Would you forgive cheating if your partner was under the influence of alcohol/or and drugs?

[Anonymous]

Sweet BABY JESUS

AHAHAHAHAHAH NOPE.

.. I mean sure, yeah. That is a very good excuse.

Updates

+1 y

So, shockingly more people say that they would get mad because their S/O drink alcohol or did drugs and not because he/she cheated.
Wow

[DestinyElizabeth04]

Normally, I would say no. However, just back in January ny current boyfriend and I were going through a really rough patch. I was pregnant but losing the baby. When my appointment came along, it turned out that my baby had passed on and I was given a pill to extract the fetus from my uterus. The day i miscarried, he went out and got completely hammered. His buddy invited down this chick that my boyfriend had slept with in the past and she deliberately seduced him. I wouldn't have believed it myself but an acquaintance of mine was at the party and videotaped the whole thing. My boyfriend was on the couch dozing off and had a vomit bucket beside him when this girl straddled his lap and started kissing his neck. The video showed her just about carrying him into the bedroom with her. He slept with her. He came home the next morning and told me everything. Had the girl blocked off everything before even returning home and she still continues to be blocked. Did it hurt? You're damn straight. But in a sober mind he would not have done that.

[devilman666]

To be fair, if she had to carry him then I think it would be rape. If he can't stand and walk then I doubt he can give consent. Carrying a woman who is vomiting and out of it into a bedroom and having your way her is rape, same with a man, no? (Rhetorical question, not meant to be rude.)

[DestinyElizabeth04]

@devilman666 no, you are 100% right. See, I said the same thing. But his argument to that was the fact that he was able to get hard and sleep with her so he doesn't see it as rape, so much as a really bad lack of judgement.

[devilman666]

@DestinyElizabeth04 good on him to take responsibility then, but I'd still argue that a woman getting wet during the act doesn't change whether or not it's rape. But if he was actively participating then yeah, it probably wasn't rape.

[DestinyElizabeth04]

@devilman666 he said he was on bottom while she did all the work and also stated that he had made her stop, went and puked and then got back on the couch before falling asleep. So I am not 100% sure what actually happened within the bedroom but from the video, I know he was completely out of it and took full responsibility immediately afterwards. Which takes a lot for someone to do.

[devilman666]

If what he says is true, I'd say it was probably rape then, but can't be sure of course. I agree about it taking a lot to take responsibility for it.

[Anonymous]

If you need to be supervised while you're under the influence just so you don't cheat on your partner, then you shouldn't be doing it at all. It's pathetic, irresponsible, immature, and just a shitty excuse.

If my partner ever cheated on me and used the excuse that he was under the influence, he's be out the door. I don't care what the reason is, the point is that you cheated and that's a horrible thing to do.

I've been really fucked up but NEVER cheated on my partner because I can control myself even when I'm shitfaced, as should everyone. If you can drink responsibly then don't do it at all.

[NoahZ]

Being under the influence of alcohol and most drugs don't 'cause' a person to cheat or get sexy with people like most seem to think. They simply turn off a person's inhibitors that cause them to not do something they want to do.

So if you would normally *want* to fuck that hot girl over there but refrain because you don't want to cheat on your girlfriend, you will still do it while under the influence. The brain finds it harder to register "this is a bad idea" and exponentially easier to register "i want this" or "I don't want this."

With that in mind, if my partner was knowingly under the influence, then that's not a factor in whether I would forgive them or not.

[TheyCallMeTayTay]

Yeah. My last ex was roofied at a friend's birthday party and too drugged out to realize or stop the fact that some bitch had dragged him off to a bathroom to suck him off. She knew I was dating him and she manipulated his already clouded head and made him think that I was the one fucking him instead of her.
I can forgive you if you can't help yourself, even if I don't want to.

[Asker]

Lmao that sounds like a porn plot, I can already see the title.. “Sucking a gay guy”

[TheyCallMeTayTay]

I'd normally be laughing at that if he didn't come home to me crying and saying he wanted to kill himself for cheating on me

[Apope16]

Hell no! Even when I am drunk off my ass I still know exactly what I am doing! I don't lose my ability to reason just because I've had a few drinks or I am stoned. Absolutely NO excuse! As a matter of fact, most people get drunk just to have sex and use that as an excuse for sleeping with someone outside their "social proof" zone.

[OlderAndWiser]

HELL NO! The things that people do when they are under the influence are the things that they wanted to do when they were sober but in need of liquid courage to cross the line.

[Nik1hil]

Sooo... True..
You never cease to amaze me.. Sir..

[OlderAndWiser]

@Nik1hil Your kind words are always appreciated.

[Logorithim]

Still responsible for their actions. That lack of self control is anyhow a dealbreaker.

