Random scenario but im curious about your views on it. Say you dating someone for about a year. Or close to a year and you love them. They love you etc..
And then a terrible horrible accident happens that leaves them physically and also mentally disabled to a certain extent in that they able to understand you. But they cannot communicate properly themselves.
You are in early 20s. Would you stay in the relationship and become their care taker or stay in the relationship but let a professional caretaker handle them. Or would you feel you need to break it off? Does that seem understandable to you or does it seem cruel. I'm curious on your views.
For me. This may seem cruel. But I dont think I would be prepared to commit to a relationship where I can no longer communicate properly with my girlfriend or spend proper time with her. I would remain friends and care for her a lot when im there. But I personally am not strong enough. Call me all the names you want. But im being honest. What is your view?
I would break up immediately and not visit them.
I would break up. But still remain friends and visit.
I would keep the relationship and care for them
I would keep the relationship and let someone else care for them
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What would you do if your boyfriend/girlfriend became completely disabled?
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I'd frequently visit them but keep going in my own life. I don't think I'd date for a while because I'd be in a lot of pain but even when I moved on and started my life with someone else. I'd still visit him all the time, and be there by his side because I would want someone to be there for me. I think I'd talk to him about my life, read him stories, take care of him when I'm there, and eventually if I had my own thing together I'll build a room in my house and have a personal nurse there to help me care for him. But it would be easier to see him everyday like that. Hopefully my new guy would understand.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
If my SO became disabled, say wheelchaired for life or something similar that would have no effect on our status. If however, they became physically disabled AND say in a coma for the rest of their life - they practically have passed away no? Movies will tell you that there's hope for them to wake up, but thats seldom the case. I think if I could not communicate at all- then the person is not the same person anymore. The point of love is to spend time together and learn together. I think in any case, i would always love them and have their back, but move on from being in a relationship.
I would stay with him, but I'm not sure I'd be able to be a full-time caretaker because I would have to earn money to support us and pay for hospital bills. Probably would need to find a caretaker, at least for a while. I know it's a bit different, but when my mom had stage 4 cancer we never gave up and did whatever we could for her. Granted I was still a child, but I vowed never to leave those I love, especially when they need me most
If they can understand you, but can not communicate, that’s a physical disability, not mental/intellectual.
I already have special needs kids, so I have no issues taking care of my husband. I have several autoimmune disorders, so some days he is helping to take care of me.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
I’ve seen this happen, and to be honest his girlfriend stuck by him for three years. However it might surprise everyone that basically everyone was telling her it’s ok, he has a new set of needs now but you don’t. That is too young and if not married, or no kids involved, I wouldn’t want a girlfriend by my bedside sacrificing her young life because of guilt. Commitment comes with marriage and kids
Depends on how close I am and how far along the relationship is. If it's been a couple of weeks or even months, I'm sorry but I have my life to live and not gonna give it up for a few months I've spent with a person. If I've been with them for years and love them dearly I would hands down stay with them and care for them.
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Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
i would care for them, but have a serious conversation about the future.. and if she could let me go after a time and let me go find another girl for a happy future. if she would be completly disabled and not able to talk.. i would visit her and talk to her till i find another girl and then say good bye, give her a tear of mine and wish her luck to wake up from the coma; and if she is totally mental disabled and can't remember anything.. i would make her happy with some presents and whenever i find something, what can cheer her up, i would get it for her.. till she is in a better place, where others can care for her
The thing is you can be rational and logical about your answer now because you haven’t been placed in that position. But when placed in that position regardless of dating or marriage, it’s a major decision that you cannot fathom. But as always, honesty is appreciated.
It's completely your decision. For me, if I love her, I'll never leave her. After reading your question, a thought came into my mind. Many people here are ready to stay in the relationship with the guy/girl who has become disabled after their relationship has started with them, but how many people will get into a relationship with someone who is disabled from birth?
Man thats are really hard question. If that would happen to sb I love, you suddenly can't hang out, talk, cuddle, have sex, go on vacation with her anymore (depending on how severe it is). So I imagine the love slowly fades away, which is probably very painful psychologically, for both sides. But I imagine you don't planned to be stuck with her and renounce the aspects of a 'normal' relationship with sex, togetherness etc. You will feel frustrated after some time and the sexual desire will rise.
Just physical disabilities I could have dealt with. However, if the person, as described by you, also gets severe brain damage, then I'd leave one. I'd not fully break off contact, at first, but I'd not stay in a life-partner relationship.
No one can predict what they would do in that circumstance until it happened. Took care of my mother for several years and still worked a full time job. It was trying to say the least at times. I guess it depends on how much you cared for that person and how you were raised and how selfish of a person you are,
I can't answer truly until I'm in that situation. I commend your ability to say that. It's about their life, but yours too. It takes strength to say no on a sensitive subject too many people easily say yes to.
Either brake up or let someone else care for them because I have an important job to do. I can't be skiping work to see you at the hospital every day or help you put your pants on. I'm not a care giver. It sounds harsh but I'm not going to lie.
I would see how fast they are recovering and make my choice based on that. If they aren't recovering at all, I'd probably move on, but try to be supportive of them.
Well... It depends on how much I love him I can't answer since I don't have much experience in this domain... But what I clearly know is that I'll never do something that I'm not totally convinced to do.
If I truly loved that person if we were in a committed relationship why break up with him then becoming disabled should not matter why I threw away something great is love because someone became disabled
Call me traditional, then. When you get married you swear to be with them "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, until death do us part". Leaving when a spouse falls ill or disabled is basically giving the middle finger to your spouse, your vows, yourself, your friends and family, and whatever deity or deities you may or may not believe in.
Maybe I misunderstood the type of relationship. If you get MARRIED, I take that commitment VERY seriously. If you are just dating, or are just boyfriend / girlfriend, and are not married, then I completely understand going separate ways.
I guess I still want to believe in the idea of what marriage used to stand for. But you are right, these days marriage is a joke and it seems no one respects the commitment behind it anymore.
@jsdfreedom The issue is that, in general, women will "fall out of love" for any weakness that guys end up with. Losing your job, etc, etc. This sickness example is a pretty awful one though.
@jsdfreedom Don't worry, in 70yrs they are going to have talking she-bots with personalities you can choose and then suddenly the winds will turn and women will stop this (you be everything and I want to do as less as possible and it's always your fault) madness.
Well you got that one wrong didn’t you. Unless I’m that 2% as I’m married and we have a child together, clearly would stand by my vows to look after him.
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