How do you refuse a gift from your partner?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Because it's too expesive, you don't think you deserve it or you don't want to feel in debt with them?

Updates

+1 y

I don't want to feel even more in debt

Updates

+1 y

Maybe I'll get her something back

[PettyBoop]

1) Your partner is an adult, let them decide what is or isn't too expensive and maintain their own finances. If they make poor choices it's up to you to decide if you want to be with someone who does so.

2) Why don't you deserve it? They think you do. Stop being your own worst critic and placing importance on things that aren't actually important. Your partner did a nice thing for you.

3) If you feel like you owe your partner something because they CHOSE to get you a gift, you need to address the toxic ideals that led you to that conclusion.

If you don't want the gift because it isn't something you like or would use, say so. I had my husband return a pair of expensive bright ass blue high heeled booties early on when we were dating. He misjudged my taste and while I loved that he thought of me and wanted to spoil me, it's a huge waste of money to pay that much for shoes that sit in my closet collecting dust because I would have NEVER worn them. Lol.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's just that such a gift is completely inappropriate after a fight

[DizzyDesii]

My ex legit told me not to buy him $300 worth of naruto shit and gaming equipment because all he was gonna get me was a $20 gift card. Lmao that was enough for me to say, fine i won't buy you anything. He didn't even have to spend more than $100 on me, but $20? Bra my fam wouldve given more than that. I hated dating El Cheapo forreal.

[AdithyaR]

You were gonna him a Naruto themed gift? Highest respect sis!

[DizzyDesii]

@AdithyaR yea tbh you know im not a fan of anime and gaming but i loved him so i was gonna buy him all the headbands and keychains and custom jackets, etc... I was also gonna get him a gaming chair and stuff. And he wanted all this stuff too but he didn't wanna feel like he owed me. I told him at first i was fine getting it regardless but then he said jacked up crap along with reminding me all i was getting was $20 so yea, no gifts for him

[PettyBoop]

Girl be thankful he got you ANYTHING. I spent like $150 on 4 German MTG cards that he went on about wanting all the time for him for Valentine's day one year. Along with his favorite candies and some other stuff. You know what he got me? Nothing. Said he "forgot." Dude... You forgot Valentine's day? Tf? You couldn't have picked up a teddy bear or something? Smh.

[PettyBoop]

I'm a little challenged, I'm talking about my ex and should have said that. 🤦🏻

[AdithyaR]

@DizzyDessi that was actually really sweet and thoughtful of you, I'm sorry you had that kind of guy to deal with

[AdithyaR]

@PettyBoop okay that guy is just stupid. That's so careless of him.

[PettyBoop]

@AdithyaR That's what I said too. Didn't try to make it up to me either. He really was cheap af though. The last date we went on he ordered all this food and a whole bunch of drinks. Normally we would pay whatever each of us spent and I was cool with that so I didn't say anything about it. We get the bill and I shit you not he goes, "Damn. I'm not paying that. You get it" and WALKS OUTSIDE. Left me with a $80 bill. $15 of it was mine. I dumped him because fuck that.

[AdithyaR]

@PettyBoop What the hell? Good that you got rid of him. I really appreciate that you wanted to split the bill, very few people show that kind of maturity.

[PettyBoop]

@AdithyaR Yeah, I definitely dodged a bullet. I've always been willing to split the bill. My hubby lost his job while we were dating (not his fault) and for a while I paid for all our dates myself. Put his car in the shop while he was out of work then too because his brakes went out. 🤷🏻 I can take care of myself. I want someone around because I enjoy their company not for what they can do for me.

[AdithyaR]

Yeah I understand that. I'm the same

[DizzyDesii]

@PettyBoop i agree i want their company too. Sorry your dude is like that. Yea i basically paid for all the dates and stuff when i was dating el cheapo. Sometimes if u want something nice, you gotta get it yourself

[PettyBoop]

@DizzyDesii Oh he's not my dude anymore. Hasn't been for a long time thankfully. My husband definitely isn't cheap. He works his ass off and I'm honestly more spoiled than I've ever been. 😂

[Aakash_Hangargi]

@DizzyDesii you are generous but that doesn't make him cheap maybe he couldn't afford it at that time but I appreciate the guy totally being honest to you he had self respect he told you not to buy for him there are very less people like that he was not a leech many people would have accepted a gift maybe given just flowers to you.
The man was honest wouldn't you appreciate that?

[DizzyDesii]

@Aakash_Hangargi you didn't date him. He constantly spent hundreds on random video games and cruises. He stood me up when saving for our apartment rent. He’d put like $50 towards it while i was giving hundreds. He was trash at the end of the day

[Aakash_Hangargi]

Ik I didn't date him yes if he could spend on games he could have done that lol😂may be he was trash but yet he Didnot expect from you as well he might be all sorts of moron but in gifting sense he wasn't all bad but yes not my place to speak Iknow thanks for reply 🙏😅

[TremorJay]

"Because it's too expesive, you don't think you deserve it or you don't want to feel in debt with them?"

1. You do deserve it
2. An expression of love is not a transaction, you encur no debt

I would argue that you don't refuse, but instead learn to accept. You may have to challenge your perception of yourself or your relationship with others.

