Mallu muslim boyfriend doesn't allow me to wear dresses without dupatta why is he behave like this?

[nishanichu]

my boyfriend is muslim and I am hindu. he always conscious about my dress. he always says you have to wear duppata with dresses because boys will look u very vulgour. that is ok. but he doesn't allow me to wear dresses in big ceremony without dupatta. cause I want to wear gown. how can I wear a dupatta with that? he didn't listen me. he stands very stubborn? i can't control him? he makes problem over with these isseues like large neck dupatta, etc. he doesn't understand me. doenst listen. how can I change him?

[kaylaS91]

If he’s worried that other boys will think you’re vulgar because you don’t wear a duppata, take that as an opportunity to remind him that you’re dating him, not other guys.

He’s probably coming off stubborn because in Muslim culture, men control women. The patriarchal mindset is still reigning so.. you can’t change him. He was raised to believe that a woman’s main (if not only) source of value is her ‘purity’ that is forever her husbands possession. In terms of you trying to change him.. I’d say that’s very unlikely to happen without you basically changing your apparel/behaviour/sense of autonomy. 😵

[nishanichu]

i can't change him fully. but i could make him understand me. and i believe he will. i don't want to wear fashionable dress. I also ask hime when wear a dress. is it ok? sometimes he says its not ok. wear a dupptta. so wear it. sometimes he says no problem but then also u have to wear dupatta. at least i want to wear dresses without dupatta in big ceremony that's all. i believe he will understand me, when he is near to me. we will discuss it

[leestella1999]

He too controlling. He can teach you how to dress up decent. My boyfriend still fine if I dress up decently but still in fashionable. Not decent means wear singles or short pants super short. I wear shorts pants because I will get rashes. There is also different clothes I would wear but still look cute and nice to my malay boyfriend. There is many types of way to dress up. But he cannot force a woman to dress up the way he want but can give some advice

[leestella1999]

Example for some event he would tell him like can you wear sometime a bit decent. You also need to learn to adapt to his culture when you go see his parents

[nishanichu]

I didn't any any short dress or fashionable. in old days he allow me to wear dress without dupatta. but now he is afraid and didn't allow. but he doesn't shout at me. he angried and don't talk to me some time. but he is too loving. I feel sometime with somedress I have to wear dupatta cause I seem my dress is little bit not good. but sometime I feel this is good , at that time he doesn't allow that's all

[leestella1999]

Maybe he want you to adapt wearing that. But I believe you guys sometime need to talk about your clothes style sometime. And I believe in your place there is a lot of man will look at your body.

[leestella1999]

You guys should talk and ask him why

[leestella1999]

But if a man force you to wear I think you should breakup. Some guys keep forcing then then girlfriend breakup

[nishanichu]

now he is far away from me. i think that makes him so afraid. when he come back to me I have to make him understand me. I think he will , because he is too loving and he can never leave me. if I try to leave him. he won't let me go. I had experience. he says do what ever u want. but next day he changes. he says I try to change. but he couldn't. he will change when he come back to me.

[leestella1999]

Breakup he is not a good guy. He has two face

[Anonymous]

Girl you may not want to believe it but that is definitely controlling behaviour and he has no right to tell you how to dress

[Anonymous]

Ok, a Muslim friend here to help.

If I date non Muslim girl and want her not to get other men attention, it means definitely I am into her. I don't know maybe a hindu guy can do the same thing with you maybe not.
But he's treating you like a muslim girl he would date, or maybe seriously want you.
I think you can tell him to trust you and that no one can take you from him as long as you don't want. and that you have the right to dress what you want like other hindu girls if that's the case with them.

[nishanichu]

thanks for the answer. he know that I won't cheat him. but he is afraid how the men look me? he says when I am with u am not afraid , but if I am far away from u am afraid.

[Opinion Owner]

Aha I understand. I think he is afraid for you from the creeps.
There are men who even if they see my girl in the street and like her, it's ok for me. But some creep young gangster guys, not educated, they will translate they way you dress as messages to them like "I dare you resist me" some dress they will read as "I have a man beware" So you should listen to him and take care of your safety. And I'm sure your family have this concern as well.

[nishanichu]

I understand that. but I always take opinion from my family about dress. they also says u have to wear dupatta not for every dresses. I f its vulgour they says u have to wear. in old days he says u can wear dresses without dupatta at sometime. but now he doesn't says. he says it will be habit for me not to wear dupatta. he is afraid. he says I know how men looks. he doesn't understand when I am try to say.

[Opinion Owner]

Based on the information you gave me. he's either one of 3

1- He's jealous and protective.
he wants you to look attractive only to him. and he can't stand the thought of mutual or one sided attraction between you and other men. and he's concerned about your safety from other bad guys.

2- He's being serious in the relationship
which means probably he's up to marrying you. or he's fallen in love for you. I know that interfaith marriage is ok in some parts of Islam. but I don't know if that works in your society as well.

