Boyfriend went through my phone without my permission and saw something that I didn't want him to see. Now what?

[Anonymous]

He basically went through my phone without my permission because it was there and I was in the shower. He saw that I had been consoling in my male friend and one of my female friends regarding my sex life with him. I didn't want him to see any of that. I'm mortified and upset that he's upset, but I don't feel like he should'nt have gone through my phone in the first place. Why was it any of his business what I tell my friends? He said that he felt I was being disrespectful to tell them such personal things, especially my guy friend who he says "is fully capable of fucking me", he thinks knows too much. While I agree with him to some extent, why is he blowing this so far out of proportion? What can I do? I tried to talk to him but he's so angry, told me that he's second guessing this relationship and that he's furious of me.

[Alohaloli]

Let the dust settle. Give him space to feel and cool off don't push someone to talk when angry. If he is hot you will get burned tiring to manage this. He can feel whatever he wants and so can you. Rule number one if you talk about that relationship he will think your relationship won't be sacred either. People don't trust people that talk behind others backs they figure they will do the same to them. And if he sees you sharing intimate details of lovers past he will figure he can't have privacy with your relationship. Some couples value that. I also know married couples that are ideal that talk about eating the blue cake icing so they can have a blue mouth and go home and play smurfette with hubby! My friend called her husband from my birthday when us girls were hitting the wine to tell her hubby to get ready! he knew we heard! Some things are sacred some can be shared it is up to communication in the relationship to figure that out. I share a lot but I have things I would die if they were shared. I share my personal stuff but not about others if the story involves sharing or implicTing someone I hold back. I don't talk about him doing oral on me. I talk about my impression of oral over all. I am a fairly open book about just me. But I dented my father in law' car trying to keep the word for my husband we would detail it. I didn't see the yellow post around the vaccum. Well I told my husband I would pay to fix it but let's just say we need his car another day to clean it. He didn't even drive they just used it for people to give them rides. And the pride of being a car owner. My in laws were legally blind. But could still see enough to function. My husband told his sister who told them and they all went to my house to walk around and inspect the damage. I was pissed cause I wanted to handle things as husband and wife and that violated my trust and I was like now U can pay to fixit. U did not stick to the husband wife plan. People want people they can trust. For me it was a huge embarrassment cause I was saving my husband's shame by cleaning the car for him to not look bad for not cleaning the car for his gift which was his promise. My ex was a procrastinator! I did it in a hurry to make up lost time and did that. But to me it symbolized I wasn't responsible. I damaged a damn car! My husband knew it caused me shame to say I did that mistake. Cause damaging a car was something I was raised as a sin. We were around show cars! Didn't even leave fingerprints!

[Ashleym000]

As hard as saying this but what he did wasn't wrong. A relationships is supposed to be two people that are able to tell each other anything without having any secrets or else the relationships is doomed. There was nothing wrong with you talking to your male friend about it I'm sure he's just upset you didn't talk to him about it and especially he "hid" that from him. At this point you have to realize what you didn't might have not been wrong in your eyes but to him it was extremely wrong and you have to accept the fact you made a mistake, and if you honestly think you didn't make a mistake and think that there some things left better unsaid to the person you are with then maybe you shouldn't be with him because he obovusly thinks differently than you. Hopes this helps

[Asker]

Thank you. No it makes sense. I can honestly see both sides but he's blowing it up.

[Ashleym000]

I think you just need to give him time, and tell him you're genuinely sorry and if you can to promise this then tell him you'll never do it again but if you can't do it then don't tell him that. But just give him time and when he's ready, talk to him about it.

[bente2]

tell him he didn't even have the right to go through your phone. That is just privacy being taken from you, even if it's your boyfried. If he feels the need to check it, he's mistrusting and te problem lies with him. Tell him you're sorry about telling your friends those things, but he's still to blame.

[rjroy3]

He's upset because
1. You're not satisfied with your sex life, meaning he isn't doing it for you. So he feels shame.
2. You told your friends instead of discussing it with him. So instead of fixing it you shared your lack of fulfillment in your sex life. Basically saying he's not good in bed to your friend. So he's embarrassed.
3. Your sex life is also his sex life. And you unilaterally decided to share his sex life with other people without talking to him.
4. You confided in another man about this issue. So he's picturing you going to another guy and saying, " I'm not fulfilled in my sex life. I wish I could find a guy that could...". That's why your boyfriend said " is fully capable of fucking me". Because from his perspective that is exactly what you were doing. And if you're being honest with yourself you might see that part of you was doing that.

