My girlfriend of 1 year doesn't want to meet my parents or friends?

[Anonymous]

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year now and she has never met my family or any of my friends.

Since we started dating I've been wanting to introduce her to my family and friends but she has always said "I'm not ready to meet them." I gave it time. This past week my dad came to visit me (he lives in another state) and it's the first time he has been in town since I started dating my girlfriend. I asked her if I could pick her up and bring her to my city for a few days (or even just a few hours) to meet my dad and she told me no. She said she wants to meet my family but not until she loses weight. This kind of hurt my feelings, because I don't know when I will have another opportunity for me to introduce her to him.

My girlfriend is a little overweight but not to the point where people point it out. Honestly she is very beautiful, and I don't just say that because she is my girlfriend, she is truly one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen, and I remind her of this constantly. My family has seen pictures of her and they tell me she is beautiful.

I on the other hand, I have met and hungout with all of her friends and family. Since she doesn't want to meet my friends or family, I am always with her in her town. I see her family multiple times a week and I've gotten close to them.

I don't have a large family or a large circle of friends. I have my mom, 1 sibling and 2 close friends.

I don't want to put pressure on her or guilt her but I think by this point she should have met my family. Since we've started dating she hasn't put in a conscious effort to lose weight or change what bothers her. My family is very nonjudgmental but I worry that if they don't meet her soon they might start to not take her or the relationship seriously.

What should I do?

Updates

+1 y

Just to clarify, we live an hour apart.

[Anonymous]

I’m going to be honest, I’ve been in your gf’s shoes. I was together with my partner for almost a year without meeting his friends or family because I was self conscious about my weight.

There’s a lot of pressure with “making a good first impression”, and I always worried that if he’d been telling them all how beautiful I was - and I turned up in the flesh as I was - it would just be embarrassing for him when they realised he had a fat girlfriend.

I felt pretty hopeless about my weight and didn’t know where to start to try to make things better, so although I genuinely wanted to do something to make myself look better, I wasn’t actively doing anything. I was in a familiar and comfortable routine with my family and friends which made it easier to just hang out with them and incorporate my partner into our activities.

The tipping point came when my partner sat down and basically said he needed me to show the same investment that he was - and become involved in his family and friends (or show a commitment to addressing the barriers I said were holding me back from doing it - ie getting to a weight/appearance I was happy with) or else he didn’t see a point in continuing a one-sided relationship. He pointed out that he felt that he was worth the investment and that when I held back (for whatever reason) it made him feel like I didn’t value him.

It was a hard conversation and confronting, but he was also really supportive. He helped cook healthier meals for us/me when he could, and we spent a lot more time getting outside to do things when we saw each other rather than hanging out at home.

The conversation was the catalyst for me to realise that I had to make changes to my priorities and let go of my excuses in order to keep my relationship.

I'm not saying put it to her as an ultimatum (or you’ll just been seen as the dick who told her to ”lose weight or we’re over”). But I think you DO need to have a discussion where you let her know her meeting your friends and family IS going to become a dealbreaker for you in the near future (as it would be for anyone) - and that you’ll be happy to do whatever you can to help her remove any barriers or anxieties she has so you can both be as invested in the relationship - but that you need to see her meeting the level of commitment you are, otherwise it seems like a huge red flag to the success of your relationship overall.

Remind her that this isn't about any issue you have with her weight - because like you said, you don't see it as a problem, she does. Whether her barrier to meeting your friends/family was her weight, confidence, conversation skills, time management etc - the issue you have is that she seems to be hiding behind it rather than trying to make it better, and in doing that, she’s making you less of a priority, which hurts.

I ended up choosing my relationship as the priority, and I lost the weight I needed to over a couple of months. I met one of his mates first in a pretty casual (and short) meeting and when I realised that the world didn't implode, my anxiety completely disappeared and I was fine meeting everyone else in his life.

[Anonymous]

dude. that's not fair. how you meet all her friends and family and she can't even give you the respect back to meet yours? tbh i would see that as a red flag if i was dating her... if she doesn't want to meet in person because she is super insecure about her weight? that sounds like an excuse... what about video calls? or some alternative for her to meet them? i hope you work this out mate.

[selmo93]

Just tell her all that. After a year she should have met them by now. Or if you mean that much to her she should of made the effort

[zombiebabe]

maybe she's really insecure about her appearance but still she should have been happy that you wanted to introduce her to your family