That's a pretty big red flag for a relationship, and a sign that the guy doesn't care about your thoughts and opinions. If he is placing his own sexual satisfaction over your wishes, he does not love you, regardless of what he says or does. That is very clearly a case of him placing his needs far above yours, and that is not the behaviour of somebody in love. It is the behaviour of somebody that is obsessed or infatuated, as those characteristics can result in a guy wanting ownership of a woman and still wanting everything to be his way. But it is not love.
He isn't paying attention to your needs, only his own. That is a sign of a very bad relationship, and is indicative of a relationship that will either be very short, or turn abusive. Or rather, more abusive, as that's borderline abusive already.
@RedRobin There is no obligation for one partner to satify sexual needs every time they arise, if he wants that he can pay a prostitute. Just because she is his girlfriend, doesn't mean she has to fuck him whenever he is horny, she can decide for herself whether she wants to or not, and he should respect that, not force the situation. If she doesn't want it as much, she doesn't have to give it as much. Learn some respect.
Sorry, this was meant for Fearless_banana I don't know why it went in this box. On my phone
@shadowlegend lol fail tag. My past partners and I have always been all over each other and couldn't keep our hands off. This sounds like an unhealthy relationship.
@Fearless_banana Your relationship has nothing to do with theirs. Having different sexual needs means they're just incompatible, it doesn't mean the relationship is unhealthy.
@shadowlegend Sexual incompatibility definitely equates to an unhealthy relationship. I think she needs to get her hormones and libido checked or find a new boyfriend. I mean I don't understand how a girl can hold out on sex all the time with her committed boyfriend and then play the victim card saying he is an asshole. If that guy is committing himself to a girl then that girl is disrespecting him by leaving him with blue balls and unsatisfied all the time. "I'm sore" lol she is 18.
@Fearless_banana Okay, you clearly have no idea what constitutes an "unhealthy" relationship. I'll leave you to it.
@shadowlegend I have some experience yes lol. The fact is that we have differing opinions. Different strokes for different folks. How about we let it be and not take time to depict each other with insult each other.
@Fearless_banana "Unhealthy" is not incompatibility, unhealthy is abuse or neglect or dysfunction. Not whether someone wants sex more than the other. And you're the only one throwing insults here.
@shadowlegend Abuse and neglect is not the only thing that constitutes an unhealthy relationship. How can you say that and be serious.. Couldn't dysfunction correlate to sex life?
@Fearless_banana Incompatibility is about how two partners differ in needs or wants, it is a completely separate issue altogether. If relationships were considered unhealthy due to incompatibility, then every single relationship would be an unhealthy one, because partners aren't perfectly compatible on anything, so they compromise or learn to find a balance. Having different sexual needs doesn't mean their relationship is unhealthy, it just means the guy has needs that aren't being met, but that doesn't mean it's unhealthy, because based on that logic, everyone who has a need greater than what their partner can tend to, should be considered unhealthy, and their relationship too, which is ridiculous.
@shadowlegend
" it just means the guy has needs that aren't being met"
That's an issue.. thus constituting an unhealthy relationship.
@Fearless_banana No it doesn't lol Everyone has different levels of needs, are we all unhealthy then? They are INCOMPATIBLE, not unhealthy. And every relationship that has an issue, sexual or not, doesn't mean their relationship is unhealthy. You need to realize the distinct difference.
@shadowlegend You have a misconstrued definition of unhealthy. If my needs aren't being met in a relationship then that is definitely unhealthy.. period lol. You brush it off as if he needs are nothing..
" it just means the guy has needs that aren't being met, but that doesn't mean it's unhealthy, "
"It just"
If I'm in a relationship we can't keep our hands off each other.. that's how it should be.. sexual compatibility has to be there and it is an unhealthy relationship if that isn't there. Fcking lol @ I'm sore and her victimizing herself as her boyfriend being and asshole. My girlfriend would literally grab my cock when no one was looking every time we were in public.
@Smmyskittles
@rgb008
Do you guys agree with me on this one or am I just going nuts. I bet you two keep your men satisfied. Lol @ I'm sore.. she is 18..
