The best thing you can do for yourself is set healthy boundaries for how you will allow others to treat you. The only people who will be offended by the boundaries that you set are the ones who weren't treating you right anyway!
Do you let people stay for longer than they deserve?
Unfortunately, yes, but not as much anymore as I used to.
I've made the mistake of thinking that since someone has potential to be a much better person, they weren't truly that bad and maybe I could help bring it out of them. No. They can only bring it out of themselves. You can influence it, but if they're happy in their ways as is, there's nothing you can do about it.
I've also tried to help people who have gotten themselves in messes for years. Unfortunately, most of them do not really want out of those messes, and they try to drag me down with them.
yes I do, I've gotten better, but because of how I think it causes me to always see some value and Im giving and empathic so it's easy to allow my needs to be put aside.
As well, I don't allow people in easy or allow them in too easy. It's patterns of emotional junk from like... I see it in others.
I don't know that I buy this boundaries thing, I'm still thinking on it. It's a solution but not sure the right one.
Not typically. If anything I’m too quick to so people the door out of my life. Life is too short and precious to wast on toxic and crappy people.
That’s a great saying: “the only people who will be offended by the boundaries that you set are the ones who weren’t treating you right anyway.” I think that is very true.
I asked my girlfriend to move out at the beginning of April. I gave her a deadline of May 15. On May 4, she was hospitalized for the first of three times in three months. She improved and started working part time in late July. She became a full-time employee about a month ago and she is finally moving this weekend. . . eight months after my initial request. I could have forced the issue but she would have been homeless and I would have felt guilty about that. . . but I did allow her to stay far too long!
Yes. I had a “friend” who became emotionally abusive towards me. I searched “emotional abuse” at the time because of how much they were hurting my feelings (on purpose and enjoying themselves while doing so) and their behaviour literally ticked all the boxes. I should have blocked their ass as soon as they refused to help me when I was upset (first red flag) but I allowed it to continue for six months because I was lonely and desperate to have a friend. I finally blocked them after months of not talking (because they just ignored my messages and didn’t even apologise for being awful with me for so long after telling me “oh I’m feeling better now lol not angry anymore”). They make me sick and I hope that every possible awful thing that could possibly happen happens to them. People like that don’t deserve friends, they deserve to die alone.
Very good point - I have an inkling that the vast majority of us have a story or stories where we allowed something go on too long - So have "Healthy" boundaries, the important word there is healthy, don't have them so unreasonable that you miss out on a good person. In the case of where you are hurt badly, tell the person this is why I am like this and if they are worth it, they will go the extra yard to bring your boundaries back to "healthy"
I am introvert... People don't really find a Reason to stay in my life.. Jerky BFF are best part of my life.. After my horrible family... That I love for no reason..
YES! funny you ask this question... I've been making myself sick thinking about my ex girlfriend and trying to justify me keeping her in my life. My last two years have been the worst 2 years of my life and its not all because of her but she has been the common denominator in most of my issues. I've let her come and go from my life with zero regard for the way I feel. Thinking its better to have her in my life even if it sucks than let her go and deal with not having her in my life. She still texts me from time to time but I've actually just let it go and am allowing myself to love myself again and not put my worth into someone else and not hold myself down with toxic relationships.
No not really. I don’t really have a lot of issues with people overstepping my boundaries, but I do feel like I outgrow people really fast. I think I may have high standards for the people I hang with and once they show me that they can’t achieve those standards I cut them off. That’s probably why I don’t have many friends. Oh well.
Story of my life, unfortunately. I get sketchy with boundaries because I have abandonment issues, and I hold on too long to people who I should get rid off for my own well being
Sigh. Sadly, I do. I've been in a messed up relationship that ended up for the past 7 years of which I knew for a long time it couldn't go anywhere, but I got so lost in a sea of trouble (largely started by her) that I couldn't get out of it.
No one deserves to stay in your life if they don't deserve too... Actually for a girl like you, only your future husband id the only person on earth who can stay in your life forever because you belong to him and he's your life, especially if your a housewife.
Also for a man, only his wife will stay in his lifr forever.
Unfortunately most of us do. I had a tendency to cut people out too soon, maybe that was a good thing because I didn't allow Toxic people to stick around but also I didn't hive anyone much of a chance to see eho would be Toxic and who wouldn't.
Thumbed up, but having people recognize and respect those boundaries in simple polite society would be amazing. Let alone with people you have bonds with.
I think it's all about learning the balance of sacrifice, protection and hospitality. You need to know your limits and make safe ones but know an amount of fairness for each person
I don't know why but yes. It is a big struggle for me even right now at this very moment. I guess maybe I'm scared of change or the possibility of being alone.
yeah sometimes i thought that person was great person and were friendly towards me. i have started to realize no body is anyone's friend in this world only i am my only friend
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
On thing I never learned at home but with women is the right time to say fuck off!
I don't even know anymore who is worth bothering with or what to do in any situation everybody is out for themselves and lowers the bar and that is the only thing I can say about that
I never like to break friendships, what do you mean deserve? I have my bunch of stupid amigos😂, some used to be my enemies, now they are my friends, I have zero hatred for no one
Definitely. My ex ruined me emotionally but I still have contact with her and try to be there for her against everything in me that says let her fend for herself.
It’s very difficult. I’ve had been a very trusting and caring person for a while, and life hit me in the face. Old habits are very hard to break... I try to do better, but it’s hard
I totally understand that. It took me becoming a parent (having to set an example and not wanting her to witness bad shit) to draw a line. And it still took longer than it should have.
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