My boyfriend is 11 years older then me and his friends don't like me becaues of this, what can I do?

Question

I'm 19 and my boyfriend of 6 months now is 31.  One of his friends likes me and the other is polite, but the rest of his friends don't like me because I'm so young.  When we go out they always make remarks like "go take care of your kid" or "oh, you didn't have to babysit tonight".  I told him to spend more time with them, but he doesn't want to because he hates the remarks they make about me.  I don't want to be the reason he loses his friends, and one day him blame me for it.  I just don't know why his friends can't be friends and be happy for him.  What can I do to get his friends to like me, or at least grow up a bit?

GoodManDave · Accepted Answer

My friends kid one of my female friends because she's dating someone 8 years younger... it could just be that his friends are kidding, though obviously, there's a point where it gets to be ridiculous, and over an unspoken line.

It's a point where you figure out if they're just trying to kid around, or if they REALLY are making comments just because they don't like you.

He needs to stick up for you (or keep doing it), and either choose to ignore them, or distance them away from you both, and yes, it's up to him to figure that part out. Maybe start making some jokes back, and see how they react; not to be mean, but to show you can take a little humor and dish it right back. Make fun of how old they all are... "what did you all get those jackets when you joined AARP?" "It must be nice to get a senior discount when you go to the bar..." Have some funny lines ready... nothing too personal, and don't go after THEIR girlfriends if they aren't the ones making comments.

Of course, there's the old bit from Roxanne, where Steve Martins character (CD Bales) comes up with 20 self deprecating nose jokes in order to one up someone who called him "big nose." In the movie, Bales, who has a long nose, mocks this guy in a bar for coming up with a put down as lame and uncreative as "big nose" - then Bales does a bunch of really funny lines about his own nose. The whole bar starts getting in on CD's side as he's showing up this guy. Might be a good thing to watch - just search for it on Youtube.

Hope this helps. Good luck.

madskaster · Accepted Answer

I had the same problem I was 7 years older than my GF,  a few of my friends gave me crap for it and she basically wrote all of her friends off after about a year and we just made a new group of friends. All the people we hang out with now have no problem with it, if his friends are going to be like that and he really cares about you he will either put a stop to the jokes or he will find new friends.

ziva123 · Accepted Answer

I used to date a man 13 years older than me.

His friends were seriously sceptical at first (I was 18 at the time), but they ajusted.

His best mate had a very big issues with me being so young. So I sat down, and I had a chat with him, and I told him something like this:

"Why do you have anything against me, besides the age thing? Get your act together- I'm dating your best mate, and seeing as we both have one interest in common- HIS WELL BEING, you should tell me exactly what your problem is, so we can resolve any issues in particular."

With that phrase you should be able to get a conversation going, and keep reminding him that you do not have a problem with him, and that the only way to solve this, is by creating a dialouge. That gave me a h*ll of a lot more respect from his friends.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If they stay stuff like that in front of you you have the right to defend yourself. His friends may be older than you but they sure aren't more mature than you and probably not wiser than you. If he lets them talk about you like that without defending you then he doesn't care about you. Don't try to go out of your way to please rude people. I just wanted to say that because if a man does not defend you then he does not care about you, I hate to be harsh but it's the truth. He probably wouldn't let his friends make remarks about his mom without saying anything so if he just "hates" what they say about you but doesn't really do anything, you should think about walking.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Hey, it happens. I am sure they don't quite get how he can have such a young girlfriend and it may be bringing up insecurities they have about themselves. Or, they just cannot relate to you and don't know what to say or how to act.

You cannot get anyone to grow up or change their attitude. They may also be jealous of your competition for his time. If some of his friends are single and like hanging out with the guys, they may resent you, but that is there problem. Their comments are not cool so it may be time to find new friends.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'm kinda in the same situation. My boyfriend is 28 while I'm still in college. None of his friends takes me seriously because I'm so much younger than they are. They assume that just because they're working and starting to have families, I can't relate to them or understand what they're going through. Which is true to a certain extant, but they don't take the time to get to know me, they just assume I'm some immature college kid who's obsessed with frat parties. I don't know, they treat me like a kid, not an adult

ArizonaRX · Answer

His friends are jealous cause he's tappin' a 19 year old hottie. He doesn't want to spend more time with them cause he'd rather be tappin' a 19 year old hottie. Can't blame him. And frankly, screw his guys friends because they would be doing THE EXACT SAME THING if they had a 19 year old hottie too.

IMHO

Ephram · Answer

His friends could be just joking around, and don't really have anything against you. Sure, your boyfriend may hate the remarks they make, but it's really his fault for having friends like that. If he asks his friends to stop, and they still don't, it really goes to show what kind of friends he has.

