A ton of girls have been flirting with my boyfriend since he got buff. It's been driving me insane. How can I best handle a ton of women flirting with him?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my now boyfriend for a long time. When we first got together he was pretty skinny and didn't have a lot of muscle. He started working out and has since gotten really buff. In a lot of ways I really love how buff he's gotten (obviously). His six pack abs, toned chest, and gorgeous butt just drive me wild!
However, he has been getting a lot more attention from girls since he got muscles. It's not hard for me to catch girls checking him out when we're in public. There are also a lot of girls who come up to him and hit on him (usually when I'm not there, but there are a few times it has happened when I'm right next to him holding his hand!). Whenever I see women flirt with my man I want to rip their heads off (metaphorically) and tell them to back off.
Part of the reason why I hate it is I don't like other girls all over my man. However, I do think that is intensified by the fact that I've gotten somewhat insecure since he got buff. I generally consider myself to be a fairly attractive looking girl, but (if I'm being honest) some of the girls that flirt with him are way prettier than me (as in 9s and 10s on the looks scale). In all fairness I do believe he's told them he has a girlfriend and isn't interested (which doesn't stop all of them BTW), but I still sometimes worry he'll leave me for some prettier girl. Maybe that isn't fair, but it's true. It scares me because of how in love with him I am. He truly is the rock of my life. If he ever left me I think my whole world would fall apart. I would have no idea what to do.

How can I best handle so many (gorgeous) women flirting with him? How can I stop being so jealous/worried and become more secure?

[Finchie40]

The number 1 thing you need to do is value your self worth and get over the insecurity , when we worry about the actions a partner can do, you will never be happy in that relationship cuz you will
Constantly be thinking they will cheat on you , you can’t be happy with someone if you feel they will betray your relationship, realize to yourself that you are a beautiful person as well and look at love as it can only be guided not forced , if your boyfriend chooses to be disrespectful to your relationship that’s something he has to live with , if he chooses to walk away , let him go , Love yourself and realize you deserve someone that will stand by your side no matter what , and the only way we can do that to someone is guide them , if your boyfriend loves you he won’t jeopardize his relationship with you but if he does then let him go and realize you deserve better then that , find ways to love yourself more and to get rid of that insecurity, cuz all insecurity is going to do is make you not happy , sit down with him and tell him your feelings , tell him it bothers you that all these girls are flirting with you , if he loves you he will back off and ignore these girls and focus on you , if he still does it after you communicate with him then you really need to reconsider if you want to be with someone that disrespects you

[Finchie40]

Thanks for MHO , hope I was able to help you

[youknowbetter]

There is nothing you can do about this. Unless you break up with him and date an unattractive guy. But then you will eventually break that guys heart because you will likely lose interest in him.

I do think it’s cool that you started dating him when he was less attractive, skinny. It shows you like him for other reasons. However if you continue to act insecure about this and paranoid it will work against you. If you nag him it might push him in a direction you are very scared of.

The question is, do you trust him? I dated a girl a few years ago who trusted me 100% when I went out my buddies (including Vegas trips). I was competing in pro mma at the time (I was shredded) and did some B level acting. There were tons of flirty women around me but she never said a word about out of trust. I RESPECTED her trust. Yes I got tempted a few times but I never gave in. I just thought about how horrified I would be to see that devastated look on her face if she found out I cheated.

Now if she was constantly insecure and nagging me all the time about it. Well that might of done the reverse on me.

[ThePityPartyGirl]

1. You are beautiful no matter who he talks to. And to him you should be the most beautiful girl in his eyes. He probably doesn't see these girls as attractive as you think. If there are somethings you are a little insecure about, try working on then or accepting yourself for who you are and know that there is not a single girl who is unique like you and your man should be lucky.

2. Ask your boyfriend what he likes about you I'm sure he will mention so many things. He is loyal to you, he tells other girls he already has a gorgeous girl. This can help raise self confidence in yourself and make you feel secure in the relationship.

