I feel like my boyfriend underestimates me, what do I do?

[Anonymous]

Yeah so I feel like my boyfriend underestimates me and it obviously ruins my self-esteem. He doesn't directly tell me I suck and Im not good at anything but I know thats how he looks at me. He might not verbally say but there are his facial expressions, body language and yeah some jokes he says that are aimed at the fact that I suck or at least to him. Its a very confusing thing and I wish there was some way to find the truth because yes I know he underestimates me but he is still with me when I know he knows he can do better, so why is he with me? Does he feel bad if he breaks up with me cause he knows how much I love him so he's afraid of breaking my heart? Or is it some magical story where he looks through my flaws and loves me even though I suck? We have been together for more than two years now and slowly became a real couple. Recently, he told me he wants to do this same occassion next year in a very subtle way so the way I took it is okay he sees a future with me and wants to be with me. Yet, on a daily basis with him, I feel underestimated, not good enough for him, low, etc and trust me, I had confidence until I met him. Nothing mattered until him. If Im not a good speaker like the person next to me then oh well Ill try harder next time then I think of my boyfriend and I feel like hell. I gues you can say he intimidates me but at the same time, I know he looks down on me which leads me to why are you with me? especially the fact that he comes off as those people who have high standards for themselves so its like why me? I would love to have a talk with him about all of this because I could be wasting my time even tho I am in love with him but he's not the best person to talk to especially about relationship stuff, he hates it.

[Hades77]

Your boyfriend doesn't like talking about your relationship? Wow, ok, one, that's just wrong. Two, the fact that he makes you have a low self esteem by underestimating you just terrible. You need to break up, in my opinion. You honestly explained an emotionally abusive relationship.

[Asker]

Yeah ideally that would be the case but one, I'm crazy about him and two, he doesn't openly underestimate me. I don't think he realizes he makes me feel that way which I would like to communicate to him about but as I said he doesn't like to be bothered with relationship stuff. It would make an interesting conversation though if I brought it up in a way that's not so aggressive where he runs away. I've done it before and he is calm throughout the convo. Its just I also feel like once I bring this up, hell forever look at me like I feel not good enough for him and I don't want that I want him to see me as the confident person I originally am.

[Hades77]

Ok, I don't care that you love him, if you did, you really have a problem underestimating you. And even though he's not openly do it, it's STILL doing it. What if he was cheating, but not openly? You get it now? Anywho, just understand you need to fix those communication problems.

[Asker]

I don't think anyone can fix his communication problems except him and he seems very unwilling to do that even tho he has improved since the beginning which I'm guessing cause he cares more about me and us. But he still gets irritated when I bring something up especially so random like this. He will be caught off guard and think I'm crazy and he won't take the time to realize that this is just how I feel. He also lacks compassion so yeah I've been dealing w this for a long time but I think now I'm more willing to not take it. So when I bring this up of feeling underestimated, and he comes off as completely shocked and lack compassion, I don't know I guess I'll just have to leave him hanging til he gets some compassion. If he surprisingly communicates w me, well then tgas a whole different story and see if its true.

[Sabretooth]

i don't think this relationship will last if he's unwilling to communicate

[Asker]

Yeah its been a struggle these years with him when I try communicating with him. He literally bursts out or is quiet plus he's really sensitive. He acts like he has no heart or feelings but thats cause he's protecting himself. I've seen him tear up twice and it just shows he's holding everything inside. Anywho, weve lasted quite a while and despite him being like this, he has improved little by little at communicating. But I just don't know how to bring this subject of being underestimated being an awkward subject.