Anyways, all that aside. That doesn't make what he did right. He shouldn't have gone through your phone. But you also shouldn't have talked to another guy about this sort of thing period. There is no excuse for that. As for talking to your girls about your sex life that is a personal call. I know when I was younger and first found out about how much girls talk I felt very put off. Sharing that especially without consulting me is a breach of trust. Think about it. Imagine you two weren't together, but you had a one night stand and he went around telling all of his guy friends that he fucked you. It's pretty much the same thing, only in this situation you're dating.

As a guy I just accept it that's what happens and I've had good reviews thus far so nothing bad out there : ). But even tho it's good news it's still a breach of privacy. This is something you two need to talk about. It's only this bad now because A. The sex was bad supposedly and B, you went to a guy about it. If I were you I would open up with a apology, because even if it's common for girls to share everything. That's still his personal business you put out there without asking if it was ok. Only after apologizing and coming to an agreement on sharing info as far as sex life is concerned should you bring up him going through your phone. Because this argument has layers and you need to deal with one at a time.

But just an fyi... don't talk to other guys about being unsatisfied in parts of your relationship. What you're communicating is, "I'm not happy with my guy now. Can you do better?"

[Philosopher_Edge]

@rjroy3 Hit the nail on the head with his last sentence.

[Asker]

Thank you. I felt that this was honestly the best answer given. Simply because you were honest and actually told me how he'd feel and your experiences. Sometimes we all need a scolding for bad behavior and I'm not exempt. FYI, or anyone who is put off by the guy friend aspect. I talk to him like I talk to my girlfriends, given the fact that I've known him my entire life. There is no attraction there. My boyfriend doesn't understand that about my guy friend. I mean, anybody would be wary but it's nothing more to that scenario. Thanks again.

[rjroy3]

*nods* and I have female friends that we have a similar relationship. It's still unwise to share that type of information with another man, even if he is truly just a friend. I hope everything goes well with you two.

[heavensgift2girls]

Personally I don't believe in keeping your phone private from your partner. People that pretend it is an issue of privacy actually mean they are hiding something. So I really can't side with you on that one. Besides regardless of what most people say, eventually most people are going to snoop, so it isn't realistic to expect it to never happen. Either keep your phone locked, or don't have anything on it you don't want them to see. Don't pretend like you have an issue with him respecting your privacy, when you don't have enough respect for his privacy regarding your sex life.

"Why was it any of his business what I tell my friends?" Considering you are talking about his sex life, it is very much his business. Just like there are women that don't want guys talking about their sex lives, guys don't want women talking about his sex life.

Chances are you would be pissed of too if he was talking about your sex life in detail to people that you didn't want knowing your business. How he found out doesn't change the fact you shouldn't have been doing that. You even knew you were in the wrong, or else you wouldn't have had a problem with him seeing that conversation in the first place., and you already admitted you didn't want him to see that.

[Riggers]

^ MHO

[bbch25]

This <3
While I am of the belief that if you have nothing to hide on your phone then chill - same as you, I do also respect privacy so I wouldn't go through it and I'd be slightly upset if he did thinking he didn't trust me. But not to a huge extent.

BUT, god "How is it his business" because it's literally about him! How is that not. You are so right.
Yourself and @Prof_Don nailed it.

[Asker]

But everyone is telling me how wrong I was and I know that for a fact. I fucked up and I'd admit to that, but it still leaves me with the lingering "WHAT SHOULD I DO?" and nobody is really answering that.

[heavensgift2girls]

Everyone that is telling you how wrong it is to look through a persons phone has something to hide. Otherwise they wouldn't see it as a privacy issue with their partner. They may not be cheating, but they certainly are doing something they don't want their partner to know about. The problem is too many cheaters use the issue of phone privacy to hide what they are doing. I don't even feel the need to look through her phone. I just want to know she is okay with me looking. As long as she is okay with it, I don't need to look.