[ItzLaura]

Once a cheater, always a cheater

[KaitS20]

I say nope. This is how I see it. When your on drugs or alcohol all your inhibitions are out the window. So if you cheat while under the influence you are or were clearly thinking about cheating in some way when you are sober. You just have no filter. And I don't find being drunk or whatever a reasonable excuse. Everyone knows that excuse because it's used too often because people can't get their shit together and respect their partners. It's become the "norm" which is really sad.

However, what someone qualifies as 'cheating' can also depend on the circumstances. If my partner was drunk and someone came on to them, kissed them, but they pushed that person away that's fine. They didn't initiate or continue the kiss, and it clearly was not their fault.

If you truly love, care and respect someone you wouldn't cheat. It's that simple. There's no need to toss in all this 'I was drunk' nonsense to justify your actions. If you do then you don't truly love, care or respect your partner or partners.

[JjBb91]

That depends on the age of the person and also the life experiences they have apps that point. I mean a certain ages you're very curious and you might as well as developed you don't consume alcohol the same type of level or responsibility as you do older so yes to be very easy to make a mistake consuming too much alcohol or drugs whatever the case at a young age still exploring our options
Now there's some people who been the same person since he was 16 years old never experiencing anything different so long time right person perfect mix of alcohol or drugs I said very easily happening anyways you don't understand that and just depends on the moments or weeks after the incident is that person truly sorry or they have regret will they ever do it again you don't know if you cross that bridge
No situation where the person has live their life has no reason to be cheating just happens to be a dog or can't keep their legs or pants up forgive them, no if you repeat offenders will never change and you should quit dragging people under your life of b******* she want to be single and sleep with whoever you want and be single and sleep with whoever you want quit f****** people's hearts and child's lives because you're selfish insecure person

[Anonymous]

So as someone who is 23 and have been under the influence a lot in the past, I can tell you that every time I have been under the influence I have 110% known what I was doing! Yes my judgement was clouded and my hormone levels were threw the roof, but I still knew what I was doing. Every person I kissed, every number I gave/received, and that one time I cheated myself on someone I was dating. I take all responsibility for because even when I was drunk and cheated, I knew what I was doing and at that time I didn't care. The next morning there was regret and I went to his house and had a long conversation and took all responsibility for my actions because I knew if I drank too much I would do stupid things, but yet I let myself drink that much anyways. A person knows their limits. If you're going to drink to the point you cheat on your partner, you're stupid becayou knew 6 beers would do that to you. Just because you regret it the next day, doesn't make it right. It's an excuse to continue to be a bad person and have people forgive you. It's like getting in a car under the influence, should you forgive them if they get in an accident? You can say it's different, but it's really not...

[Opinion Owner]

I knew if I drank that much I would do stupid things. It's like asking if a person under the influence got in a car and ended up in an accident, should they be help responsibility? You can say it's different, but it really isn't... They were drunk/high, they knew they were drunk/high, but they did it anyways

[Fitness-Fanatic]

Never. Regardless of the excuse my partner gave me to justify cheating on me, I'd never be able to overlook it. I'd then know exactly what he's capable of during a weak vulnerable movement.

I value loyalty above all else. So I could never forgive any sort of betrayal. A betrayal shows me their future potential with me. My trust could never be rebuilt or regained

I would only be able to move on from the hurt if I ended our relationship, and cut all ties with him. I'd make both our lives a misery for both of us if I stayed after being cheated on

[Fitness-Fanatic]

**Moment**

[ChurchOfIron]

Alcohol lowers inhibition. The person you are when you're drunk isn't the person you are when you're normal. In essence, they are two entirely different people. Inhibitions make us who we are, in my opinion. So, if I believed in cheating, and if I believed that my girlfriend had just "fucked up", while she was wasted, yeah, I'd let it go. If it became a continuous thing, I'd start being like, "Okay, you have to change something, or I'm gone."

For drugs, it would depend on which drugs. Pure cocaine makes you unbelievably horny. As does MDMA. I would understand the overwhelming impulse to have sex, if she were under the influence. If it was like weed or something, I'd be more upset than if it were other drugs.

In essence, what I want to know is: to what degree was she being otherwise influenced by chemicals? Was she sorry that she cheated? Would she take it back if she could? Is this routine behavior or just one accident?

[VIVANT]

The way I see it, he is unhappy in the relationship. He has not only cheated but turned to drugs as an escape. It is clear to me he does not want the relationship. We can be friends I do not leave from anger. I very simply have no desire , nor intention , of remaining with someone who no longer chooses me. Checking out can manifest in various ways. These in my opinion are three very transparent. Drugs cheating secrecy.

I can forgive , I don’t need to be angry for someone’s despair, but I will not stay.

