My boyfriend wouldn’t let me wear what I want. Is he being reasonable?

My boyfriend and I were going out on a date and I wore a long sleeve crop top that showed a little cleavage and a high waisted mini skirt. When I showed him my outfit he told me I looked great but he wouldn’t let me out the door until I changed. So I changed into a dress and he said it was too short. I told him I wanted to dress up for him on our date and I felt like it was appropriate enough but he told me he didn’t want guys seeing too much of me. Which I understand. I thought my outfit was teasing but not too revealing, is he being reasonable?

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What Guys Said 43

  • I don't think "Is he being reasonable?" is the right question. He feels the way he feels. In order for a relationship to succeed, both people have to accept the way their partner feels, even if they don't agree, and work together to find solutions to issues that they both find acceptable. Whether other people think it's reasonable or not really doesn't matter.

    There are guys that like their girlfriend/wife to draw attention from other guys and there are guys that really don't like that. He seems to be in the second group.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with that. It probably means that you are really special and really important to him and it upsets him to think about other guys thinking about you in a sexual way. He could be thinking that some guys look at women pretty much as purely sex objects and the idea of that upsets him because he cares about you and thinks you deserve more respect than you'll get from those kinds of guys.

    Some people would call him controlling, but my guess is that he probably just cares a lot about you. I don't really like his approach of saying it in a way that makes it seem like he thinks he is in control of what you wear, but I don't think the general idea of him preferring that you dress modestly is a bad thing. Whether it's an issue or not depends on how you feel about it.

    If you find it too restricting and it upsets you, then it could be a problem. If he's important enough to you that you don't mind dressing a little differently than you normally would in order to make him feel better, then it doesn't have to be a problem. Relationships that work always involve both people compromising in some areas because no two people will ever think exactly alike on everything. I think it's not good though if people have to compromise on their core beliefs so if dressing in a flirty way is really important to you and it's really distressing to him, then you might not be compatible. If it's not that important to you, but is to him, then my opinion is that this could be a case where you need to do the compromising. There will probably other things that are really important to you that he will need to compromise on and hopefully he will do that.

    If you are willing to make adjustments, I think it would be good to talk with him about what makes him uncomfortable and then see if you can find things that you still feel good wearing that don't make him uncomfortable.

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  • Wear what you want, and tell him to shit up girl. You do you I mean don't go out flaunting it all, but wear something cute or teasing, and tell him if he wants to keep acting that way he can stand at the other end of the bar. I don't find him to be reasonable at all. Plus, if he is going to blame you for guys staring then he obviously needs some reassurance that you are going to stay, and to be man enough to tell them that they need to find a different piece of eye candy for the night.

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  • It seems pretty reasonable so far. That's not to say he couldn't go overboard and try to force you to wear baggy clothes all the time or something. But it's important to remember that whatever you wear reflects on him while you're together. So dressing super provocatively just isn't classy when you're on a date in a public place.

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  • If you are dressing up for him... then dress up for him.

    Everyone feels different about what makes them comfortable.

    You can dress the way you want but then you are disregarding his feelings. Totally up to you.

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  • I don't think so, honestly. I think the only limit on acceptable attire when in presence of your boyfriend is U. S. law. Now, I don't think such clothes as you described would be acceptable in the absence of your boyfriend--but if he will be with you, then it is obvious that you are wearing them to impress him rather than anyone else, so I don't see a problem with it.

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  • Not at all , sounds like he is a insecure control freak to be honest, he should be thankful his girl wants to dress sexy for him , sorry to say sounds like you're going to have some trouble in this relationship

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    • 3d

      What is the point of dressing "sexy", "provacative", "inappropriately"? Because I feel you have chosen a prejudice veiw before deciding what is true.

      But I can agree there will be lots of trouble in this relationship by the signs of this. These guys can't even come to the answer amongst themselves. Ha

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    • 3d

      Forcing someone to be what you want them to be leads to resentments , so. thats why you should never force someone to do what you want. them. to do to please you you should always wear. their shoes like they wear. yours , if they can't time to move on.

    • 2d

      I certainly understand where you're coming from. If these "ifs" are true in the circumstances you provided I would agree with you. But as I pointed out the inherent principles to the mantras are wrong. These "ifs" portray a lot of assumptions, prejudism, assuming that any circumstance is justifiable under these presuppositions. It's like saying, "the way my clothes suit me, they must suit you"

      Don't get me wrong, I agree with you for the instances you mean to address but these instances are being used to blanket term exceptions to everything else.

  • No. Control freak. Let me guess, he didn't say anything about how you dressed when you caught his attention in the first place. And just in case he doesn't like your friends, I suggest you make a stand and do not be isolated from your friends. It is usually all down hill from there.

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  • Who's the one being unreasonable? Forgive me for having to point it out but the lack of context provided by these choices of clothing might insinuate a cover up.

    So first, what is reasonable?

    I'd easily believe the guy is being unreasonable but at the same time I question whether you both are.

