My boyfriend underestimates me for things maybe he is right about but does that make him right?

[Anonymous]

I dont work its been one year after graduation and i have tried i just couldn’t find a job, my boyfriend doesn’t believe in my abilities in fact he never did like he keep saying things like “ you can’t do that” , I don't know why.. is he trying to challenge me to do it? or he underestimates me? i believe in my self but bcz i never showed him by actions literally nothing i just didn’t move from my place.. maybe thats why he thinks that way , i really need support and guidance like only by words but i feel very weak when i think that i need other peoples support.. I don't know if im that much of a failure and i feel like if im that much useless person how can someone love me,, it makes me insecure and feeling like i don’t deserve to be with him

[Oliverlogan263]

Liste, your boyfriend's behavior doesn't sound very supportive. No one deserves to be with someone who constantly puts them down and doubts their abilities.

Just because you've struggled to find work yet doesn't mean you're a failure or useless. The job market is tough these days! As your partner, he should be building you up, not tearing you down.

That said, I get why his lack of faith could make you second guess yourself. But don't let it define your self-worth. Focus on what YOU know about your own skills and potential. One year isn't the end of the line either.

It might help to sit him down and openly communicate how his words make you feel. Set a boundary - you need his encouragement, not criticism. See how he responds. If he keeps it up, you gotta ask yourself if this negativity is really helping you or just holding you back.

Keep your head high. You got this - don't internalize someone else's doubts as truth about you. Stay determined to prove yourself in your own way and time. You deserve a partner who fully believes in you too.

[RavVid]

I would say he is not encouraging. It would help to explain more in what circumstances he is saying you can't do that.

If you are being fanciful in terms of a job I would probably pull you up short on those thoughts so you focus on the more achievable possibilities. Like my friend talks about being a crane driver which isn't going to happen for quite a number of reasons but I would strongly encourage efforts towards what she is qualified for.

[BourbonAndBacon]

You can do better. My ex-wife was like you boyfriend and my life sucked. My now partner is super supportive and I feel like I can do anything. I make way more money because of her support.

[slatyb]

>he keep saying things like “ you can’t do that”

That's not loving. Dump him and find someone supportive.