[GoodManDave]

Other than maybe being slipped something without her knowing, no. If she herself decided to get high or do ecstasy or something that was her choice, then no. If she was getting herself drunk enough to be messing around herself (if it wasn't rape or something like that), then why are we dating? to me that's a huge issue.

I'm kind of into girls who can control themselves and know their limits. If she's smoking pot or doing heroin (Again... except for instances where they were slipped something, that sort of thing...), then we'd probably be broken up. I don't let myself drink enough to not know where I am or not be able to walk or be able to keep things under control.

[TarrAva]

I would not for the simple reason that I would never have a friend that is doing drugs, thus this case would never happen.

As for the alcohol issue, I would ensure that, provided the person is together with me, has only access to limited quantities of alcohol.

If she/he does it when alone at a party, consumes beyond reason and finds herself/himself in the bed of another person, then it is clearly a breach of trust and she/he must accept the consequences.

If you forgive just once that the partner cheats you under the influence, she/he will do it repeatedly because she/he cannot control her/his sexual appetite. and thus does not deserve my love.

I will not retaliate by doing the same because I have that much dignity to know that it does not lead anywhere to do it just for spite.

[jimyee]

Wow, you sound extremely controlling are in for a world of disappointment when you enter the adult dating world.

[TarrAva]

@jimyee I have been in this world for more than 2 years and it has worked out perfectly for me.

So, I assume that for you, cheating is equal to a blank check to do it over and over again. OK, I accept your opinion but don't expect me to react the same, that's all

[jimyee]

I don't even know how to respond to such an idiotic statement.

[devilman666]

@TarrAva Yeah, I tell all the girls I date that if they ever drink without me, do drugs, spend time alone with other men, or go out with friends without telling me first, it's a breach of trust and I dump her. Can't let cheating bitches get away with it.

[Syatesxo]

I couldn’t because when I’m drunk I know what I’m doing and I make sure I don’t put myself in a situation where it can happen, if a guy knows he’s going out in an environment where there's going to be other girls and he knows he’s gonna get drunk/high it’s pretty obvious what can happen. It’s different if a guy is taking drugs without knowing and is pressured into cheating but if he does it freely he shouldn’t put himself in that situation then. Also I find it’s just an excuse , like someone can easily pretend they are under the influence and can get away with just saying “I was drunk”

[ShortCircuit]

Absolutely not. Generally speaking, everyone is responsible for the actions they take while under the influence of a drug, because if nothing else, they initially took the drug of their own free will--knowing the potential consequences.

This case is no different.

[caydan19]

I have talked to many people about this. They all told me one thing: If you are loyal, you will not cheat in any circumstances. "too drunk" or "on drugs" are just excuses. It's true. If you let that slide, you are giving him/her another chance to cheat in the future because he/she will use this excuse again to cheat.

It's your life. You make your own decision here. Either way, you learn good lessons. You can either break up with that person or forgive him/her. I support either way. The only thing you earn here is experience. Our lives still have long ways ahead. make mistakes and learn.

good luck

[devilman666]

You gotta be responsible while under the influence. I drink, I smoke weed, I occassionally eat magic mushrooms, but I don't lose control and go wild. You choose to do that and then blame it on the alcohol or drugs, it's just a lack or responsibility, a refusal to accept that you made the choice, not the alcohol/drugs.

[devilman666]

I hate when people are like "I had no control" stfu. You have full fucking control unless you choose to drink yourself till you black out. That excuse wouldn't remove your responsibility in court if you were drunk driving, and it doesn't remove responsibility with cheating in my opinion.

[xHoneyxBeex]

No, being drunk or high on drugs isn't an excuse for cheating and in most cases, people still know what they're doing, even if they are under the influence. I've been cheated on and I made a mistake in staying with him. He didn't change, he just cheated again. I learned my lesson. In the future, I will never disrespect myself again by staying with a cheating partner, regardless of the reasons why they did it.

[Keyboardkat]

Fact: Alcohol and other drugs diminish inhibitions. People do not do things when they are drunk or stoned that they don't secretly want to do all the time. And a person usually will not do something while drunk that they would not dream of doing when sober.
No one forced your significant other to drink or take those drugs.

[Texas_born]

Honestly, No, I wouldn't.

In my opinion, I feel like when people drink, every person reaches a (what I call) "warning point" when you feel yourself starting to let go; I feel like at that point, that's when you put down the drink and say "enough", because going any further will make you easily capable of bad decisions and painful regrets.

[whyisitso]

I think the fact that they would drink or use any drug to get themselves to the point they had no control on themselves would be even more shocking than the cheating itself. Very irresponsible and quite alarming. I think they would not even be happy with the relationship at that point. For me drugs and alcoholism is an instant turn off and the cheating would do the rest.