Would you date a girl that isn't very affectionate?

[Anonymous]

And by non affectionate, I mean she doesn't really like to do a lot of hugging and kissing, or acting all lovey dovey.

Instead, she shows her love for you in small ways. Like remembering an obscure thing that you like and giving it to you for your birthday. I'd say I'm like that.

Updates

+1 y

UPDATE: OK, HOW ABOUT THIS. SHE DOES LIKE TO BE HUGGED, KISSED, AND CUDDLED WITH, BUT SHE DOESN'T LIKE IT ALL THE TIME, AND USUALLY DOESN'T WANT TO DO IT IN PUBLIC.

[freakyzeaky]

Nope, I experienced that in my previous relationship. Not enough affection lead to me not being as affectionate. It made the times when I was affectionate feel less accepted, even if she seemed happy to receive it.

Guys like me want to feel wanted, desired, and validated too. We like it when our woman goes out of her way to touch us, initiate sex, tell us how she feels or what she wants, and freely gives of herself. When a woman doesn't show her love, it comes off as apathy. Like she is just going through the motions. Apathy is a relationship killer.

Gestures and gifts seem to matter so much more to women, while men tend to thrive off of other love languages like sex, quality time, and vocal affirmations. All five love languages are important, but some are more or less important depending on the person.

In a way, you have to be in tune with what sort of affection your guy prefers. If he likes you to be a bit more forward with your sexual desires or likes when you spontaneously hug him from behind, kiss him when he least expects it, stare into his eyes and mouth "I love you" without speaking, then regardless if this isn't your style, that is what he needs to feel loved and accepted. The same goes for you; if you prefer gestures or gifts, then he will need to be in tune with that rather than forcing his way of loving on you. That isn't to say that all languages shouldn't be embraced, because, for many, it takes all of them to truly keep a romance strong.

I am a very dreamy, passionate, and affectionate person, so in turn, I expect that of my lover. If she is overly practical, then it feels stifling to me, like there isn't enough inner expression. To me, love isn't just about being thoughtful, it is about a deeper connection from the heart.
I'd value a random tight hug and her head on my chest far more than a gift or a thoughtful gesture. That sort of closeness, that electric feeling I get when she kisses me first or says "I want you to take me right now!", no gift can match it. Nothing makes me feel more desired.

[freakyzeaky]

In response to the update, sure, too much affection can also feel like your partner is smothering you. Personally, I don't mind it because that is just how passionate I am, but I respect that my partner may not like it as much. PDA isn't necessary, but if say it is in a romantic locale, like looking over Niagra Falls or having Valentine's Day dinner at a nice restaurant, then I don't see what the big deal is about holding hands or stealing a quick kiss. I wouldn't expect my woman to want to suck face in the middle of a park, but in some ways PDA shows that you are able to focus on your partner even when the world is all around you. That sort of dedication and focus, where everything else just fades away when you are around each other, is a way to show you are deeply in love.

Too much, I can see that being an issue, but to completely shut down any sort of affection in public, like being affectionate is something to be ashamed of, is ludicrous to me.

[Miristheiss]

I like affection and physical touch is one of my top love languages (quality time is also a top one) so if I constantly felt she was unaffectionate (it depends on how unaffectionate we are talking) than there is a strong chance I wouldn't be happy and would break it off because we weren't compatible.

I mean if it is a chilly winter night and we stay in and watch a movie snuggling together on the sofa is what I expect to be doing. If she's against that than it probably wouldn't work.

[PrettyKitty31]

I'm very much like this. I'm not into holding hands and cuddling and all that sappy stuff. It's just not something I'm into and it actually makes me uncomfortable.
I've never really had an issue with this and the guys I date or have dated. They understand I'm like this and for some it's an adjustment but they all have very little issue with it. It's all about compromise. For example, I really don't like to cuddle, there are positions that are harder for me than others for different reasons, but I will cuddle the way I can for a short period of time.
You just have to be upfront and honest about it. You also need to be willing to give a little for the sake of the other person.

[404notfound]

I'm like that also. I don't give my affection easily, because i have to trust the other person to do so. Although if I were to go out with the person or at least be confortable around them, I can be much more affectionate.
I don't like making up in public with my significant other, I find it impolite and inappropriate. But if it's just small lovey dovey stuff I don't mind.
Sometimes it might not seem like i'm enjoying it because i'm shy, but I actually like being hugged/kissed and hugging/kissing. Just not by or to anyone

[depeche2015]

i'm like that too. lol. that's why i avoid relationships cause all the people i knew were very clingy and i don't like being touched or being intimate

[RandomGuy25_]

Pokes your cheeks

[muddpuddle07]

I am in that kind of relationship right now and I hate it. I like the hugging, kidding, cuddling and that type of stuff. It varies with each guy. Some like it some don't.

[ShortCircuit]

I can't think of a more immediate deal breaker. Physical affection is the number one most important thing to me in a relationship.

[ShortCircuit]

In response to your update: It would no longer be an immediate deal breaker, knowing that she actually has the capability to express her love physically. I would also understand why it would make her uncomfortable in public--in the presence of others. However, you're still implying that she doesn't enjoy kissing, hugging, cuddling etc. nearly as much as I do. That would still bother me, as I'm an extremely affectionate person.

So, it would take a LOT of work and compromise, assuming that a happy relationship was even possible.

[Juxtapose]

No, I've been there and it feels like I'm starving for affection. When my cat gives me more attention than my girlfriend, there's a problem. (to be fair my cat loves to cuddle)

[luvstoned4him]

Ok thats normal. I am not a big lover of PDA's either but behind closed doors is another story.

[HeAintMe]

OP isn't talking about pubic affection, she's talking about affection in general, and i don't think i could ever be with a woman who doesn't want me touching her body.
Fuck that shit.

[luvstoned4him]

@HeAintMe aah, I see. Nah, I need someone to love me inside and out.

[HeAintMe]

I don't think OP dates women, so you're fine.

[luvstoned4him]

@HeAintMe ok

[thatguywhere]

I would totally accept as long as she accepts that i am rather the same way, too.

[Arthur33]

You don't have to act all lovey-dovey to be afectionate but as long as you're not distant then that's fine

[Arthur33]

Even better

[KyoShirogane]

Personally? No. But there are a lot of aspect to be judged before i'd choose someone to date

[KyoShirogane]

Update: well then it's fine

[dennis88]

It depens If there is affection because you need it to love another but maybe I wil date I dont know

[Ezpzlmnsqiz]

I dont think so because i really like hugging i mean who doesn't and the kissing part too its something girlfriend and boyfriend must do

[Dinnye001]

Yep. I would. Actually I would prefer that to a clingy, overly touchy girl.

[Anonymous]

I would. Though I'd probably turn down the gifts. Less affection is more in my book.

[JSmuve]

Nope. I needs my affection

[JSmuve]

RE UPDATE: OKAY I GUESS THAT COULD POSSIBLY WORK MAYBE PERHAPS

[Lumberman53]

Yes because I'm not affectionate at all

[mullahstan]

very cold, not worth time.

[rufurrealz]

no, i would not.

[Allstar88]

Definatly

[Reincarnated_sóul]

Waste of my time.

[disgustingweebtrash]

Yeah

[CT_CD]

Yeah

[Zedds]

Yeah, why not lmao

[Anonymous]

Depends

[Tyberius]

Hell no

[willisheretoask]

Probably Not

[jon28805]

I wouldn't mind.