Should I be worried that my girlfriend goes to other guys for help?

Question

Whenever my girlfriend gets in a mood or something bad happens she goes to her other guy friends for help.

Just recently she said something bad happened and she didn't want to talk about it and she said she's sorry if she seems like a bitch.

Then i went to instagram to see if she and her friend are active and they were showung that she was talking to him and they were active for 20 mins. So i know that she told him shit and won't tell me.

This happens quite frequently and it bothers me that other guys know important stuff happpening to my girlfriend that i dont even kniw about. Am i overthinking this or not?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I personally talk to some guy friends about things I don't talk with my own husband. I know these men don't discuss those things with their wives either.
On the other hand, there are things I talk with my husband and wouldn't discuss with others.

Why? Because 1. My husband isn't the best person to discuss certain things. He mostly doesn't care about work-related conversations, and is of course biased when it comes to family stuff.
2. I like to discuss and talk about things, imagine scenarios, etc., my husband likes to talk mainly about us and happy things. In general he just doesn't really care about other people and what they are doing.

I guess just the fact you would like your girlfriend to open to you more means you and my husband are quite different, haha.
My guess is that you're possibly also a recent couple? You sort of insinuate she does this often, but somehow I got the impression that she just doesn't want to bother you with her problems. She wants you to only know her happy angelic side.
That's why I'm guessing this is a new relationship.

Iwant2kno · Accepted Answer

Well she might feel like you will judge her instead of supporting her. It’s the only reason why a woman would do that, is she feels she can’t trust you, she will not open up with you and that’s obviously not a good thing. But it would be great if you tell her what you think about it and how you feel about her behavior; and show her you care and that you are willing to listen to her. If you show her you are willing to improve your communication in the relationship, she will begin to trust you and know that you care. Just improve your communication and things should be fine! Good luck! 🍀 😊👍🏼

GoodEnoughThen · Accepted Answer

Often we all just want a different opinion. We also want a little independence, even with insecure relationships. So sometimes we go to our friends for different reasons. It isn't always about you. Regardless, have a talk with her and see if she can discuss what her motivations, what those other telationships offer, and if she has any trust issues, etc. Be sure to ask yourself the same questions about your friendships with other women, or even othet guy friends for that matter. The question is why do we go to other people, ie- why do we have other friends? We need other people in our lives for balance.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

LOL, he thinks there are such things as 'guy friends'. The more 'guy friends' a girl has, the bigger of a redflag it is. To be honest, you very likely find out that gfs are a myth anyway.

Also bear in mind that a lot of women have different men for different tasks. One guy for sex, another as an emotional pillow, and one for ego boosting etc etc. You get the idea.

By the sounds of it, your girlfriend is a prime candidate for emotional cheating.

''Am i overthinking this or not?''

No, you are underthinking it.

Logorithim · Answer

That is concerning, but for the communication in your relationship, not other reasons.

Yer-dad · Answer

Many guy friends want to be more than just friends. And they use the friendship to erode the connection with her boyfriend.
But let's say that your girlfriend has 100% platonic-never-want-to-date-her male friends. Why can't she at least tell you what the subject is? And it happens frequently? That's a real sign of lack of trust for you. Or maybe she's hiding a growing connection with her friend.
As another poster said, you are under-thinking it.
Talk to her. If a calm, honest talk explodes your relationship, then it was pretty fragile to begin with.

Alwaysthinking14 · Answer

It’s not a good sign. She may see these men as “friends” but these are men that are sitting in the sidelines waiting for their chance. You need to talk to her about it and adjust your approach when she does tell you things. Make sure you’re open minded and supportive. You NEVER want to have another man be your girls confidant.

hahahmm · Answer

She’s not really 100% invested in your relationship. It’s like she’s flirting with other guys & this is not good. Potential for cheating is high.

Life is not all about what females want. Your wants matter too. If this bothers you it’s time to move on.

