Is it too soon to be talking about marriage?

Question

I've only been with my girlfriend for 4 months but just a few nights ago I shared with her that I think about how much potential our relationship has, and how happy she makes me. She told me that she didn't want to scare me off but that she can see herself spending the rest of her life with me. I'm not sure what to do because I've never been this much in love before. I'm not yet ready to propose but if things go well in the next four months I might! I'm a bit afraid to get too emotional attached to her because I know girls tend to change their minds easier than guys do. But most of the time I have to admit in love and we tell each other that often. Is this just emotions or could we actually be preparing for marriage? I'm just so surprised as to how fast this has happened, I dont was to get hurt!

nightdrot · Accepted Answer

The general consensus here is that it is way too soon - and fundamentally I don't disagree. However, don't be so hard on yourself, or each other. This is the early phase. You are new to each other. You make each other happy and every moment is special.

That's not a bad thing. That's a good thing. You have found something that few people find - even in the early stages. Now just take it a step at a time.

Enjoy finding out all about the little things that you each do that make you laugh. All the things that make you think how beautiful she is. Enjoy it and don't rush it - and also, pay attention to all the little things that you each do that maybe annoys the other. All the minor things that you brush off.

Then one day, step back and add it all up - and if it still tallies to the positive, then propose to her. In my case, my girlfriend and I have lived together for ten years and have three children. We don't want to be married. We think that what we have is natural and beautiful.

Still, you might want to live together for a bit, but if not, there is no need to examine your feelings too closely. The funny part is that everyone who is telling you to wait is right - and wrong.

Because for all the waiting and growing you need to do, once you are married you will need to grow more. You will need to learn to be patient and how to compromise and forgive - and no matter how much growing you do before you get married, you won't be able to stop once you do get married.

The truth is, sometimes you meet the right person and that's it. You know it and there you are. You owe it to each other to give it a year, to get some work and life experience under your belts. Then, after that, if your basic feelings have not changed propose to her, knowing that there will still be a lot of growing and learning to do after you say, "I do."

zulfiqarali · Accepted Answer

Its never to late or never too soon in a Relationship... it's about ur satisfaction and ur partner satisfaction... I think u should wait until u know ur partner well.. when u able to analyze her personalities.. the good and bad... currently she is most beautiful and loving entity in ur life... u only seeing this site but what about realities of life.. do any thing conflicting in her.. is any idea or thing that can be issue in ur marriage... the best thing is when u both feel that u both compensate each other and want to live together what concequences and difficulties u may face.. that will be the time u r ready for marriage.. women on other hand start thinking about marriage when they come in relationship... your girlfriend is wise that not putting u in pressure... but she will be waiting for ur response... so keep ur relationship alive and happy and plan things in a way to build your future with her... that's what she expecting from u to gain trust for serious relationship... but a little advice not prolong this period because in life there are up and downs and people may take bad decisions and loose love ones... so analyze her as your wife and things that make ur life good with her and bad as well... I hope u might need 5 6 months more to reach a decision...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't think it's too soon to talk about it and just say that it's something you do want one day. She probably feels the same way to be honest but doesn't want to freak you out (like you said). I definitely wouldn't make any sort of plans or even think about proposing yet though.

I would maybe think about moving in together first and taking the other steps like introducing her to family if you haven't already. There's no point rushing these things because that is when you most likely get hurt. I can understand that sometimes you do want to just get on with things when you think you've found the right person, but she's not going anywhere :)

Sbgirl · Accepted Answer

Its ok to maybe hint that one day it may happen, but I wouldn't propose yet its too early to tell really. My boyfriend hinted at marrying me less than two months into the relationship and before he had even kissed me. But it makes me feel special when he says things like that because it means he sees a future with me and has said i'm the one he's been looking for all of his life. I love that because it is sweet, but I've also told him I'm too young to get married now so at least we know we will wait for a bit. Its sweet,, but make sure you're realistic about it so wait until the relationship is more serious.

curiouskitten86 · Accepted Answer

Biochemically, you are still caught up in the hormonal rush of neurotransmitters until 4-6 months. In that time frame, the initial infatuation wears off, allowing you to see what bad habits your partner has, and whether you can accept them. So yeah, give it at least a few more months to make sure you can both deal without getting massively annoyed. Also, highly suggest living together before marriage, at least a couple days a week if not full time. You never really know someone until you live with them.

