The can of worms is busted open and here comes the drama. LATEST IS: He confirms his feelings for me- even still telling me he loves me; but simply states he's not ready for a relationship (classic "it's me not you"). I appreciate his friendship and would hate to have to cut him off completely but I suffer everyday because now I don't want to open up and be emotionally vulnerable with him since it just seems I'm being lead on. SO THIS SUCKS- I AM GOING TO END UP LOSING A FRIEND AND IT'S ALL B/C HE WANTED HIS CAKE AND EAT IT TOO... fellas- be blunt- did I just get PUNK'D for the past year? wtf? He says that he can see himself having a family with me and all- so can someone translate this male lingo for me? I HOPE he's not suggesting that we carry on as is (me remaining monogamous until he's f*ckd every girl he can find and just HOPE that he chooses me EVENTUALLY)

[Blackkid]

There's no male lingo. Kid's a kid, he doesn't know what he wants. He wants the future that everyone seems to desire without the effort, time, or commitment everyone seems to loathe. Because of his immaturity you might have to let him go; it's not that he'll "never be ready", but it definitely won't be a timely transition, and if he jumps to the conclusion he can do it now he'll fail.

I simply hope you don't have an STI, but beyond that because you were in an open situation, which isn't even a relationship, his capitalizing the opportunity to "have a girl while legitimately having girls on the side" seems valid enough.

In all honesty no matter what you do don't ask him how many partners he has. It'll just infuriate you. Leave before that happens.

[boricuaNYstyle1]

Very well put. I hate to sound like a 'typical dumass female'. It's sorta one of those situations where you pretty much know the answer but don't wanna admit it~ but thanks for verbalizing what I feel is happening inside this little twisted web. And I agree: it's time to let the train pull off the platform....