Boyfriend doesn't want to spend holidays with me?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend promised me that if he was going to spend Thanksgiving with his family that he would at least spend Christmas with me because holidays are important for me. So I reminded him about that yesterday and he said he wasn't sure if he was going to because he doesn't know what his families plans are. I am upset because he's not keeping his word. He also said that he was working Thanksgiving early and I got on facebook and his location says where he lives so he's obviously not at work. And he mentioned yesterday that it's too much work to make me happy and I just stopped replying. Should I break things off? We are 10 months and he doesn't to spend holidays with me and my family.

[bbch25]

I don't think the holidays thing is the big deal. I mean I love Christmas, and presents and stuff. I'm not really big on family, but I want to try and fit both of our families in, while still getting our thing but his parents live 3 hours away. And it kind of upset me he wasn't trying to make a plan, but I did and he accepted it.
So I too would be annoyed if he flaked or changed plans. BUT I agree with some of the others about how the holidays shouldn't be a deal breaker.

BUT, him being a flake and misleading and lying is a problem.
If he said he'll spend Thanksgiving with his and Christmas with you. That is what he should do (assuming nothing comes up).
If he said he's at work that is where he should be. If his plan was to spend Thanksgiving with his family anyway, I don't see the need to lie about work. If he's just sitting at home doing nothing, and doesn't see his family/work, I again think that is something he should be honest about.

He's being a bit flaky, and in a relationship he should be able to be honest and tell you the truth about his reasons.

[Asker]

So we're talking about it right now. He said that he doesn't want to drive to la during holidays cause of the traffic. And he said maybe new year we will. And I mentioned work and he said that they didn't need him today that he guesses that they had enough people today. Which now I think he's lying about everything. What do you think?

[bbch25]

It sounds a bit weird. I mean he knows all of a sudden on the day that they had enough people... They would've known a few days ago at least when they staffed the holiday. I think he's lying about work.
I can't quite comment on the geography, i'm in Australia, but I think his excuse for traffic is a bit poor. Either he wants to be with you, or his family. If his excuse to not be with you is family it's legitimate, if it's traffic... that's just lazy and he should either leave earlier or something like that. We all deal with crap sometimes.

I just think he's being a bit flaky and pathetic in terms of making plans and I think you have a right to be upset about him trying to change plans and be weird because it seems like he's just trying to make you stop asking without actually deciding anything.

[Asker]

He said "I don't know what my family is doing and la traffic is bad" that is what he told me. And I don't know why he would lie to me about work.. I mean I never caught this guy in a lie before until now I guess? Cause it's kind of weird what he's saying. I don't know how to approach this. I feel like I'm nagging at him right now.

[bbch25]

Well that's pathetic. If he was really into his family and it was really important I'd get it. But you said yourself normally they'd just leave him a plate of food and there's not even a real plan

He's just being pathetic now. He's lying, he's acting weird and for no reason. I'd consider a real conversation

[irexxana]

Hmm.. I would leave him alone.
I would let him do what he wants for the holiday.
But now you know that he goes back on his word and that kind of puts a dent on what you expect out of a relationship that YOU want.
If he can't do things that makes you happy then that tells you something.
Focus on the holidays and your family and then communicate to him that it hurts that he went back on his word and it has you concerned about your future with him. After that... its up to him and you. I would go on a little break after that too.

[Cmasterson]

I'm not sure if you should hold the holidays over his head, sometimes things can come up and the last thing anyone wants to do is have to choose between his family and you. I don't see why he can't bring you, if you have no one to spend the holidays with where you are.

[Asker]

I do. I have my family. The thing is I want to spend it with him too.

[JandM2014]

It's always a little complicated when it comes to holidays in my opinion. I wanted to be with my own family, but I also really wanted to be with my girlfriends family too. Sometimes it's a hard balance.

I knew I wanted to be with her more than my family, but I didn't want to ignore my own family obviously.

Usually I would try to do both, & often that was hard because of either similar times or the actual driving time to get to one place or another.

Now at the very least he should try to be fair about it & try to alternate holidays & be there with you as much as possible. (In my opinion while my family is super important, my relationship with my girlfriend would be even more important) With it being so important with you, I couldn't blame you being upset because of him blowing it off so easy. Enough to break up? I can't say.

[MadeInAmerica]

It's up to you. For me that's not a deal breaker especially so early in the relationship. This is your first holidays together though so I would calm down a bit. My wife and I didn't start going to each other's family stuff until he been dating for a few years or so.

[Asker]

So it's early? I just overthink and my friends were telling me that if he doesn't spend holidays with me then it means he's not serious about me.

[MadeInAmerica]

Yes very early.

[Asker]

He has already met my family though. And I've already met his.

