Why do some people instantly dislike me without even knowing me?

[lemi123]

I've been reflecting about this for a while.

By no means I want everyone to like me. I know I have my character and my flaws, and not everybody can be my friend, I'm not expecting that.
What I don't understand, sometimes I meet people who seem to take an instant dislike for no reason. This especially happens in work places. I'm an introvert, but I always try my best to look friendly and sociable, so I always smile and listen to people.
Even when I do that, there are always people who just don't like me, so they try to make my job more difficult by not helping, or gossiping about me.

I don't think I scare people, my appearance is quite nice, I'm clean and orderly. There's nothing "weird" about how I look, and I try to blend in with the clothing too.

It's one thing if someone doesn't like me after knowing me, but at day one? Why does that happen?

[Tomic]

Actually, is a matter of impression.
I was terrible at making friends, actually, people hate me... Like, really hate.
After some research I changed it, I have a feel friends (3) but most people likes me, I just don't have patience to deal with everyone.
Here's what I do.
1: always smile. Doesn't need to laugh, but you should always look in a incredible good mood, all the time
2: look in the eyes. That's really important, people think you're avoiding them when you don't look at them. Look when they talk, when you're talking, just keep looking. (Obs.: Just look like it's natural, the tip is to look for something funny in their faces, will make your look more natural)
3: gesticulate: is one of the most important, move your hands, in a way they can see your palms (it makes them feel you're trustable), move your body, don't stay in the same place, keep yourself always in a little move.
4: keep the subject on him: I have friends who realize 2 years after we become Friends that he doesn't know anything about me. People love being the subject, and the more interested you show, more they'll like you. Just make questions about his clothes, his musical style, anything.
4: move your head In a 15° angle when they talk: most people don't realize it, but when you're interested in a subject, you put your head in a 15° inclination. Simulating it will make people feel you're interested, and they will love it.
That might help you, but if it doesn't, read the "FBI persuasion manual" book, it will teach you all that kinda stuff

[lemi123]

I kinda already do most of this stuff :P
I agree with it though. I'm still shy as a person, can't do much about it hehe

[Tomic]

Hahahahah. Don't worry, it's fine as well.
You look really nice, so...
If you really want, you can make friends online, and them start to hang out with them.
Well, for me, you look really nice, so... It might work

[James_R_G]

My best guess is you give off a vibe that these people find discomforting in some way. I know that's not much of an answer but on the other hand if that's accurate then it also means there's not much you can do about it which in turn would mean don't worry so much about always trying to fit in. To be fair it could just be that this is what they are picking up on and you might feel 'false'

Food for thought but I would hope that most folks worth knowing and having a positive relationship with don't act on their first, base impulse

[lemi123]

Maybe they see I'm trying too hard to be nice? Is that what you mean?
I don't have much difficulty when I make friends. Of course, I have to find that person likeable and somehow similar to me, but I usually make at least one friend in a new environment. So I don't think I'm that "unapproachable".
As I mentioned before, I do have a resting bitch face sometimes lol :D

PS I was guilty of judging people too harshly based on my first impression, and I was proved wrong a couple of times, that's why I always give it time.
Some people I found "weird" at first became one of my best friends.

[James_R_G]

Yes that's more or less what I mean though you can tell when someone is not being themselves and that can come out in a number of ways.

Well that's good. You seem nice enough to me so I can only think it's someone that is only picked up on in person

[TingaTinga]

My best friend is like that. I even hated her when I first saw her, but I love her now, she's awesome. She just gives off a certain vibe that rubs people the wrong way. Whenever I introduce her to anybody it's the same.
She, like you, needs to make an effort to be friendly because she's an introvert. It could be that people just sense something off about the friendliness or it seems fake but they can't actually put their finger on what it is. You know like how somebody can smile while thinking evil things in their head and they're trying to look nice but the smile just seems off and makes you uncomfortable, similar to that sort of.

Really, more fool them, because they're judging without knowing. I'm glad I didn't let my initial impression cloud me forever about my best friend, and people would probably be glad if they got to know you too. It's not your loss, it's theirs.

[lemi123]

You reminded me of an old friend of years ago, and she told me the exact thing. When we met she told me I had this unfriendly "vibe" but it was just my resting bitch face :°D
We eventually became very close friends.

by the way I do try to "fool" them. I try to make some small talk, I try to smile, to listen and be helpful. Sometimes it doesn't work, and that kinda baffles me.

[freundlich]

Most probably because you are an introvert. People are hesitant to quiet, shy people that rather listen than being in the spotlight. they don't know "how to handle you".
everybody loves the sunny boys and girls, who approach them, radiantly smile and give them the feeling they are totally interested in them...
In the end it's because many people themselves are shy when it comes to meeting new people, and actually them gossiping about you is only because they are irritated, and don't "know" you, and don't know how to approach you.
I got the same issues, but I try often to be a "small talker", try to find common topics and show interest in others - people love to talk about themselves... that is how you make them feel comfortable with you.
hope that helped.

[azzntittiz]

They're jealous, don't take food from them, one word... poison.

[lemi123]

I have to admit some people are just bitter...

[sirish47]

It is problem of perspectives. I feel you fear others dislike you. Try this magic. Start loving and respecting yourself immensely. Do not care a pin, nor assess what people around think of you. You will be surprised your friends will follow suit. Yours is a case where your self esteem is rock bottom. Cultivate a sense of responsibility to self as well as others. Bring out the best you can within you in grooming your personality - walk, talk, work, service, fitness, language, hygiene, dressing, knowledge.. every aspect that brings "wow" factor. Love thyself and you will care a pin what others think of you. Eventually, all that hard work in grooming self will payoff. After all, no labour goes futile. Look at yourself not through others viewpoint. You have a mind and heart. Use them appropriately in enhancing your self worth and esteem.