HelloMyNameizChris · Answer

1st of all, your fear of getting hurt is a potential threat within itself to ruin it, so feel more confident about it. 2nd off, there is no certain number of hours, days, weeks, months, or years you should do anything in a relationship. You can't try to live your relationship by a formula. What you need to do is make your dicisions in your relationship based off of if you feel like it feels right to get married, or kiss, or say i love you, or do anything positive. Postponing marrage just because it seems like its to soon should not have to do with your decision to get married. If you feel as if you would love to be married to this wonderful woman in your life then go for it. If she thinks its to soon then try to explain what i just explained to you to her. If she doesn't feel like its right then just keep the relationship going. To me it sounds like you are both very ready and anxious to get married on the inside but are to fearful of mistakes in your mind. Do what you feel is right and you'll be fine.

bethshepherd · Answer

Girls do not change their minds easier than guys do. Some girls do, some guys do. The fact they are male or female is irrelevant. Nobody wants to get hurt. The reason I get so many people consult me for psychic tarot readings about their relationships is to avoid being hurt. Far more sensible to find out if it will work out before you settle down then find out after.

KAF87 · Answer

Don't listen to them. My best friends parents met and married within 6 months and have been together for over 4 decades.

Don't look at your relationship based on time, look at it based on events. How many dates? Have you spent a whole weekend together? ETC

Only propose if you are sure that she is forever, think hard about it, do you want anyone else? Are you happy? Is the love real? Where do you see your relationship in 5 years, does she see it the same way?

Proposing also doesn't mean an immediate wedding. People are often engaged for a full year. Give her a ring to prove you are fully monogamous and committed. Then figure the rest out.

BCRanger10 · Answer

These days, I would think that it's too soon, but it also depends on the couple. My girlfriend and I started talking about marriage in less than a month, but we'd already known each other for almost a year, had talked about many things, and already had a generally clear idea of what we wanted in life and in relationships.

My former roommate and his girlfriend (now wife) started dating last August and were engaged by October. And one of our other friends proposed after only about the same amount of time that you and your girlfriend have been together.

Now, as a disclaimer, everyone that I have mentioned, myself and my girlfriend included, are all active and faithful Catholics and marriage is a big thing in the Church, so that's something else to consider.

I would tell most other people to proceed with utmost caution, simply because they likely have not had the same formation and influence as the people I've mentioned.

Ferruccio · Answer

if you still have this: " I'm a bit afraid to get too emotional attached to her because I know girls tend to change their minds easier than guys do." then yeah you still need time to get to know her. marriage is something that you are ultimately confident in her. also in due time if you Can have a marriage and you see her and u very good chemistry, she is very close, then yeah go for it. if you have gone through the stages of talking about the various levels of your relationship, then u can talk about marriage too. even after you have proposed to her, you guys are still not married, so there is no promise and it is not wrong to break up, but we dont want that. 4 months is not enough in my opinion. you need to know her really really well. see how u guys respond to each other in all kinds of situations and how u work it out. marriage is the real and its the big thing, you wanna be serious about it. i just wish the best for you guys and may you guys be happy in life :)

fashionguy17 · Answer

I'm not bashing you or anything, but this is the problem with millennials -- we move too quickly! Slow it down a bit. There's no need to rush into marriage or start thinking about it this early into the relationship. Spend time together, get to know one another, move in together a few years down the road and if you still feel the same, get the ball rolling.

I am telling you all this, because I see a lot of people our age rush into shit. I have female friends who have babies with men they haven't even known for 4 months, and now they are all single mothers. I also have friends who got married 5 months into a relationship and ended up getting a divorce a year later.

What you are experiencing right now is the "honeymoon phase". That's when the relationship is new and everything feels so great and wonderful.

chrisbigman · Answer

I'd suggest you come down from the clouds a little. You've only been dating for 4 months. It's best for you to date a little while longer before you go down the aisle. So, yes. It's a little too soon to be talking marriage. You need to give it a little more time. Remember, marriage is a lifetime commitment. Make sure both of you understand what marriage is truly all about. Get to know each other as much as possible so that you know you're both making the right decision. What's the point of getting married if you're gonna rush it and likely end up divorced down the road anyways?

jellyroo · Answer

I would advise waiting. Even if you're very much in love and will end up loving each other 'til the end, only time can tell. A relationship has to go through different situations and hardships before you can really tell if it's a sustainable relationship (in my opinion). Even after years of being together, there can be lots left to learn about each other.
So I would wait and not worry about it too much, partly to avoid the pressure that inevitably comes with the promise of marriage.

debi2622 · Answer

You and your girl are still in the beginning of the honeymoon phase of the relationship. A few more months and you'll be in the phase where everything is more real. Keep telling her you love her, if you do. Don't take the bait of marriage talk yet when she brings it up. Find something else to say, like "I'm not scared, I love you, but I am enjoying the here and now with you."