@Fearless_banana i do think that if sexual needs aren't being met, that is a problem. thats usually a sign of something else not being talked about and then usually a bigger issue can arise out of nowhere. All about communication. Sex really is a big part of a connection between two people in a relationship (if they are having sex).
Skimmed some of it, just an fyi.
There should always be sexual tension and chemistry. When I was with my last partner that wasn't an LDR, there was always sexual tension.
Sending pics, dirty texts, while at dinner or in the company of friends. Him grabbing my ass in public while waiting to be seated for dinner.
Or smacking it while we walked up stairs, telling me how big it looked in my jeans or dress.
Whispering in his ear, very quietly, how wet his textswere making me.
Yes. Not being sexually compatible is a huge issue. Some people can work through them.
For me. If he can't keep up with my high drive, or give me what I *need*; like mentioned above, then I couldn't be with him.
@Smmyskittles Again, you guys need to recognize the difference between "unhealthy" and "incompatible" because you are going to trivialize actual unhealthy things in a relationship by making a bigger deal out of incompatibility than it is. There is no "should" when it comes to relationships, there is only what two people with their separate needs and wants, and if their needs aren't being fulfilled then they can reassess the relationship, however, that doesn't constitute it as being an unhealthy relationship, otherwise literally every relationship that faces incompatibility is "unhealthy", which they aren't. If not having sexual needs met is an issues, which I'm not saying it can't be, then that person can determine if it's the relationship they want to be in or not based on that incompatibility. If you can't understand the distinction now, then you can't be taught.
Also, people have different sexual needs and different levels of need, so stop saying that if someone has a different level of sexual need, that there's something wrong with them, that is so inaccurate and ignorant.
@shadowlegend I'll let sammy respond to your first statement. As to your second.. she is 18.. she should be horny.. if she is not then there is something wrong. Either her libido is whacked or she is not attracted to her boyfriend.
@Fearless_banana That, right there, bullshit. There is no "should" when it comes to people's needs. Each individual is different, and to say there's something wrong with someone for having a lower sex-drive is just so ignorant, not to mention judgmental. What an awful thing to say.
@shadowlegend
www.floliving.com/.../
@shadowlegend "Should" Yes from a biological standpoint she should have a high sex drive at her age. I'd imagine she has one of the issues pertaining to that article I just linked.
@Fearless_banana I'll say it once more and then I'm out if you guys are incapable of learning. Every individual is different, you cannot fault someone for having a different level of sexual need to another person. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them. Biology is not uniform across the board, meaning not all 18 year old's are going to have high sex drives, and NO that doesn't mean there is anything wrong with them whatsoever. If you guys can't realize that, and you're sticking to ignorance out of stubbornness, then carry on, you either have the capacity to learn or you don't.
@shadowlegend There a number of health concerns associated with low libido at such a young fertile age. It is an issue that should be pertained to yes. I'm not shaming her for it but rather making that evident to her.
Read this.
www.theglobeandmail.com/.../
@shadowlegend I'm very capable of learning. I just discovered that antihistamines may be associated with a loss of sexual desire. I'm presenting facts with you. The issue is that you don't seem to be capable of logic. Your argument is based off of the notion of being politically correct.
@Fearless_banana People with low libidos do not all have health problems. Jesus, you are making judgements based on nothing and creating an issue out of something as simple as an incompatibility. She has sex with her boyfriend regularly, she said that, but he has a higher sex drive and she was starting to feel pressured, which then made her not want to have sex with him. So that's the issue here. He can either respect that she doesn't want sex as much as him, or he can leave that relationship and find someone he is more compatible with sexually. She doesn't have a health problem, there is no issue raised of abuse or neglect, just the simple issue of one partner wanting sex more than the other, and instead of compromising, the guy is trying to make her feel like she "owes" him sex every time he wants it, which is not a fair expectation if he has a higher sex-drive than her. We clear? Or are you guys want me to send a link to my picture diagram for ya? Utterly ridiculous. .
@shadowlegend Let's not get emotional here and get angry at each other. Let's put that bullshit aside. Nothing is wrong with have a constructive argument. This is what this website is about a lot of the times.
"People with low libidos do not all have health problems."
-Yes low libido at such a young age is almost always associated with health concerns.. I've provided sources to show that this holds true.