I love how you worded your question, what you can do to make them grow up a bit. lol Because it's true, they're older than you, but acting like a bunch of little kiddies. xD I guess it depends how well you get along with guys. Just try to be as nice as you can about it, and maybe slowly they will realize their lame comments aren't getting anywhere and they will stop it.

markml · Answer

They're probably jealous. Are they by-chance bitter single guys? If they're not single, then try to make friends with their girlfriends. If they are single, then you could try giving them some advice about women in the form of sensitivity training.

But it is your boyfriend's job to rein his friends in, and stick up for you.

Don't worry about him losing his friends, because if they're really his friends, they're not going to ditch him over you. And he should be old enough to realize that.

It's funny that as you point out, even though you're the one who's younger, it's his friends that need to "grow up a bit". Maybe you should tell them that. Don't be afraid to talk back to them. As I said, if they're really friends of his, they're not going to stop being his friend because of you, nor are they going to take you away from him.

macchonk · Answer

Honestly, the reason why his friends doesn't like him having you as his girlfriend is most likely  because teenagers or young females like you are  simply new when it comes to relationship... his friends might now a lot about it,  because they have a lot of experience about how girls at ur age are not mature enough to commit on a stady relationship... while at his age , his friends might actually trying to help him out to get a real female for his future wife... not  a young girl who simply trying to get some fun out of relationship... if ur not serious about him, than the problem is u... he's getting old, and I bet he wants a real relationship... but if you do think you are gonna commit, then, doesn't really matter what his friends say...

giovanniazael · Answer

One way you can grow up is by realizing you have no obligations to his friends. There is no way you can be the reason he loses his friends because if they were really his friends, they wouldn't say those things. For a guy that's 31yrs old, he should have the gutts to put them in their place because in reality, whether they like you or not, they should at least show you respect out of respect for him. It's his responsibility to make sure that you are respected by his friends and if they can't respect you as his woman, he needs to let them go. It's ok for a friend to tell him how they feel about the age difference but it's not up to them to enforce anything. Stop looking to be accepted by others when they are not willing to accept you. Someone that doesn't like you without knowing you is not worth a second of your time. Move forward and if being with your boyfriend makes you happy, Do just that! Life is way too short, just live.

Marshall33 · Answer

Its NOT that they do not like you. Truth is they do not like him for dating someone younger since they feel he is the one that needs to grow up. Are they right about that ? I don't assume so but take note that at 31 a man is looking for something in a relationship that a 19 year old is not and is due to take things to a higher level of commitment than generally a 19 year old is ready to commit to. Let him deal with others on his own and focus on you and him in a supportive way. Don't get involved in relationships that your not involved in. Its sometimes the best thing just to support a partner by giving him what he needs in your dynamic and give him a refuge then becoming a pseudo-parent style partner which is tiring and not useful.

unn0129 · Answer

I don't think they dislike you, I assume they just don't trust you with their homeboy. They may not have a problem with you personally; they just think that with all the hot ass women that he could hang out with, what's so special about you? I'm not trying to be rude or disrespectful. Let's say you were 30 years old, had a younger sister that's 18 or 19 years old and saw her being hit on and dating a guy your age, wouldn't you be a little protective of her? They are just trying to protect their boy, and they have a very immature way of showing it.

It sounds like you want to be accepted by them, so why not schedule a night where all you guys have some sort of gaming night? Play poker, monopoly, risk or something that enables all of you guys to bond together, learn more about each other and eventually, if they see that you aren't using their homeboy, they might trust you more.

I could be wrong.

SCU2013 · Answer

well he should say the same thing you just said. Why can't they be happy for him and you. And it kinda sounds like they might be jealous. And if they were really his friends they wouldn't give him sh*t. So maybe he should find some new ones. But I can understand how you would feel bad about that

martyfellow · Answer

Not such a lot you can DO...this is a huge age difference at your age. HIs friends think it's not right and are up front about it, and they aren't likely to change their minds. He's eventually going to choose them over you.

Therefore..you should get out of the picture, as gracefully as you can..as soon as you can...

Bruce · Answer

Ignore them LEWnB...You don't have to explain anything..especially to his friends...he makes the decisions regarding his relationship with you...not them. He is 31, and probably has much better judgement about relationships than they do.

