Why do I lose interest while developing a new relationship?

Question

When I start a new relationship, I'm super into the guy, but sometimes I'll start to get bored. Not of him, but the process. It's so much work to get to know someone in an intimate way, like the transition from talking to boyfriend or whatever you want to be. It just seems like this void in time where it's like "are we monogamous? i'm not talking to anyone else, it's just important",
"do you feel like this is serious, or just me?",
what do i need to know about this person before i'm committed,
"do you just want to fool around or we talking like get together and stay together for as long as possible?"
"how is the sex gonna be? when are we going to start doing that?"
"can i tell my friends, or should i just hold off?"

It's just a fuckton of work, like I really like him, but it's at that awkward stage, but is it weird i feel that way? i'm thinking i will feel totally committed when we get there but this stage makes me see his name light up on my phone and I just need at least 20 minutes some days to answer, even if he's just responding to whatever i said. i don't think it's him, it's this process.

CaudaVulpes · Accepted Answer

Seems like you're starting off expecting things to turn into a relationship. May be looking at the steps as entirely different things. Going on a few dates is not dating, and it's definitely bit a relationship. Sex could be a one night stand, so that doesn't mean a relationship either. If you get to know potential dates or boyfriend in a very informal way, say coffee or whatever, sort of public, nothing private to suggest even subtly any level of intimacy, you gain the freedom of just hanging out, getting to know someone, seeing if he has the attributes you want in a boyfriend: is he faithful, kind, does he love his family, have good friends, stay away from bad people and bad habits, etc. Taking that approach also gives you a greater degree of freedom to let things develop at their own pace. You don't have to have him fill out a hospital form, leasrn everything step by step about his life and background, and you don't have to rush it. It's possible that the relationship itself has become like dessert, tempting, decadent, indulgent, but fattening and terrible if you consume it in large amounts. Instead of consuming the main courses leading up to the rich dessert, taking your time and enjoying the steak and potatoes, you find yourself so ready for the dessert that the rest seems bland and flavorless by comparison to the sweet reward of dessert that you *know* will be good.

In other words, you're looking forward to the comfort of a relation ship, intimacy, sex, familiarity and so on, to such a degree, that you're ignoring the joy of discovering anew human being, at the pace and time you want to. Allowing yourself to have fun and get lost in exploring the unique world and background of another person, our similarities and differences, is the time you should be falling in love, building attraction, feeling trust for them, bonding and laughing, and learning about a totally unique individual that makes you feel great to be around and talk to.

MusicMayhem · Accepted Answer

Wanna switch with me? I've had around 50 first dates and only 4 that have gone to date 2. So believe me when I say I'm fucking bored of the process. Of attracting a girl, texting her, setting up a date, her flaking, then trying to come up with another time, giving up on her cause she's the wrong one wasting my time, eventually going on a date with someone else, and dealing with her interrogation on my past dating life and more on the date, then finding out they don't want a date 2 despite very positive signs on the date.

Breebaerr · Accepted Answer

I know EXACTLY how you feel girl. I got out of a serious relationship a while ago, and so not only am I not used to trying to date, but I have the same feelings and thoughts you do. I got lucky with the guy I'm talking to cuz I can say pretty much anything to him and he's usually on the same page. It's something you just have to wait out :)

AmanoYin · Answer

how do you think we feel LMAO...
anyways nah... the solution might be to open up more, a lot more... the more you open up the faster shit kicks off... skip small talk and go straight for the meat, when that gets boring have fun, but then go back to it...

or try meating actually interesting guys who do more than just facebook.. find people who are into things like guitar or basket weaving or hobby finding, or gardening or something..

skel47 · Answer

I've never done what you suggested in your comments in quotes, I've never asked my partner is this monogamous? Etc. You dont have ti ask the questions if you can read social ques. He should give off the vibe if what he wants as you would too. I must be in a different world but never once have i had to do that.

Ghost_Woof · Answer

Well if you have doubts about your relationship status already that is red flag #1 he's not making it clear he wants to be monogamous with you. As for the process it sounds like you like dating players and you have to get over that phase and date a man who wants a real relationship.

gavacho2014 · Answer

Why are you in such a hurry? A good relationship takes time. The #1 reason for divorce is that people say that the other person changed but the fact is the time wasn't taken to get to know each other in the first place.

chupachups90 · Answer

Hate to break it to you but relationships are always work and it will literally only get harder when you get married. Maybe you just aren't ready to do all of that yet?

OreoMilkshake · Answer

I've never had a relationship but it's because of exactly what you are referring to, I get what you mean. Not only that but it makes me feel kind of sick if someone is too clingy or won't give me any space

mystintri · Answer

Sounds like you're meeting guys who aren't guiding the relationship. They're on the unknown train with you.

What happens when two people don't know where they're going / they're counting on the other person to know?

J4Zzi3 · Answer

... well lots of guys who is player think like that? The fun when they hunt coz it's challanging? When they get the trophy there isn't much of challange after

Kaju4l · Answer

It happens, it’s normal. Seems like you don’t like uncertainty or unpredictability. I’m guessing here but are you a Scorpio?

magic30 · Answer

Sounds to me like there is no excitement. You need a man to always keep you on the edge or you become bored and then your out.

Masselin · Answer

I lose interest if they have a lot of distance, if nothing happens, or if we are just too different.

JesseTheMan · Answer

Insert all the "He's boring. You need a real man who can take care of you. Hmu bb. I'm a sibgle guy from India but I promise you I will treat you right."

ozzmanzig · Answer

Because you have conquered that mountain and are bored. You still can have short meaningful relationships but you should warn them first that you lose interest fast

sbj78 · Answer

You don't like to be in a long term relationship or relationship with commitment. Just have a casual relationship.

VV3ZZY · Answer

I would be greatful. I dont get many opportunities for love.

DamnMan · Answer

You are young and probably the type who's not into the type of relationships you're currently seeking. Try something different.

tesela · Answer

You need to form a stronger relationship with him not only through looks but through personality other things

Jae6569 · Answer

I feel the same way 95% of the time

someguykev · Answer

Your spoiled and self centered, try to care about other things

rockrewls · Answer

Maybe you should just stay single...

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