"he has a higher sex drive and she was starting to feel pressured, which then made her not want to have sex with him"
-Which constitutes that her partners needs are not being met making it unhealthy.
" She doesn't have a health problem,"
-If she has low libido yes she very well could.
", Just the simple issue of one partner wanting sex more than the other, "
Sexual compatibility needs to be there. That's not just a trivial simple issue in a relationship.. that is huge.
@shadowlegend
"the guy is trying to make her feel like she "owes" him sex every time he wants it,"
-This guy deserves to have a partner that satisfies his needs just as she should as well. She is sexually neglecting his needs. It doesn't sound like she wants to compromise at all.
This has also led to arguments between them. This definitely sounds like an issue.
@Fearless_banana You guys are refusing to acknowledge that fact that not every 18YO has to have a high sex drive, and those who don't, don't necessarily have health problems. It's absurd that you have taken a simple incompatibility issue and started making accusation (yes, you are) about the girl having health issues. And if you did your research thoroughly, you'd learn that women reach their sexual peak at 30, yeah around 30 years, not 18. It's guys who do at 18, which means it makes sense his libido is higher than hers at this stage. None of you have been constructive in your arguments, you've just stuck to your ignorant point-of-view instead of learn the simply different between "incompatibility" and "unhealthy" in the context of a relationship. The next link going up with be one to an online thesaurus so you can learn something. Cheers.
@Fearless_banana You wanna read back over my responses where I acknowledged that it can become an issue? You do that, I'll wait. But it isn't unhealthy. What's unhealthy is if he keeps pressuring her for sex instead of respecting her needs too. Because using force or emotional or psychological manipulation to make someone have sex with you even when they have expressed they don't want to, IS unhealthy. The incompatibility isn't, the way he handles it is.
@shadowlegend
I realize that it peaks around 35 for women but that doesn't mean 18 year old women should have low libido. It should still be very high at her young age. I think it comes down to one of these issues.. she is not attracted to her boyfriend or there is some emotional turmoil between the two of them. OR... she simply has low libido which should be dealt with. This girl sounds extremely annoyed when her boyfriend approaches her for sex and she described it "as he can't control himself" That's a flag!! She should be initiating sex just as much as he should. I don't know why you keep saying I'm ignorant when I'm the one presenting you with articles and facts. Yes.. sexual incompatibility will lead to an unhealthy relationship and it seems to have gotten to that point. Common sense tells me that if my girlfriend is getting annoyed when I initiate sex that there is a huge problem. If someone's needs are not being met.. then yes!! that is unhealthy!
@Fearless_banana Go back and read the original post, because she says she has sex with him regularly, but he wants it too often, and it's become annoying. She doesn't have a low libido, she just doesn't want sex as often as her boyfriend. At least work with the facts presented instead of making up crap to suit your theory.
@shadowlegend - The real issue is *can they work through it*
OR:
Will he look for it elsewhere?
Will they continue to fight becauseof his 'higher' sex drive?
As someone who initiates with my relationships just as often as they do, it seems odd she wouldn't want it woth him. But, people are different.
@Smmyskittles You people need to stop categorizing anything that is different to your specific relationship, as "odd" or "wrong" or "unhealthy", because it just isn't. Especially not in this case. Broaden your awareness.
@shadowlegend I told you could be low libido but I didn't say i was absolutely sure it was low libido. I also accounted for other variables. I presented you with evidence that low libido is associated with health concerns and you chose to negate that despite the facts that I presented to you. Now you are backpedaling out of that argument saying that she does not have low libido and made that assumption off of the fact that she said they are still having sex.. but the fact that she says she "generally gooes along with it " kind of trumps that whole statement out of the water. But ok.. let's consider the main issue here. This girl is annoyed by her boyfriend which is probabaly causing resentment on her side. Her boyfriend is unsatisfied and his needs are met. They fight about it and nothing seems to resolve it. That's a healthy relationship? There is no compromising at that point. She shouldn't be giving up sex as if it's a chore. I'd never settle for that.
@shadowlegend - Please re-read what I wrote.
I don't like repeating myself. Stated, it does say "But, people are different".
Did I say it was wrong or unhealthy? Nope. Don't put words in my mouth.
