Is there a problem here or am I just thinking too much? boyfriend situation?

[heybay22]

is this weird behavior from boyfriend?

i dont know if im being needy or overreacting honestly as this is my first relationship.

he's been really good to me so far. he stays over at my place maybe 4-5 times a week. after a long day we just chill and do hw and sleep or watch a movie. he usually calls me after his class ends and we meet up.

I've noticed that when i want to go out however he says that he's just busy and i get it because he sure is but later on he goes out with friends… this happens usually every saturday….

also he refuses to take me? why is that?

he says that i’ll get bored and that these people are older than me. he also explains that the place is small and also no one brings their gfs or bfs.

just recently however (2 weeks ago) i went to this art gallery and he saw my vip tickets and he asked why i didn't take him. i just exploded and said “bc u rather spend time with your friends” and he just frowned lol.

other than that he's been great. we helps me a lot in school and i enjoy his company when he stays over.

he went to Canada to visit family! (he comes back tmw after two weeks) he called me maybe twice other than that he's just been sending me memes. i also kinda got annoyed but i get it he's with family…

but yeah i dunno is there a problem? or am i just in my head too much?

for example i wanted to go to this car show and he said he was going with one of his friends but he never did and we never went :( stuff like that annoys me..

however before he left to Canada we went out fot a movie and dinner and he stayed over … so yeah

Updates

+1 y

lastly most of his friends know who i am. i am starting in his college in the fall and will probably see all of them. and his of course haha… he’s introduced me to them.. most of them

Updates

+1 y

lastly i have his apartment keys (ny trash it! im joking haha)

[DaySpring]

@heybay22 There is nothing wrong with wanting things to be even better. You guys sound like you're casually dating. You sound satisfied but want it to be an even better experience. If it was more of a serious relationship I would say, yes it is a red flag. Because there is a lack of constructive communication, courtesy, open mindedness. You two cannot improve and or resolve this because you two cannot work together.

He seems to not care enough about how you feel to take what you are disliking about the relationship serious.

You are on here because there is a lack of constructive communication between you two and so you are seeking a 3rd party.

The situation isn't the red flag, the red flag is you two cannot work together on the problem.

Whether the relationship is casual or more serious, my advice to you as an individual is, focus on the solutions and not the problem.

[heybay22]

i haven't spoken to him how i feel. i dont know how to address it. i have asked if he doesn't like me or is embarrassed and he says not at all…. its a serious relationship

[heybay22]

i also have asked him to take me many many times. not sure what else to do

[DaySpring]

Okay, I understand now. Sounds like you have already brought up how you feel but it lead to no solution. Also, it sounds like your boyfriend isn't making space for something new. Vacuum law of prosperity in a nutshell. But anyway, I'll offer the only advice I have.

I believe that in a serious relationship there must be a definite vision or described model. I believe the couple must work on realizing and maintaining that vision in a unified way. If there is no model then the couple is blindly trying to last with no direction or plan.
In this case, I believe If there was that then he would already know that going out together is a must. He needs to know that and be in agreement with that.

Okay so we want you guys to start going out together more. How about you plan something. If he somehow flakes or that doesn't up start any change, I would sit down with him and describe the kind of relationship you both want. It must be well described, agreed upon, and committed to. It usually would be describing the life you two want together but I understand if that is a bit much right now. You can definitely describe the relationship you two want currently though. Once you figure it out, which should take days or even weeks, then you make it a reality slowly. It can be challenging but also very fun. You must do it in a state of harmony though. That requires the using of the right personality traits. The biggest are open mindedness, honesty, tactfulness, courtesy, empathy and a positive mental attitude.

While making the vision, you would want to be sure to include going out together or even him bringing you along on Saturdays.

[DaySpring]

Setting up bi-weekly meeting and talking about how you feel about certain things is another good idea. The meeting should be a safe place where you can both be honest and open. Start with positive things then address the things that aren't so positive and solutions for them. Also you will need to establish a culture/rules for the meetings.

I know I said a lot but you could start with you personally planning something you guys can go out and do together.

If somehow you do all of what I spoke about here and he still isn't responding and you two still aren't going out together and doing things. That would be a red flag. Shows a lack of initiative, desire, motive, creative vision, willingness to let go of the old and make space for the new, urgency

If you cannot get him to sit down with you and create a vision with you or cooperate in creating a vision, then that is also a red flag. The relationship will just stay where it is with him dominating it. It has to be a tag team.

[Emerald55346]

I would just sit him down and have a discussion about how you want him to have time with his friends but at the same time, if he wants to do more together he can’t put it all on you to ask and make the time for it or invite him to your own plans, he should be putting a little more work into that department and straight up ask him, why he prefers not to take you every once in a while/ what makes him think you won’t enjoy it.

[heybay22]

is this a red flag? some people tell me this is normal. others tell me its not fair. he does value is space and i dont want to be annoying u know? i really dont know what to do.

[Emerald55346]

It depends on other things but it doesn’t seem like a red flag to me, it’s not what I would call normal either you two need to communicate more if this is bothering you.