Are most women too proud to ask a man out or make the first move?

[Stephen3355]

A small minority of women might ask a man out or make the first move, but I think in the majority of cases most women wait until a man approaches them first. Some years ago a woman once said that "we women will date the men who ask us out." The problem is very often it's the bad boys or douche bags that have the confidence to ask women out. But if women were to ask more men out then maybe women wouldn't end up with so many jerks. But I just want to know the reason why most women don't approach men or ask them out first. Is it because of pride, or maybe social constructs?

[ecfresh]

Even though it is 2019, many women still prefer men who take on the natural leadership role in relationships and are attracted to men who can take risks and stand with strength. As you mentioned in the question, many women are also attracted to confidence and a man approaching them and making the first move shows confidence. These women figure if a guy doesn't have the guts to at least talk to a stranger, that will translate to them being wimps in future situations that require much more confidence and decisive decision making. These women seek safety and security in relationships and if the man cannot step up in the simple situation of approaching them they don't have faith he will be able to protect them in the future. These and other reasons are why many women prefer a men to take the lead and set the expectations in a new interaction. Because in general men who are willing to approach them and take that risk are rare, they are viewed as more attractive and women will be more open to connecting to them.

[TheColteon]

I wish this happened more often! I get tired of guessing who likes me and I wish someone would just outright say it.

[Stephen3355]

I completely agree

[YvanKarma]

They do outright say it. if you look like David Beckham, or Jason Momoa etc etc lol

Get what i mean

[Anonymous]

It’s not about being proud. It’s an avoidance of being taken advantage of. Men are supposed to make the first move because it’s a measure of his interest. If a woman made the first move, all men would go with it, even those that aren’t interested in her, and would just use her for sex.

[Stephen3355]

But isn't that just a lazy excuse that women give to excuse them of also making an effort?

[JSmuve]

I'll just address a few things here.

"It’s an avoidance of being taken advantage of."

Even if men approached you, the can still take advantage of you. You're not immune to it one way or another.

"Men are supposed to make the first move because it’s a measure of his interest."

- An interest in what exactly? That seems like a rather ambiguous statement.

"If a woman made the first move, all men would go with it, even those that aren’t interested in her, and would just use her for sex."

- Erroneous. The guys that don't have standards might go along with it. The guys that do have standards won't.

[Opinion Owner]

It’s not an excuse. It’s a reason.

Yes but the whole point is, it greatly reduces the chances of negative outcomes!!! Girls quickly learn to be smart about it for the most part. Whether you like it or not is irrelevant. It works.

[Stephen3355]

I just think it's a poor excuse that women give to justify being lazy and expect men to do all the approaching. Women just cherry pick whenever it suits them. They want equality whenever they benefit from it, but when it comes to dating most women will say that it's the man's job to approach the woman. Such hypocrisy and double standards.

[Malaa]

So why women don't approach guys as much... My answer? IDENTITY. Let me explain :
DEEP DOWN girls associate their identity with being desirable and attractive.

Let's follow the trails of why :

So Yes they make excuses AND Personally i believe never ever seen excuses change a
situation or made things work. Stories and excuses girls keep giving to themselves
are made up to make them feel better about THEMSELVES... Why?

- Well i believe it's coming from the fact that girls overall are too polarized in emotions
meaning if you trigger their insecurities they could fall deep into depression
compared to men who are more centered and equipoised.

Which makes sense why some girls have their ego reach jupiter whenever they get
the tiniest amount of validation and attention.

So for me it's more about ego than pride even though there's a thin line in between :

- Basically if a girl approaches a guy and she doesn't get a good reaction/outcome from it,
then that would probably result in destroying her ego (which feels like death to girls)
Because again, they usually don't have the slightest amount of core confidence... Why?

- Well it's probably related to the fact that girls associate their identity and value to their
image and looks. If a girl realize she's not that desirable it feels like death to her.
It's not physical it's mental their life revolves around how attractive they are to people.

Where as true confident men usually don't give two shits about criticism rejections
opinions or even society, which is why some give themselves permission to approach
because they know they can and won't feel like death even after thousands of rejections.

So to sum it up most girls don't do it because the destruction of the ego feels like death,
Where as guys can quite easily get over a rejection without having their ego destroyed.

- We should always follow the trails of why. Then think about how.

[jennifer_bloom]

I read a woman is 40% more likely to get dumped if she does the asking rather than the guy doing the asking. When men ask - they end up feeling more attraction to the woman since they believe the relationship was their idea.

[Stephen3355]

That is so not true

[Logorithim]

Many think it's the guy's job.

[Anonymous]

I think maybe for the fear of rejection but hey they don't understand that guys share those feelings too.. Guys and girls got both rejected regardless of who make the first move, but we had always was raised for many years that men were the ones who had to ask a lady out and pursue us first. Times change and I dont see strange if a woman does the effort first, Why is wrong if a woman makes the first move? I mean some guys do it now still and that is ok, but do not be surprise if a woman does it first now as well it is also fine if they do it. This situation also applies when people ask who pays for dates or ask if it is correct if a woman pays the guy when they go out, I dont see bad if a woman ivnites the guy and treats him. What is wrong? If all of this is about gender functions well i believe now either man or a woman can do it and neitehr one has to feel bad if one of them do it first.

In my current case even if im not in a steady relationship with any guy at all or I dont hae a boyfriend or Im not dating., I do like a guy that I met 4 years ago. I had gone out on dates with the guy twice, and in both times I kinda was the one who always made the first move to set up the dates. I had even had invited the guy once for lunch. I will invite this guy again for his bday maybe next month and I be the one who will make the first move to inorm him about me inviting him.

[Malaa]

Reposting my comment here :

So why women don't approach guys as much... My answer? IDENTITY. Let me explain :

DEEP DOWN girls associate their identity with being desirable and attractive.

Let's follow the trails of why :

So Yes they make excuses AND Personally i believe never ever seen excuses change a
situation or made things work. Stories and excuses girls keep giving to themselves
are made up to make them feel better about THEMSELVES... Why?

- Well i believe it's coming from the fact that girls overall are too polarized in emotions
meaning if you trigger their insecurities they could fall deep into depression
compared to men who are more centered and equipoised.

Which makes sense why some girls have their ego reach jupiter whenever they get
the tiniest amount of validation and attention.

So for me it's more about ego than pride even though there's a thin line in between :

- Basically if a girl approaches a guy and she doesn't get a good reaction/outcome from it,
then that would probably result in destroying her ego (which feels like death to girls)
Because again, they usually don't have the slightest amount of core confidence... Why?

- Well it's probably related to the fact that girls associate their identity and value to their
image and looks. If a girl realize she's not that desirable it feels like death to her.
It's not physical it's mental their life revolves around how attractive they are to people.

Where as true confident men usually don't give two shits about criticism rejections
opinions or even society, which is why some give themselves permission to approach
because they know they can and won't feel like death even after thousands of rejections.

So to sum it up most girls don't do it because the destruction of the ego feels like death,
Where as guys can quite easily get over a rejection without having their ego destroyed.

- We should always follow the trails of why. Then think about how.

[ShoeGirl24]

No, I made the first move with my boyfriend. Had no idea he felt the same way. He would drop hints that he liked me but I was completely oblivious to them! 🤦🏽‍♀️ He got upset one day over a message I sent a guy I work with because I wouldn’t show him the message. I’d basically told this guy from work I’d got feelings for my now boyfriend. So my boyfriend was like ‘why won’t you show me what you said’ so I had to come clean and confess my feelings. I was expecting that to be it, thought he was going to stop being my friend. But no, he said he felt the same way. So after that we started getting closer and closer and then I asked him to be my official boyfriend. Best thing I ever did.

[luvstoned4him]

no I am not. I did and I actually pursued which I was later told was unwomanly of me and men are ones who should take that role.

botton line - the guy turned me down because he said although I was a potential, I pushed him away (with the pursuing and compliments etc) and he didn't even want to keep me as a friend after that. Not even as a FRIEND. Its worst than friendzoning.

[Stephen3355]

Then he's an absolute moron.

[luvstoned4him]

@Asker well whatever , its done now. We still pass each other on the street like perfect strangers. He says good day and I say it back. People looking on would never thought we were anything

[inmensus]

I'd say half of them are too proud to do it and the other half is too scared to do it. Some women do have the lame mentality of "I'm the prize so a man should do the work" but others are simply scared of what society might say because that's not the "norm".

[linaashxx]

You’ve missed out shy women, I would say they are also quite common.

[moviedude714]

Most women are stubborn and adamant

[linaashxx]

If that’s what you think... ^

[boggboss]

It's not pride lol it's just seen as the norm and has been for most off recorded history 5hat males are the ones that out most the effort into courting a women plus women love confidence and nothing screams I'm not confident like a guy that can't ask a girl out

[Ripper_E]

There could be several reasons
Sometimes it's that they are shy or don't want to be rejected, which I get, but it's like they don't understand that guys share those feelings too.
it could be they believe that if a man likes them, he will approach, and for the most part, that is true. However, most guys will not approach a girl unless she shows interest in him or hesitates for fear of being seen as a creep. A small percentage do it regardless. Also, they do it, because she doesn't.

[BuchitaBuchys]

I agree. And disagree.
I hate women that complain that they can't find good men but they refuse to pursue men.

I disagree because I don't think it's pride. It seems like it's an agonizing fear of rejection.

[Stephen3355]

But men also fear rejection, and I think that a woman is less likely to be turned down than a man. Plus a lot of men have the fear of coming across as a creep. I just wish it was more balanced and women would make more of an effort.

[BuchitaBuchys]

Men and women are different. Men are biologically more driven to take risks. That's why there are women who will still ask out despite being afraid. But they're few in number. We can socially condition all we want, but biology is hard to change.

[Stephen3355]

Okay, I just feel that women hide behind these excuses. Women will always go on about equality when it suits them, but when it doesn't suit them they will argue that it's a man's job to do this or do that. It's like me saying that my wife should always cook and clean because women are biologically more driven to be the home makers. A lot of women would disagree and call me sexist. But when it comes to dating or asking somebody out, most women will say that it's a man's job.

[BuchitaBuchys]

You don't know what it's like to be a woman so you can speculate all you want. There are some things I never understood about men, like how when they talk about problems, they insist on finding solutions. While women sometimes wanna talk just to talk. So it sounded like to me that men were being inconsiderate, but then I learned that it's men's biology making them oriented towards "problem solving". I thought they were just bad listeners.

Being treated "equal" isn't about treating us like men I think that's what a lot of men don't get. You can see me as your equal without substituting me for a man. Men and women are not the same, we are not interchangeable.

[Stephen3355]

Yes I get that, what I'm saying is that women will change the rules whenever it suits them. When it comes to cooking, cleaning, raising children etc, many women will say that these things are not women's job and that they are old fashioned and are based on social constructs. They will argue that we are suppose to live in a equal society. But when it comes to dating and asking out, most women will argue that it's a man's job and that men have been asking women out for thousands of years. I'm just saying that women pick and choose whenever it suits them. And besides, who made it the rule that men are the ones to ask a woman out?

[BuchitaBuchys]

That has nothing to do with this conversation. Most households are dual income, it's insane to require her to work full time like you and still expect her to do the chores. I can understand if she's not working, but those families are rare. So that point is pretty silly.

Men did. Men's biology. Men are hunters.
You can try to socially change men and women all you want, but biology plays a big role too. Culturally, we're not there yet. In the US, it's barely JUST going to be 100 year anniversary of women's right to vote. So relatively speaking, a whole lot more of history has favored the man being the pursuer, and woman being the receiver. It's also in the animal kingdom. Women are the wooed, men are the wooers. It's going to take a hell a lot more than measly 100 years to undo all that. Sorry.

[moviedude714]

The most common reasons women are adamant and stubborn about making the first move or asking a guy out is because they say "because men are hunters, blah blah blah, because he's the Hunter", or "because it goes back to when men courted women or because men court women"

[Stephen3355]

Well I disagree. Times have changed. If you're gonna stick to old tradition then be consistent and don't cherry pick. I can say that women are better suited to be the cooks and cleaners of the house because that's what women have done for thousands of years. You can't have your cake and eat it.

[BuchitaBuchys]

It's not cherry picking. If we're both working, then we should split the chores. If only he's working, then the woman should do them. Like in the old days, it sounds like you want to cherry pick. Instead of being the main provider, you want her to work full time with you but still do all the chores? Let's really go back to traditional ways then, man works only and woman cleans. Otherwise, you're being a hypocrite

[BuchitaBuchys]

@moviedude714 you can't change biology dude

[Stephen3355]

Yes you ARE cherry picking. You're just too stubborn to admit it. If you're gonna say that it's a man's job to ask a woman out because this is what men have traditionally done for thousands of years, then I can say that women should get out the workforce and go back to cooking and cleaning.

[BuchitaBuchys]

You're cherry picking. You don't seem to understand.

[Stephen3355]

No, you're cherry picking

[thechesseman]

No they're afraid. This is also why they don't ask for raises or get promoted in the business world. They are not taught from birth that they must go get what they want as they have a value other than what they produce. They think if they work hard and be nice they will get paid more. This couldn't be farther from the truth in male dominated professions.

[tearout]

lol
here let me show you the truth

its you
not them to them you are not good enough

start at 1 min

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFnJMPQow7A&t=120s

[PondyPand]

Most aren't proud. Most are shy and were brought up with the "men make the first move" mentality from the media and their own social experience.

[luvstoned4him]

@PondyPand exactly

[jimyee]

I don't think it's a pride issue, it's just the traditional way. But having the confidence to ask a lady out is an attractive feature. Its not wrong or right, it's just the way it is.

[alexrt]

I ask guys out sometimes haha. I am kind of shy though so I am maybe a little awkward 😂

[DalyJay]

I feel as a male it's our job to be the romantic one step up to the plate at all times, but again I feel it should be who ever feels it first because a lot of the time males don't know if another female likes them or not.

[Attractivegirl899]

Maybe, it’s about power and being able to choose or reject

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say proud. I used to show interest in guys but I always looked like an idiot because they never liked me back. Plus I’m never pursued, so I honestly don’t care either way.

[Stephen3355]

But are you good looking?

[ROCKS128]

Thats depends on the guy.
Normally they are too proud...
Its not even proud, some other word.

[Lance1965]

I suspect women fear rejection more than men do but I may be wrong.

[Anonymous]

No have this entitled attitude they want equal responsibility when it benifits them thats why feminism is shit