What should you do? Understand that you crossed a line, and apologize. Then don't tell private things about him to other people anymore. If he sees that you have learned your lesson, then he should eventually forgive you. Couples get into fights. This time you screwed up, next time he might screw up, the time after that it could simply be a misunderstanding. Typically unless the relationship already has deeper issues, you can work through the issue.

[bbch25]

Everyone is answering that.
They're telling you to apologise, they're telling you why he is reacting how it he reacted etc.

What he did was wrong, and he is probably aware of that, but what you did is "worse" and that is why people are saying he's justified in his response and telling you to apologise and discuss what you were saying. Explain everything he read, why you wrote that etc. You may even have to not hang out with your male friend again, not alone or for a while, as others have mentioned why.

[Asker]

@bbch25 thanks for answering the question. We did speak it out today.

[Asker]

Thank you Opinion Owner for the raw advice. I did speak to him.

[FakeName123]

"Don't pretend like you have an issue with him respecting your privacy, when you don't have enough respect for his privacy regarding your sex life."

This is the winning sentence in this thread.

[ichot]

Violation of your privacy is a separate issue to the "disrespect" issue. Keep that in mind.

He clearly violated your privacy. But I think it's pretty obvious neither of you ever set where the boundary began or ended. Regardless.. Nosy guy will be nosy and he got more than he expected.
-------------------
Continuing my assumption... I bet he never made his desires known about keeping information about your sex-life in between the two of you. This is his fault. He probably made the mistake of assuming that you wouldn't talk about it.

Now his anger probably comes from his jealousy/insecurity of some sort. Maybe he felt that details of your sex-life was more intimate and sentimental than you placed it to be by sharing it with others outside of the relationship. Perhaps he feels that by sharing details about such an intimate moment with other people, he's not as special as the friends you been sharing with.

What can you do? Communicate to him your position and where the misunderstanding has taken place. Clarify that in your position that discussions of sex-lives between your friends is normal, and that you didn't know he cherished the details so very much.

I would scold him for intruding your privacy. Nosy people who get angry after discovering something usually have trust issues... I don't know what you could do for a guy who's got trust issues. Maybe assure him that you aren't going anywhere until his own trust issues become an annoyance?

[slimstiffy]

I can't believe the amount of pussy pleasers this post is attracting. Encouraging shit behaviour form women.. Smh..
Its because of guys like you that good women are hard to find these days..
And dint whine and complain when you find your SO fucking other dudea behind your back

[Asker]

Well, slimstiffy, the entire post can't be just one sided or scolding me for my wrong-doing. Apparently there's two sides to every story. He wasn't 100% right either. If the tables were turned and a girl wrote about how she checked her BF's phone, I feel everyone would make it a point to let her know that she had no business going through his phone. It's not so much that I hid anything as I'm very open about my phone, I just didn't think he'd go into my phone and read my text thread.

[slimstiffy]

Nah. I would change my statement if the genders are changed. But you are trying to hide a big wrong with a minor wrong on his part. And i called yoit out on it. Thats all

[Asker]

@slimstiffy a big wrong with a minor wrong? Wrong is wrong and whether you want to admit that or not, you shouldn't compare sins. A sin is a sin. Regardless, I know that I am wrong, however what are you really saying of substance? All you're doing is calling people names who don't agree with you. That's not particularly RIGHT either!

[Asker]

@slimstiffy what you need to do is get your head out of your behind and stop acting like you've never done anything. Truth be told, nobody is walking around without any skeletons in their closets and the sooner you realize that, the day you'll realize the concept of humbleness. Grow the fuck up and quit calling people "pussy lovers", get the hell out of my post because you didn't even answer the question.

[ichot]

@slimstiffy /facepalm. You really think people are going to fuck each other because they discuss their sexlife to another?

I don't know what kind of sexually repressed culture you live in but by no means is discussing sex-life a "shit behavioUr".

Why so angry? Are you religious?

[slimstiffy]

I think i did answer your questiin.
And not all sins are equal. A lie doesn't equal murder.
I dont like it when men condone stupid female behaviour to get in their good books.
I call people out on their bullshit. Its a hobby of mine.
If you dont like it then block me just like the rest of them sloots and pussy-whipped fools

[slimstiffy]

Nah. But its disrespectful for a mans wife to discuss her sexual actovities with her husband, with another man.
Im religious and im traditional.
And i think these extreme liberals are fucked up. You are the reason the family as a unit is failing and these extreme divorce ratea and why men are such pussies and women are being such sluts

[ichot]

@slimstiffy "I dont like it when men condone stupid female behaviour to get in their good books.
I call people out on their bullshit. Its a hobby of mine."
All you're doing is ranting about "shit behaviour" and not at all making a convincing argument. "Calling out on bullshit"? You're the one giving bullshit out with a cherry on top.