I wish I had stayed with my 19 year old girlfriend, but my friends had nothing to do with my deciision making...

coolgurl09 · Answer

I'm sorry but I'am all about dating older guys but if I was your friend I would be worried about you too. If a guy is 31 and is dating a girl who is barely legal I would wonder. Why isn't he married, kids, or better yet dating girls his own age. Lots of older guys date young girls because they are willing to do more than older women and are mote nieve. Just be carefeul with your heart.

cjtheo · Answer

nothing wrong with 11 years in my opinion.  They say the healthiest relationships/marriages are when the girl is 5 years younger than the guy. He needs to drop his friends if they make comments like that and you need to refuse to hang out with them.  Its healthy to meet new people and find new friends.

whipzzz · Answer

My asian wife is 12 years younger than me, so I copped a lot of crap about my child bride, etc. But in this part of the world, we are the same Chinese zodiac, and that counts for a lot. In the end, I gave up on my friends who wouldn't grow up, and have a whole bunch of other friends who appreciate us for who we are.

anonymous491065 · Answer

Sounds like his friends are pretty immature to be taking shots at you right in front of him, and as harsh as this may seeem, it sounds like he's immature too for dating you.  I couldn't imagine myself dating someone who was 19 and actually expecting it to last... actually I'd probably feel guilty about it because I'd be pretty certain it wasn't going anywhere and I'd be just using the girl to have some fun.

l-hedoniste · Answer

If it's boys' night out, bringing your girl is a breach of etiquette. Smart call to send him off with his friends without you. It could be your man's bad judgement--rather than your age--that annoys them.

Or, maybe he's trying to lose his friends; they could be jerks, and you could be the excuse he needs to dump them.

Snorkledorf · Answer

They're jealous. Or idiots. Quite possibly both...

I agree with madskaster, go out and hunt down new friends. Friends tend to act as a dampener for life changes; even without a hint of malice, they'll tend to influence you to act the way you did back when they first met you. Which is great if you honestly like being approximately where you were e.g. five years ago, not so much if you're not really the same person you were back then.

stalinhornsby · Answer

Typically when your in a relationship the guys don't see each other as much. So, for lack of your own effection toward your boyfriend this is natures's way of telling the other guys to have women in their lives so you can all do things together. It is the way it is. :)

mikkie180 · Answer

You know they might be jealous of him. Unfortunately men grow up, emotionally, slower than women. If both you and your boyfriend ignore the comments they will probably stop after a while.

miamor · Answer

It sounds like his friends are just jealous that they can't find anyone younger. If he cares about you he will disregard the comments, or tell them upfront about them, or he will find other friends. I am currently engaged to a guy that's 39 and I'm 24, but no one has said anything to him about our age difference. People just tell me well, if you love him then age doesn't matter! I truly believe that age doesn't matter, just love! Good Luck! I hope this helps!

ihatecopcars · Answer

You guys are probably going to break up before you make it to a year so who cares?

ChelseyLately · Answer

What a bunch of losers. Don't worry about if they like you or not, that's not your concern. If he doesn't like them talking sh*t he should tell them to shut up.

missducky · Answer

Maybe they think you are changing him or invading their hang time with him. Did he have a long time where he didn't have a girlfriend at all so it was just all of them hanging out? That could be the cause of conflict.

Cassie54 · Answer

they are obviously just jealous...age really shouldn't matter I mean my great grand-parents we're 36 years apart.. and one of my great uncles dates women 15 years younger than him. Also my moms boyfriend is 48 and before he started dating her he was dating a 21 year old. just ignore them. if you guys really are serious about each other there's def a possibility it could work.

Serotriptomine · Answer

Idk.. you're 19 and you're "in love" or w.e with a 31 year old. That's all I have to say.

jacquesvol · Answer

He's an adult, you're a college girl: they clearly disapprove of the age difference between you. Maybe it's his habit to prey on young chicks.

Anonymous · Answer

I put it this way when he was 20 you were 8 poor guy can't date someone close to his age I say 5 years younger is the furthest  I would go.

Anonymous · Answer

my parents have age difference of 30 years and their marriage is perfectly fine. if you really like him ..don't  mind what people say .. just follow your heart.

lvax06 · Answer

in part they are jealous, and in another they find it awkward. it sort of is a social stigma, or a triumph for a guy to have a young girlfriend.

Giggi · Answer

just make it until you're 21, they might be a little put off by you because you restrict them to places that are age appropiate for you to be allowed into.  Just carry yourself as an adult and expect the same respect as someone their age.

babygirl718 · Answer

if you like him and he likes you then don't worry about his friends. they are probably just jealous because ur hot and they can't have u

VICTORIOUS · Answer

well all I can say is when you go around his friends ,act like your self ,dont change for no body ,but maybe you can act a little more mature mwhen you around them

Anonymous · Answer

Love is love  forget about his friends you do you and don't worry about what others think  because in the end they want matter do what you feel is right -& if your in love stick to it

Anonymous · Answer

I , personally think at that age, 11 is a HUGE age difference. You should only be focusing on school, wasting your time with this guy is a mistake.

AcEMasTeR · Answer

lol he's hideous yur too gud 4 him

My boyfriend is 11 years older then me and his friends don't like me becaues of this, what can I do?

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