My boyfriend gets upset when I don't dress up for dates?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend and I have a date night once a week. Recently he's expressed to me that it upsets him when I don't dress up for these dates. I'm talking like dress and heels dress up. I try to look nice, like a nice blouse, pants and dressy flats. But I'm just not a dress and heels kind of girl... do you think the way I'm dressing is enough? Or should I be trying harder?

[pnl86]

Interesting question, I'll share my flip/reverse experience with you (from the male POV) and hopefully it helps shed some light onto your question.

I'm a rugged kind of guy. My look and personality is basically like an operator in the military, stuck in a desert for a few weeks, survival, beard, not trying to be formal or proper, etc. Now, that's obviously a problem, because I'm also a lawyer. Not only do clients expect you to look a certain way, your wife's circle of friends expects "her lawyer husband" to look a certain way. I get it. I also get something that she shouldn't feel ashamed about (and no woman should, it's natural and normal), she wants to feel like her friends are jealous of her, envy her, and crave what she has.

When it came time for me to get a "more adult" car, I was honestly perfectly fine with a Jeep Wrangler, Rubicon, would have been just $45,100 full loaded. Two doors, performance suspension, could handle the weather and snow. It was perfect for me. But hell to the no from my wife. How could "I do this to her?" She wanted me to get a Mercedes ML 350, or a BMW SUV. And I was like, I don't want to be "that guy." That's not me. So, we ended up settling and compromising on a Land Rover. Paid a little bit more, but I could appreciate her point.

With every day stuff, I dress how I dress for me. I don't give a fuck, that's my style, and people love me for who I am rather than some image I'm selling. I value being real and genuine with people. At the same time, I can see her own psychological and sexual needs, and why "my wife" NEEDS me to LOOK and PRESENT myself a certain way to OTHERS.

Now, I see your guy's point too. He wants to feel good about his gf/wife. This isn't Saudi Arabia. He wants to feel like other guys are checking you out. That they're thinking, "Fuck, that dude's wife. Damn, that guy is fucking lucky." He doesn't want guys to be thinking, "Omg, did you see that guy's wife? And I always liked Jeff. Who knew he has such low self-esteem and confidence."

Plus, the opinions of other people aside, if it's important to my wife and makes her feel great and she gets some emotional or sexual pleasure out of it.. what's it to me? Why wouldn't I do it?

[Asker]

Ahh. I feel boyfriend thinks the same of me... I'm a dietitian but I work for the state. I help with campaigns about trying to get kids to eat healthier, etc. basically it's a fancy job, but I don't really ever dress the part (no one at my jobs cares) my boyfriend also has a high profile job so, yeah. I guess our circle of friends probably see me as the odd one out here, never thought of it that way.

by the way sorry about the jeep, man. Jeeps are cool.

[Asker]

I feel my boyfriend*

[MikeGaultier]

What's wrong with the way you're dressing? Unless you're going to some 5 star restaurant, that specifies a dress code, a blouse, pants, and flats is more than enough. I've never dated a girl who went all out on a date, unless it was a milestone-type date (anniversary).
Honestly, your best bet is to come to an agreement with him. Maybe you can compromise. Just tell him that you're not the type of girl who enjoys dressing like that, but that you'll do it every once in awhile (if you're willing to).

I do kind of see his point though. My last ex never dressed up for anything, aside for one birthday dinner. It was annoying, just because planning dates can take a lot of time and effort.

[Coldwater]

He just cares about appearance, nothing wrong with that, if he's taking you out some where that he's dropping quite some cash on then it would be really appreciative to make him happy and yourself happy! Girl I can guarantee how good you really will feel if you do your hair, makeup, do your nails, buy a sexy and comfortable pair of heels (there are quite a lot that aren't bad and especially since winter is arriving booties, knee high high and over the knee heeled boots are quite the most comfortable shoes to wear in heel form and they're very sexy and you can wear them in the spring too) but also keep in mind if he's trying to control what you specially wear, that's a negative. I honestly think you should go shopping for one cute fall weather outfit and wear it next time he takes you somewhere nice. Feel free to message me if you need outfit opinions, I have quite the eye!

[OjosOscuros2]

Yes, he wants to take you out and treat you nice, what he's asking for in return is that you look nicer for him. It's a turn on for the man. You're a lucky girl :). I get dressed up but my husband doesn't take me out often :(, so I am reduced to do that for my girls nights.

[Anonymous]

Depends where you go. Like my boyfriend knows if we're just going to the cinema or for some food somewhere like a pub he won't bother

[Hans222]

Maybe ask him what are his favourite looks on girls, maybe he likes dresses or skirts and is disappointed by you always wearing long pants.
Or he's into heels and sees you on flats. Or he likes pantyhose and sees you appear bare legged.
It could be many things but you'll need to be smart to collect some precious info from him :D

[SteelerNation50]

If he is taking the time to plan the date, paying for it and dressing nice himself I don't think it's much to ask that you dress up. Unless you are really uncomfortable wearing a dress I think you should he probably just wants to show you off and likes to see you in a dress.

[Browneye57]

It sounds like he has a different expectation from what you really are. Could be a deal-breaker. Consider dating other men as well - this is how you determine if someone is a good fit for you or not.

If he's that fussy about what you wear, especially if you look nice regardless, it makes me wonder what else he'll be fussy about. It's a red flag in my opinion.

[Cosytoasty]

Depends, is he taking you to nice places where everyone else is in heels and dresses? Or is he taking you to McDonald's?

If you are underdressed for the venue I would be quite irritated too, it makes us both look like slobs.

[Asker]

Well yeah. I mean people are generally dressed up at the places we go... but I don't stick out wearing what I usually wear.

[Cosytoasty]

That's the problem, I want my girl to turn heads in the place if she can. While you don't stick out in a bad way, you don't stand out in a good way either. To go from a dress and heels to pansts and flats is a big jump, there are many outfits inbetween so I would say try harder. If you need ideas you can PM me.

[madhatters4]

well i think it sounds like you make an effort and you should just express that you are not a fan of dresses. perhaps you could do occasionally to appease him but ultimately he should accept you for you and not try and dictate how you dress

[wankiam]

maybe its bad of him to expect you to do what he says but then again it is your date night so perhaps you should make the effort more. its for you guys to sort out but if you dont then one of you will walk

[NexAngelus]

well since u said that, have u told him u dont want to dress that way? cause it seems that is ur issue. just tell him u dotn want to dress like that.

[JuicyBrain]

Well, what WE prefer is pointless. It's really what YOU prefer vs what HE prefers. Find a way to compromise...

[Anonymous]

If your not comfortable in the dress and heels every week let him know that you want him to be happy but you need to feel comfortable too.

[BeautifulPromisesx]

Why not just do it occasionally for him.. Like once a month?

[Touchmehxx]

Ask him why he's not dressing up and wearing a dress if he expects you to wear one even if you're not comfortable

[skeptic002]

Yeah I prefer flats and regular clothes then heels and dress

[Dantheman101]

As long as your ass is on show he should be grateful

[Nina_benz]

Maybe he just wanna see ur beautiful features

[JackRabit]

Depends what your boyfriend likes or is expecting.

[Bjjyfhug]

Well he's a bitch

[Anonymous]

Try harder