Temporal · Answer

It's not too soon to be talking about it, however, statistics show that you should wait at least 4 years before getting married. Your chances of staying together go up by 20% every 4 years. So if the statistic is naturally 50/50, after 4 years, your chances of staying together becomes 70%, and so on, so forth.
But talking about it early on isn't a bad thing

potatoismee · Answer

Yes it is too soon because you don't know whether you truly love her or if it's just because of the honeymoon phase. It's never better to rush with those things, because most of the time when you take a rushed decision you later on regret it.

So take your time, get to know each other well, spend a lot of time together, give it a few more months or even a year if you want. Marriage won't run away, if you're destined to be together you will be. So no need to rush

Anonymous · Answer

Cool your jets a bit. My wife and I began talking about marriage and discussing how we would be together in the first few months as well, but that doesn't mean you're ready for marriage. You need to spend way more time together. See each other through highs and lows. If you aren't forbidden by absurd religious practices, move in together in a year or so. Living with someone is waaaay different than dating, even if you spend literally every day together. My wife basically lived in my apartment for 2 years before we moved in together, and I learned so much about her once we moved in that I would have never known before. Some good, some bad, bit all important.
Most of all just have fun, don't be in a rush. When it feels right, you'll know.

Poppykate · Answer

I don’t think it’s too soon to ‘talk about it’. Because it’s nice to know that you are both thinking/ heading in the right direction. But you need time to get to know one another. You are young. Don’t rush this time. If she is the right girl for you, she will wait and enjoy the time getting to know you.

godfatherfan · Answer

I met my ex-wife Jan 10, 1989. We spent every day but one together from then until I went into the military on Feb 14, 1989. I came home May 27 and proposed. We were together 25 years and have 3 boys. When you know, you know. Doesn't matter if you have been together 4 hours, 4 months or 4 years.
That being said, the best thing you can do is live together first. Spend at least a year living together, 2 is better. That is the only way to really know if you are compatible.

ScaryCool · Answer

Hey that's good you both are happy, but just ease your way first. Try living together a little while first. Somethings can change once you're with them longer. It doesn't have to change for the worse, just saying you need to see what that's like first.

hahahmm · Answer

‘Girls tend to change their minds easier than guys do’

in my opinion, they never makeup their mind in the first place. They let you think they did while they are still evaluating.

Till you have been together 2+ years, the odds of it not lasting are huge. I would wait till a year end to even think of proposing but still don’t marry till 2+ years in.

BigChris · Answer

This sounds amazing, I love seeing this kind of thing. Definitely do what you are planning to do which is wait a few months (id say wait another 6-8 rather than 4), but if you wanted to gauge her response see how she reacts if you talk about kids, moving in together, and marriage (but casually)

rjroy3 · Answer

Yes it's too soon.
Is it JUST emotion? No one here can really know that for sure. I can say if you've only known her for less than a year that it's probably just emotions. It's fine to know what you want. So if you want to be married to someone, maybe not specifically her in x number of years. That's fine to lay out there. So anyone you spend time with knows that's in the cards for you.

But realistically talking about you two getting married? For sure need to chill lol

Astoriana · Answer

It’s not too soon to talk about it. It’s too soon to actually get married, but how would you know if you’re compatible if you don’t start actually talking about important shit like that?

Talon1400 · Answer

Be careful people change situations may come up where that person is you one year relationships have been happy the whole way through till u find out that person meant everything to u and u were nothing to them over some dumb shit u do what u feel confident about chances are if u have to ask there's ur answer

vivmatt · Answer

I'd give it at LEAST a couple years. Let the sparks dim and learn about the stuff you don't like about each other. If you still want to get married, even when things aren't sunshine and rainbows, you've got a keeper.

Mordecai117 · Answer

Chill bro, give it some time to get to really know her. There's masks we all wear around people we like, we hide the things we don't like about ourselves. I think that after a while moving in with her might be a good idea, but wait till y'all have been together for a year at the very least.

young_blud · Answer

Just wait it out. At least you two are together. If you love each other that much, you wouldn't have a problem with carefully and slowly going through the process of determining the potential for a lifelong marriage.

AllyKat1218 · Answer

I don’t think it’s too soon, but leg the honeymoon phase wear off. You guys can talk about the future but doesn’t mean you have to propose. Give it time, enjoy just being in the state and phase you are in before you take it to another level

siobhan99 · Answer

My boyfriend and I talk about our lives together and the prospects of marriage and a family but I couldn't imagine both of us getting engaged any time soon, not because we don't love each other but because we're happy just being together

MtnT6ak · Answer

No people get married soon all the time just depends on the culture. I know people who it took only 5 months to get married, 3 to get engaged and those are some of the strongest couples I know, mind you they are very religious though.

djmzes · Answer

Same thing

uniqueandme · Answer

I would say maybe wait 3 to 4 months more and see then. You don't want to just jump into a marriage, then figure out you should have waited to get to know the person more. I hope it works out for you guys though!

