My girlfriend has this new 'guy friend'?

Question

and I'm f***ing sick of it. I'm not against her having friends and never have been, though when it gets to the point where she gets hostile with me because I somehow get in the way of them both talking, I'm not having it. she texts this guy every day literally non-stop, oh and I'm not allowed to see what they text each other. today, she wanted to ring him, as she doesn't have a lot of money and very few minutes on her mobile phone contract, I told her 'be careful not to be too long', and what I got back was a 'its my f***ing money so ill spend it how I want'. I'm sorry, but talking to me like that isn't fair. she's told me that she talks to him so much because 'the same thing with me and you day in, day out gets boring' and she even admitted she was bored of me. last time she put me through this, she cheated on me. both situations are very, very similar. I don't know what to do. we've been together for over 2.5 years and I absolutely love her to pieces. I get so confused becuase when he's not being mentioned (yeah, she talks about him constantly) it seems like... she actually loves me the way she says she does. I don't know guys, I'm just so confused... HELP PLEASE =D

Deather · Accepted Answer

Wow...I feel for you. I really do.

You have GOT to leave this chick. Here's why:

1) Despite taking her back, you still have trust issues (understandably) surrounding the cheating thing. If she really cared about you and making things work, she would be behaving in a completely different way.

2) If she gets hostile if/when you somehow magically prevent them from talking, that goes to show you right there that she is seriously in to this guy and therefore you can only come off as the bad one.

3) What she is texting people is none of your business. However, if you trusted her and she was making an effort to make sure you were comfortable in your relationships (which is most definitely her responsibility seeing as how she cheated on you), you wouldn't feel the need to read her texts.

4) She literally has ZERO respect for you. None. This also means that she does not love you. It may seem at times that she does and she may even say she does, but in ALL cases it is impossible to love someone you don't respect.

5) She told you she was bored...and cheated on you the last time she was saying things like that.

The reason she hasn't left you is because you're the safe guy. You're the one that will always be her fallback. You're the doormat. You're the one she treats like crap and gets away with it.

She is NEVER going to see the error of her ways when you're still available to her. The longer you put up with her psychotic crap, the longer it will be before she ever looks at you like a human being again.

You do not deserve to be treated this way, and the fact that you're still with her is proof that her sadistic little head games are killing your ego and making you feel it's acceptable.

LEAVE HER.

You'll find someone SO much better faster than you even know.

fiesty2009 · Accepted Answer

You either need to decide if you are willing to let her treat you like crap. You sound like a nice guy and it sucks that you "love her to pieces". Unfortunately , not all girls appreciate the nice guy until they have had some really bad ones and then some still NEVER learn. You can try either talking to her in a non confrontational way (not when the issue rears its ugly head but in a calm situation) about your feelings. Try to avoid "you" and use words like "I". As in "I am feeling neglected". Try to stay away from the last time she cheated because I am guessing you forgave her and gave her a second chance. But be wise about this, cheaters sometimes never change. Its the thrill of the hunt and it isn't just for guys. Its about that constant attention and "falling " phase.

Another solution is trying to ignore it as much as possible and start hanging more with the guys. I don't know how much time you spend together but that could be another possibility.

However, you waived some pretty big red flags. If she flat out told you , she was bored of you ... well that is pretty blunt and HARSH.

You could try a whole bunch of things but , I don't know exactly how old you are, do you want to invest anymore time in a relationship with a girl who is "bored" after 2.5 years, cheated on you already once, and is making you feel insecure?

If you were my guy friend, I would probably tell you to "grow a set" and either tell her to ease it with that guy "friend" or take some time away from her.

Miss_All_Time_Low · Accepted Answer

Well, I'm not a "guy", but here's some advice from a girl.

You're right that you aren't "having" it. But you are, aren't you? Please, don't let her walk over you this way! I know you have strong feelings for her and think you won't find anyone better. But guess what - this will be a piece of cake with the way that she has been acting and treating you.

No matter what you think of her now, you will do yourself a BIG favour if you let her go.

She cheated on you once before. What she is doing now sounds, frankly, like something I would be doing if I fancied someone else. She doesn't even bother being nice to you. Instead, she goes and says to your face that she is "bored" of you.

You know what? It's good she's as honest.

Your job now - and my heartfelt advice is - let her go. For good. Stop texting her, stop answering her calls and just phone her to say that she can be with him or whoever else she wants that doesn't bore her forever. And mean it.

You don't deserve her treatment. In fact, I'm surprised you've been taking it for so long. This situation is a very clear one.

I know that you'll feel heartbroken, angry, sad, panicky and desperate, depending on the day. But don't show her any of that, just break all contact. Only months later when you get over it, even if it takes a year, you might want to rethink if you still want her as a friend in your life. But please, don't go there again. She likely won't ever change and YOU deserve so much better.

