Why do men get complacent?

[malty]

Me (extrovert) and my (introvert) boyfriend are both 24 years old, been together for over a year. He studies PHD so he is very busy; we see each other 1-2 times a week. He doesn't make an effort to ask about me, and conversations are usually one sided. It usually depends on his mood, when he had a stressful day he becomes very quiet and withdrawn. I feel like I'm the sole communicator and/or affectionate one in this relationship- I send him cute texts and tell him that I love him and miss him first. He went overseas with his buddies and did not even bother to call me or even ask about me- we had a big fight because of that; I wanted to break up with him twice because of his lack of physical and emotional affection. I asked him if he loved me and/or was committed and he said " :o What do you mean? Of course I am!!". After our big fight our relationship grew better, he was so sweet and caring towards me. But now it's back to square one, I feel neglected again. It wasn't like that from the start; I see other couples and they both make an equal effort to nurture the relationship. My sisters boyfriend wants to spend every moment he can with her. My guy on the other hand is into independence; doesn't like texting or calling much, likes his space. He claims to be a lone wolf but he likes to hang out with his buddies.
One thing I really don't get is that; if you are truly in love with someone and invested in them, won't you crave to see them? don't you want to check in on them often? See how they are doing?
Throughout our relationship I have felt like he is checked out, sometimes he is distant but other times it is really good. He was told in his previous relationship that he doesn't know how to love someone properly. I'm thinking that he isn't going to change and I should just pack up and go...
I would like to know your opinions on this.

[bomba78]

either something is really missing in the relationship, or you two just aren't actually compatible.
He likes his reclusion and isn't much of a talker, and you are the complete opposite. It is understandable that you feel neglected and ignored when the conversations are only one sided. On the other hand, he must feel annoyed sometimes, because he isn't really in to all of the couple cuddling and talking thing.
Both of you need to be with someone more on your own level. You need a extroverted person, who has no issues with communication and affection. and he needs someone like himself.

[Levin]

Chap seems to be going through the motions, and as you say, not investing much of himself in the relationship. Some people are happy with that. Personally I would not be. Quality over quantity eh. If you want better, move on.

Incidentally, nothing to do with men, but rather *him*, and *your* toleration of it. Not to be harsh like, just being direct :P

[uknaked]

Any successful relationship needs open free communication, and a reasonable amount of compatibility, together with mutual trust, honesty and respect. A degree of compromise is needed, but not too much. I suspect that you will have to pack up and go to form a more compatible relationship.

[Octavius]

Frankly you guys just don't sound right for each other. There's nothing wrong with you wanting to have a super affectionate guy but there's also nothing wrong with him being very independent. You guys just seem to be too different.

[skeptic007]

cause this ain't no mother fuckering club house
lol

[Twolips]

Because men just do