Girlfriend says she’s bi and wants to hook up with another woman when drunk. Denies being bi when sober?

[Anonymous]

I went out with my girlfriend of 7 months with some friends and she got blackout drunk and randomly starts telling me about how she's into women (I had a hunch). I don't really care about that, I've dated plenty of bisexual women before. The problem is that she said she wants to hook up with another woman.

When I asked her about it the next day, she said that she was in a relationship with another girl for a year, but it was years ago and she's not sexually attracted to women anymore, she would never cheat
and she doesn't know why she said that. So now I'm wondering two things.

One: If I should believe she's not actually bi, even some of my friends have noticed different things and brought it up to me. And if not then two: if I should just leave now because she's EXTREMELY touchy/flirty with other women. Before I thought she was just being funny/silly, but if she’s actually bi, it puts all of that in a new light and I’m not gonna wait around to get cheated on.

[DockEllisDee]

You are worried about the wrong s*** bro. You should be thrilled that your girl is willing to admit to you when her inhibitions and guard are down enough from imbibing alcohol to tell you the truth... but you should be asking yourself why is it that she won't admit to any of this when we're sober?
I am guessing that the answer to that question can be found in the way that youvr gone about asking her. I bet dollars to donuts that you have made her feel as if answering the question truthfully is going to be a problem or cause issues with you guys so she backtracks and denies that this is the case while sober in order to try and smooth things out. I am guessing that the issue is your reaction in the way that you have handled finding out this information rather than her not being honest. I'm guessing that her dishonesty while sober is her attempt at making sure that your relationship stays solid but really what you're doing is repressing her ability to be truthful with you without being judgmental of her. You need to let her know that you are okay with whatever it is that she naturally desires, bro, and let her know that you're not going to take it personally because you know that she can't help but be attracted to who she's attracted to. If you're not going to show any trust in your girl, man, then you should leave the relationship but not because of her... But rather its because you have some growing you need to do before trying again. Jealousy, mistrust, and self doubt manifest in really ugly and unattractive ways. But you can practically reverse any damage you've done with your attitude so far by letting her know that you've been thinking about things and you realize that you can't try to change or control who she is and that you are absolutely thrilled with the person that she is right now and that you be much happier with her being honest with you than you would keeping secrets about her desires or past. Let her know that you have complete trust in her regardless of what those desires or secrets from her past and Te'o and that you are just happy to be in a relationship with somebody that has such an interesting and varietal set of attractions that are part of their unique personality.

[hahahmm]

It’s just like cheating when they flirt/touch other people. Very disrespectful. They do it when they do NOT consider your relationship serious but want you to think it is & give them all the benefits of that.

She’s probably screwing dudes & girls whenever possible too.

She’s testing you but she’s not worth it in my opinion. Either dump or tell her all the bs needs to end. Zero negotiating & no exceptions. Most likely she doesn’t value you/the relationship enough to follow your lead there tho

[CurLyF]

She is probably bi but maybe thinks you'll take it badly if she tells you she is still bi. Women are silly that way with each other, doesn't mean she is going to cheat, why break up for something that hasn't even happened yet. If you had caught her sending sexy pictures to women or men that would be different. You need to trust her, maybe she got horny while drunk and craved to be with another girl and that was it.

[Asker]

Thank you for the reply, you make a very good point!

[sejla]

I don't know that would make anyone nervous and the fact she said hook ups. Like you said being bi isn't really the issue but that she had some idea about not being monogamous. Not sure on this one.

[coachTanthony]

Most women I know are bi or at least bi curious especially when they are drunk. Many people are ashamed of these feelings so when they get the loose goose inside them then the truth usually comes out!

Probably one that fantasizes about it but probably would never do it unless you were there with her then... then if that is the case

YOU WIN!

[Moonchild714]

I'm more concerned with the Black-out Drunk part. That's very dangerous.

As far as the Bi thing goes you really need to sit down with her and tell her how you feel that you don't believe she didn't mean it truths cone out when Drunk No Inhibitions left in us we say and do exactly what we think, feel, and want. She is Bi and wants to have sex with a female.

[TremorJay]

I'd probably make out with another guy if I was drunk enough and he was pretty enough. This is definitely something I can live without, I'm just saying I've thought about it.

You bet I would deny it if my girl seemed interested even the slightest bit

[ScorpioDiAngelo]

Well on one hand, people do have a tendency to say extremely crazy stuff when drunk.
But if she's admittedly bi. Then perhaps you should consider having a very pointed talk with her about it.

If she's not happy with your current relationship, either the two of you should consider working through your issues, maybe with the help of a relationship counselor.

If she is wanting to be with a girl it's either because A) she prefers women and is just dating you to try out dating men. Or, the more likely option, there are other areas of your relationship that she is unhappy with and she feels she wouldn't have to those issues with a female partner.

[cavmanier]

She's clearly by but doesn't want to admit it due to embarrassment maybe.

