Should I tell my boyfriend that he not only miss first kiss or just keep my mouth shut. If I didn't tell him am I cheater?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend loves me lot.. me too.. he always worry about not being my 1st. actually he is my 4th. he think that i only had kiss previous bfs. so he always saying that" i only miss to be ur first kiss but i will be first for other things.". But the truth is i had done things with exs rather than kissing. like touching their private parts. but i never had sex. i am still a virgin.. what should i do.. should i tell my boyfriend that he not only miss first kiss or just keep my mouth shut. If i didn't tell him am i cheater? Till i met him i was being loyal to him. but i can't change past. i felt guilty about past. what should i do.. tell or not?

[AwesomeCookie]

Yunno what I've learned is that mature adults don't ask or talk about firsts or what or how many sexual encounters the other has had.
Asking opens gate ways to jealousy, insecurities, lack of confidence etc.
Sounds like you are his many first, and it makes him happy. Doesn't sound like it's you, but you've played along with this ides. Maybe stop bringing it up or when he next mentions it be honest... But really, does it matter? I would be vague about it, or brush it off but that's me. And no, not telling him doesn't make you a cheater. But him finding out from other men or people makes you a liar.

[Asker]

I told that i had bfs in past.. shouldi i tell him that what i did with exs or just keep it to me

[AwesomeCookie]

Again, that's pretty much on you and what you've already lead him to believe. I don't know is telling him going to benefit you or him and any way, is there a gain? My assumption is that telling him will cause contention and distrust because of how he was lead to believe you're his first for some of these things, or you can simply say he just made the assumption on his own and you didn't feel the need to elaborate.

[VIVANT]

It was before you met so you can’t be a cheater. You guys need to get out of the past and join the present. Stop feeling guilty and he should stop perseveration gets. . Life is now.

Not letting things go, It can become a really hard habit to break and can cause complications to yoir relstionship.

[Asker]

Should i need to tell him

[SuperManiac]

Are you his very first? I never had problems with the histories of my SO because it's like I have a history, and I care deeply about them, so I trust that they can do the same for me.

[SuperManiac]

As for opening up, it might be tricky if he can't stop obsessing about how you aren't even his first kiss. I'd find some way to at least soften things and transition there.

[Asker]

Should i need to tell him

[SuperManiac]

I do believe in openness but maybe with a lot of tact here.

[Asker]

What kind tacs

[SuperManiac]

For example, I'd try to get him at least comfortable with the idea of not being the first kiss maybe before going further. I wouldn't wait a long time either to open up, but the approach here is important as I see it -- since it's obviously very, very delicate with this guy.

[Asker]

Already told that he is not my first kiss.. the problem is if i tell him that i had touched private parts of other guys he will judge me as a bad girl.. but i am not and i am loyal to him... i dont want to make a bad image about me.. but i respect to honestly. i am in a dilemma

[SuperManiac]

Yeah, it's a sensitivity issue to me. I don't disagree with people saying you should open up and tell him if he's convinced of something other than the truth. But I am in favor of being very delicate here if you don't want to see the worst out of him. I'm just thinking if this guy is so paranoid and obsessive that he can't handle a girl who has kissed other guys before, how's he going to react to this new info? And I'm not seeing many ways to see a probable outcome that's in the favor of you both, and your relationship, unless you don't care about these types of outcomes... unless you can find the most careful and delicate way to tackle it.

[SuperManiac]

From my standpoint, you're dealing with a highly insecure guy if he's bothered by kisses in the past. If you're dealing with someone very insecure, blunt honesty isn't generally going to yield very good outcomes.. very often they'll just shut you out. So this might be something to keep in mind to find a sensitive and careful angle. You're dealing with someone who is afraid. He's probably afraid of losing you, afraid he can't compare to these other guys, etc. I don't know what he's afraid of. But he's probably afraid of something. And figuring that out, and helping him to get through it, is probably key to being able to reveal the rest about your history without scaring him away... assuming you still want to keep him around.

[cavmanier]

I think it's important to be honest. Have a deep connection is instead of something fragile.

[kaitylatte]

Take a deep breath, you didn't cheat. If you weren't with him when you did those things with other guys, you didn't cheat. If you aren't dating, you can't cheat on them. Next, was it more of an inference? Or did you tell him that you hadn't done stuff when you had?

[Asker]

He indirectly asked had i only kiss them. i just say yes indirectly... should i tell him or just leave it

[kaitylatte]

Tell him. In any relationship, honesty is 100%

[slurreyboy]

Is kiss code for anal?

[Anonymous]

wtf, i didn't understand a word xddd