I ruined my girlfriend's self-esteem and I feel horrible?

Question

I love my girlfriend and she is a fox but I made her feel ugly. I thought I was joking with her. Since I felt comfortable around her and she seemed confident I didn't think she would take it serious. I commented about her breast being saggy, I lifted them up and told her "they would look good", she didn't say anything and played cool so I thought it was ok and I kept commenting for the next months. I also compared her to porns and a girl I used to hook up with and told her how perky they were. I just wanted to piss her off and make her jealous, she is cute when she is annoyed. She told me that natural breasts don't look like that and I said that they looked hot and I wanted that way. She seemed very upset I kissed her and told her she was the best. I also commented on her nose, weight, teeth in different times. One day she bursted into tears and asked me why would I do that, told me I caused her sleepless nights and mental breakdowns, she said she was trying so hard to love herself despite all the pressure in todays world and I ruined it. I feel like the biggest jerk ever. I didn't mean to hurt her and didn't think she would care. I always compliment her since the day we met but she is only stuck with the "insulting jokes". I apologized deeply I compliment her body and nose now but she doesn't seem to believe it. She used to be cool, now she is fragile, cries a lot, needs reassurance, jealous and obsessed with her looks. Even though I'm in love with her I tried to break up with her, I couldn't forgive myself and had a bad conscience she told me to stay because she loves me so much. 2 months have passed, she gets defensive when I mention an another girl, she randomly asks me If she is ordinary, would I like her more If she had longer hair and a smaller nose. It breaks my heart. She is gorgeus and out of my league. How can I heal her? I love her and she doesn't want me gone despite all. (I didn't use to be like this, I had low self esteem in the first place this year)

Sonorous · Accepted Answer

Hmm, if I were in your shoes, I'd start by expressing a clear distinction between my intentions and how it actually came across. And I'd do that in a serious conversation. I'd sit her down and tell her what's been on my mind. I'd express that I've been a shitty human but I want to change for the better. No jokes, no casual conversation, just meaningful eye contact/body language & emotional vulnerability. It's gotta be a memorable moment.

Then I'd do something nice for her like take her somewhere she likes while expressing my love through whichever one of the 5 love languages she finds most appealing.

I ruined my girlfriend's self-esteem and I feel horrible?

I wouldn't start then stop. I would incorporate it into my life and make it a part of my routine. While not making it feel like a routine to her. As for words of affirmation, I wouldn't go in-depth about the specifics of the past situations every time. I would let the words match the environment. Most of the time I would probably just reference it by saying things like:

"Even if I don't fully earn your trust again, I want you to have _________ because I fucking love you more than anyone in the world."

or

"I can't change the past, but I'm going to better myself in the present so that I can hopefully earn your trust in the future."

or

"I want you to know that I am here for you if you need anything. If I'm doing something that emotionally affects you, please don't be afraid to tell me. Because I want to grow and learn but I might need some help."

And for the gift-giving, I wouldn't go too overboard. I would get her more heartfelt gifts. Ones that take more physical or mental effort to create.

But if you aren't willing to do those things and fix what you helped destroy, then I don't think you should be in a relationship. But now would be a shitty time to end it. It would be even harder on her since she's less emotionally stable now. So think about your preferred end goal and choose your actions wisely. 👌

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

A joke is when you say something and other people laugh. When she didn't laugh, did you really think it was a joke. Some people use "ju so t joking" as a pretext to say very mean spirited things.

Imagine if she was "just joking" and said she was falling it every time you thought she had an orgasm. Or maybe she "joked" about how her 4 year old nephew's dick was bigger than yours. Real fucking funny, right?

You wanted to get her pissed off. Brilliant. Just fucking brilliant. This is not why people want to be in relationships but it is a reason why people break up.