Trust me on that one. :)

Brando · Accepted Answer

To me, it sounds like both sides are in the wrong. It's not fair on you that she has cheated before and is acting in this way. I think you are right to suspect because I'm a believer in "Forgive (possibly), but don't forget". Once a person cheats, things will never be the same. Which is why you are suspicious.

On the other hand, I can understand why she is getting upset at you for trying to see what she is texting. Disregarding her history, everyone has the right to privacy whether they are in a relationship or not. However, because she cheated before, you know what she's capable of. Plus her saying that she's grown bored of you means that this situation is ****ed up.

You don't trust her, she's bored with you. Look out for yourself and end this relationship before you really get hurt. She doesn't respect you enough to either put effort into the relationship or showing you the courtesy of breaking it off cleanly. Stop now before you get any deeper.

PHILR · Accepted Answer

dude she's at it again give her all the time she needs matter of fact let her know it can be permanent. because your not putting your life on hold while she has flings with other guys and has insulted you as well (calling you boring) if this other guy she seems to like seems less boring to her than you then let her have him totally . look at it this way she's keeping you on the back burner just in case this guy doesn't work out. she's cheated on you before and it certainly seems lkike she's done it again if she's dropped you and going with him now. probably way before she started officially going out with him she may have been cheating in some form or other.

seeing this post is almost a year old you need to update soon to let us know what's transpired since you've posted

FloppyBunny · Answer

You sound like a really sweet guy and you deserve better. Based on what you've written here, it seems to me that she's attracted to this "friend". Look, I have male friends too except I'm not attracted to my male friends, or I'm attracted to them a little bit but mostly in a non-sexual way. Your ex sounds like she really really likes him, way more than she likes you. And she should not have kept you on the side while she is already emotionally cheating with that guy.

You said she's cheated on you before. I'm really against giving cheaters a second chance because they pretty much never ever change and they don't even think about the STDs they may be bringing home, if you catch my drift.

You deserve better. You should completely cut her out of your life and move on. If you let her put you on the back burner, it's really not fair to you.

ilyurbella · Answer

it's time to move on. if she did this once before, who will say it won't happen again. and basically the way you are explaining it, she's getting an "attitude" with you & what she does with this guy. Do they hang out together? Or is that something that hasn't happened yet? And she tells you that you're boring? That should be a hint that you shouldn't be together. But you're right, it's unfair. You have a few options though.

A) Break up with her - the simplest way, but also the most heartbreaking

B) Explain to her - tell her what you are feeling with this guy even if you think it's not the most manly *this could really help and fix things up*

C) Revenge - Get back at her with finding another girl to talk to and tell your girlfriend that she's boring compared to this new girl. But this way will also make it hard on your relationship and also there's a higher chance of breaking up.

Good luck though

Iamrighturwrong · Answer

She is abusing you and most likely f***ing this guy on her "girls night out" Get rid of this self absorbed bitch now! Trust me I dated a "massage therapist" who had lots of "friends" get the hell away from this succubus now! I am trying to save you from the heartache you can be the one that says: "I break up with you" No being the one who says: "why did this happen? But I love you.!" Trust me any girl who puts her friends before her man is a bitch who needs to have her thumbs broken so that gay ass texting cannot take place, seriously why should anyone be able to make someone feel so worthless as she is doing? Is this friend Gay? If not then even worse, does she find him attractive? Do not falter or back away either when confronting, do not give an inch and do not let her convince you that you are wrong for having a human heart I hope this girl comes around or you find someone better dude.

orangelady2424 · Answer

Have you confronted her about it? If not, then you really should. Make her choose on who she would rather have in her life, you, her long time boyfriend or her new guy friend. Cause whether she likes it or not, she can't have you both at the same time!

Besides, breaking up with her may even benefit you (in the long run). I mean, firstly, you get to know the truth. Second, you get to try to move on. And last, you earn yourself some self respect.

And maybe, just maybe, she gets to realize what she took for granted after you break up with her.

pokemonlove330 · Answer

i think.. you should leave her :/ sorry, didn't really wanna say it >.< when it seems like she actually "loves" you, it could just be because well, her other emotions aren't in tact at the moment. someone who's bored with you and bored of the "every day thing" isn't worth the time. she sounds like she needs things to be constantly spontaneous. when the flame has burned out, her heart won't be into it anymore, and that will hurt you more than letting yourself go. as they say, "once a cheater, always a cheater." everyone deserves a second chance, depending on the severity of the situation. I understand that you really love her, and I've learned from experience that when you truly love someone, the best thing you can do for them is to let them go, especially when their hearts aren't willing to hold on anymore.