I see only 2 justifiable reasons to refuse the gift. If it's truly financially irresponsible, you don't outright refuse, but compromise. This could mean choosing a different gift within your means as a couple. The best reason to refuse a gift from your partner is because you do not love them.

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

It's just that such a gift is completely inappropriate after a fight

[TremorJay]

So you feel guilty? Well this is definitely more complicated than 1 simple gift.

In any case, you have to ask yourself why you are not able to receive the gift. Maybe you do owe your partner something, and this is just a painful reminder. Why have you not been able to make amends?

[Jean-Marie_Céline]

Because I'm not capable of expressing things to her and my doubts.

[TremorJay]

Work on that

[TremorJay]

Good idea

[razelove]

Well the key word is gift, if it's given then they want to give it to you without strings. You either need to tell her that you feel indebted, and you don't feel worth it.

Not to fend off things, but to make it easier to accept help and happiness if you can't give it to yourself right now. It's tough to accept, but it's alright when it's offered from someone who loves you. Talk with her, let her know how you feel, why it's bugging you, and work it out together.

Maybe this gift gets shelved, but if it helps the dynamic you two have right now, then that's a good outcome.

[winterfox10]

Dude, just accept the gift. Just accept it. If you don't, it'll be awkward as hell. Don't let your vanity be the reason that your fiancé has the pleasure of feeling like shit for trying to do something nice for you. Just smile, say "thank you, honey," and accept the gift. Gifts from loved ones are like Facebook friends; you won't be saying anything if you accept the friend request, but it throws up needless barriers if you don't accept it.

People not accepting gifts is a huge pet peeve of mine. Set your pride aside.

[Porcelaine]

Do you believe she also thinks you'd be in debt or have to reciprocate in some way? Is this something she would bring up in the future how generous she was like in a fight? If not, that means its simply a nice gesture, and not a way to make you indebted or to control you so you'd feel like you owe her and slightly guilty. Accept it, it feels nice when a thoughtful present makes someone happy.

[pepperhicks]

A gift is. . . a gift. Not a loan or a debt. If it is early in the relationship I can see why you might question it. When I was single I gave gifts to girlfriends just because I cared about them and knew it was something they needed and could not afford. I also have received thoughtful gifts from partners that I could not afford. Please consider the thought behind it before refusing or returning a gift.

[Anpu23]

You don't. It is an act of selfishness to refuse a gift. It is insulting and makes for a very bad relationship. If you care about them, you accept it graciously.
Or as a good friend once pointed out, do you like to give gifts? It makes you feel good doesn't it? Why rob someone else of that feeling?
Let them worry about their own financial situation and no it doesn't put you in debt, it's just being a dick to refuse.

[jamesgoldman]

My second girlfriend tried to buy me a >£5000 watch

I just said I don't need it as my TAG Heuer was good (at the time) and so refused to make a choice
Later on I explained how if she bought it as a gift it wouldn't let give me pride to wear it if I hadn't earnt it

[DavidHart]

How i refuse a gift before it's being purchased..(?)
i'd say..
"i would rather have u spend that money for someone who need it more,
i prefer to see u spend it wisely.
it makes u look much attractive to me because u are my beauty with brains and i will be proud of it."

[Cherokeehp]

I don’t. I think it’s pretty rude to refuse a gift. Somebody took the time to think of something special to get you and then spent their hard earned money on it for you. I’m sure they wanted you to have it.

[Anonymous]

My partner does that sometimes he has far more money than me and he doesn't think expensive gifts are a big deal. I just say i'm sorry i'm not comfortable with it.
Or you can take it anyway and do something nice in return like help out with something or go out eat somewhere together, whatever you can offer.

[laraWM]

If you give a gift to your partner, and you are expecting him to be in dept, I'd say you're not in a healthy relationship.
Not easy, but I'd say do not refuse the gift or maybe tell him you're not comfortable with it

[not329446]

Don't ever feel you don't deserve it.
A gift is just a gift. Allowing to be more than that sets the stage for emotional conflict.
If you genuinely feel like it was too much accept it but make known your view of why the person should not have given such a gift.
Rejecting or refusing a gift is often perceived as insult at best.

[DanaeAdam5]

I would accept it because my partner spent money on it, thank her and then also say that I would appreciate it if she didn't spent so much money on me.

I like spoiling others not being spoiled 🤷‍♀️

[penneva581]

I know how you feel but think about they must feel if you reject it. They might have put a great deal of thought and love into that specific gift. If I were them I would feel offended

[the_bruh]

No, they worked and thought hard for the gift. I'd never refuse it, I'll work hard to get them something in return too.

[KingdomForAKiss]

Don't. It would build small resentment. If you prefer not to have gifts, try to make it clear during a different time.

[MannMitAntworten]

In debt? It is a gift... she isn’t running a tab. She just shows her appreciation through gifts. Turn it down and your problems will begin.

[Kit_Kat88]

It’s kind you to offer but I don’t feel comfortable

[madgoat]

Thank them earnestly, but, hug and kiss, say sincerely that are so sorry but you cannot accept it, all the while holding them in your arms and eye contact. Explain why.

[msc545]

Just tell him you can't accept it, but thank him (her?) for being thoughtful

[TheReaILifeGrumpyCat]

I wouldn't and I always deserve it and deserve more actually.

[JackSmy]

A GIFT should be given FREELY, with no expectation of reciprocation!!