"But you are trying to hide a big wrong with a minor wrong on his part. And i called yoit out on it."
To whom are you addressing this statement to? Did you really respond to the ASKER believing you were responding to me?

[Asker]

Basically this guy is ranting because you said something that he didn't like. I guess he is talking to the both of us. However, he makes absolutely no sense.

[Asker]

@slimstiffy shut up really. We're not married. We haven't even dated a year yet so hush. "These extreme liberals" you speak of... you're living in Middle Ages where women had no rights. Where people had to "hide" because they were afraid of judgement. You're not religious nor are you traditional. You are a naysayer and a troll. Religious people like yourself are the reason people are agnostic. You guys are radicals who judge everybody who doesn't think the same way you do. You will justify killing gays and that's "okay" because they're gay. Please go away!

[slimstiffy]

My last comment (before this one)
WAs to the opie.
The one above that was to the question asker.

[slimstiffy]

Sure..
Im the one who makes no sense
And i dont have no point.
Is there really a need for one.
How many here actually think that going through your SOs phone is even close to as bad as talking about intimate issues with another man?
I bet there will be a bunch since this post is filled to the brim with pussies and sloots.
Ask a real man or a woman and you get your answer.
Id like to see how her boyfriend feels about this issue.
No man wants his woman discussing her sex life with another man. Anybody who is ok with that is a pussy

[Asker]

@slimstiffy and I bet you would beat your wife when you're married if she didn't make you a sandwich.

[slimstiffy]

See, there you go assuming extreme shit.
I wouldn't ever lay my hand on her.
Id just make sure she has the same views on privacy and respect as i do and is loyal.
Actually i have other dealbreakers as well and im not going to list them all.
Anyway, im not a wife beater if thats what you think. Thos is the problem with you peoole. You either see men as being weak cowards or violent bastards. Whats wrong with men being men?

[ichot]

@slimstiffy "But you are trying to hide a big wrong with a minor wrong on his part. And i called yoit out on it."

Please try to comprehend the first sentence and try again.

"... going through your SOs phone is even close to as bad as talking about intimate issues with another man?"
And why are you develing into this? Both are legitimate issues regardless of your implied severity. You --instead of resolving a misunderstanding-- are trying to compete and win.

"Whats wrong with men being men?"
/facepalm. Don't you see your own logical fallacy? You went on your own rant about "real men" and you pull this line?

You're nuts.

[slimstiffy]

Why are you taking out parts of my arguments and making it seem weird?
Yes what you did is more severe than what he did. Do you think any sensible person believes otherwise?
No they are not both legitimate issues. Your talking to another guy about that shit is.
His going through your phone isn't.
You are trying to hide what you did with wht he did. Stop it already and accept your mistakes! Is this how you solve all your problems?
Everytime you do something wrong, you shift the blame to sonething he did?
If thats so i pity him. Id left you long ago.

And there is no fallacy.
I believe that men should be men.
You are the one who called me a wife beater. It seems that to you, all men either agree with you and please you ( pansies...)
Or they are automatically violent aggressors.
Im sorry, thats not how it is. You are too capable of making mistakes. And real men will call you out on your bs. Your just not used to them it seems. Daddy never put you in your place, huh?

[hellionthesage]

It involved him therefore it was his business, very much so and you took his private matters, the information he entrusted you with and started telling your friends about it with out his permission he has every single right to be upset. In fact you beign upset that he didn't trust you is ironic because he clearly had cause not to trust you. You presented his private information without his consent to other people and then on top of that (and that was really bad) you hid that fact from him (worse) then got upset with him because he found out about it (even worse). Sure he shouldn't have looked through your phone but considering the things you did thats minimal in comparison. If your hiding something from him that is going to damage the relationship, he has to be able to trust you and you him and you did something to break that trust. What you need to do is give him some time then talk to him, tell him how sorry you where (I would say that you tell him you didn't realize it was a big deal but the fact that you hid it from him means you obviously knew he would consider it a big deal (which by the way is also very very bad)) and that you want to make it up to him.