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  • I think he is being insecure. But I do think there is a difference between looking attractive and looking sexy. You can look sexy for your partner anytime. So why would you dress in a way that attracts "sexy" attention in public from other guys when you want to look attractive, is where I think he is coming from. At some point he should feel secure and comfortable to let you dress "sexy" in public though if you really want to.

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  • Unless your date was to a strip club, I'm not sure of the appropriateness of what you were wearing. *shrugs* not all guys want other guys checking out their girlfriends as they walk down the street wearing skirts that barely cover their asses and wearing shirts that show off their tits. It sends a message and draws attention that some guys aren't comfortable with.

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  • Short of my girl walking out the door dressed like a prostitute I would not react like him at all. If my girl wants to dress showing a little like that I means I I just spend the whole night working up an appetite for later 🥰. I think it’s such s compliment if your girl wants to look sexy for you. The way he reacts tells me that he is very insecure and a little controlling too. If your truly ok with him saying that then no harm otherwise I’d have a little chat :)

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  • It probably shouldn’t get to the point where he’s telling you what to wear. But you guys are probably still learning how to get in sync. Since you guys are dating it’s probably a good idea to keep a mental note that stuff like that bothers him. But yes you should tell him to knock it off

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  • It is reasonable to ask an SO to not do certain things. I'm sure you wouldn't want him going to a strip club getting lap dances because that would be disrespectful to the relationship, just like dressing provocatively is disrespectful to the relationship.

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    • 4d

      Okay, there is a HUGE difference between getting given a lap dance, which is an actual sexual act, arguably cheating. And dressing ‘provocatively’. It’s absurd to see them as comparable and equatable. When you dress to look good, to look attractive, you’re arguably always dressing provocatively, you want people to like how you look. You want YOUR PARTNER to like how you look. That’s just the nature of clothes and style.

    • 3d

      @AishaTabby If you dress that way in public, especially when going somewhere without your partner then it is to get the attention of others. If they really wanted to do it for their partner then they would dress that way at home with them, not in public for others.

  • No no no. Not cool! Maybe everyone is right about him being insecure but wear what you want. It's not up to men to decide what anybody can and can't wear.

    Talk to him. Not cool.

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  • Why do guys get so attracted to women who dress up but not let their women dress up that way after they get the girl?

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  • What a pity. I actually love waking with my women looking smoking hot. I don't care if guys eye-F her up and down. It actually turns me on, because I'm the one who takes her home and Fs her.

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  • Sounds prudish on his behalf but nothing more then him protecting his ego and you're right to not be starred at by random guys hoping to see down your shirt - he could have gone about it a little less "macho guy" though

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  • No he isn’t. He’s very controlling and this is just the start of more problems to come

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  • This is a matter which will have a lot of biase thrown at it. On my end, I am against such clothing.

    Wearing teasing clothing when it isn't necessarily just for him is offensive.

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  • He's being controlling. There's nothing reasonable about him making you change your clothes to suit him, and cater to his insecurities.

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  • He's being reasonable to not want other guys looking at you in a sexually provocative outfit.

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  • I have mixed feelings about this one. I'd love seeing my girl wearing something she thinks she looks good in, but as a horny 20 year old, I know how horny 20 year olds think. I'm not saying that he's in the wrong or right for asking you to change, but I DO want to point out that he was, at least, respectful about the way he asked. People can say all they want about wanting to wear what they want wear, but sometimes it's not the simple. I'm afraid of my sister going out in public wearing something provocative because I know there are scumbags out there. As a black man, I'm afraid of wearing a hoodie in public because I know there are shitty cops that eill assume the worst about me from a glance. Be mindful of what your apparel can potentially say about you - true or otherwise, because the world has a habit of being kind of ugly.

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    • 3d

      Yeah, I agree. People who are saying that he's controlling , jelous or insecure are bundle of fools

    • 2d

      I wouldn't go as far as to say that they're foolish. Perhaps "limited by their idealistic principle" is more appropriate.

  • Does he also try to control other areas of your life?

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  • If you both love each other deeply from heart ♥ then go with your boyfriend thinking..

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  • Yes, he is right. If you and him are an item, then show your asset to HIM ONLY and NOT the public!

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    • 4d

      Women aren't fucking property

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    • 3d

      It's true so I don't know what you expect.

    • 3d

      @ashleyb93 Okay

  • He's not being reasonable, furthermore he's being overprotective which is actually a form of abuse. Most cases for overprotection are made from the standpoint of parent to child; but that behavior certainly exists in the dating/married world. I would try to talk to your boyfriend about *why* he's uncomfortable and address that issue. It's your business how you dress and represent yourself, and if he's trying to control you on something where you should be the only one who should have a final decision, then he's not a good person - and disallowing you to go outside is really not okay, either.

    www.lovepanky.com/.../signs-to-know-if-hes-overprotective-and-dominating

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  • Seems a little insecure in my opinion. I would be flattered if a girl thought about how I would want them to look for a date.

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  • He may be insecure, but remember to be respectful to yourself. The image you portray others makes a larger difference then most of us think.