3- He likes to be controlling. which means he merely likes asserting his authority on you as a girl

Which one is accurate you should know that, from his age his background, and other given information you know from your relationship.

Hope that's helpful.

[nishanichu]

we are preparing for marrying. but there is problems in my family. it will be ok. u r right he is so love and over protective. i also feel that he is controlling because he saw like in his family. maybe his background makes him like to think that, in his family. but when i say u r muslim , u brought up in muslim family in which they control women so much. he doesn't agree. just says i want to make my women that no other men look me in a vulgour way. i wish he will understand me someday when he come back from abroad. i know there will lot of troubles and debate in between us. so i have to try hard to make me understand. thanks for ur help

[Opinion Owner]

I wish you all the best and a successful union. and mutual understanding.
If a guy wants to marry the girl he likes and respects her religion, this shows that he's educated/open minded, and it also indicates that he has a strong character. Cause he doesn't care what others think about him marrying from outside his faith.

Muslim families are different in their traditions and understanding of their religion. and being Arab as well I understand that in olden times, even non Muslim women and Jewish girls started to cover up in public because there will be markets, and in these markets a lot of sex slaves and naughty guys chasing them to buy them or rape them. So the whole point was safety of body, and safety of self.

In fact I accept for my girl to wear whatever she wants in safe places like Europe, Bahrain etc. and the time is completely different.

[nishanichu]

we live in kerala. in here we wear dresses which cover our body. we won't wear too short dresses. but any way safety is the main thing. thanks for the answer and wishing

[GreenPenguin]

This sounds like a cultural clash. Right now, is the time you have to stand up and tell him that you are going to wear what you're going to wear, he may voice his opinion on the matter, but in the end, you're the one to decide.

Good luck

[sidhk69]

Hey... I just read your another question regarding getting permission from parents

This question serves befitting reply to your other question. And your still expecting that you will have any bit of freedom

[nishanichu]

hey please don't relate these two question.

[Twenty2]

Headscarf (Hijab) is there to differentiate between muslim women and non muslim women.

[nishanichu]

this isn't a hijab problem friend

[Twenty2]

Oh really?

Allah says: “Do not marry idolatresses (al mushrikāt) till they believe; and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress even though she would please you; and do not marry idolaters (al Mushrikīn) till they believe (hata yūminū), and certainly a believing slave is better than an idolater, even though he would please you. These invite to the Fire, and Allah invites to the Garden and to forgiveness by His grace, and makes clear His revelations to mankind so that they may remember.”Qur’an 2:221.

People often conflate “hijab” and “headscarf”. Wearing the headscarf is one form of hijab, but men often forget that hijab is much more. And at the genesis of the hijab discussion, the Quran commands men to not stare at women and to not be promiscuous. The Quran 24:31 obliges men to observe modesty: “Say to the believing men that they restrain their eyes and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Surely, Allah is well aware of what they do.”

Muslim men are taught to respect the hijab and not look at women sexually who are wearing Hijab (head scarf). If the women is not wearing head scarf, then she's nothing but a sexual servant to man.

[nishanichu]

thanks for the opinion.

[Twenty2]

You're welcome! I hope you get used to Hijab!

[nishanichu]

sorry. its not happening. I don't want to wear it and my boyfriend and his family doesn't want that. because they accept my religion and me as what I am.

[Twenty2]

And yet he wants you to dress a certain way😆

[nishanichu]

he is overprotective. I agree that. but that doesn't make him to wear hijab or convert me to islam.

[Twenty2]

Well, you're not his wife (till now)

[nishanichu]

well friend. I can't fight with u yaar. do u have any problem if he doesn't make me to wear hijab or convert me to muslim?

[Twenty2]

Nope! I don't have any personal problem with it. But you need to understand that marriage is a bond between two families and in your case two religions and cultures too.

[nishanichu]

yes it is. so our family must understand each other and they have to discuss. I believe Everything will be alright friend if god is with us.

[Twenty2]

I hope for the best!

[nishanichu]

agh.. thanks for that opinion friend. I like it.

[NavidJamshidi]

Cause he is Muslim if you wanna change his behavior change his religion

[nishanichu]

never. i don't want him to change his religion beliefs. I understand him. but he doent understand me. he is too good and care. i can't live without as so as him. but he have to control his over posessiveness that's all. he also know that. but he couldn't control it that's all. other wise i love his religion. his respect. and i respect his religion. he repect mine too

[NavidJamshidi]

Well look mate what he says is not caused by anything but his beliefs, It's his religion who is saying that "Muslim girls have to wear hijab and stuffs"

[nishanichu]

yes , but am not muslim. I also have wish to wear dress without dupatta at least in my cousins wedding. but for that he is afraid.

[Anonymous]

He's too controlling. Just break up with him.

[nishanichu]

no he is too loving and caring. but overprotective. I have to make him understand that he is too protective. I want a way for that?