[AleDeEurope]

"Why was it any of his business" because you're talking about something that involves HIM, therefore it automatically makes it his business too.
I don't think he was right in looking through your phone, but you weren't right when talking to your friends about your sex life with your boyfriend.
I'd be really pissed too.

[Asker]

I know he's pissed.

[WODSE]

u fucked up , and that "friend" of yours i can see why he is so mad , he is a "friend" cause u want him to be ur friend , otherwise he wouldn't mind be fcking u as he said, and any man wouldn't like a guy like that near his girl , SPECIALLY a guy that knows of his sex life and how u guys get along , im sure ur boyfriend thinks ( and thinks correctly) that ur friend gonna take advantage of that factor and try to lure you into his game, u just dont do that... he is mad and has all the right to be, i can see where ur coming from but u fcked up 3 times, id say any other guy would break up with u over much less.. so yeah he is not overreacting, that friend probably told all of his friends of well.. as well as ur girlfriend too, i kinda think ur doomed sry

[Asker]

Well, what you think is wrong. I finally spoke it out to him but thanks again for the scolding. I kind of needed that.

[pirofaz]

I have a few. female. friends and i have no of breaking their reiinglationshrelationsorpmaking them cheat. So please dont generalize... on the other hand, neither should he snoop into her phone neither she should have shared personal. info about him with her friends.

[Battooot]

you said your boyfriend sucks in bed to other people and never ever told him in his face. the biggest hit a man can ever get is to be told they suck in bed. you destroyed his self confidence completely, especially when you said it behind his back. What to do? it depends, why does he suck? is it cause he's too small or he just doesn't know how to please you? You gotta understand that sex life and improve. It's just like sport, practice makes perfect. But he gotta know what he's doing wrong. and you gotta tell him and try to help him to improve. Put in his mind the mentality that he is able to improve and maybe that you will help him improve because you love him. If he doesn't know what he's doing wrong, then how can he fix it? your mistake is that you did not inform him or communicate with him properly. He should have known from the start, even if not directly, you should have suggested things for him to do in bed that you think will make him better or please you more.

good luck

[Mesmaeker]

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1994075-do-you-women-and-men-off-course-discuss-every-dirty-little-detail

I think it's really not nice to discuss these intimate details about your partner with anyone. To what avail would you do that? Some things are meant to stay between the 2 of you. It's about trust. I would very much be hesitant to open up to my so, emotionally and physically, when she would do this. Same goes for snooping in your phone. I have nothing to hide but still i would get really pissed when my so went trough my phone.
You have some trust/boundaries issues to work out.

[LaurenGrace]

My man is free to check my phone when ever he wishes. he knows my pin pattern. If your relationship is truley of any value having no secrets and open line of communication is the key.. true i do talk to friends about some issues i have with my husband but im also not scared to talk with him about them first

[Asker]

Why do you have a pin in the first place? I did mention that I don't believe in passwords. He has a pin though.

[LaurenGrace]

For people that aren't my husband

[Asker]

I don't know if that makes much sense. I don't have a pin at all. I don't leave my phone around strangers.

[LaurenGrace]

Why not just havw a safe option if you lost your phone or left it and a friend or stranger went snooping?

[Miezko]

Girls do this to his all the time. Sucks when the shoes on the other foot huh.
Try talking to him, first apologize to him. Then, talk it out, come up with an agreement on what's okay to share and what isn't and who is okay to share with. Finally, after you guys guys resolve the first issue, amicably, bring up how your not comfortable with how he went through your phone. The import part is to diffuse the situation and remember not to blame.

[kbrunol]

it was wrong of him to invade your privacy, but also it was wrong on your part to be talking of your intimate relationship with another guy. If you needed to talk about it you should have talked with him first.

As I see it, you can't trust him anymore, and he can't trust you anymore. It would be great if you two could work this out but that only can it be if you really love each other to pass this incident.

[Asker]

We love eachother but after some hours he admitted that he wanted me to leave him alone.

[Philosopher_Edge]

Well it's not cool that he went through your phone. You're justified about being angry there.