[Caringmom]

My daughter has been with her fiance for 3 years. She has always spent Christmas eve and Christmas day with our family and his. This year she called me and asked me if she could spend both days with us. I asked her why aren't you doing anything with his family. She said his family is having Christmas another day because he has family that lives out of town that was coming to spend Christmas with them but I found out she was lying to me. I seen a post on Facebook that the sister that lives out of town said she enjoyed seeing kids at Christmas having fun and his other sister that lives in the town where my daughter and her fiance live commented on it saying she was going to miss seeing them at Christmas this year. This sister that commented on this always spends the Christmas holidays with my daughter and her fiance and the rest of his family that lives close by. I think my daughter's fiance isn't wanting to spend it with my daughter this year and has plans to spend it with someone else. I think she should leave him, spend Christmas with us and find someone else

[Gemundercover]

To be completely honest
I wouldn't want to spend holidays with my boyfriend of 10 months. Family and holidays is very important to me and would take me a while before I could introduce that to my partner. I would feel rushed and like I didn't have space if my partner was pushing spending holdidays together and that would make me feel uncomfortable. Even if I was invited over to my partners families for a holiday I would feel uncomfortable. I don't know if it's just me but for these kind of topics in a relationship it's different for everyone so I would just give it time. But it's also good to be open about those topics so sit down with him and ask him about where he stands and how he feels about everything. Don't be pushy but be gentle and caring. He might also not want to be serious or see you guys moving forward in the future so also try to touch on that topic but not too heavily unless it's an issue.

[jaystar]

Whoa seriously are you kidding me? Girl, if he flakes on your plans then you obviously should just leave him. You already tried talking to him about this and he obviously refuses so why take a guy like that who doesn't even want to spend time with you. If this guy really loves you and wants to be with you, no matter what you do he would want to be around you and spend time with him. If making you happy is just "too much work" he definitely has his priorities wrong. I have never met a guy who thought making his girlfriend would be too much work. Obviously he's just not ready to be in a relationship with you girl. Save the heartache and find yourself a good man that thrives in this world who actually see's that it's worth it. Good luck on what you decide hun.

[NyomiMcClinton]

Yeah sounds like he wants a relationship but doesn't want to put in the time and effort into the relationship. a lot of people think that being in a relationship is just having sex, going out to eat and watching tv together. Its more to being in a relationship than that. You have to be understanding and willing to know your partner needs and help them when times are rough. Not just when times are going good.

[Hai_tis_E]

Uh maybe he would prefer to spend time with his own family? You guts haven't even been together a year and you're complaining about him not sacrificing time with his family to spend with yours? Which I'm sure he barely knows. Holidays are about spending time with family for most people. Let him do what he wants.

[Asker]

He told me before that he usually works on the holidays and that his family just leaves him food.

[GingerGuy]

For guys, it's always hard because everyone wants us. Girlfriends and our family and we always have to disappoint someone. It's usually the girlfriend because they are more "understanding". BUT, having said that, in your case,

"And he mentioned yesterday that it's too much work to make me happy"

That statement right there says you guys have more problems then just the holidays and maybe you two aren't right for each other? Maybe he really doesn't like being in a relationship?

[JustCallMeNanti]

He said lies to you about his work? Ok talk to him about that. Otherwise let him believe that he can plays with you or promises something that he will not do just to make you feel happy for a while. On the other hand sweetie you are not years together, so maybe he is not yet so in touch with you. Probably he choose his family for holidays... You do too, but you want him with you. Its a little bit selfish i believe. I am sorry. Friendly advice.

[Anonymous]

If you've been together that long and he doesn't want to spend the holidays with you, that's a red flag. Holidays are about loved ones. Not just family, but people in your life that are important to you. You should not have to beg him to spend the holidays with you. Holidays are a very joyful and festive time, who wants nothing more than to spend it with special ones? Break it off. Don't be miserable and missing him during the holidays because he doesn't want be there with you.

[HOAAH]

tell him how you feel and tell him that if he really cares about you he will make an effort or at least acknowledge that he understands that's how you feel when he doesn't spend time with you.

[beautifulangel76]

Family comes first. This is your first one so yeah he's gonna want to spend time with his family. You would be the last thing on my mind tbh.

[Anonymous]

Just leave him alone. If you're questioning the relationship because he won't spend a few days with you during the yr you weren't serious about it anyway. Doesn't matter how important it is. He has family and probably wants to spend time with them. Plus he also has friends who he would prefer to hang out with during that time. My bfs the same. I wish he'd hang with me but then again I can't hold it over his head. It's silly.

[Asker]

He moved so all his friends are back home. And he told me the real reason why he doesn't want to is because of la traffic during holidays. So shitty.

[nara535]

Tell him that you are not keeping his words and tell him your interest and he may agree

[Visaroth]

Sometimes guys need guy time, just relax and let him off this time, does he spend a lot of time with you otherwise?

[Virginunicorn]

I can relate. My boyfriend says he just woke up or he's been sick all day at home but fb location says the opposite of where he says he is.

[Stevan7]

You would break up because he wants to spend holidays with family? You should cheer that up.

[bbch25]

I think it's more the lies, and not keeping his word and kind of being a flake.

[Lenanicole]

Yes omg me & my boyfriend literally going through the same exact situation. Holidays are very important to me!!

[Anonymous]

He has a family too u know.

[lushbomb]

talk about it w him

[Anonymous]

Your

[Opinion Owner]

*Your wanting to break up with a guy for spending time with his family? At the end of the day, they've always been there. Whereas it's been 10 months. So you really shouldn't be that uptight about it. Especially as he can see you other days