In a relationship, who should be the head of the household?

Question

Like taking important decisions in the house etc etc. Mostly my bae takes important decisions as I believe men takes decisions more maturely than women. But I do have my word and if I don't get anything I tell him "as you say". Women most of the time take decisions emotionally which might not be good for household.

In a relationship, who should be the head of the household?

Aysen · Accepted Answer

While I believe both partners should have an equal say in the decisions that are being made for the household, the one with the most cognitive and realistic approach to a proper and productive solution should be the one to take charge. There can't be flaky or unrealistic solutions to consider because all it takes is one critical miscalculation or poor decision to break a household apart! While women are more prone to include their emotions during decision making, I wouldn't say one gender has better solutions than the other as this entirely depends on each partner's approach to the solution (s) they chose and why they are committed to it. It's always best to find a solution both partners can agree on but in specific situations, that's not always the case so it's important for someone to take the lead in case there isn't an agreeable solution in mind.

In my case, even though my girlfriend owns the house and can call the shots, about 95% of the time, we both spend a good amount of time discussing all our options together and we can normally come up with a solution together that works. The other 5% goes towards me making the decision because the situation is too emotionally unbearable for my girlfriend to handle as I can keep a clear head using logic and realism. It's pretty situational who should be head of the household as it all depends on whether the couple want to make the decisions together or if one of them feels confident enough to take charge!

Mr1987Joe · Accepted Answer

An excerpt from the dialogue of "My Big Fat Greek Wedding":

“Ma, Dad is so stubborn. What he says goes. Ah, the man is the head of the house!”
"Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.”

A real man is the "head" of his household but, ultimately, it's a partnership. The way I think of it is in military terms; that the relationship between a man and his wife is like that of a commanding officer and his senior enlisted advisor.

For your reference, a senior enlisted advisor is the man (or woman) that follows a commanding officer around and helps him carry his burden as a commander of possibly thousands of men and women. They help with decision-making, both to promote good ones, and prevent bonehead ones.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

In reality isn’t it the woman taking most decisions? Decorations, furnitures, what we eat, where we go on holidays, childcare, buying gifts for arragements, socialising, buying things for the children, etc etc. Just pretending it is the man.

If it is Mona Lisa, the woman is the painting and the man is the phrame.😂😂

Should be equal but everybody have different strengths and weaknesses.

StingRayxoxo · Accepted Answer

I believe in a true partnership BUT there are always areas where one person has greater strengths and in that case, they should take the lead.

Chikky · Answer

The man, but he should consider the woman's opinion, but sometimes he shouldn't consider her opinions cause we are emotional wreck.

Goodwifie · Answer

For a long time my husband made all of the decisions without thinking of me or he'd disregard any of my suggestions.
I was miserable.
Now we make decisions together and that's how it should be.
I am happier now.

cth96190 · Answer

Man As Head Of Household
Ephesians 5:22-24 ESV / 205 helpful votes
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.

1 Corinthians 11:3 ESV / 193 helpful votes
But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

1 Peter 3:7 ESV / 129 helpful votes
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

1 Timothy 2:11-15 ESV / 107 helpful votes
Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

Ephesians 5:23 ESV / 101 helpful votes
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.

1 Corinthians 7:1-40 ESV / 79 helpful votes
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ...

Ellie-V · Answer

I don’t care about other people’s relationships, but in my own, there is no “head”. There is no leader, ruler, or final decision maker 😂

If I’m better at something or if they are better at something, that person should help the other moving forward. But I just don’t agree that this is a gender specific thing.

I know a few men who are absolutely SHIT at handling finances... just as I know a few women who are absolutely SHIT at handling finances 😂

There are more examples out their outside of things related to money, but you get the point.

I can’t agree that men in general make better leaders because I don’t feel like humans have existed long enough to PROPERLY reflect on that kind of thing.

So many women are kind of terrible and have no skill in anything. But again, there are plenty of men who are exactly the same.

Hypothetically if every single man and woman were to pair up evenly, you would still have those outstanding outliers that are difficult to just ignore.

If we all lived in a system where men had the final say in every single household, there would be a LARGE group of women who are fucked 😂

Because they got paired with the leftover shitty men... and trust me they aren’t in short supply.

Even if the reverse were to happen and women had all the say, we’d be having the same problems. Men would be in terrible shape because the head of their household is a fucking moron 👀

So... nah... I just cannot put a general stamp on this either way. Gender specific stereotypes don’t always work. And if they do, not everyone is going to WANT that and be genuinely happy. If that was the case, feminism would have NEVER been a thing. At all.
Men’s rights movements wouldn’t be here either.

Whatever works for each individual situation, couple, relationship is totally fine. I just don’t believe there “should” be a set standard on these kinds of things.

Humans are too fickle for instruction manuals.

Soporific-san · Answer

Men, tend to be more logical in their way of thinking. Women, well, look at more things than us. Men focuses on one primary thing usually. While the women, tackles more. So when a decisions comes up. Men should usually be on the right, since they have a clear picture of what will happen. Women, looks at one thing and can see more paths to it and tries to take all at once usually. Which, can be good and bad. Depends on the situation. Now, that doesn't mean men should not value what the women has to say. I want to lean with a percentage of head of household. Its not much, but Men should generally take 60% of it, while the wome take 40%. That means we still take in what they have to offer, and work around with it. It shouldn't just be one person doing it all. Should be a team effort. You're a partner for a reason, you have to help one another out.

btbc92 · Answer

There is no head of that household before you are married. The person that is the head of the household when your married is the man and always is the man. And woman needs to respect the partner that she truly desires. But he must also include his wife in those decisions. Nobody is entitled to do anything they don't want before they are married.

Lovethedove · Answer

When we got married it’s because we wanted to be partners in life. We saw success was sweeter together & even failure more motivational. We’ve come to understand how two perspectives really helps our decision making. Choosing things as a couple improves our communication. It provides a closeness & the more we learn to compromise. The better we understand each other, the more we appreciate what the other brings to our marriage. I’m thankful for how my partner sees thing differently. I’m grateful for how he genuinely takes in my thoughts. I’m so happy we can acknowledge the others intelligence & ability to provide insight & ideas. Not everyone’s marriage & decision making is the same. But I wouldn’t change ours. We’re happy & healthy working as a team 😊

simplyaramdomgirl · Answer

I believe everything should be divided equally but I chose women for a very simple reason. We usually can take better care of a household. Men are good with the financial aspect but mainly woman take better charge of a house. I live alone now so all the responsibilities fall on me. But when I was growing up my mom was the head of the household and my dad was the main provider. It was a really good dynamic because everyone had an important role to play and it worked perfectly. However as I grew up I discover that its best to divide everything equally. No one gets overworked and everything is mutual.

AynonOMouse · Answer

I think it should normally be the man to make important decisions for the relationship/family, but he also needs to know he is responsible for those decisions.
For example, if he decides it is okay for his kids to have smart phones he needs to realize they may have more stress from all the crap people say about each other online all the time. Or they may be exposed to stuff that they are too young to handle.
Or if he decides that it is okay for his kids to go on a trip/vacation with their friend's family, they may not take care of them as well, or put them in danger due to irresponsibility.
If his important decisions turn out with bad results too often, then he should give up some of his decision making power, but as long as most of the time his decisions turn out well then all is fine. Nobody is 100% correct all the time, but as long as most of the time he knows what he is doing and makes decisions in the best long term interest of his family I think it is a good thing.

Oram52 · Answer

There is NO way I'm going to be secondary and let my partner be head of the household. No woman would respect her partner if he lets her be more dominant as in wear the pants.

At the same time I don't desire a partner who would be happy me being head of the household. I desire somebody more confident, strong & independent. With her own opinions. If I was in charge that personality would not be expressed. I just don't like it, I don't desire to be in a situation where I'll be taking the lead and making all the decisions, even if I am very capable of doing so.

Traditional just doesn't appeal to me. There has to be compromise and I want her to be active participant. I want a partner and a friend, me making all the decisions is not partnership. It just doesn't appeal to me. So I'm going with BOTH. :)

Anonymous · Answer

I would like my husband to be the head of the house. But I’m the secret weapon that he’d pull out cause I’m ruthless. My boyfriend is the alpha with our dog, he’s the one that my dog looks at and responds to. He respects me but I’m more of a pushover. Yet, whenever my dog acts up my boyfriend will “ground” him, but I’m the one that closes all the blinds on him and takes away all of his toys cause I don’t deal with that disrespectful ass attitude. So yeah, my husband would be the head, I’m the reinforcement.

Hurdleez-Swampede · Answer

Men should be because the Bible has foreknowledge that men would be the greater leaders. Even before our US presidents came to be. it was men who ended up being them as the Bible said.

Not a sexist but stating why men are better leaders. They have a desire for leadership and working together. More men seem to discuss how to fix a problem and not look at others for emotional support. There is a time for that but for our country, men are better equipped.

I hate most men vs women questions because I think you knew the answer but wanted to cause a battle of the sexes war.

LSKJA · Answer

It depends on the circumstances and your skills/abilities. Not gender.
I know a couple he is excellent at home up-keep, she is extremely intelligent she's straight A's all the way.. and very strong minded in all business aspects, so she works hard, he raises their daughter, it's not what you may class as typical but it's where they both thrive. So it's right for them. Same could be said for money management or any responsibility within a home/life really.

MrOracle · Answer

There is often a more responsible person and a less responsible person in a relationship, and in most cases, the more responsible person should make most of the decisions. If responsibility isn't an issue, then the more rational person should be the one.

Those designations don't always follow traditional gender norms.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I say let the dog or cat decide. They just sniff and decide... kuch smarter than people. Lol. Beyond that... i thinknit depensa in the makeup ofnthe two people and something have to work out. Be careful who you are with as some poeple will have a strong will. There is a negotiation of power and control and decisioning that occurs early in relationship... I've observed

Mark_C · Answer

Whoever is best at taking charge in situations. Whoever is the most decisive. I feel like that can very between people. Generally speaking, I've known women in my life; family, friends, girlfriend's that prefer the man to be the head of house hold but I don't have a particular preference. As long as both of us are able to have our say and there is a balance within decision making.

MandieCatz · Answer

I would say it depends on the couple. My first husband did all of that and didn't want help. I didn't particularly like it even though he was efficient (he missed finer details). My current partner and I share in the decisions and it works great for us.

morimeme1 · Answer

I think it depends on the couple, people are different so what works for some might be a disaster for another. For me personally judging from my current relationship I would have no problem letting my SO make the decisions.

wanna2 · Answer

According to the Bible the Man is the leader of his house. That doesn't mean he's better or has the right to abuse or rule with an iron fist but honor his wife by being the responsible family member for whatever issues arise and his sweet wife helps him. Most guys now-a-days don't want to take responsibility for anything, and then wonder why their marriages fall apart

madgoat · Answer

Dunno what head of the household means. Normally, one of the two is comfortable enough and responsible enough to manage the bills and household accounts.
It's meant to be a relationship of equals, isn't it?

In a relationship, who should be the head of the household?

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