Should I forgive her for catfishing me?

[Anonymous]

This girl I’ve known for a little over two years just confessed that she was catfishing me. She sent me this long audio telling me how sorry she is about everything. This happened because I would go to her state to meet her, and before I did that, she decided to confess. I’m obviously devastated even though there were no romantic feelings involved or anything. She was just my friend even though I did think she was a great person and I would be willing to have something with her. And since she couldn’t “break up” with me (I wasn’t her boyfriend) then she was forced to tell me. I’ve shared so many things with this girl and she has also told me lots of stuff. Her pictures weren’t stolen from a model or anything, it was just one of her friends so it looked pretty realistic. She also doesn’t live in the state she mentioned she lived in. I don’t know what to do because I still like her as a friend and yes, we’ve spoken multiple times over phone calls and Snapchat calls. She even faked snaps to make it seem as if it was real. I really am stumped right now. I’m utterly distraught.

Forgive her and move on (don’t talk to her again)

Don’t forgive her and stop talking to her

Forgive her and try to understand her situation

Other (please elaborate)

Updates

+1 y

She faked :
- her picture
- her name
- and her location.
- also some details like she said she had a boyfriend (I guess she used that as a way to make me not get closer to her which didn’t work) but she didn’t.

Updates

+1 y

The funny part is that she knows how so many people have fucked me over in the past and I saw her as the only person who wasn’t shitty. I don’t know what to think of this

[Haxxus]

Well, this is for sure a sticky situation. One part of me says to forgive her and to stay away. The other part says to forgive her and to try to understand. In any case, forgiveness should be given because you deserve peace.

I had a similar experience as you did. I didn't cut her off, but naturally, we parted ways over time. I say you should try to understand why she would do that because maybe it could help you reason with her. At the same time, she abused your trust and friendship and as the saying goes, if you abuse it you lose it.

If you did forgive her and try to move forward, would your view of her be altered? Would you wonder what she was lying about next? If so, you are not at peace and it's best to cut it off and move on.

[Phanta]

This type of catfish-ing does not sound malicious at all. It simply sounds like she was covering for her insecurities. I would not be afraid to pursue a serious relationship with her, especially since she confessed. None of us are perfect.

[daydreammarie]

Forgive her for your sake and not hers. Then cut ties with her. She shouldn't have done that, its very sketchy and I am sorry you had to go through that. People have no clue how that messes with people.

[Haxxus]

I agree!

[Benedek38]

Why would he forgive her for HIS sake? When you want to burn a bridge, you don't disasseble it quietly - you want the flames to go sky high, and signal to her "you done fucked up!".
He has nothing to gain from forgiving her. If he does not, he regains his confidence. I would say he shouldn't forget in these scenarios. Not unless she makes things better.

[daydreammarie]

He needs to forgive her for her sake because that's how you move on. No amount of an apology is going to work, no amount of making it up to him will work. He will still be left with betrayal, he will still question everyone he talks to etc cause of this one girl. Forgiving people is for your sake because it puts your mind to rest, you walk away with peace. He doesn't need to verbally tell the girl I forgive you, he just needs to find a way to forgive. And believe it or not that is a long process sometimes.

What is anger going to do? Anger does absolutely nothing for any one. She knows she messed up or she wouldn't feel guilty. And by him stopping the contact that would be the best way to tell someone you messed up rather than getting angry with them. Like I said anger does nothing good.

He regains his confidence if he doesn't forgive her? It doesn't work that way.

[daydreammarie]

Look at it this way, if you have all this anger, sadness, and betrayal inside you and you carry it throughout your life all you are going to end up with is unresolved issues and not being able to fill yourself with good things. Talking from experience you end up in bad places mentally with holding onto the bad stuff.

[Ponycargirl12]

She's insecure. obviously knows she was wrong. She didn't do it to hurt you or get money, i don't think. Forgive her, try to understand!

[mook123]

people should be themselves regardless by saying yes its okay your only making the problem worse not helping her, she should have just been honest and someone will love her for her not some made up fake person to play with peoples emotions that's just selfish

[Ponycargirl12]

@mook123 U are right and it's true. Although he did say it wasn't a romantic fling, ur point is still very valid

[Benedek38]

So, would you forgive and keep talking to a guy if you thought he was a successful businessman and a total hunk, but turned out he is an insecure, fat, useless loser?

[Ponycargirl12]

@Benedek38 If we were in a friendly relationship such as this situation. Deceiving someone in a romantic context is a whole different ballgame, and in that case I would be much less forgiving.

[Pinay_ako]

This is a whole new level of deceit. I will forgive but I will have to cut them off pronto. Lying to me about your whole being is unacceptable. If you cannot trust me enough with very basic details of your life, then why should i trust you?

[Logorithim]

Very strange. Does she even want you to forgive her and keep in touch with her?

[ghostqueen]

No forgiveness, no further contact

[Respectful_N_Kind]

Catfishing is bad. But to be fair, at least she came clean and confessed. Before you went to visit her. That should tell you that she didn’t want to be one of those.. whom have hurt you in the past. Most people wouldn’t even confess and play it too far. To a point where strong feelings and love comes into play. Luckily you’re not into that situation yet (idk I’m assuming for your post) so you’re free to decide.. without strong feelings or love factoring in.

Also I didn’t vote.. due to many hidden factors which would affect Each decision (Which wasn’t stated.. i. e. feelings, taking it further, moving on, unforgiving, etc.).

[mook123]

Forgive her and try to understand her situation
50%
(3)
40%
(4)
25%
(1)

most females say forgive lol what situation that she lied out of her ass to soak up attention? what about his situation of being lied to selfish selfish women

[Asker]

Thanks man. I mean I don’t know. I’ve known her for two years and I can tell you she is a caring person and she told me she was sick to her stomach and couldn’t even breathe due to the anxiety that ate her up since she has never confessed to catfishing before.

[Urhfjfid]

I understand your pain and what you're feeling right now. It's obvious that she had some insecurities. What she was utterly wrong but the feelings she had for you were pure. Humans sometimes do commit mistakes and I am pretty sure that she too felt bad about this. She abused herself too in it. Even after two years if she builded up some courage to tell you the truth then she's tried her luck to keep you in her life. A girl being insecure is a really underrated thing in this generation. Only a girl can truly understand. Also these social media things can't be imaginable of how far these things can go to. People might say things of not to forgive but I personally tell you to try to understand her situation and forgive her. Sometimes we lie but to hide it we lie thousand times... and it goes on and on... I'm pretty sure she too killed herself daily and cried daily about it as she shared her things too with you. If you really and genuinely care for her and you... help her with her insecurities I'm sure she'll burst out crying and will never ever lie to you ever again. Forgive her I know it's hard but we ain't perfect and we just try to seek validation sometimes and we can't imagine where some things might end. Forgive her and if she's willing to explain you then understand her. She built a lot of courage to tell you this. She didn't wanted to hurt you and she suppressed it but it came out to be viceversa. Forgive her and understand her situation. No person playing you will share their things with you. Neither will they have the emotional bond with you. Neither will they help you. It's upon you whether you want to treat her like the world does or being truly understandable and cope her up with her insecurities if you truly care for her. Thank you

[Liam_Hayden]

It doesn't sound like she was catfishing you for money but rather because she was lonely and maybe thought she wasn't pretty. It is also possible that the initial deception was because of stories if people getting stalked by online friends, and once it began it was simply easier to continue than to backtrack. Because of all of this I'd be far more forgiving than if she were simply trying to play you. Still, the deception was pretty deep so you should require her to come completely clean if she expects to ever hear from you again.

[whatamievendoing117]

I remember being mad about that to this one chick, I convinced her to show me her face and she wasn't even that bad, just incredibly distraught/frizzed hair and makeupless, and so what? I told them that I couldn't because how tf could I trust them.

Of course they pulled the fake suicide game. Pretending to be "their sister" omg they got hit by a train ;((( just to unadd me because I made it stoicly clear I'm not playing those games.

What's it worth to you?

[bolosniper]

Roll with it. My rule for my kids on the internet is to lie. Don't tell your actual age, name, location, etc. Only if it's someone you met in real life and then added would you be honest with them.
I was talking to a woman for six months before she admitted she lied about her name. I laughed and told her 'good job' she was worried I'd be mad.
Though as for catfishing I'd rather someone just say they didn't want to share pics than send fake ones.

[Kaneki05]

Other, cause do what you want.

In my opinion i am crazy so i would forgive her and be there for her still.
Cause something good might come of it and i don't mind getting hurt for the chance.

So up to you. If you can handle it not going well for a chance.

[MittenstheGlove]

It’s ultimately up to you. You can be friends, but you don’t have to be. It’s great that this person was honest, but you don’t have to deal but I wouldn’t blame you if you kicked them out of your life.

Let them explain and play by ear. The person may have been a lie but the actions and time spent together is still true.

[stepup20]

It depends. She went to some extremely lengths to catfish you so why would she do that? Sounds to me that she is manipulative. If you really like her and you want to keep being friends then just forgive her, it’s only her appearance that she faked and that shouldn’t be to much of a deal (if it’s for a friendship)

[SkipStop]

Damn. That's pretty harsh. Two years of lying about so many personal things? The easiest thing to do in my opinion is forgive and forget. And stop talking to her. That way you won't be angry or upset and you won't think about her either. That's what I would do.

[Asker]

Yeah She lied about so many details. It was incredible. To the point that I didn’t believe she was fake when she told me! Because she played it *so freakishly* well. All these details she gave and she even edited her screenshots to change her time zone. She told me how she did everything and I’m honestly shocked.

[madhatters4]

forgive but move on
2 years is far too long to perpetuate a lie without there being something internally wrong with you. she's at the point of pathology. so you really can't go forward and trust her in any deep way which is necessary to friendship, let alone anything further.

[Asker]

I’m sorry for sounding dumb. But what do you mean by her having a pathology?

And yes. She lied about so many details. It was incredible. To the point that I didn’t believe she was fake when she told me! Because she played it *so freakishly* well. All these details she gave and she even edited her screenshots to change her time zone. She told me how she did everything and I’m honestly shocked.

[madhatters4]

pathology means disease. so a pathological liar is someone who seems to have an almost biological urge to lie.

[inmensus]

I'd forgive her and keep talking to her. I've done it before and I'd do it again. I mean, she lied about some things but she's still the same person you've been talking to.
Anyway, you need to heal first and then make your decision.

[Asker]

You catfished someone before?

[inmensus]

I've been catfished before.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. If you're going to forgive her, don't do it for her sake. But above everything, you should probably sever ties with her eventually. Catfishing is fucked up.

[Asker]

Yeah. I’m not the type to get like really pissed at people I know very well. Even though I obviously have no idea who she really is lol. And yes, catfishing is fucked up

[Benedek38]

Don't forgive her, and keep in contact with her. She fucked you up, now it's your turn. Act nice, but shape her to your will.

What's the worst case scenario? She gets hurt and breaks it off with you.
What's the best case scenario? You can turn her into a better person, and even profit from having a good friend who you managed to guide to a better path.

Additionally, start looking for other girls to date. You can't manipulate someone you are heavily emotionally invested in.

Is this manipulation? Yes. Is this evil? Absolutely.
Every girl does it though, she did it too. And the way I see it, if she can't take what she dishes out, that's not your fault.

[Asker]

No offense buddy, but it sounds like girls have fucked you up so bad that you’re full of anger. And honestly I feel for you but manipulating them back? Really? That only makes them get worse and worse and manipulate other guys for the same reason. It’s no win situation at all.

[Spawnface]

Really? Is this what guys complain about nowadays... Holy hell guy! Talk about chivalry is dead... I could understand a weak female saying these things, because theyre pathetic but cmon guy... here's what you do... Be surprised, inquire, move on... Its a douche move to make you go that far and be disappointed like that but the girl has issues, be the bigger man here

[Spawnface]

Oh wait sorry. I missed the updated part. Yeah cheating is really bad. She sent you threw that only to commit a bad deed onto you, thats bad... No trash her...

Like the apologies are probably just a coercive tactic to garner sympathy so that she can make you overlook her acts.

If it was just about her looks than thats less of a thing but to make you unwillingly commit a sin is just wrong.

[Spawnface]

shit I misread again... Sorry dude forget what im saying... shit...

[Kinsey]

Since there's no romantic feelings involved and she didn't cheat your money to go to visit you.. Well just forgive her. Maybe you should ask her why she lied? You can be her friend, talk as normal but I advice not to pursue relationship with her.

[winterfox10]

All you can really do is move on, but I'm not really sure that I understand what the point of her going to all that effort is. If she lied about having a boyfriend, then she didn't want you to come close... And isn't the point if catfishing to get close to the person?

[Asker]

this iliamilk girl needs to stop posting her shit on other people’s posts

[SirJohn42]

Im sorry this hsppened. She isn't worth your time. I know you have feelings for her but be honest to yourself do you really want to continue a relationship where trust has been broken. It hurts but best to move on she can't be trusted. If she knows youve been hurt then if she cared she never play you as the fool.