BrittBratt2416 · Answer

No, no, no.. this is the reason why young people today end up getting divorces cause they get married too fast and too early. You haven't been with the girl a year yet to be talking about marriage.

Bribree18 · Answer

Not crazy to talk about it. Discuss what both of you want for your future and what you see. Discussion the idea of it does not mean the same thing as promising it or engaging to the idea.

BeesNectar · Answer

It’s not a matter of time, if all cylinders are clicking and the chemistry in the poor, trust, Respect and values are all there respect and values are all good then marriage is the natural progression.

Charlie0304 · Answer

I don't think it's too soon to think about it, it sounds like she's smitten with you too! Maybe a year long engagement, and live together first to see how you get on?

Pikachula · Answer

I think its top soon to propose, but not to talk about it.  I think it's important to know that you're both dating Each other in hopes of it to last, and not just casually to pass time..

Eva323 · Answer

I think it's too soon to propose but not to soon to discuss and even plan. Just give it some more time. A decision this big deserves consideration.

adolescentswede · Answer

I don't think necessarily 4months is to little of time to prepare for marriage if you spend that time making sure you are what you seek. But I wouldn't trust someone making wise choices whiles engulfed in feel good feelings.

madhatters4 · Answer

i think it is a bit early to seriously consider marriage but i think it's never bad to think about and discuss the future.

snowangle · Answer

It can happen. I'd still wait a year or two though. If you're planning on marrying her, then there's no need to rush.

Anonymous · Answer

when you know, you just know. My husband and I met, dated 3 months, got engaged for 3 months and were married. We have been married for 8 years now... been together 8.5 years. It can happen and I've heard of other happy marriages similar to ours.

CaptainOverthink · Answer

Waaay too soon.  I'd say be a couple about 3-5 years, then start thinking about it. Its about more than just your feelings for eachother.

Leo3572 · Answer

I wouldn't do that buddy. I was in love too and would have done everything for her, but life didn't want us to be together for any longer, so it has lead us on different ways, and so it can happen to you. Wait a little bit with it.

CarpetDenim · Answer

Nah, I wanted to marry @disgustingweebtrash before he was even my boyfriend.

findingdreamland-1 · Answer

4 months is quite early. I think you have some points in your explanation. I say trust your instincts and keep going. Which, you already know.

NickCervantes · Answer

You need to keep the relationship going to where it's after the honeymoon phase. And you'll scare her off taking about marriage like that.

Disguise_AU · Answer

Yes, way too soon. At least live together for 2 years so you actually know each other.

Reenal · Answer

You are not ready, so wait 4 months and see if you are ready.

SOOCute · Answer

My boyfriend and I started talking about it at the 3 month mark. It can be a scary thing to talk about, but we both feel like we're ready

BillyB4 · Answer

It’s not necessarily too early. I had a teacher in high school who proposed to his wife after knowing her for only two months, and they’re happily married years later.

urvashi7 · Answer

Don't propose her for marriage but make sure things serious like show she is important. Introduce her to ur friends as ur girlfriend...

geo_torno9 · Answer

I don't think it ever is too early, but I'm not going to deny that I'm way too romantic.

lomimore · Answer

Oh god it is wayyy too soon, i feel like even a year is soon

TripleA7 · Answer

It’s too soon omg. You guys aren’t even passed the honeymoon phase 😂

szim89 · Answer

Ask yourself this. If you end up getting married in PA year. You stay together for a year, are you ready to go through a divorce afterwards. If not, then hold off and figure out why.

Daph773 · Answer

Every relationship has it's own pace and if it feels right for the both of you, that's all that matters. So long as you communicate with each other and make sure you are in the same page you should be fine. Congrats on being so in love

Evkaxy · Answer

Well... after 4 month almost every relationship feels great... I would slow down a bit, you are young

Yakasmashi · Answer

Hmm I would say wait at least another 2 to 3 months just to make sure u still want this marriage

Anonymous · Answer

I married my husband after 4 month of dating with that being said we knew each other for three years prior

Anonymous · Answer

My friends parents met on a Wednesday, got married the following Saturday and have been together for 27 years. They still do cute stuff like dance and laugh at stuff together at the park... I don't know, it might be early it might not.

Lance1965 · Answer

My advice is avoid it at all costs but I am biased.

clampfan101 · Answer

Probably might want to wait just a few more months.

outside_Toronto · Answer

Jesus... way too soon! Spend a couple years together. A lot will change

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