You really need to do a brutally honest self assessment of why you are so angry and need to express that to others. And if you deny that, then you need to begin with an assessment of your level of honesty with yourself.

mamasan · Accepted Answer

Yeah, I don't know if there is a way to come back from that. All people, but females especially, have faced a lot of societal pressure since they were little girls about how to dress, how to act, and that they are supposed to look a certain way (skinny, blonde, big boobs, etc. etc.) If a girl dresses too casually, she's lazy or a slob, and if she dresses too sexy, she's a slut. If a guy catcalls hers, it's "her fault" for drawing too much attention. Sucks, but that's the way it works for us. Our partner is supposed to be our safety zone, the one person who will love us and support us when it feels like the rest of the world is against us, and by constantly putting her down, she no longer feels like you're that person to her.

It sounds like you've sincerely apologized but she just can't get your comments out of her head, which I can't really fault her for. These comments were made over and over again, so of course she's not going to believe you now when you tell her the exact opposite. I agree with what winterfox said below. Just go on loving her, supporting her, encouraging her. Don't compare her to other women, don't have wandering eyes when you go out, tell her she looks beautiful (when she does and you sincerely mean it). It's going to be a tough road back, and I don't know if she'll ever be able to get your comments out of the back of her head, but if you love her, treat her like the goddess she is to you.

modelUN242 · Accepted Answer

This is why guys shouldn't be watching porn while in a relationship. I'm so sorry this girl went through this, if my boyfriend made fun of my body like that, I would be so depressed and miserable. You should never make fun of a girl's looks in that way, we're very sensitive. Not to mention, our self-esteems are already low from what a woman should be looking like in the media. These are the type of comments that could push someone into suicide. I wonder why she chose you instead of a nice guy who would love her just the way she is.
Girls with low self-esteems tend to sleep around so maybe she will do that since you made her feel ugly and she probably needs other men telling her she's beautiful, which is sad. I'm sure you don't look like the guys in the porn, what if she started comparing your d*ck or performance? Or she could sleep with some other guy because they' would be better than you?
Since she's a unicorn and seems like a great person, because she took your disgusting insults and still "loves you", you should be grateful. Don't overcompliment her and tell her that it's not her, it's you. Put the blame on yourself. Tell her the real reason why you wanted to put you down? You obviously had self-esteem issues.

razelove · Answer

Sounds less like a joke and more like you were putting her down so she wouldn't realize she's better than you. The irony there being that there is no metric for that until you took it from joking with her to humiliating her and making her feel like crap.

You have to own that intentionally or not you were training her to be yours, which is why you're having such a hard time shaking her now that you feel that what you did was wrong. I mean, out of everything there, all of it could be taken as inside jokes you have if it's back and forth except for the comparison to exes, and knowing it was with the intention of making her jealous through breaking her self-esteem.

So, really you have two choices with what to do with her, encourage her to be her own person, whether that's with you or not, which would be the morally right thing to do, or train her how you want which would just lead to her having lower self-esteem and you having to make all decisions in your relationship going forwards.

That you feel bad about it now is irrelevant. You did what you did, knowingly, and guilt won't undo it. Throwing yourself a pity party won't change the decisions you made or the person you are, only your actions going forwards.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Answer

Some times things can be worked out. Sometimes not... Maybe you should say it to her like you did here. Not compliments... The truth...
'She is a fox" ' I just wanted to make her jealous" 'She is cute when she's annoyed" "She is gorgeous and out of my league". 'I had low self esteem in the first place this year".
She may not forgive you for that, but you need to let her know that the insults were more about your insecurities than about her looks. And not to be rude, but low self esteem or not, shouldn't ever put others down to make self feel better. That's not cool to do that. There's other ways to deal with low self esteem than to lower someone else's

AmandaYVR · Answer

65 comments now. I imagine you have enough. I'm not going to read through all of them.
I'm only going to say, why did you really do this to her? You know what you did, and what effect it had on her. You feel awful, and you should. Just ask yourself, why did you really do this?
Of course she doesn't believe you now. You broke her. You broke her trust. If she wises up and leaves you, it will be your penance, right?
So fix it. Explain to her, in honest, raw detail, why you did it. If you don't think that way now, you'd better convince her. Bare your soul to her. It's the only way. Or you'll never live this down.

nightdrot · Answer

A - for me - uncharacteristically brief answer.