3. Pay attention to how he handles the flirting. Does he go along with it? Does he flirt back? Do they exchange numbers? Talk to him about it if something doesn't feel comfortable and set boundaries. It is important to trust him fully. If you are unsure, get one of your girl best friends, have her flirt with him, and see what he does for sure. In the end there is nothing to worry about he doesn't see these girls as attractive as you.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

First of all, you need to be able to trust him to set and enforce appropriate boundaries. Trust is the foundation of a relationship and without it, any relationship is doomed to fail. So far from what you've said, it seems like he's done a good job of this.

Secondly, if he were to leave you for one of those girls, he probably wouldn't have been that faithful or in love with you in the first place. I highly doubt any quality guy in a happy relationship would leave his girlfriend for some random girl who hit on him just because she's pretty. Pretty is as pretty does and smart men know that, and wouldn't leave a happy relationship for better looks. If this were to happen (which I don't think it will), it would probably be for the best if that was how easily swayed by other women he was.

Thirdly, he chose you and stays with you for a reason, and it likely is because of much more than just your looks.

[jgokgotit]

Realize how much you trust him. If your trust is strong enough, this should not be a concern. As for the ones stupid enough to flirt with him in front of you, give him the most passionate kiss you can muster. It will make him feel awesome while at the same time sending a clear message. When I was in the military this was a common issue with my girlfriend. However, she had good humor. We would even bet each other on how long it would take on any given day for another girl to approach me. Sometimes I would straight up tell the girls I'm taken. Other times my girlfriend would go hide somewhere out of sight (I would know where she was) and let the girls try for a while before asking who the girl was and telling the girl how the two of us met. We decided to make a joke of it because we loved and trusted each other that much.

[Alpha09]

First and foremost don't become the "crazy" girlfriend who chokes the life out of her partner out of insecurity and jealously. He'll retreat and leave you for someone else. Just keep an eye on him and don't be afraid to let a bitch know if she over steps. Besides that just be cool and know that at the end of the day you have a hot boyfriend and he comes home to you. As long as you can trust him it doesn't matter how many girls hit on him, it's your relationship and only the two of you can destroy it if you allow it.

[Price511]

In my opinion, all I can say is that if it happens, then it happens. All you can do is trust them to choose you, and if they choose otherwise, then they weren't for you in the first place. This is how I am with my own relationship, and I don't worry about it.

And the fact that he is with you while there are basically women throwing themselves at his feet is a statement in itself; he cares about you and is still loyal to you.

Just take care of each other and make sure that he'll choose you over anybody else by being a good person and striving to improve as one.

[wingattebaby16]

first, talk to him about it... Communication lasts longer than sex based relationships.

I know he likes to show off his new muscles and w/o realizing it, he likes all the attn from the women.

So if they are 9-10 on the beauty scale, where do you put yourself?

How does he dress when he goes out with and without you? probably to show off his tone body.

I want to help answer this, but don't want to say too much til I have more facts...

and you can always PM privately if the guys on here get snarky and rude...

[MackToday]

It's just a side effect, men pick up muscle if they work out, they get like your boyfriend is now. And it has a definite effect on women, they start hanging around all the time. I've laughed at times at how silly some girls are. A little muscle and they respond so predictably to these guys. Guys they wouldn't have noticed a few months ago when the were smaller. Men are dumb like that too, some bimbo walks into the room and they go nuts. Lots of people are just shallow. It'll depend on whether your man is shallow or not if he responds to these silly women hanging around him.

[_Lynx]

Yes, good points. Even if another girl has better looks or is "prettier" or whatever. If a man loves deep from heart, it is hard to find another girl that makes him "guardless" around her.

And it is easier for him to feel turned off as she leaves, because it would be easy for him to realise who worths more.

If he usually gets to that point of deep & safe feelings with you. Eventually as the phase comes of getting used to shallow girls flirting. He'll be calm enough not even to care about invitation looks with those shallow girls around. We hope he is that manly and good guy.

[Rebeccalions]

First you have to build up your self-worth. My ex boyfriend was a fashion model, girls hit on him all the time. But, I was so secure in myself, that I liked seeing other girls try because it shows I have good taste in men and even with all those girls, he loved me and never cheated.