    Example... I wear Christian Dior Tuxedos to business meetings but I wear a regular suit/khakis/tie when visiting other meetings. That has gotten me very political, powerful, and high stature friends across my entire state from every town and city.

    Yet... when I walk downtown in my own city to buy a pair of shoes... I wear baggy jeans, nikes, a black tee, fitted hat, nice jewelry, and 3 carat diamonds in each ear. Not so much accepted by my political friends and police start to eyeball me, lol.

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  • Yes. Even you thought it was teasing. Which is a 100% that (depending on your figure) means you're going to get looks. He doesn't want that.

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  • No he is being controlling and if he can't accept you for yourself in the end he will lose u

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    13

What Girls Said 29

  • He is insecure. You should be able to wear what you want without your SO to get too involved. If you wear those clothes to get attention from others than your boyfriend, he has a good reason to be annoyed. Dress how you want, but keep in mind what kind of messages you are sending out. You can still be beautiful and sexy without revealing clothes, I think that`s what he is thinking.

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  • Oh my, girlfriend! He's sounds like a controlling man. You better nip his insecure behaviour in the bud. Never allow him to dictate what you wear. If you do, he will then tell you who you can hang out with or not, where you can go, who you can talk to etc.. BIG NO! You will lose your identity with this kind of man if you allow this to continue.

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  • Fuckin DUMP HIM wtf? I would have laughed in his face and walked out the door and said, "anyway, you coming?" That's literally the only correct way to respond to a dumbass man telling you what to wear. If he still wants to control you show him out the door because fuck that.

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  • This sounds quite controlling! The fact he wouldn't let you out the door unless you changed? I have been in a controlling relationship, it only gets worse! Mine got to the point where if I wore make up he would kick off at me and accuse me of cheating! Please be careful x

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  • I don't put up with a lover trying to control what I wear.

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  • Better question, why would you let him control you? First it's clothes, then it's everything else.

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  • I'm of the opinion that no one can tell you how to dress unless the situation is horrendously inappropriate, like wearing a thong bikini to a nursing home.

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  • My boyfriend is kind of like that. He does not demand that I change, well a few times he did. He suggests wearing casual clothing most of the time that does not show so much skin. I hate it but I change because he does have a point sometimes.

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  • I don't think so.
    1. It's your body and you do anything you want with it, or dress it the way you wish.

    2. He must trust in you that any men can watch you, but you interest is only on him and that you'll never leave him, he can't have no worries about that.

    3. He is insecure, you may talk with him about that. You know, about of what I said in #2

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    • 3d

      Does the argument hold water?

      Can those standards apply to a funeral or a primary school?

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    • 3d

      @Spawnface "hope" is the biggest human power

    • 3d

      Sometimes though I wonder if hope isn't a synomym for stubborn. I see a challenge and I kinda just go for it. I have a weird appetite that way. Hope is basically just the means of keeping my plate full.

  • He's a jerk. He has no right to tell you what to do.
    Okay, I wasn't going to say "jerk" but I didn't want my answer removed.

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  • What on earth has it got to do with him what you wear or not? Wear what you want to wear and if he doesn't like it, he can stay home.

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  • Your outfits were so damn fine! He doesn't sound reasonable at all, wear what the hell you want, cause you do you

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  • A crop top with anything high waisted is fine as long as the bottom is knee length or longer

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  • He doesn’t sound reasonable at all. He sounds like a control freak.

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  • Why the fuck is your boyfriend policing what you wear like he's a school dress code? That's not normal or healthy

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  • In all honesty... the outfits as described don't seem too provocstive.

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  • I can't tell if I don't see exactly the outfit but either way it seems as if he's insecure and jealous that if another guy hits on you, you'll be blow away and leave him. No guy really likes it when their girlfriend dresses up nicely in public even if it's for them. But if it's to the point that he's asked you to change 3-4 times, that's an issue that you both need to talk about. He can have input in your clothing style but he shouldn't control you and force you to change what you're wearing. There is common sense in what to wear and then there's controlling.

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  • Do what the Fuck you want. He should trust you

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  • Wear what you want. He's not your parent.

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    • 4d

      And he also has right to chose whether to be with her or not.

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    • 4d

      @redismyfav If you dressing how you want puts a bad thing on his reputation and personality, then he isn’t for you, because he doesn’t accept you for who you are and how you like to express yourself.

    • 4d

      @AishaTabby Exactly!! Dress for yourself before it gets too serious... don't waste yours and others time.

  • First impression: control freak.

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  • Tell him to do one

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  • He sounds like he just wants to control you!

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  • Drop him

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  • Nope

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  • I’d simply laugh a little at his adorable face and say “its funny how you think you can control me like that.. bye boo”

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  • I would never accept any controlling behavior but if you accept that...

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  • Hell no. I didn’t let him into my life just so he could tell me what i should and shouldn’t wear. The second my boyfriend tries to control me, even on the tiniest thing, I’m dumping his ass.

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  • No your boyfriend seems to have issues
    If he does it again, drop him

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  • Yes. Its important to dress respectably.

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