My boyfriend is annoyed and tired of fighting?

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 2 years, for the first year and a half, he was the perfect boyfriend! Now all we do is fight. I know that I find problem with everything, and I am always scared that something is wrong with him... but he acts differently towards me. Because he does act different, I create problems in my head, ask him about them, we fight, he gets annoyed, and we make up. It just keeps going in circles. He says that he still loves me and doesn't want to lose me, but that the fighting just has to stop and he thinks that he has just become tired of the relationship only due to the fighting. I am truly in love with him... What do I do?

[leftrightnorthsouth]

im going through the same stuff here, excatly the same time frame too :( it sucks my boyfriend told me he didn't love me anymore but has stayed with me that's even worse. just start trusting him, and cut back the fights think about it what's really worth fighting over and what's not.

[Asker]

Im sorry you are going through it as well, but that makes perfect sense. I guess it just makes it so hard because of how much he used to show he loved me. He says he still feels the same, he says the relationship just isn't "new anymore" which is normal.

[leftrightnorthsouth]

he is probably in the comfortable stage, and got there before you and that made you paranoid. at least he still loves u, I'm really worried about my relatinoship and don't know what to do have a look at the question I just posted and tlel me what you think link

[shacodraco]

"Because he does act different, >>>>>>>>>>>>>I create problems in my head<<<<<<<<<<<<<, ask him about them, we fight"

i think you know what to do.

[Asker]

I honestly dont. I'm not a nagging girlfriend. I give him space. I found out this past weekend, that's he has been smoking weed behind my back for 2 months.. and still okay with it. I'm understanding.

[shacodraco]

how did your last fight start?

[Asker]

we were on the phone, he was tired and not talking. I took that as something was wrong ( I know) ... and as always we related the fight to the relationship and not just the specific topic... we then started saying that he was just tired of me always having a problem and that he just wanted to left alone. I told him that if he acted the same as he used to, all would be solved.

[shacodraco]

ahhhh this is actually a very common problem. most guys (including me) don't like talking on the phone for 3 hours about pointless sh*t. I mean I like doing it every once in a while (once a week max if that) but it really isn't my favorite thing to do. I know most girls LOVE doing this kind of stuff but you have to see it from his point of view. your problem is that you feel insecure and scared that he doesn't love you anymore. that is actually a self fulfilling prophecy.

[Asker]

that makes perfect sense. never thought of it that way before. so pretty much just chill out, enjoy the relationship

[shacodraco]

yeah that and find other stuff to do without him. hang out with your friends more and find stuff to do. don't become completely depended on him because then he'll feel like his girlfriend is a loser who doesn't have any friends or a life outside of him.

[Asker]

great idea, do you have any input on the weed issue. I know that weed isn't that bad for your body, it wasn't him smoking that bothered me... its that he hid it. I've given guidelines of what I think is okay.

A. just to please tell me when he is doing it

B. don't let it become his life

C. and don't let it change us.

Are these okay?

[shacodraco]

that sounds reasonable but he shouldn't have to 'report' it to you every time he smokes. it really isn't that big of a deal as long as it doesn't take over his life. you can even try smoking together sometime, that'll probably spark your relationship up a little, if you don't mind getting high that is.

[foolycooly1001]

stop starting fights.