If he leaves you for a girl just because she is prettier, then he doesn't love you and you're better off dropping him while you're young

Please don't relay on a boyfriend to be your rock. Relay on close friends and family instead

[morimorishoujo]

It’s natural, really. The best thing you can do is trust your boyfriend. If he really loves you, he would look at you as the most beautiful in his eyes. You shouldn’t worry. If he really does leave you, you would know that you’ve got better waiting for you. All I’m gonna say at last is that jealousy is a side trait you can’t control, but you can mask it with trust you put in him and your relationship with him.

[Godofbliss]

My advice... trust him and make sure he knows it... cause that'll make him love you even more... getting insecure will make you take it out on him or make you look like a bitch sometimes... try and be generous in love rather than selfish and insecure... it turns the whole relationship healthy.

[AdithyaR]

He's more likely to stay with you. The fact that he tells these girls off is a good sign. Since you were there with him before he got buff, he knows that you love him for he truly is. So I'm pretty sure he'll stay with you.
Have faith and trust him. If things get too difficult, talk to him about your insecurity. Good communication always helps.

[Anonymous]

well if there's other subtle things that he made him unworthy better dump him. usually the subtle things are when he started gets along with those girls instead run away from them, text/call them often since they kept texting/calling him.. then those are red flags. seems like he has wondering eyes

[ChiTown33]

Just be a solid woman. He sounds like a solid guy. And smart guys now how rare solid women are. I don't care how attractive a woman is. It's very hard to find one thst loves you for you. Most women jump from guy to guy.

[Beth12345]

When that happens to me, I'm usually friendly with them. I know it's sounds odd, but being friendly to someone who is being an asshole shows confidence and that you are not intimidated by them. If things comes to worst and he does end up cheating on you. Take confort in knowing he will not be able to blame it on you.

[Beth12345]

Or just punch them in the throat and hope for the best.

[spartan55]

@Beth12345
I love your backup plan lol!
But seriously, what you suggested first works surprisingly well, and I've seen it work myself. Girls like that almost expect some dagger to come their way, and when it doesn't it short circuits them.

[Beth12345]

It works so well, sometimes I get their friends liking me better. It's great. Onetime, I caught my husband looking at another woman, so I went up to her and started talking to her. It's the first time I seen my husband terrify.

[Piteka5]

It's normal to feel the way you do, but it's also a show of confidence, with all these people around and he sticks with you, clearly you likes you better. Don't focus too much on them, focus on you two, its better to build happy relationship than to worry about losing it. Because I've seen things like that happened, one of the partner get so focused on that aspect that they forget they should be having a good time togheter, the positive vibes disappear and tension starts between the two.

[Torari]

Not really much you can do to stop them from flirting, but you can try to change the way you react. Just ask yourself why you're so bothered by it, try to logically decides whether the risk of him leaving you for a stranger is big enough to care about.

Another thing you could do is become more attractive yourself, thos wouldn't stop the women, but at least you know you're not physically a lesser choice. Go to the gym and get fit yourself.

[dmm31888]

Keep a close eye on your boyfriend when these girls start flirting with him. Keep an eye on his social media and phone. The question is, do you trust your boyfriend? If not, you may want to reconsider that relationship. If you trust him, I wouldn’t worry too much unless he gives you a reason to be worried.

[taleets]

Why not work on your physical body too? It might make you feel better and feel more “on his level” so to speak. Although he sounds like a decent guy and won’t just leave you for any girl who ogles at him.

[HattieCat]

Hi. I know that. I’m a kid, but it seems like you and your boyfriend are really close. He probably sees you as one of the greatest things in his life and maybe even worries if you will leave him. I think just talking about this with him would help.

[HerLucidNightt]

Make a throwaway account on Reddit and ask this question in "r/relationshipadvice".
But only if you want a lot of serious advice and answers. If not, just keep this question here.

[eywee]

To Me... If you Are with him formation such a long time, if Hé never cheat you... You should trust him... If you Are not able to doit it while he never gives a reason to doubt, you ll have to discuss aboutissent it with him, and probably have to learn how to deal with it ^^

[sang2020]

you dont. you learn to enjoy it. He is a desirable man, and that desirable man chose you (well, choosing to stay with you). You are someone that was chosen by that hot buff dude.

Be confident.

And if he leaves/turns to an asshole, send him home. You are better than that.