I’ve been dating this guy for 2 years and he always acted like the nicest sweetest boyfriend ever. But i never knew him before, so I never knew how he truly was in his childhood , till his sister told me that he used to be real bully In high school, but that he stopped bullying peoples when one of his victims killed himself like he asked him to do, that he once broke a guy’s nose, and caused to another one multiple leisures , and that since he was stronger and taller than his classmates he used it at his advantage to put them down.
He never bullied me and he was always the sweetest boyfriend ever, so I am truly shock when I saw how cruel he is with the others. He told me that he changed, and that he’s a new person now, but it truly scare me to think that he asked a kid in 9th grade to kill himself.
My boyfriend is a bully to the others. Should I break up with him?
Heya that sounds really fucked up tbh. Some people can say they have 'changed' but really their lying so if he hasn't made any progress to truly change himself then if it's a last resort you can tell him to stop being a f***ing a**hole to others and think about others rather than himself or else. There's no excuse to bully people but maybe there was something that happened in his childhood that caused him to be narcissitic and not empathetic. If he doesn't mind hurting people, animals then chances are he could be a socialpath or a pychopath so I suggest you suggest to him that he sees somebody to get help and find out why he feels and acts like this. Also don't go falling for his front as he maybe 'nice and sweeet' around you but when he's around others he doesn't like he shows his true colours.
Maybe you should ask him how would he like it if the roles were reversed and he wasn't the strong or tall one and in fact someone came along who was 7 times taller and stronger than him and started bullying him. How would he like that? I know that doesn't make it right but still when you're the one getting bullied it can ruin their lifes making them depressed and scared to confront that bully. If someone killed themselves because of him that is on his head and he needs to learn from the wicked things he has been doing and truly try to change himself.
It's like a criminal that keeps on repeating the same crime he did; he commits the crime, gets arrested, locked up thinks about what he did and gets let out and does the crime again so the cycle repeats like a never ending paradox. So if the criminal truly wants to stop he needs to find a way other than the one he's been going down. So for everything we do on this earth there are consequences and rewards
Well I think you should notice his present behaviour with not only you but others too. If he has changed, he will be sweet and normal with others too. That's the biggest proof of his change. Cos change is always visible in actions and not in words. Notice his behaviour towards everyone, what does your instinct tell you? This answer is enough for you to decide. I would also suggest take opinion of mutual friends or people, how do they perceive him? Changed or the same? Make sure their opinions are genuine and not biased. You are the best decider.
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Anonymous
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These guys really don’t change unless someone bullies the shit out of them which may or may ever happen.
He may stop being violent but he still has that sociopathic tendencies. He knows society won’t allow him to physically bully people anymore, but he will find other ways to advantage of others. He will at some point start manipulating you and/or emotionally abusing you.
Although I try to forgive these people it’s hard to forgive a sociopath. Most bullies are sociopaths, they lack empathy but they know to be charming when necessary. Their brains are structured that way, it’s hardwired. It’s best to just cut off all association with them and if you do have to interact have your guard up. Either that they have been abused when they were younger.
Find out if he was abused in his family or bullied himself when he was much younger. If that didn’t happen I say break up with him
Did he just say he changed? He clearly was the nicest, sweetest guy youve met, but does it seem that way to others? Is he somehow repenting for the death he caused? Its up to you what you do, but I do not know if I could be with a person who used to be like that. I say this because I was bullied, and I will not forgive them. They ruined an entire year of my life and their actions coupled with the way society and children are, I was and still am fucked up by that year. It was just over 8 years ago. Are you willing to stay with someone who can deal that much damage and worse because he caused a suicide? Thats left up to you. I have never met him, I do not see what he is doing now... but I do not know if my bully will ever deserve anything in my eyes. Not until I am able to move past it at least, and I have tried and still do.
There’s a difference between seeing his cruelty to others and hearing about how he USED to be cruel to others. While suggesting someone turn to suicide is reprehensible, we all grow and learn. I try to base my relationships on the here and now rather than on what once was.
See if he really does change, does he seem regretful? If he does then perhaps he had changed. That experience could have changed how he acts. Tell him that it worries you. Don't judge him as much for his past but how he plans to lead his life in his future and how he is right now.
I know my opinion about this probably won't be very popular, but I honestly think that's incredibly exciting, in a perverse way. I hope you continue dating him and that you can help him manage his bullying and keep it at an acceptable level, but without giving it up entirely.
It sounds like he’s changed. Legitimately, it sounds like he saw the damage in his actions and words after that incident. I honestly think you should try to look past his, well, past. If you can’t, that’s understandable, but everyone has a past, and nobody can change theirs. I think he’s a guy who made a lot of horrible mistakes that climaxed in the loss of a life that was never intended to be lost.
It depends if he’s a sociopath or not. Those SOBs can real charming when necessary to get what they want. But they really have no empathy.
Has he changed so society will accept him? Or has he changed because he legitimately feels shame and guilt for what he did. If it’s the former she needs to get rid of him as soon as possible.
Because the longer she dates him at some point the old him will come out. It might take 5, 10 years but it’s there. If he is a sociopath it’s got spousal abuse written all over it. But if he was a bully because of different circumstances maybe he has permanently changed.
It's all about whether or not you can accept his past. He's not like that anymore and he treats you great. It's up to you whether or not it bothers you enough to break up.
Maybe you have to have an open talk with your boyfriend about his past?
Men are the most man haters unfortunately. They harm men in every aspects of life and they give women superiority. Men are the reason why we have female supremacist laws. Men are so idiots when looking in this term. But feminists also promote men to hate men. Feminists and men are the man haters.
He's a fucking beast, a bully and a murdered. You can forgive wherever you want but It disgust me, one thing is fighting idiots who deserve it or do ilegal things for living and another torture people, will you forgive if he rape a woman? Being a bully isn't much better.
Well according to lonely red pill guys on reddit, his bullying history should be making ypu horny coz he is the alpha who makes other men submit to him. Its all very homoerotic when you think about it... xD
Well if he stopped then that's in the past. You shouldn't judge someone for past mistakes if they learned. If it comes back, at the first sign you should leave.
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