And, he is right to be angry also. If you have issues with something as important as sex with him, you should be discussing it with -->him.<-- Not your guy friend.

Put yourself in his shoes. How would you feel if you read his phone, and he'd been discussing personal sex stuff with a female friend who was fully capable of fucking him?

[Asker]

I've never gone through his phone

[Philosopher_Edge]

Whether you had or not isn't the point of what I'm getting at. I'm saying, think about if the roles were reversed and you saw he was texting some chick about your sex life with him.

[Philosopher_Edge]

So... After he calms down and has some time to think... There will be 2 issues to address. First will be your guy friend. You've given him information on how not to satisfy you, so he has information on how to do so. I don't know what kind of person your guy friend is, but as someone with questionable moral and ethical traits, I wouldn't be above driving that wedge a little deeper to get what your boyfriend gets. How you deal with the guy friend is up to you, but keep in mind that a lot of guy friends are wolves in sheep's clothing.

Second: The actual issues with your guy. I'm sure once he calms down, he'll want to talk about you discussing it with other people and not him, and will want to know how he doesn't work for you. This is an opportunity for growth if you are both willing to work on it so you both can have a satisfying situation. And that opportunity includes being able to talk to one another on a more intimate level.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[Azgeda]

*eyerolls* 🙄
Overly territorial and possessive male things.
#trustissues

Now! To play devil's advocate.
Why wouldn't you want him to see any of exchange between your friends?

[Asker]

Because what I discuss with my friends is between my friends and I

[Azgeda]

It certainly is but when it involves another person , wouldn't the whole scenario become more... complicated? Especially depending on whether or not the things said are positive or negative?
Ever played that playground game called "The Telephone"? Gossip turns into rumours , and rumours become twisted so far off from reality it can easily become very damaging to someone's cred :P
I don't know what's said , and I certainly don't know what's going on in your boyfriend's head so I'm just throwing shit at the wall to see what sticks here.

I think he's overreacting a bit , but then again maybe my opinion would change if I know what's in the text.

[Asker]

Well without going into much detail, I basically said that he sucked in sex but was perfect in every other way. I said that he was an amazing boyfriend and we'd be better off not even bothering with sex. I also admitted that I'd rather masturbate. Yes, it's raw and pretty harsh but I'm being honest.

[Azgeda]

Then isn't it immediately clear why he's upset and second guessing the relationship? 😂
A bullseye RIGHT on the manhood. A direct hit right on a guy's self-worth.
I'm assuming you haven't told him that he suck at it :P

[Asker]

I didn't want to hurt his feelings. But that doesn't answer my question about what I should do? I mean, I get it, I fucked up, now what?

[Azgeda]

I feel like it's not so much you've hurt his feelings but more so you went around him and told some body else without communicating the problem to him first.
A lack of trust and communication is at the centre of the problem here.
If you want to fix it , maybe sit him down and start from there?
The ball's in your court right now , hit it back over to his , ask him exactly what you just asked me. Well... maybe less aggressive lol

[Asker]

Sorry... didn't mean to come off so aggressive. I'm just overwhelmed. I want this to work out.

[Azgeda]

It's fine , it's fine. I understand why you'll feel this way , easy to imagine why'd someone need someone to talk to about boyfriend issues. Hell, I was one of those guys XD
Anyway. No more secrets , if you got something to say just tell him , maybe be a bit diplomatic about how you break the news but communication , communication , communication.
Aight?

[Asker]

Thank you.

[Offthelist]

1st: You broke his trust exploiting your personal relationship. he didn't blow anything out of proportion.
2nd: if you're a good girlfriend and always on good terms... then you shouldn't have anything to hide. so why shouldn't he be able to leisurely see what you are up to? Its Not like he's looking through your porn history. who cares

[BradA]

Passwords are for people that are hiding stuff.
I would also be upset if my significant other is talking about stuff that goes on behind closed doors. Stuff that goes on there, stays there. Unless you are drunk, then you blurt it to everyone.
Learning from mistakes makes you a better person. Makes your bond stronger going through these rough patches. You can make it, just be understanding and willing.

[Asker]

Thank you.