Unwantedmother · Answer

Sometimes someone says they don't think things with work out with someone else because they don't want to hurt the person they were previously in a relationship with. Sometimes they're right and things don't work out. So when they're hurting they get back with the person they were previously with or someone totally new as a rebound.

gruffman2 · Answer

cheat on her stay with her though like fiesty said some girls doent realize what they got intill they have been with a real bad guy, so get yourself emmotionally detatched from her and cheat because when you start trewating her like sh*t she might understand how it feels to treat the person who loves you so much like sh*t, and if you can't do that mate get out of the relationship let her be free and go and have wild sex while your young but remember to use protection

tarkan · Answer

Simple and easy: She's cheating on u, she probably started to crush on that boy and she probably want to keep you around just in case if he dump her ass, she have you to be kicked around. This kind of girl don't deserve your love, get a hold of yourself, find another girl, who's way better than her, you are still young you can do it ;)

TheGodEmperorLeto · Answer

She cheated on you once.. and you're still with her? Get the fuick away from her. For good. Don't ever EVER give her another chance. Tell her to f*** off and choke on a cock. She's not worth it. Period.

She sounds like she shouldn't be in a relationship at all.

Girlygirl120 · Answer

Bad idea

She might work it out with this guy and she is getting her own way I would have said no and I would have gotten up in the middle of the night and checked her texts and maybe even call the guy or get the number from her phone put it in yours and tell him to F*cking around with my girlfriend you still can but I would do it quick and tell h9m about her past cheating exp. If you are sure you want to do this then tell her there is no coming back and mean it and do not cave

Danielwelch · Answer

opposite gender friends are always good to have and you should never be against that. now her texting him everyday is not fair to you. and in a relationship you have to ask like a mirror, if you give crap out you will get it back so be nice and put your best foot forward that about all you can do .

yowaya · Answer

Hey I know a girl like this and she cheated on her boyfriend several times and he took her back. I was one of the guys to be honest I feel bad now about doing it but I wouldn't be with a girl like this at all. ways of making I work though is this first tell her how you very clearly and then after that ignore what she is doing with the other guy start to become distant and as some others have said start hanging out with your mates more but becareful not to give her to much space just enough also try and do some new things to make the relationship more interesting. that's all I have for you man

flo01 · Answer

No no no no no noo... She isn't in love with you at all. She's said it to you in several ways.

1. She's bored of you.

2. She's cheated on you before.

3. She relies on another guy to talk to (something that should be part of your job as bf!)

4. she treats you badly.

Pleeeeassseee break up with her. I'm a girl so I know when a girl is in love and when she is not. You're kind of letting her walk all over you so break up and find a girl who treats you right.

It doesn't matter if you love her to pieces... sometimes people who love are bad for you and you have to leave them. That's just the way it is. She's totally disrespecting you on so many levels. Leave before your self esteem becomes nothing.

Devon_Jessi · Answer

From Da way this sounds she's back at it again some cheaters never learn you should just let her learn that you feel this way and if she doesn't care drop her seriously nice guys don't need to put through this and from what you put when you comment on fiesty's answer she cheating

either giver da ultimatum either me or him

or just leave her your young find someone else it may hurt at first but you can find someone who treat you better

the_cheshire_cat · Answer

yeah, what everyone else said is spot on. Seriously...grow a set and send her to the curb.

She's just using you as her door mat. Do not allow that crap. You're much better off without her.

Likely she will come crawling back to you, don't allow that either. She acts the way she does because its been supported and she's not learned any different.

Time she learns life can be harsh and she can't treat people like crap and get away with it over and over.

NekoLGirl · Answer

I'm sorry, but she's not for you.

Find a girl who really will love you as much as you love her.

Sadly in this society, the nice guys always attract the whores and b!tches.

Try to find the girl who isn't just using you for her own emotional evaluation.

They're out there,

they're just very scarce.

magiiic_mike · Answer

DUDE! have some self respect! Ditch this broad RIGHT NOW! She doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself.  MEN do not tolerate this kind of behavior. WOMEN are attracted to MEN. BE A MAN!

BlackSuperman · Answer

You need a better gf... this one is a moron... and the invader, the interloper... a waste of sperm. Hope their relationship falls apart...You, on the other hand, find yourself a girl who will want you and ONLY you.

jd987 · Answer

im kinda going through the same thing man and I know its hard to let go but man it seems to be a f***ing game  its never ending my girl snaps on me when I say something about this guy  and if she leaves me I won't go back every again  man tehre is a lot of good women out there  don't depend on one sorry I know its not really help but let her go tell her its either me or him  take a plunge

Anonymous · Answer

Get a girl who DESERVES to be loved to pieces by you... clearly she doesn't deserve it... I mean you sound like a good guy and good guys need to stop letting "good looking girls" walk all over them.

My girlfriend has this new 'guy friend'?

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