@Fearless_banana I'm back-peddling? Ha. I've been addressing the specific issue the whole time, meanwhile you've been generalizing on things that don't even apply in this situation. You aren't making any sense and I don't think even you know what you're arguing about anymore :p
@shadowlegend
I'm considering all factors.. not just mindlessly generalizing. I listed all of the issues that could be causing this. The issue with you is that you are rendering some sort of gender bias and completley dismissing his needs. You say compromise but your perception of compromising in the given situation is the boyfriend to stop acting on his sexual urges. You are refusing to acknowledge that there are two sides to every story and you only see hers. These two people shouldn't be a couple if sex has become a chore for her... they are not married and have no reason to stay together. You also have this unique misconstrued definition as to what 'unhealthy' is.. as if it only pertains to certain variables that are beneficial to you in the given context.
Girlfriend treating sex like a chore = needs aren't being met = unsatisfied = resenment = . unhealthy
@Smmyskittles I was addressing the people here as a collective, who keep making negative judgments based on the sexual incompatibility of the asker and her boyfriend. Different to your situation, doesn't mean someone else's behaviour is "odd", or wrong, as mentioned.
@shadowlegend There are negative connotations that come with sexual incompatibility that is a given. It's not judgement.. I took the situation for what it was.. I assessed the possible variables.. you argued those with no substance telling me that low libido isn't a variable even though it is an obvious one.. You also decided to willingly negate the facts presented to you. The fact that you use the words judgement tells me that you are still arguing with the notion of sounding politically correct. You are getting off topic though.. how do you respond to..
You also have this unique misconstrued definition as to what 'unhealthy' is.. as if it only pertains to certain variables that are beneficial to you in the given context.
Girlfriend treating sex like a chore = needs aren't being met = unsatisfied = resenment = . unhealthy
@Fearless_banana Don't tell me what I'm saying, half of that I haven't said and you're making assumptions. I did acknowledge his needs, if you had bothered to read my responses. I also said if his needs aren't being met then he should reassess whether he wants to be in that relationship or not. I acknowledged and validated his needs too, ah doi. I also said, the incompatibility itself is not unhealthy, the way in which he handles it, i. e. pressuring her (which you mentioned) IS unhealthy, so I don't know why you're acting as though I've stated something different. You just aren't acknowledging that the incompatibility and the response that makes the relationship unhealthy, are two ENTIRELY DIFFERENT THINGS. There is no equation here, there are two separate issues. Incompatibility in anything IS NOT UNHEALTHY, it's quite common and normal, as for how he is responding in regards to her not "keeping up" with his needs, that behaviour is unhealthy or "wrong". You follow yet?
@shadowlegend
You're absolutely not considering his side..
"What a dick. You can dress attractively and that doesn't make you obligated to deal with his sexual urges just because he gets turned on, and he needs to damn well realize that."
@Fearless_banana His behaviour is what is of concern here, not hers. If he realizes that his girlfriend doesn't have the same sex-drive as him, he can determine whether he will accept that and try to reach a compromise instead of pressuring her or making her feel like she is obligated to address his every sexual need (which she isn't, she isn't a paid prostitute, she's his girlfriend who is allowed to say no and have her own set of needs), OR he can leave that relationship. His behaviour in RESPONSE to the issue of incompatibility is not healthy, and if you're labeling anything as unhealthy, it should be that.
@shadowlegend
"His behaviour is what is of concern here, not hers."
Further validating my point here. You are rendering some sort of gender bias towards her and completley dismissing his needs. She is neglecting him sexual and you are refusing to acknowledge that.
"His behaviour is what is of concern here, not hers." - Says everything about where you stand.
@Fearless_banana Oh bullshit. Don't tell me I have gender bias. I have on numerous times addressed the issue of his needs and that his has a choice, you're just deliberately overlooking that. The girlfriend asked the question and I addressed it, I didn't in anyway say that the boyfriend doesn't have the right to have his sexual needs met or that his needs aren't validated, so stop saying I did, it's bull. He can either accept that his needs won't be fully met in that relationship, or find another one. That's the two choices that are acceptable and don't border on unhealthy. Emotional manipulation and pressuring his girlfriend IS unhealthy. Don't attack my character just because you're argument fell apart ages ago and you're basically trying to recycle my words and state it as your own point-of-view.