[slimstiffy]

Well tbh i would feel exactly the same way as him. Thats a big breach of trust. The female friend thing may have been forgivable but not telling your male friend.
Why the f would you do that anyway?
You dont have the right to call him out for going through your phone when you clearly HAD something to hide. Thats reserved for people who actually have nothing to hide.
It was probably a gut feeling that made him do that and he was right!
Well, hope you learn from your mistakes

[Prof_Don]

I very much believe that he is WAY more upset about the male friend, than the female friend. That type of talk about a guy's sexual deficiencies with a guy friend that is straight, would make any guy feel angry and untrustworthy of you.

[Prof_Don]

Overall I am a "sex life is between us only" type of person anyways. I never talk about my sexual encounters with anyone.

Think about your situation this way; his deficiencies in bed are already rattling his mind. Now you, unnecessarily, told TWO people that he sucks in bed.

EVERY time your boyfriend sees this guy friend, he will have in his head "this guy knows I'm not satisfying her, and he might take advantage of that and coerce my girlfriend into sex."

You just socially fucked him over any time he is around your guy friend, and every time YOU are with this guy friend without him there.

Keep your fucking mouth shut about your sex life with your partner. Seek advice on a website like this, but not with people you know.

If you love this guy, u should respect his ego and his psyche.

[Prof_Don]

I sure hope that your relationship can bounce back from this. But I will be honest; if you had any type of "more than friendship" relations with this guy friend and your boyfriend knows it, this relationship will self-destruct.

[Prof_Don]

* "more than friendship" relations in the past before you were with your boyfriend *

[Asker]

No, he's really just a friend since childhood. I talk to him like I talk to my girlfriends and that's something that my boyfriend never understood.

[bbch25]

He's still a male, and people can very easily fall for childhood friends etc. You've told a male, about another males sexual "issues", and a male that he will see, and a male that is very much in your life and that he may secretly have already felt a bit insecure of or even jealous of given your closeness (who knows). When you get into relationships you have to think of that person, respect them, especially if you're talking about that person. Because it is VERY much his business then.

[Asker]

@bbch25 I initially confided in him to ask him if he's experienced that before. Let's take out the aspect of him being male for a min. I honestly felt that I needed advice regarding our issues. I didn't do it with the intention that my boyfriend would ever see it, rather I wanted my male friend to tell me how he's dealt with A or B.

[Asker]

@bbch25 but you're right. I'm not justifying what I did. I'm just explaining that it wasn't my intention to make my boyfriend feel inferior to my male friend. He too experienced this and that's why I initially confided in him.

[bbch25]

I know, I am not saying it was. But you have to be aware that some things are just inappropriate to talk about with some people.
My SO is still friends with his ex. But if spoke to her about me in anyway not "oh she says Hi" "yeah she's good" and spoke about our problems? Nope. Wrong person.

I get where you're coming from. At the start I often spoke to my friends for advice until I realised he's supposed to be my person. I "chose" him afterall. And it almost seemed like I didn't trust him etc. So what seemed normal in seeking advice made me realise I should be seeking it from him. Discuss my problem with him. If you really can't - go anon online in the future! Sex is highly personal and potentially confidence shattering, so I totally get his reaction in this.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't think you care that much he snooped. I think you care more that you were caught talking about your sex life with other people. It's something you should be talking to with each other. I guarantee if you went through his phone and found the same thing, you'd be pissed. You're a hypocrite. Learn to have better communication with your boyfriend. You're at least 25.

[Anonymous]

You are both in the wrong. You did a terribly disrespectful thing to your boyfriend, and then proceeded to hide it from him. As your boyfriend he deserves to know such things, but he shouldn't have found out by going through your phone without your permission.

He made a mistake, and did something he probably shouldn't have, but you on the other hand are just a downright awful girlfriend, and don't deserve him.

[teawrecks]

If you agree with him that you shouldn't have been indulging personal information (that included info about someone more than just YOURSELF, aka - disrespecting his privacy) then why the fuck did you do it in the first place?

[Asker]

Why do people fuck up? That's like asking why is the sky blue? I fucked up but that wasn't my question.

[teawrecks]

"Now what?"

You wait for him to be done being mad with you, provided you already apologized, and you work towards earning his trust again. Assuming he still wants to be with someone who doesn't respect him.

[SomeGuy37]

Why didn't you have a good password on your phone? Did you tell him your password, or just leave it 'unlocked'?