Lance1965 · Answer

Most women have a back-up plan and some can have a kind of emotional affair with them that can last for years. They will turn to these men for advice and secretly discuss the most private of matters. There is a reason why so many women become so defensive over hiding who they are talking to.

taco_truck · Answer

I say it might be over or close to be over. Because she doesn’t feel like she can talk to you about your guys problem or what is bothering her. Another thing about it is that guy will probably jump on the opportunity when she’s on her lowest to try to seduce her and have sex with her or any they probably have already done it but that’s just going on a limb

jello933 · Answer

Not really. For me it’s normal to want to talk to my guy friends rather than my boyfriend because I’m scared of him judging me. It should be harmless unless she’s talking to her guy friends all the time

ECityGirl89 · Answer

You should really talk with her because communication is a #1 when it comes to me and my boyfriend. I have some guy friends I go to as well but I never want to single him out. You should talk with her about this.

proteus912 · Answer

You need to talk to her and show her that you are there to help her and support her with anything. Maybe she is afraid that you will judge her or something. But you need to assure her that you will always be there to support her

ILoveAnime · Answer

They're her friends, Probably have known each other for longer. And there are things that she feels more comfortable to talk to them about that you, as a boyfriend, can't. Don't stress it.

Pete_twenty_two · Answer

A sholder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on. (I saw that somewhere)

JohnAlaska43 · Answer

Yes to me its a redflag. My ex did that and chose their opinions over mine. She also had many flings with guys because she believed in their horseshit.

Browneye57 · Answer

Women ALWAYS have a backup plan, whether they realize it or will admit to it or not.  What's yours?

Taylor_C · Answer

If she can´t or won´t confide in you, something is seriously wrong.

MostPaloney23 · Answer

Yes, I'd consider an ultimatum to be told all or it's over. But at your point I'd consider walking already since I don't think she'll change long term

GuidoThePizzaMaker · Answer

Thats the fucking worst. She is probably afraid to tell you things I used to be a real hot-head and that made girls hide things from me She doesn't trust you enough

fulloflife · Answer

she doesn't confide in you. this is why you dont date females who have close male friends. honestly, if u can't confide in me then whats the point of being together.

dtweed96 · Answer

No not really maybe your advice is as supportive even so if you are not cool with that you should rethink your advice to seem more supportive so she might actually take your advice over thers

Giggletr0n · Answer

Yeah, she obviously feels that she can't talk to you, granted that could be her issue and not something you have done.

StellarDrift · Answer

Red flag. Been there. Next thing you know, I was being cucked (LoL). I was in my early 20s. Fix it if you can. If not, move on. Hope I didn't cause you anxiety. Just being honest man. Good luck.

BrokenEmpathy · Answer

It means she's afraid of losing you so she'd rather use one of her disposable friendzoned orbiters to cover for the responsibilities she can't do by herself instead of being an adult.

Anonymous · Answer

You're not overthinking. You should confront her. Tell her what is the point became her boyfriend when she doesn't go to you during bad time

DakotaNorth · Answer

Yes be worried. You are not good enough as her first choice. I had a girl like that.

gamerboy1080 · Answer

No unless she has cheated on the past more than likely she just needs a different opinion

JSmuve · Answer

First comes emotional cheating, then comes physical cheating.

Anonymous · Answer

Time to move on. She's likely cheating or searching for a better guy.

Anonymous · Answer

Yes I would... he is now back to that woman who friend zoned him and I am the bad woman...

Piteka5 · Answer

Maybe they are long-standing friends, then it's normal for it to happen

CoffeeWC · Answer

There are things that would be more appropriate to share with friends instead of an SO.

Anonymous · Answer

You should be worried next you will lose her to him

Keoov · Answer

Not really, it just means she isn't trusting you currently. Work on forming trust first then you'll begin to see her come to you more

Anonymous · Answer

MGTOW  she is not your girlfriend  it is just your turn

Anonymous · Answer

Yep. If she has a boyfriend, why should she need OTHER MEN IN HER LIFE

Anonymous · Answer

That's usually the end of a relationship. This kind of girls will usually end things by cheating..

pogosplayhouse · Answer

I agree with @Iwant2kno

LuvAsh · Answer

Yes u should b worried

Anonymous · Answer

Does she live with you? You pay the bills?

Anonymous · Answer

Definitely

Secretgardenblood · Answer

Yes ...

Slim57 · Answer

Absolutely

Anonymous · Answer

Major red flag.

Should I be worried that my girlfriend goes to other guys for help?

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