[lemi123]

Thank you for your advice. I gotta say though, my self-esteem is not that low. I like myself and I don't care if there are people who dislike me (it's bound to happen!). It's just I don't understand why it happens without knowing me truly.

[madgoat]

Hmm.. Interesting. Could be for any number of reasons but consider the following.
Being introverted can come across as aloof and disinterested.
Trying to be friendly and sociable, and smiling, are all good but need to be done carefully as they can come across as fake which can trigger their spidey senses, and they won't even realise it. Result: they are unsettled, don't know why, it must be your fault.

[KingOfQ]

Just ask one of your close friends to lay out your character flaws and quirks, you might learn something that you didn't know was perceived in a different way.

[lemi123]

I will :) although I gotta say I'm pretty self-aware, and I know I have my fair share of flaws. It's just difficult for me to think that someone can already "see" them one hour after meeting me or something.
I'm actually a shy person, especially with people I don't know, so maybe some people don't like shyness? I have no idea.

[KingOfQ]

People make snap judgments it sucks. I wish you good luck! Let me know if you have any more questions or need any more help.

[UnknownXYZ]

www.court-records.net/.../bratworth-shrug(e).gif

Probably because you're hot and girls tend to be hostile against girls they see as more attractive than they are.

[themetalhead]

I've dealt with it too. its just people who instantly judge without knowing who you really are with personality

[Debussy2691]

What 'energy' do you create around you? Does it welcome others? Or is it a safety zone to keep others away? You say you are an introvert, so who do you allow to come close to you? (have you ever been intimate with someone?)

[lemi123]

I have many friends, most of them introverts but there are also extroverts. I like meeting people, I'm just a little shy when it comes to first meetings.
I consider myself a good listener, I always open up if I make friends with someone. But I don't like small talk, gossiping, or talking about shallow stuff like celebrities, reality tv shows, stuff like that.
I don't know if I tend to look like I'm aloof or something. I used to be like that when I was in my teenage years, but I worked very hard to overcome that, that's why I specified that I always smile and try to be friendly with everyone.

[Debussy2691]

Mmm... I can relate to what you are saying as there's a lot of valuable information you are sharing and we could have quite a long discussion... let me know if you'd like to discuss further or off line?

[AlwaysBelieving]

I think you're just thinking too much into it. I'm an introvert myself and detest gossiping. As a result, a person that sits near me doesn't like me. I'm ok with that. It's just one person out of dozens of people that I see on a daily basis.

[lemi123]

I'm ok with people not liking me. What I don't understand, is why some dislike me right after meeting me.
I too hate gossip. Lots of people make small talk talking about what happened to celebrity X or the latest trash tv show. I just don't enjoy it and hardly participate in those kind of conversations, but that's far well after the first meeting.

[AlwaysBelieving]

Some people can tell that you won't play their game. The small talk, the gossip, and the like.

[lemi123]

That I know. I had some people really disliking me (I didn't like them too), and they used to only talk about stuff like that. I actually tried really hard to connect, because I didn't want to have a bad work environment or relationships, but it was really hard considering how different we were.
I kept being nice, though. It was useless.

[Synttacks]

Jealousy, being an outsider, resting bitch face, your personality is worse than you think. These are all options. I can't say which one (s) are correct.

[lemi123]

I kinda have the resting bitch face :(

[Synttacks]

Know people with that problem. Just ignore the haters.

[gib1233]

I think usually when you first meet someone you have to show interest and curiosity about what he is saying and dont focus on yourself too much. People dont like others who are self centered and come off as arrogant.

[lemi123]

I do that, especially on the job. I always ask for advice and try to follow directions and try to look very cooperative

[GTown]

You may have a strong personality. Certain personality types are just not compatible simply put

[kaleb612]

Same, it's cause people can be assholes. I've dealt with it for years and it sucks. It should get better cause there will be someone

[Chaz269]

Some people are just that way. You can't change that, best not waste too much time & energy on them.

[bi-mike-95]

It just means they aren't genuine and aren't open to having more people in there social circle

[lemi123]

Yeah, it actually happened the most when I was introduced in an already formed group (mostly work group, but friend groups too)

[bi-mike-95]

I'd just stick with the friends you have. A few good friends is all you need.

[lemi123]

You're soooo right :D

[bi-mike-95]

If you are looking for anything more then try a dating site or something?

[Mike3569]

A person's view of you is made in the first 10 seconds regardless of what you do

[ok359]

Can u message me? Im not xper 2 i could tell u maybe Why

[JinnRose]

Do you genuinely like them, or do you only want them to like you?

[lemi123]

I don't know them. I'm talking about first meetings here; I usually try not to form a judgment too soon. Of course, I tend to gravitate towards people who are nice to me.

[JinnRose]

People like people who like people...

[Pathwaves]

What you seek is an impossibility, nothing or nobody can be liked by all,

being nothing is a dull existence.

[intjgamer]

You may just be prying too much or being on the wrong subject.

[Anonymous]

I doubt they dislike you. It's natural to think that. I feel like that all the time. The key is know that there is a 95 percent chance they like you.

[lostliam34]

Some people are just jealous