[Asker]

I don't believe in passwords.

[SomeGuy37]

Even in close, trusting relationships, you have a right to keep some things private, and just for you!! That conversation should have been one, and you should have kept it to yourself, using a password to lock out your phone, knowing most people 'peek' and when given an opportunity, they 'snoop' and it seldom comes out well!!

[Asker]

Maybe I could have avoided all of this. He was inclined to peek though...

[SomeGuy37]

That is another issue, TRUST, in relationships.
When I don't trust someone I am with, I set 'traps' and sometimes leave my phone, like you did, for them to find. Then when they don't ask, but accidentally mention something in the 'Trap Text' I know, and sadly, it ends, there!!
I assume other do it too!!
Maybe you can recover by saying you set a 'trap' for him to find, and HOW DARE HE SNOOP, and WHY DON'T YOU TRUST ME, and then cry. . .
Learn from this, and don't leave your phone open, and accessible!! Password protect it, and not your birthday, or dog/cat name, or something easy to guess!!

[slimstiffy]

Dont be such a pussy man. she's in the wring not him. dont cover it up with bs like "trust". Ahe clearly isn't trustworthy and i bet you aren't either. Hinest people would share their phone with their SO. And dont need to hude anything.

[SomeGuy37]

@slimstiffy I don't understand your need for name-calling, and personal insults!!
She should have her privacy, and she has the right to discuss her feelings, privately, with her friends!! Everyone should have that right!! Sometimes, you need some friend's opinions, insight, and outside-looking-in perspective, and he has no right to see that, or snoop!!
How insecure could a person be? How controlling, if you need to know every intimate thing, needing to see her phone.
Grown-up relationships are about Trust, Honesty, and Loving your partner!!
Why would he need to snoop, if they didn't have Trust and Honesty?

[slimstiffy]

Coz its guys like you that encourage slut behaviour.
Nah, a man and a woman in acommitted realtionship dont need any privacy from each other. They shouldn't have anything to hide from each other. If they do , they are not ready for committment. Trust is earned its not just given. You can earn a person trust with years of loyalty, but trusting a person 100 % from the start is naive.
She isn't talking about HER issues with her friends. she was talking about THEIR issues. and she had no right ti do so without his knowledge. That was a breach of trust, 1000 times geeater than him looking through her phone. Im sure he did that becayse he flet something was wrong. Thwre is being insecure, there is being aware of something being off, and then there's being naive.
You keep saying he is in the wrong when he clearly isn't and she is!
She doesn't even respect her man

[SomeGuy37]

@slimstiffy Followed, by yet, another personal insult!! WOW!!
Relationship trust is about letting each other have their friends, their conversations, with those friends!! Yeah she tells all her girlfriends about what you do!! I don't tell my guy friends very much, because it is mine, with her, but I don't feel at all embarrassed that she tells her friends everything, because women talk, and it helps them understand how they feel!
I respect her right to share, with them, our intimate things, TRUSTING she will be sensible.
I don't need to see her phone, nor do I want to! I respect her privacy, and I trust her.
Maybe a few times she shared some 'details' of our intimacy, that I wouldn't have chosen to share, but the girls seemed to love it, and just giggled, and blushed, the next time I talked wot them!
If you have a solid relationship, you have no need to be so controlling. The level of control you suggest, just KILLS HEALTHY relationships!!

[slimstiffy]

Well, from what i see its usually always the girls that suggest sharing phones and email passwords and all. Id happily oblige, i dont have anuthing to hide. And no matter what you say, if you can't do that, you have nothing to hide. Yeah i wpuldnt mind that much if she talks about that eoth her female friends unless if its negative things.
But male friends, thats a deal breaker. In fact i wouldn't even be with a woman who has male friends who are that close.
Oh , so this guy didn't seem to be very controlling and what happened?
I see a lot of guys who are not controlling the least and their women are complete whores!
A lilltle control is necessary.
And it goes both ways, just put that here before you call me a misogynist.
And wtf man? Insults? Slut and pussy are insults? You are a big softie, aren't you? please dont say that thats an insult as well :-D

[slimstiffy]

* i meant , you have SOMETHING to hide. (in the first part)

[SarahsSummer]

Wow. I don't even Know what I'd do. What exactly were you texting your guy friend about your sex life?