How do you refuse a gift from your partner?

Question

Because it's too expesive, you don't think you deserve it or you don't want to feel in debt with them?

PettyBoop · Accepted Answer

1) Your partner is an adult, let them decide what is or isn't too expensive and maintain their own finances. If they make poor choices it's up to you to decide if you want to be with someone who does so.

2) Why don't you deserve it? They think you do. Stop being your own worst critic and placing importance on things that aren't actually important. Your partner did a nice thing for you.

3) If you feel like you owe your partner something because they CHOSE to get you a gift, you need to address the toxic ideals that led you to that conclusion.

If you don't want the gift because it isn't something you like or would use, say so. I had my husband return a pair of expensive bright ass blue high heeled booties early on when we were dating. He misjudged my taste and while I loved that he thought of me and wanted to spoil me, it's a huge waste of money to pay that much for shoes that sit in my closet collecting dust because I would have NEVER worn them. Lol.

DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

My ex legit told me not to buy him $300 worth of naruto shit and gaming equipment because all he was gonna get me was a $20 gift card. Lmao that was enough for me to say, fine i won't buy you anything. He didn't even have to spend more than $100 on me, but $20? Bra my fam wouldve given more than that. I hated dating El Cheapo forreal.

TremorJay · Accepted Answer

"Because it's too expesive, you don't think you deserve it or you don't want to feel in debt with them?"

1. You do deserve it
2. An expression of love is not a transaction, you encur no debt

I would argue that you don't refuse, but instead learn to accept. You may have to challenge your perception of yourself or your relationship with others.

I see only 2 justifiable reasons to refuse the gift. If it's truly financially irresponsible, you don't outright refuse, but compromise. This could mean choosing a different gift within your means as a couple. The best reason to refuse a gift from your partner is because you do not love them.

razelove · Accepted Answer

Well the key word is gift, if it's given then they want to give it to you without strings. You either need to tell her that you feel indebted, and you don't feel worth it.

Not to fend off things, but to make it easier to accept help and happiness if you can't give it to yourself right now. It's tough to accept, but it's alright when it's offered from someone who loves you. Talk with her, let her know how you feel, why it's bugging you, and work it out together.

Maybe this gift gets shelved, but if it helps the dynamic you two have right now, then that's a good outcome.

winterfox10 · Answer

Dude, just accept the gift. Just accept it. If you don't, it'll be awkward as hell. Don't let your vanity be the reason that your fiancé has the pleasure of feeling like shit for trying to do something nice for you. Just smile, say "thank you, honey," and accept the gift. Gifts from loved ones are like Facebook friends; you won't be saying anything if you accept the friend request, but it throws up needless barriers if you don't accept it.

People not accepting gifts is a huge pet peeve of mine. Set your pride aside.

Porcelaine · Answer

Do you believe she also thinks you'd be in debt or have to reciprocate in some way? Is this something she would bring up in the future how generous she was like in a fight? If not, that means its simply a nice gesture, and not a way to make you indebted or to control you so you'd feel like you owe her and slightly guilty. Accept it, it feels nice when a thoughtful present makes someone happy.

pepperhicks · Answer

A gift is. . . a gift. Not a loan or a debt. If it is early in the relationship I can see why you might question it. When I was single I gave gifts to girlfriends just because I cared about them and knew it was something they needed and could not afford. I also have received thoughtful gifts from partners that I could not afford. Please consider the thought behind it before refusing or returning a gift.

Anpu23 · Answer

You don't. It is an act of selfishness to refuse a gift. It is insulting and makes for a very bad relationship. If you care about them, you accept it graciously.
Or as a good friend once pointed out, do you like to give gifts? It makes you feel good doesn't it? Why rob someone else of that feeling?
Let them worry about their own financial situation and no it doesn't put you in debt, it's just being a dick to refuse.

laraWM · Answer

If you give a gift to your partner, and you are expecting him to be in dept, I'd say you're not in a healthy relationship.
Not easy, but I'd say do not refuse the gift or maybe tell him you're not comfortable with it

DavidHart · Answer

How i refuse a gift before it's being purchased..(?)
i'd say..
"i would rather have u spend that money for someone who need it more,
i prefer to see u spend it wisely.
it makes u look much attractive to me because u are my beauty with brains and i will be proud of it."

jamesgoldman · Answer

My second girlfriend tried to buy me a >£5000 watch

I just said I don't need it as my TAG Heuer was good (at the time) and so refused to make a choice
Later on I explained how if she bought it as a gift it wouldn't let give me pride to wear it if I hadn't earnt it

Cherokeehp · Answer

I don’t. I think it’s pretty rude to refuse a gift. Somebody took the time to think of something special to get you and then spent their hard earned money on it for you. I’m sure they wanted you to have it.

Anonymous · Answer

My partner does that sometimes he has far more money than me and he doesn't think expensive gifts are a big deal. I just say i'm sorry i'm not comfortable with it.
Or you can take it anyway and do something nice in return like help out with something or go out eat somewhere together, whatever you can offer.

not329446 · Answer

Don't ever feel you don't deserve it.
A gift is just a gift. Allowing to be more than that sets the stage for emotional conflict.
If you genuinely feel like it was too much accept it but make known your view of why the person should not have given such a gift.
Rejecting or refusing a gift is often perceived as insult at best.

DanaeAdam5 · Answer

I would accept it because my partner spent money on it, thank her and then also say that I would appreciate it if she didn't spent so much money on me.

I like spoiling others not being spoiled 🤷‍♀️

penneva581 · Answer

I know how you feel but think about they must feel if you reject it. They might have put a great deal of thought and love into that specific gift. If I were them I would feel offended

the_bruh · Answer

No, they worked and thought hard for the gift. I'd never refuse it, I'll work hard to get them something in return too.

KingdomForAKiss · Answer

Don't. It would build small resentment. If you prefer not to have gifts, try to make it clear during a different time.

MannMitAntworten · Answer

In debt? It is a gift... she isn’t running a tab. She just shows her appreciation through gifts. Turn it down and your problems will begin.

Kit_Kat88 · Answer

It’s kind you to offer but I don’t feel comfortable

madgoat · Answer

Thank them earnestly, but, hug and kiss, say sincerely that are so sorry but you cannot accept it, all the while holding them in your arms and eye contact. Explain why.

msc545 · Answer

Just tell him you can't accept it, but thank him (her?) for being thoughtful

TheReaILifeGrumpyCat · Answer

I wouldn't and I always deserve it and deserve more actually.

JackSmy · Answer

A GIFT should be given FREELY, with no expectation of reciprocation!!

KinaJoy13 · Answer

You don't you take it and show your grateful... plus how would you know how expensive it is... they shouldn't leave the price tag on it

bloodys2 · Answer

Whatever it is, you should just smile and accept it. She's literally extending you the olive branch.

xXlostsoulsXx · Answer

You don't just accept the gift and take it as in like love form or something like that if your partner buy you a really expensive gift why put yourself down about it?

hknmhmn4 · Answer

I would not because it will be a shame against her

Kayla45 · Answer

Say no thanks

skrewd · Answer

just say thanks and drop it in the trash can

I-C3_ME · Answer

Get her something back if it's to expensive

WowwGirl · Answer

You dont

cammie178 · Answer

Communication is key. Talk to your partner

How do you refuse a gift from your partner?

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