Are men more or less attracted to women who ask them out first?

[thatsall_]

I've been on a lot of dates, but I've never been the one to ask a guy out. I'm more of a shy person so I've honestly never even tried and I'm terrified of it. I prefer the process of getting to know someone and becoming friends with a guy first.
...
But I pushed myself and I've approached a few guys before to make conversation and some of them got the idea that I liked them but their attraction would wear off because they didn't ask me out. I felt that maybe it was because they generally weren't interested or just sensed that I wasn't really being myself and wasn't putting myself in a position to be pursued. Sometimes, guys digged that but then they only wanted sex from me, so then I reject them because friends with benefits is not my thing.

You know what I find odd? Men keep saying that they love the chase, yet sometimes they don't pursue and are expecting a woman to make the first move. I just think that's kind of cringe because I prefer to be the one who is pursued and 99% of the girls I know do too. I've noticed lots of guys might be enticed by this kind of girl at first, but then they move on to someone else who they want to pursue. *Basically they think the girl who approaches first just wants to suck their dick.* What's your opinion on the chase?

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+1 y

I'm referring to chasing someone you know, rather than a stranger.

[btbc92]

My opinion and belief are everybody has their own dating rules. Some like it, others do not. We should never generalize, assume, or ask men are this, are women are that. The real question is what do YOU want and how do you wish to be treated. Your asking strangers for a date. Remember that. Just like most women like dating strangers, women like me do NOT. Stop listening to all these other stuff. Yes, MEN overall love the chase, but it's how you choose to chase and that is if they want to chase at all or is interested. That's what many women and men are forgetting and missing. Because we have been sold many mixed messages. So I will debunk the myths here.

1. Just because YOUR attractive: physically, spiritually, sexually, etc. That does not mean that person wants to date you. In fact, there is no law that says they have to.
2. Just because the person likes you, you don't know how or why. They can like you as a person and not like you more than a friend. Especially when it's less than a year, it can be way too early unless you see each other every day, with them 24/7 365 out of a year. The person can like you both as a person and romantically. And still not want to date you. They can have both and may actually want to date you. Which leads to my next point. That's why you don't want to base all of your choices on feelings. Let alone just by feelings ALONE.
3. Just because they may want or desire a relationship with you, that doesn't mean they're ready for that right away. And that's okay. But if they're dating other people, THEN you have a problem.
4. Most guys do not ask women out anymore for a few reasons:

• They don't want to be seen as a pervert, jerk, or potential rapist for asking (even if they are solely motived by lust and sex)
• The #metoo movement has open doors for men to realize that they can't just get away with sexual stuff anymore. So they rather not waste time because now it's dangerous for them.
• They believe that it's the 21st century and we're not in the romanticism age anymore, so they expect us to do it if we're interested. Also, some may purposely do this to get back at us from all the rejection they had.
• Many are shy, introverted, or socially inept, lacking experience.
• Or they just don't care to date. They're like me, celibate, or actually can go either way. Date casually at most, or don't at all. It won't affect their life. But if they truly care about others, they rather not hurt your feelings worse by being a jerk and using you.
• They simply aren't attracted to it. And or they do not share those same values as I said before. It is better to date a friend. Somebody, you know than to date strangers. Say you are friends since childhood and you still would like for him to ask you out. Just tell him that. Men at the end of the day aren't mindreaders. No matter how many hints your sending, you can give him the wrong impression of you as you stated prior. That's why you open your mouth.

[btbc92]

5. Understand that the chase comes in many different forms:
Pure lust on Extreme levels - Acting out of sexual desires for the sake of having sex. Extreme or aggressive flirting, sexually revealing, and bold stating both verbally and nonverbally both want sex. Would do it in public for everyone and babies to see. Disgusting. But people do it: the players, P. I. M. P. S, mack-daddy's, Sugardaddy's, Modern-day 'Solomon's' (excluding nonpracticing religious people), not trying to generalize or stereotype, friends with benefits, One night stands, etc. Just using the facts.

Hormone Drive - Sometimes lust, often infatuation. You see a person, you like what you see, don't know them, fantasize a lot and it now leads you to want them. But it's mostly based on physical appearance and verbal appearance: how they communicate and speak. Which gives you a potential hint to their personality. But you can get wrong about it. Tends to be the only route many men prefer: Nice Guys, "I don't just WANT sex" guys, covert narcissists or perverts (Bad guys), or just those lacking proper experience and wisdom fall into this category (Good guys and girls).

Instinctual (Love at first sight) - This is the rare kind that is hard to find. It requires no lust, forced exposure to the person, fantasy, etc. You just KNOW in your soul that person is for you. What makes it even more true, is when that person equally knows and equally desires to share that with you. It has nothing to do with hormones, though your hormones are affected by it. And it's not lust. You would be completely disgusted by it because love and lust cannot mix.

[btbc92]

Intriguing Compliments (Platonic Friendships/Budding potential Romance)- A person has to be able to form a deeper bond first before they can commit to loving and dating. It can sadly be driven by lust, but most people tend to fall along the lines of hormone-driven chasing. And again, rarely instinctual chasing. Personally, this is the safest and purely the only chasing I agree with if Instinctual chasing is impossible for that person or even myself. Hopefully, I was able to answer the question unless you need more depth.

[thatsall_]

This is really detailed, thanks. I don't like to date strangers, I'm more traditional haha.

[Ripper_E]

Men DO NOT want to chase you. Maybe young men, or men in general, with a huge ego, enjoy it, but if you want him to chase you and there is a woman next to you ready and willing, why bother with you? Chasing a woman you love and chasing someone you don't even know is not the same thing.

People in general tend to start liking other people who like them, so if you tell a guy you like them, they might start liking you just because you like them. Start seeing you differently.

[MannMitAntworten]

When I read the comments here... guys do not like the chase. I’m a damn assertive guy and I don’t enjoy having to chase either. The way I see it, if we like one another, don’t complicate the simple by being evasive, avoidant, or elusive. Be present. Be available. Complicate things and most men will lose interest quickly.

[Anonymous]

Where is option C “Indifferent”? But it takes the guesswork out of things and that’s a NICE thing to have.

More women should do this. Also guys got to stop thinking that this means we have sex right away. We will most likely get laid but don’t jump on it.

[BlessedDaddy]

I don't think it works like that. It intrigues a man. The attraction can come on the first date. So make it good and don't try too hard.

[opnbuk59]

Men don't care a date is s date is a date no matter who ask first a yes is a yes is a good time instead if being home alone dwelling on the rejection he's been getting all year

[akanetuk]

Society makes us feel that is the man's responsibility, but things have changed though a lot of guys feel shy when asked so many will warmly appreciate the request.

[ecfresh]

Most of my relationships resulted from her saying she liked me first. I say go for it, if he finds you attractive then who cares who makes the first move

[Hotboy_booblover]

No.. not necessarily.. but it is better if guy asks first

[thatsall_]

thank you for being honest!!!

[magiusX26]

I don't know about the more or less part but do know i'ld preffer being asked out. some of those guys mite be a bit more like me in that they are feeling just as shy about asking you out (or more shy even) as you are

[smb930]

Both for me. Depends on the girl.

Just make small talk and be friendly, and things might happen. Good luck! ❤

[user46775889]

Believe me this is the best thing you did. If the guy is good and respect you. He love the fact that you are asking him out first. Only weirdos will be turned off by a women who asks first.

[tzdc21]

It's not a guarantee that they will say yes, but he definitely will take notice of that.

[Red_Dragon]

Doesn't matter. One of the hottest girls I've ever seen asked me out one time.

[ItsTheNephilim]

Doesn't affect me much. It just makes things easier for both us. Nothing else.

[DamianJ97]

I am very shy so it would make me want to do more for that girl. Because i know that she is interested in me.

[genericname85]

for me it is a very slight plus. but if i'm not attracted to her, her asking me out won't make me attracted.

[nodnol32]

More attracted. It takes a lot of courage to do that so I'll will appreciate it

[Anonymous]

can't speak for every guy, but there are lots of guys out there who love it when girls ask them out first or make the first move on them, be the initiator in starting the relationship.

[Anonymous]

I don't like the idea of chasing a girl; it is too hard to know if she is interested or not.

[888theGreat]

Same I guess I have that happen only twice.

[Cryptic-Game]

More so because it shows confidence.

[lockster]

No, thats retarded.

[lockster]

No men is like: "Yeah i like chasing women and getting stressed over if she likes me"

The moment a girl ask you out, ull be happy as fuck.

And if thats you in that pfp, u dont seem ugly, well at least from the face

[lockster]

I mean yes? U see guys here say they want girks chasing them, what more do u want