Will my boyfriend propose anytime in the near future?

[RubyRebekah]

My boyfriend and I have been together almost 3 years (it's our anniversary next month).
We have both been saving for our holiday to Disney World in April. I've never been and it is my dream (which he knows).
He always talks about proposing to me, getting a home together, getting married, then having children.
Currently, we both live at home as we don't have enough money to get a place together. He stays with me at my dads house 3 nights a week. Those nights are the only chance we really get to spend time with each other since he works all day and evening.
I suggested about us moving in at my dads house and he said that he doesn't want to leave home yet, but not long ago, told me that we should get our name on the council list and look for a home.
Going back to proposing, he always talks about doing it, but I'm still waiting. He knows that it would be my dream for him to propose to me at Disney World, but I'm now getting mixed signals from him. He's told me that he won't be able to do it, because of money, but jokingly says 'or am I just saying that to keep it secret?'. So, it's almost like he's hinting towards it.
The problem is, last night, his best mate proposed to his girlfriend (after only a month or so!). I confronted my boyfriend and asked him why his friend could propose so easily and he replied 'well, it's his choice and he loves her'. I understand that's the case, but asked him why he couldn't propose to me. I just got a reply of 'I'm not comfortable with it, yet and I'll do it when I'm ready'.
I understand he's not comfortable with it, but why then constantly tell me about him getting down on one knee and popping the question?
I asked him why, and he said it was because of the past (he got engaged to one of his girlfriends after a few months, but she caused problems and he had to end the relationship).
I don't want to give him an ultimatum and pressure him. But when is it long enough?
I hope he proposes on holiday, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

[Cmasterson]

From an outside perspective, it sounds like he is sure of his future with you all though, ideally when couples get engaged they take a whole new step in their lives, and since you guys are currently living at home perhaps he feels that it would be best, after and when you guys move in together. Everyone moves at their difference pace, and all though you have been in a committed relationship for almost three years, it doesn't mean he's ready, I've been in one for 3 years as well all though recently it's hit a rocky point, I use to think he was going to propose but then I thought about it and I'm young, I love this man as I'm sure you do but engagement is a huge step and sometimes people need more time. I'm happy that I'm not engaged I think it would stress me out, as I feel like I would need to give more than what i'm giving and also if the worst case scenario one of you chose to end the engagement, you wouldn't want to go 2 steps back and go back to dating, so I would say wait till he's comfortable thats if you want him to ask you (and not you to ask him) because if you did ask him, I think he would have the same response. The best you can do in this situation is stick to your guys's plans and have fun on your holiday vacation, perhaps after that it may change his mind, and you guys will reach another level of closeness. We always talk about future plans which can be quite reassuring but as soon as one of those plans don't happen, we feel like something is wrong, so get out of that mind frame and enjoy the time you have with each other, live more in the now :)

[RubyRebekah]

Thanks for the advice. Glad there's someone else in my position.
Well, he was going to propose to me about May last year, but we had a small break up, because he didn't know if he wanted to be with me any more (which then confuses me as to why he was going to propose)
I just don't understand that why this time, it's better than the last year, but doesn't feel comfortable woth proposing, but was comfortable when he didn't want to be with me?
I suppose I should just wait and see what happens on our holiday.

[Cmasterson]

It's tough because once we do something involving another person we can't take it back, and we always remember, he could be honestly confused, not of his love for you, but maybe he's scared he will feel the same like last may, he just wants to make sure of his feelings, and even if its not something you want to hear, it would be better for you too, imagine the same thing happening all over again, you'd be gutted and probably frustrated. People don't always have the smartest actions, but its how we learn right? Yeah i definitely advise just to think about it less, you will be having so much fun on your vacation!

[RubyRebekah]

Yeah, I totally agree with you. If he's confused, that's fine. But, I wish he would tell me and let me know his feelings. At least that way, I could decide what I think is best for me, but, like I said, I keep hetting mixed signals. I'm definitely going to try not too think about it too much, and just enjoy our holiday, since it is one of my dreams. The fact that I'm going with him, just makes everything even more amazing xx

[Ananchor]

Chill, no seriously chill out. I can say that because I'm dealing with the same stuff. The only difference is I already live with my guy, we already act like a married couple, introduce people as fiancee. But he hadn't proposed. I know he wants to when he comes back from deployment (monetary reasons) but I know this because we've talked about it. I've showed him photos of rings I like so he doesn't get me something completely different from anything I actually like. And I've told him I probably wouldn't like it in front of a huge crowd. And dear god not on a holiday.
But anyway a few days ago we both happened to have Monday off, so on Sunday I said "do you want to marry me tomorrow" and he said no, he wants to ask me.
So as much as we want it now, we gotta let them do it. And bugging them makes them angry and feel pressured

[RubyRebekah]

I don't bug him, though. I only brought it up last night. Before then, he was the one always tellig me about his proposal.
He always takes me to a jewellery shop to look at rings or, when we walk past, always clenches my hand to hint towards rings.
He knows what sort of ring I want, but I would be happy with anything, because it would be him and ir's not about the ring anyway.
I am letting him do it in his own time. I've never given him an ultimatum. I just feel as though I'm getting mixed signals from him.