First, this hardly sounds like you made one joke. It sounds like you went on a tear. You did not treat her as someone you love and care for but as an object to be used. You say you feel terrible - you ought to.

Be careful with words is always good advice. Doubly so with those we love and for the most part your words suggest a regard for self that is in inverse proportion to the cause of it.

As far as breaking up with her, this may make you feel better but here was your message: "I made fun of you. I called you unattractive and now I am going to apologize for doing so by breaking up with you, you ugly hag, and that way I will be free to find someone who looks hot and turns me on."

Of course that is not what you said or meant, but that is likely what she heard. Remember the first rule of communication - verbal or written - "It is not what YOU want to say, it is what you want the OTHER person to hear."

So quit the self-flaggelation, which is merely self-pity tarted up as apologetics. Spend time with the woman you love. Bring her little gifts, surprise her with things, and apologize over and over.

Most of all - TALK!! Not shout, not stomp your feet. TALK! Calmly and lovingly. It is said that men express love by doing, women express love by speaking. So speak her language - communicate. Talk about the two of you and be sensitive to her feelings by NOT discussing other women. You made this mess - so you need to do the hard work, and it IS hard work, of cleaning it up.

That is all you can do. The sad part is that you cannot un-ring the bell. You cannot un-say what you said. All you can do is ask forgiveness, tell her what she means to you, show it - and most of all, make some modest effort to reattach your tongue to your brain.

That is about the only advice someone who does not know you, her, her side of the story, or the nature of your relationship, can offer. Other than to add, treat her feelings like you would want her to treat your feelings. Be not just a good boyfriend, but a good person.

zayn7232 · Answer

Man u should be very very careful when ur talking to your girlfriend..
And she is your girlfriend don't forget that..
U love her..
I know girls are sensitive but it is in different sense like if tommorow a stranger comments on her body and walks away... The things that person said to her wouldn't make sad or anything... Actually it doesn't matter cause it was a stranger who said it..

Where as if a person who she loves the most comments on her body or whatever..
She will feel very bad and will be thinking about it all the time... Then comes the most saddest part that is she starts making herself feel low and even sometimes this leads to depression..
Man you love her not because you have to or you are being forced to...
You love her Because u like her.. U like being wit her.. U care for her..
Dont ever judge a girl just because she doesn't have what you want.. It's the biggest mistake you can do..
You don't know what a girl has to go under..
And you should feel horrible cause what you have done is a bad thing..
And don't ever joke on these things..

And now what you can do to make her happy is love her to the fullest... Make her feel special... Tell her that you love her for what she is and you are truly sorry for hurting her...
And lastly don't ever do this again.
Good luck

Vmm90 · Answer

Instead of commenting on what you said and how you want to fix it. I am going to briefly explain my own experiences being told such things. This in of course in Hope's you see the impact it can have and the lasting effects.

I dated a guy once who would tell me I would look better if I weighed a specific amount, he didn't understand why I would get upset. He apologized and said he was being an ass, etc. At this point the damage is done. Years later that thought still sticks around in the back of my head that i would be more attractive if i weighed less.

In order for her to be able to move past the words you have implanted in her brain, it will take work. They very well may stick by her for a long time. There is no time line for which someone can "get over" or "move past" hurtful things.

I truly believe that by posting this you genuinely want to make things right. Simply be reassuring, validate her feelings and be supportive. If you want it to work, you need to understand there is no quick fix, you'll need to be patient while she heals.

RJJ33666 · Answer

Look, if you truly love your girlfriend then you must be honest and true about your opinions but you must never be harsh. She has become very conscious about herself because of all the comments. It will take a large amount of time before she goes back to her confident self. Society has always been criticizing women for almost everything, so its much harder for woman to be confident about themselves.

You have to be very careful now, their is no instant solution for this, it will take some time. Justs keep on complimenting her and don't lie about any compliments. