Does my girlfriend have a backup guy?

[Anonymous]

Okay so currently we are in a LDR but she visited recently and went back to her country,

before that she met this guy or whatever started calling him her best friend and she sometimes posts chats between him and her mostly having heart emojis ( not sure if that is to make me jealous )

but, before she left we were on a small date and we were kinda messing around and checking each others phones i gave her mine with no problems and when i took hers i said "lets see which app should we check first" as a joke and i started checking her apps just like how she checked mine

Then when i came to their chat she got so paranoid and took the phone away and she asked me what i wanted to check and i asked her why she took it and she said that there is private information - well my phone has private chats too - and that got me curious i feel like she is hiding something because she never introduced me to this guy and never said where they met or whatever.

Then i just got over it. then a few days later I thought to myself... why does she still talk to this guy? I think part of it is boredom (a big part), but the idea hit me that this guy is sort of a "backup guy". She may not even consciously realize this is why she keeps talking to him, but on some level I bet that is one part of it.

What do you think? I got sort of pissed off thinking about it this morning.

Anyway... there is nothing I can do about it really. I don't believe in telling others what to do or not do. It just made me a tad less secure in our relationship. Sort of created a little emotional distance on my side.

Am I paranoid? Or is there some truth in my analysis of the situation?

Updates

+1 y

Guys what we can all agree on is that there is something she is hiding and i need to know why?

[Aysen]

There's not enough evidence to back up your assumption of this guy being a back-up boyfriend although I'll admit the heart emojis and her taking her phone back from you is a bit suspicious. If this guy is someone she can physically meet in person without too much trouble, this could become problematic for attachment when you can only see her in person once in a while. If he's long distance like you, it might not be as much of a problem; it just depends on how much quality time she spends between you and him.

Why not talk with her about your insecurities of this so nothing becomes misconstrued? If she is falling for this guy and admits it, she needs to make the decision to either be with you or him without toying with either of your emotions. If she just likes him as a best friend and nothing more, you have nothing to fear! It's always good to communicate and express your concerns if you feel uneasy about something in your relationship with your girlfriend instead of instantly jumping to conclusions! Hope this helps with what you're looking for.

[Asker]

Before. We were away from each other for approximately 4 months and in these 4 months this thing happened. But i trusted her and took her word for it that he is just a friend but what i dont understand is that she is sounding very very suspicious...

Like she says "dont worry i still love you even if we are 800000 km away" i mean why would she say that? .. Did i sound a bit jealous and insecure when i asked you to introduce me to him?

Right now im gonna be asking her soon if she truly likes this relationship - because i can feel that there is something clearly wrong - and to be crystal clear to me about it and decide whether i will continue it or not. Because before she left i tried to have a serious discussion about the relationship and she said it will be fine since we will visit every now and then but i dont think she is telling me how she really feels about the rs you know?

What do you think i should do? Do you have a better suggestion?

[Aysen]

It is concerning that she's being so secretive about this. I believe you'd be making the right move to ask her about it not only to address your concerns but also figure out how she's feeling in the relationship. It's a two way street; you just want to make sure everyone is feeling good about the relationship and that she's not planning to go behind your back which is understandable!

[Aysen]

Update:
That's why I think talking to her about it would likely be the easiest solution to this problem. There's no reason to break up with her unless she intentionally hurt your heart.

[Asker]

How do you think i should ask her to open up to me ?
Can you help me out?

[Aysen]

I'd be more than happy to help! Do you want to talk about this in a private message?

[Asker]

im not level 2+ to message :P wanna email me instead?

[Asker]

nvm ill message you

[Asker]

how can i message you other than using this site

[Aysen]

I fixed the problem! You should be clear to message me now :)

[Syrian_survivor]

LDRs all depend on honesty and trust, you shouldn't trust people that much, but you're already in this and what's done is done

But she's done something extremely suspicious, now that the trust is gone, there's nothing left

Run away, run for the hills man!

[Asker]

"I only call you when it's half past five
The only time I'd ever call you mine"

[Asker]

I only love it when you touch me, not feel me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me
When I'm fucked up, that's the real me, babe

[Syrian_survivor]

Wtf did she say that?

[Asker]

no lmfao im just singing the hills xD

[Syrian_survivor]

I said run for the hills not sing for them 🤣

[Asker]

i was singing the weeknd's song because when you said the hills it reminded me of his song

[Syrian_survivor]

Hahaha
Well sing "Reminder" to her and tell her that you got 20 other "friend girls" lmao

[Asker]

lmfaooo will do

[Anonymous]

I think it would be best for you to ask your girlfriend why she keeps him around.

[Asker]

Then ill end up believing her explanation... even tho it will sound very suspicious because i trust her... but right now i have to open my eyes a bit... just imagine how shitty it would be if she had a couple of backups and she didn't care about our rs and all of this was for her fun.

Got no time for stupid petty dumbass shit maam

[Opinion Owner]

If you trust her, you should believe her.

[Asker]

why should she hide it tho? that's my main question
maybe she thinks ill feel uncomfortable who knows but communication in relationships is key

[rufurrealz]

if i see a woman im trying to talk to constantly hanging around some other guy, i dont care if he's gay, straight, best friend, ex, neighbor, coworker... we're done.

any woman and guy too close are fucking.

im tired of this shit. women constantly sucking some guys dick every night, fucking him, holding hands and texting each other all day, every day and...''he's just a friend.''

[hellionthesagereborn]

Well talk to her about that. tell her about that situation, that it made you start to wonder if there is something going on between her and him and how it made you feel less secure in the relationship then go from their.

[cavmanier]

Girls usually have guys orbiting them. What you said sounds like it makes sense. They likely flirt in their conversation. At least he likely flirts and she enjoys the attention.

[ROCKS128]

You seem to be correct...

May be that guy had got her attention.
Ldr are not easy dude. This is one main reason.
If you are doubting her, then you can see how you are in your relationship.

[Asker]

Honestly im thinking about breaking up because i think im with the wrong person...
i mean backup boyfriend or girlfriend is worse than cheating in my opinion.
You are diversifying emotions that are supposed to be vested in one person.

Plus, its pretty shitty for everyone

[ROCKS128]

You can break up , its left to u and her.
But have a talk before that...

Make sure you clarify your doubts and dont misunderstand her.

[YvanKarma]

I don't know i feel like any girl or woman has a backup guy

Since its easier for them

[Asker]

apparently 50% of women surveyed in a test said they were so i wouldn't be surprised much.

[uknaked]

What they talked about is much more important than the fact that they chatted. Did you get a chance to read any of their chat?

[ShortCircuit]

No, I don't think he's a "backup guy". I think she's already cheating on you. End it now.

[100lbguy]

@ShortCircuit message me, I got a important topic about anime.

[ChiPaPa]

I'd end it. She sounds like a piece of work. I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't have several guys and a boyfriend in her country.

[Asker]

she has an ex there " "

[CuChullan]

A LDR takes complete trust and openness. If that's not there, then there's no hope for it continuing.

[Syrian_survivor]

THIS

[hj454]

She could be ducking him and you would never know it

[Asker]

lets hope thats not true lmao

[UmarSpiegal]

Leave her. If she's willing to place you in that position she shouldn't be worth a second.

[Dchrls78104]

Should you even be wondering about this? If you don't trust her, then why are you still with her?

[Anonymous]

It may be that YOU are the back up guy!

[howlyz]

They're both back up guy most likely, she is just a young girl experiencing life and exploring and that's the only way to get some understanding about world and gather life experience and that's completely ok and the only way, it's not like they will marry - and if they do my opinion is they're too young for that and that's not good, there

[howlyz]

So you should have a "friend" too my friend, it's not like someone forbids you to, it's your life and you can make your rules, I mean you really should, cause it's your life. Don't let her trick you with the "jealousy card" or anything like that, she will respect you more if you have integrity, i think you should have two more female friends, what do you do with them is completely up to you, just know that she is doing that too, i am pretty sure, like 99% and leave that 1% that confirms the rule

[Asker]

@howlyz I was actually thinking about that... making her jealous... but i feel like its kiddish and so toxic so i would prefer being very straight to the point about the relationship to her and tell her that if its not serious i dont want it becasue i dont like petty shit.

[howlyz]

Don't make anyone jealous on purpose, you don't need that. I was just telling you You should live your own life, that's all

[Opinion Owner]

@howlyz I agree! Well said!

[AlexMoon]

Don't kid yourself, every girl has backups.

[Tyliah]

Probably