[Ananchor]

Then maybe he's wanted you to bring it up but it didn't go as he'd planned? I'm not sure. His reaction is weird. He probably just wants it to be a surprise

[RubyRebekah]

Yeah, his reaction is weird, which is why I'm asking for advice. He's just sending me mixed signals.
I just hope that him keeping it a surprise is all it is xx

[Ananchor]

Yeah, if he doesn't propose at Disney, if wait awhile after and bring it up again. If he is changing his mind. Or worse just trying on the idea of getting married you should know. Some guys like the idea, but don't like the practice

[RubyRebekah]

Yeah, I'm definitely going to try that xx

[TorshJohansen]

You are giving him pressure though. Don't get so excited about it. You're 19. 3 years in a relationship starting when you were 16 isn't a reason to get engaged. You're in a period of time where lives are changing -- the world is still to be explored. Why the rush to get Married? To fit in? To feel 'complete'? That would not be a good reason.

You should wait until you're past "college age" to get married -- both who've been old enough to drink for a couple years. Around 22 or 23. Then around 23 or 24 being married. Marriage isn't merely some label to 'reach for'. Why rush getting into that when you're still a teen? Let your lives Grow, as they will, and down the line he's going to have money saved to make that proposal, when it is the right time, a Great one anyway.

It's too "teeny" to get excited about a concept in and of itself. You both have lives to explore for several years still.

[RubyRebekah]

How am I giving him pressure? I don't always talk about it. He talks about it more than I do.
We both want to get married. Is that so wrong? Ok, he's never told me when, but he's also never told me that he doesn't want to anytime soon.
Just because we're getting married, doesn't mean we're settling down. We just want to get married and get a home. We want to travel together.
Also, if I want to get excited, that's my choice. Is it really so wrong to dream about getting married?

[TorshJohansen]

Ummm, getting married or even living together IS settling down. Yes, that's your choice -- so is becoming a Monk or joining the circus -- that's my choice, too if I choose. But this is advice/insight into it, and you're obviously going to hear things that you may not want to hear so readily. I'm not bashing anyone. There's nothing wrong with Wanting to get married some day with someone you're with! :)

But don't yearn to get married and get caught up into that is what I'm saying, and I'd say the same thing for him. Do you know how many couples when they were teens felt the same way, and in their late 20s or in their 30s are divorced and said "Yah, well, I was young, in love, and got married too early"? A ton. You can travel together, live together, etc -- without getting married. You don't get married so that you can live together or travel together. That would be a huge mistake.

[RubyRebekah]

Yeah, sorry. I didn't think you were bashing me, but I may have took things in the wrong way.
At the end of the day, everybody has their opinions.
I know I'm a bit jealous, and that's not helping (I know people younger than me that are engaged and moat couples I know are also engaged). I do try really hard not to think about it, but it is something we both want, and he's sending me mixed signals, which is why I'm worried xx

[TorshJohansen]

Yeah, this isn't about bringing a date to a dance. The #1 reason people mistakenly or hastily get married is because "all my friends are doing it" and they seem incomplete if they're not.

You Should be getting mixed signals about ACTUALLY getting married in the somewhat near future! :) It's not a good idea to get married so early! Just because others are doesn't mean they're doing the right thing.

We always hear of peer pressure when it comes to drugs, too much drinking, doing bad things, etc... but never when it comes to things that are Associated with things "wholesome", and can be a mistake. If I had a daughter at 19 who wanted to get married, I wouldn't be hip-hip-horray about it. People should get married when they're both Past the learning phase of young adulthood. You and he are both going to be different people by the time you hit 25. Even if marriage wasn't a big deal -- don't do something for the sake of fitting in.

[RubyRebekah]

But, I want to get married becausei feel I have to. I want to get married because I really do want to. I don't want to fit in anywhere. I've never been peer pressured into anything. I practically live with people who smoke, drink and do drugs and that stuff doesn't even interest me. I've never tried drugs or cigarettes and I don't like alcohol. I seriously don't want this because everyone else is. I'm just a bit jealous because they haven't waited as long as I have xx

[TorshJohansen]

Wanting to get married because you feel you have to -- even when it's also an appealing idea -- is a red flag. I'm not bashing your thoughts & emotions -- I'm just pointing out something that you're overlooking, and it is important.

You are affected by peer pressure. Peer pressure is LEAST done directly. It's feeling jealous about stuff that's indirect peer pressure which is just as strong... as you said:

"I know I'm a bit jealous, and that's not helping (I know people younger than me that are engaged and moat couples I know are also engaged)."

It will also affect you without even thinking about others, but you yourself. Nothing wrong with dreaming about being married, but don't let that determine how things unfold. Because as the years go on, reality in life will settle in more -- you're a newbie in (real) life. Which is great! But feeling incomplete because not being married isn't a good thing...

[micheal727jovanie]

3 years down 2 to go!!! D: