Personally, I would not unless it were small enough that it wouldn't affect me. Because if it's bigger to where i'm taking money out for months on end to help out with her debt it changes the nature of the relationship in a way i'm not looking forward to having. I've had enough experience with spending money in relationships. There's definitely a difference between giving out of the sake of giving, out of love and out of building the relationship and spending money as a subtle way of buying their affection.
If it's even 1% the latter. If you two ever break up the FIRST thing you'll think about is the money you "wasted" on them. When if you truly just did it out of love you wouldn't even think about that. It was about your love, being giving and growing together. Putting someone into that position in my opinion is unfair and it's a natural instinct for guys to want to protect his woman and help. It puts a new strain on the relationship that you may not be ready to handle.
Well before I marry someone they will need to disclose any debts or long term financial contracts they may have... then it's up to me to decide if I want to get my self involved with that...
If I end up marrying her.. then yeah I will naturally take care of all debts in the household... or at least I would try to...
This is only exclusive to marriage for me. I will not help out otherwise. I might help out informally now and then if they are seriously struggling with a certain payment... but I would not make any efforts to formally announce my involvement in any of her payments. So she shouldn't expect me to help out... she's an adult and should be capable of handling her own finances..
0
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
I did that and my partner does not appreciate it. I’ve paid off some school debt but also bought him other things that were very expensive (gifts over $300). Yet one Christmas he got mad because I spent $35 on my 2 best friends and he says I never go out of my way for him. Then when I pull up all the things I’ve gotten him, he says “I knew you were going to pull that up.” So no I would not help him pay for anything ever again. Maybe for someone who appreciates it & will become financially stable then yes. But someone who will never meet ends then no, because you’ll be doing that for the rest of your life for them in order to make both of your lives comfortable. And I’ve been w him for 6 years.
I would not venture into something as potentially ridden with problems than to pay debts that someone else makes, regardless whether he is a date or not.
First of all, if you cannot afford something, don't buy it. I don't understand this craze to get everything on loan, to make debts left and right with your family and friends.
What certainty do I have that I will ever get my money back? Even a contract is null if he declares bankruptcy. I will never see my loan again.
I have paid in full every single item I own and if I cannot afford it, I just dream about it but don't go leaching left and right.
If you're not married or living together in a long-term committed relationship than absolutely not. Once you are in such a relationship however, then absolutely! You've now become partners, one team, your lives have become interwoven. Their debt is your debt, their hardships are your hardships. But there would definitely have to be a mutual plan about any future taking on of any new debts
i have a general rule for that kind of thing. i only help people with as much money as i would never be bothered by never getting back from them. so yes if i'm with her for years, i wouldn't mind helping her out. however only as long as that doesn't inhibit my financial security.
Nope. Absolutely not! That is their baggage. I'll accept their poor life choices, as they accept mine.. but don't ask me to pay for their life choices.
I'll show them how to budget and help them learn to do that as well as negotiating with creditors.
I wouldn't expect anyone to pay my debts but me. I also wouldn't date someone who is financially irresponsible.
It would depend on how they were with finances now. If they lived frivolously or beyond their means and didn’t make the debt a priority then no, it’s their problem and obviously a lesson they haven’t learned how to manage. I would, however offer to help them make a budget and see how they can get back on top of things or if they can consolidate it into one payment. If they were financially responsible but things just got away from them then I’d definitely help out.
Depends on if I see them spending their money on other things and making no effort to ease their debt. I have friends that spend their money on fun stuff, then turn around and ask for money to pay their rent/utilities/etc, when those should have been the first to get paid, then money left over for fun. Amazing how many people don't understand financial responsibility.
If it was a small amount dating. But if we have established we are in it for the long haul then I would help them pay it depending on what it was for. If it was for tickets or do to his irresponsibility i think he won't learn unless he deals with the consequences.
I got in debt paying the rent. I'm not sure if that counts or not. I don't think it was my fault; I didn't think I had any other choice. Our third roommate flaked and we were just kind of stuck with the situation and tried to make the best of it.
A relationship doesn’t need a marriage license to be serious. If I’d help them out as their spouse, I’d help them as their girlfriend. Of course, only if I could afford it financially. Also assuming we’d been in a serious relationship for a while, possibly living together, and share much of our finances already.
No, because if they've had to bring it up to you it must be a lot. Student/car loans are never "small" or hardly ever and i've learned from personal experience that it'll never suffice. They chose to take that path, and possibly get that overpriced car they most likely new they weren't gonna have enough to pay, their choice.
Depends, if it is a debt for the house that we both live in - yes, if it is a debt for his car - he should be able to handle it on his own. I do not want to date someone who is so irresponsible with money that it gets them into such debt that he feels the need to ask for my help.
Never because I've heard way too many horror stories about guys who paid off all their wife's debts and then got cheated on and divorced and made to pay alimony for the rest of their life.
Women are fucking evil and they have no limits to how far they are willing to betray.
Satan himself is not as vicious and cruel as women are.
No that would be a foolish move and honestly in terms of future marraige it's a major red flag, if she can't handle her finances now lile an adult if we were married she'd likely sink us and we'd have nothing. A good rule is never take out loans or buy things on credit unless you need to, so many people pay 1/3 of everything they earn servicing the intrest on their debts.
Well, depends on the debt and how much I can afford. I may offer to pay for most of the stuff we need to live omtogether so they can have more money to pay their debt. I meam, I could pay the bills, groceries and what we order. when we go out for a while. However, they must show me they actually pay the debt
My brother-in-law got caught in this trap to the tune of 10K. Then his borderline-personality wife set him up, dumped him, and did the same deal on two more guys. She is now working on guy #4 who just may not realize what's in store by this sequential "man-ruiner".
That's sad to hear... Your brother-in-law should torch her vag with a bunsen burner... that should reach her a lesson... she can spend that 10k on vaginal reconstructive surgery...
That's just awful. I think it would take an especially cruel person to knowingly do that repeatedly. Some essential part of her psyche has rotted. I like to think that sometime, somewhere, somehow people like that get what they deserve.
Yes, I would. If we're a couple since a couple years and it looked like we'd have a future tugether then their debts are pretty much my debts as well anyway.
3
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
So, the parameters are us not living together, not married, and only been together for a couple of years. The answer is no. I would need to know my girlfriends debt if I plan on marrying her because if I find out she has like $900,000 in debt then I don't think I could marry someone that careless. Unless she's a real estate investor and that debt is like 5 different homes she owns. Then, that's different. But credit card debt, or other kinds of bad debt? No. Not at all.
Of course not. Money will ruin a relationship. Find someone who has the same philosophy as you when it comes to things in the financial realm. Sadly, most people are complete idiots when it comes to money.
2
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
If it was debit at a bad rate and I thought she would pay it back I might lone her the money with a contract in place if it's a large amount. Depending on circumstances I might also suggest she live with me to save money as long as it didn't tie our finances together in the event we split up.
If she was just bad with money and refused to change then id be forced to leave her as that sort of thing would become toxic fast.
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions