No I love you after 9 months!

[Anonymous]

Hi all! I've been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months. It's generally a great relationship. We are still in the "honeymoon" phase I would say. We have maybe only have one argument. Unfortunately, we can only see each other 2-4 times a week because our schedules are so hectic. I'm 22 and he is 21. I have had one other 3 year relationship and "I love you" was said about a month in...now I understand that I probably didn't love my first boyfriend at a month in but I did grow to love him after 3 years. I have not gotten an "I love you" out of my 9 month relationship yet. And I KNOW there isn't really a time limit on when someone should say it etc the only thing I'm concerned about is that maybe he has commitment issues. He has joked around that he does. He has only had two other relationships and they are both officially shorter than 9 months. One girl actually cheated on him and he has never said "I love you" to either of them.

I tried telling him around 6 months because I thought I felt it and he kind of freaked out! ha ha I can laugh about it now but when it happened it sucked. I told him I might be starting to fall in love...just to test the waters and he was definitely caught off guard and I think he thought it was far too soon. I know there is nothing "typical" and all relationships are different. What are some things to maybe look for in his actions that show me he loves me. He is a very "macho" guy. Goes to the gym all the time has lots of dude friends he drinks with...i'm the same way with my girlfriends. He tells me that he likes me so much and he always misses me. I suspect that maybe the girl that cheated on him (it was about 1.5 years ago) really messed him up...Thoughts!? I don't want to put a time limit on things but I also don't want to pressure him into saying something he will regret or doesn't mean. I don't want to continue in a relationship if it's just "fun for now" for him. I'm dating him and I'm starting to kind of see a future with him. Not HEY LET'S GET MARRIED future but planning a trip in like 6 months future. Someone who can't commit scares me. He is a very joking around not serious person so it's hard for me to even bring this up...and I don't want him to freak out if I tell him I love you like last time...

[Ribbon]

I always wonder how his family is cause that can be a reason. My boyfriend currently is away this week visiting his folks and tonight on the phone I was joking about his dad pinching his mom's bum while she unloads the dishwasher and he told me he father has NEVER done that, he has NEVER even seen his parents hold hands, no public affection. And I said "well just because they don't in front of you doesn't mean they aren't affectionate in the bedroom' and he was like "Nope, never, I have only seen my parents kiss like twice" Then I said "so was your mom all huggy and kissy that your home" he was like "no not really" He hasn't seen them since xmas. But if your not raised in that environment, to you that would be the norm. So ask him about his parents and if they hug or kiss etc.. seriously you can tell a lot by a way a person was raised. Have you met his parents? When a guy introduces you to his parents and good friends it means he is investing himself in this relationship. It may not be at the speed you want but its moving and evolving in the right direction. BTW my boyfriend didn't say he loved me until after a year said it to me when I got drunk and we were camping and I kinda went a bit crazy like "you have never said you love me" etc.. so he finally said he loved me through gritted teeth but it was now "out there' and now we say it every day. I think at a point when so much time passes its hard to say it... awkward.

[Asker]

Yes I have met his parents and I have met all of his close circle of friends and hung out with them on multiple occasions. I personally do not come from a very lovey family...I get the impression that he does not either. I haven't been around for hours to observe how his mom and dad react but from what I've seen they do their own thing. His parents actually sleep in different rooms! I guess his dad's snoring is just awful...or so he tells me.

[Purfectkitty08]

Love takes time to develop...Nine months isn't that long of a time...I wouldn't base his level of commitment just because he hasn't said I love you.I'd rather the guy be honest about how he feels,instead of telling me he loves me just to reassure me he's committed to me...think about it,would you feel better if he just started saying "I love you" but didn't feel deep love for you yet?

Love develops slowly,it's not something you can rush or force.Be patient with him,that is if you really want to be with him.

As for actions,men will simply do small things like remember your favorite food or something you said ...or bigger things like fixing something that's broken in your house or buy you flowers...there aren't a set definition of what they do to show they care.It depends on the guy and his character.

[kokum25]

love is like a seed you can't grow a tree (naturally) in nine months. and then again people approach love differently some jump at the idea of being in love and others want to make sure they are "in" love before telling their significant other "i love you"

[Quadrophonic84]

Well, he's definitely not in the "honeymoon" phase as you put it.

Also, it's worth noting that the colder he gets, the more you get drawn in. That's typical female behavior but ultimately you're setting yourself up for some big hurt. Whether or not he's being cold on purpose is up for debate (I understand what you're saying about commitment issues, however, if he loves you he would get with you, it's that simple most of the time, that's how it was for me after I was cheated on and got into a new relationship 6 months later).

[Asker]

I wouldn't say he is necessarily cold but when I first told him it might be he was surprised and I think he joked around with me to try and lighten the situation because he didn't know how to react. That happened at 6 months and it was done that day...since then (now at 9 months) things are fine. I haven't brought it up since then and it's like it never happened. He jokes around and says things like "If you love me you'll...(insert action here). But it's just jokingly

[Quadrophonic84]

All I can tell you is that if he loved you, he would make it clear to you in one way or another.

[Anonymous]

well ask him if he likes you. ask him where he sees you guys in like 5 years. those are the kinds of stuff that you can ask him and he should be able to give you a clear answer. either I don't know, or yeah I would like to have you in my life and yeah I do like you a lot. well good luck

[maureen]

ask him if he loves you