Am I overthinking this about my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

I’ve spent the past few days with my boyfriend since it was valentines day and he went home today. I went to sleep for a while and woke up to a message of him saying that he’s at his female friend’s house who he’s told me in the past that that’s a family friend. He also told me that she said hello to me. And he’s been texting me since I’ve woken up and he’s there talking about a show they’re watching and that he recommends me to watch too. The main issue for me he went past midnight. I really do not want to start an argument or come across insecure as well. Should I let it go, is this even an issue? Any advice is welcome!

[Oliverlogan263]

Hmm that is a little weird he's at her place so late. A few things I'd be thinking:

- If she's just a "family friend" why is he hanging out alone with her past midnight? That's kinda couple-y time usually.

- Why not invite you to join if they're really just friends catching up on a show?

- The fact he told you she said hi is almost like he knows it could look suspect being there so late.

I wouldn't freak out yet, but I'd definitely be feeling some type of way. Here's what I'd do:

- Casually ask some more questions about their friendship history so you can gauge how close they actually are

- Let him know while you trust him, late night solo hangs do cross a line for you in a relationship

- Pay attention to how much/how he talks about her from now on

- Trust your gut - if it seems off, speak up for what you're comfortable with

I'd let this one slide since nothing really happened. But put him on notice that you won't be a doormat either. Trust, but verify too, ya feel me? Your feelings matter!

[Asker]

Update: He did say that he understands that if it was on the other foot, he would feel some type of way but he reassured me saying that it’s someone that’s been a childhood family friend and suggested that me and her meet up to show the vibes. He also let me know that her sister was also there. I also asked my mom about the situation and at first she didn’t agree with it but after the updates and added context, she understood as she said to trust that everything he’s saying is true as he did inform me to let me know where he was and what he was doing and that she has her own experience with having guy friends who were her childhood friends with wives where they talk on the phone to catch up etc. and it’s always been platonic and just told me not to worry. This was also the first time this has happened so yeah I’ll see how things do go but I’ve let him know that does cross my boundaries which is why he said he understood how it would feel if it was vice versa. Thank you so much!

[Asker]

Also he did apologise for making me feel uncomfortable

[Oliverlogan263]

That's good that he apologized for making you uncomfortable and seemed to understand where you were coming from. It's a good sign that he was open to meeting her too so you can see how they interact. Dudes can be clueless sometimes about how things might look from the other perspective.

I'd say try not to worry too much now that you've got some more context. If her sister was there too and this was a one-time thing late at night, it does sound pretty innocent. Your mom makes a fair point too about long-time friends of the opposite sex.

Just pay attention to how he acts going forward when she's around. As long as he isn't shady or hiding stuff, seems like you can trust him. And it'll put your mind at ease more after you meet her yourself.

Glad you guys were able to talk it through without a big fight. Good communication is important. Seems like he was honest and wants to make you comfortable, so give him the benefit of the doubt for now. Hope this helped put your mind at ease! Let me know if any other issues come up.

[Asker]

Yes, I’m so glad too. Thank you so much honestly!

[Oliverlogan263]

My pleasure luv 😊

[Anonymous]

I get what you’re saying. The thing is trying to get him to understand how it makes you feel. For most people feeling like this isn’t an option, it just happens just as I’m sure it would feel the same to him if you had a male friend who’s a “family friend.” I’d try talking to him. I don’t think he’d appreciate it if you were at your make friend’s house after midnight hanging out. Especially for men. Men know how other men think so I guarantee if things were reversed he would feel equally the same or more. The only thing I can say that tells e not to worry so much is that he didn’t hide it from you. So to me he’s not trying to hide something, me sing it’s nothing more than a friendship. But too things do change. Is she married? Has a boyfriend?

[Asker]

I trust that he wouldn’t do anything and that he’s loyal but my concern is when boundaries are crossed, they can keep stepping over them and allowing things you know deep down is an issue. Like I know even if I stayed at my male friend’s house, nothing would happen because it’s never been like that and it has always been strictly a friendship/sibling platonic friendship and I would let him know but I just wouldn’t do it to begin with because that’s something that doesn’t look or sound good any way you put it. Like you couldn’t meet during another day when it day time? I’m not sure of her relationship status

[Opinion Owner]

So are these boundaries that you’ve both talked about and agreed upon?

[Asker]

Not in specific to this because it’s never happened before but I talked to my mom about it and she gave examples of how she has a guy friend she grew up with because it’s her best friend’s brother and he has a wife and my mom and him always talk, give each other’s family gifts during Christmas etc. and the wife is happy about it and isn’t suspicious so it did let me see things from a different perspective mainly because my boyfriend also just explained that it isn’t just a friend but a family friend that he actually grew up with and sees her mom and his mom and even said I can meet her soon so that reassured me. But thank you so much for your input too, it’s opened my mind a bit more!

[Opinion Owner]

Ok. Well glad you feel better about it. I hope things workout for you.

[Asker]

Thank you so much