We can't know for sure. I'm not bi so it's hard for me to relate but I imagine bi people want their sexuality met on every facet which one sex can't do.. So yeah they likely want to be with another person. They can suppress emotions but when drunk it's much harder. That's my guess. Of course by people will be furious to hear that.

[ScorpioDiAngelo]

I mean. I'm not furious. I do, however, think this is why we should have better education in these areas. Sir, a partner of any gender can fulfill the sexual needs of a bisexual person. We are no more likely to be secretly longing for someone other than our partner than a gay or straight person. That is to say, yes, some bisexual people cheat, but not all, or even most. Same goes for straight or gay people, some of them cheat, most don't.

[cavmanier]

@ScorpioDiAngelo
"a partner of any gender can fulfill the sexual needs of a bisexual person"
I doubt that. You have every incentive to lie and exaggerate about that to appear desirable in the way you want. I am not dumb or naive though. If it is true for you, that doesn't meant it's true for all bi people. I can see his girlfriends honesty as she stopped suppressing it in the moments she wasn't inhibited while drunk.

[ScorpioDiAngelo]

Ah yes. You've discovered my ruse. I want you, a random stranger on the internet, to desire me. What you're saying is no different than saying no straight man can ever truly be happy with just one woman because she can't fulfill every one of his sexual fantasies.

[cavmanier]

@ScorpioDiAngelo
"Ah yes. You've discovered my ruse. I want you, a random stranger on the internet, to desire me"
Umm I though it was obvious that I'm not talking about you desiring me personally. I'm talking about the general concept of desiring people.

"What you're saying is no different than saying no straight man can ever truly be happy with just one woman because she can't fulfill every one of his sexual fantasies"
No, they are totally different. As a straight man one woman can fill all the sexual needs I have because they have everything I'm into as a woman.

[ScorpioDiAngelo]

So you're saying that we are attracted solely to their body parts?

[cavmanier]

@ScorpioDiAngelo
No I know people in relationships are attracted to the person overall, but as sexual beings we are attracted to the other person's bodies.

Of course we have the capacity to just be attracted to bodies though which is why porn, prostitution, strippers, one night stands, friends with benefits and approaching or initial interest starts.

[btbc92]

Get out while you still can. That's a cop out for her to cheat. She wants to sleep around.

[Anonymous]

So, when you thought she only liked dick, you trusted her not to ever cheat on you. But now that you know she ~also~ likes pussy, there's clearly no way she/ll be able to control herself. Am I reading that right?

[Boppy]

A. He's clearly an expert at slinging sausage.
B. She talked about how she wanted to score some pussy. If she talked about wanting to score some dick, it'd be the same cause for concern.

[Asker]

No, you’re not unfortunately. I don’t care if she likes girls, but if she tells me she wants to hook up with another girl then call me crazy, but I worry she might do it!

[cavmanier]

"But now that you know she ~also~ likes pussy, there's clearly no way she/ll be able to control herself"
Well yeah because restraint has to be overcome with will power. A person sitting next to freshly baked cookies may resist them but many's willpower will fail. A person sitting next to moldy bread would never eat it though.

[ronaldo75]

WOmen are normally lying cheats, especially bitches who drink, no one is denying that. However, bi women are 10 times the whores that straight women are. That's the point.

[Boppy]

Nah, I think the point is saying she wanted to have sex with someone else, not just being attracted to others.

[Gedaria]

My second wife was bi. She was very much like that. I knew from the start she was, and I half expected her to be touchy feely. She was like that with me. We use to hang around in clubs for lesbians and gays. I'm transgender so I didn't mind. It's a way of life that is slightly different but I loved her to bits and just wanted her to be happy...

[Barrabus_the_Free]

She's lying. She's either looking to cheat on you, and is testing the waters, or she's already done so and wants to judge how you'll react to finding out.

Either way, there's only one correct response: dump the bitch.

[Cactusqueen]

I guess it depends on what you’re comfortable with. Some people are naturally flirty but wouldn’t act on the flirtation. Others are cheaters who let their lust rule them. She may just be a flirt but you might find that disrespectful.

[Unit1]

My anonymous friend. Now you know the truth.

Denial is your enemy.

[dobby-is-a-free-elf]

Maybe she’s bi but doesn’t feel confident telling you about it sober and she’s trying to keep it a secret.

[Miristheiss]

That doesn't sound like a good relationship to be in.

[ForteExe]

Trust your gut. If you're asking on here then you already have serious doubts and some idea of what to do.

[ronaldo75]

There is no such thing as "drunk bi" or drunk gay. She's bi and eventually is going to eat pussy after a night of drinking then lie to you about it.

[bamesjond0069]

If she dated another girl for a year she's definitely bi, no question about it.

[sir_anon]

Subconsciously she is into women but conscious she is in the closet

[Nachowedgie]

She's going to cheat, leave her, find someone better

[Anonymous]

I guess you could have a threesome but do you really think she will cheat?

[PondyPand]

don't take what has been said drunkenly as gospel.