@shadowlegend "What a dick. You can dress attractively and that doesn't make you obligated to deal with his sexual urges just because he gets turned on, and he needs to damn well realize that."
You called him a dick.. you did not under any circumstances initially consider his side to any degree till i brought it up. You calling him a dick proves that.
"Emotional manipulation and pressuring his girlfriend IS unhealthy"
Emotion manipulation is not taking place here.. The man is acting on his sexual urges and his girlfriend is neglecting them.
""His behaviour is what is of concern here, not hers."" -this literally says it all.
@Fearless_banana You obviously have some personal beef with me, hence the persistent attack on my character or what you think my gender preference is, so I'll leave you to you're ridiculous argument, which is completely off topic now. I've addressed the askers question, keeping in mind this is two strangers were talking about, I'm not having a counselling session with them, so I don't have to make sure the guy is adequately mentioned and validated right off the bat, because the girlfriend is the one who posed the question. If you want to bitch some more about who you think i am or what my motives are, I couldn't care less.
You sound like a bit of a tease going by your comment that your highly sexed and enjoy sleeping with this guy. The oral expectations are a bit much but you seem quite a racy.. well matched couple id say
Everyone's drive and sexual desires are different.
You may not want sex as much, or be willing to give him what he wants as much as he wants.
* Question is, can you work past it as a couple?
Personally, I need a man who is consistently or constantly sexually arousing me. Causing tension, making me wait, teasing me.
I like having a man I'm seriously dating, having me on demand. But, I enjoy pleasing my partners. Them being happy makes me feel happy and fulfilled in a sense.
- Sit down and talk with him about it. Work something out, comprise, if you can.
If you have to sit down and negotiate sexual stuff, then you've already passed the point of no return.
If there's a *reason* to protract a relationship with one proverbial foot in the grave (say, an otherwise amicable relationship with kids), then, it might be worth it.
If neither of the two gives much of a shit about sex... Might be worth it.
Otherwise, "sitting down to talk about it" is the kiss of death, you know it, I know it, let's not bullshit ourselves here.
The boyfriend isn't MAKING the OP *want* to fuck him. That is the problem.
What you described, somewhere in that huge thread up there... THAT is what the boyfriend should be doing. He should be controlling the sexual vibe. Capturing the OP's desires and guiding them toward a constant, low-level, throbbing sense of being driven to distraction. Always giving her a little less than she wants, always leaving her wanting more.
It works, even on the highest-sex-drive bitches.
Well, it works for at least 16.5 years.
So far.
<3
I hate when guys expect oral when we don't feel good. Sucking a D isn't the most appealing thing when you're feeling ill.
See if he'd be ok masturbating while you're near. You may feel like masturbating too once he's all naked and hard. Then, you may have sex or may not. He gets off, problem solved.
If he forces himself on you or can't accept a compromise, he's basically a twat.
LOL. I'd just tell him that if he wants to have a good looking girlfriend he should get use to it and control himself.
Opinion
8Opinion
What a dick. You can dress attractively and that doesn't make you obligated to deal with his sexual urges just because he gets turned on, and he needs to damn well realize that.
That is his girlfriend!! Lmfao! She should be satisfying him. Every girlfriend I've had we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. Stupid AF logic.
@Fearless_banana Look at my response to the first guy's opinion, that's meant for you, it just went there for some reason.
I'd leave your ass lol. You're 18 .. why are you denying sex to your boyfriend? I could only imagine how stuck up you will be when you are 35+ You sound boring AF.
I'd never date a girl who doesn't satisfy my sexual or treat sex like a chore. I have options and deserve better than that. Just my two cents
Nah I just know how to please a girl and expect nothing less from my partner.
I don't mind sex in the bath but balancing on the tap ( faucet ) is just to much I agree lol.
Honestly that sounds like a really toxic relationship for you, he should respect your wishes.
You're not on the same page sexually.
What is this guy's appeal?
If he fonts respect you and your wishes then you should tell him to stick it and leave him
If that's how he treats you now, its only going to get worse. You deserve better.
lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
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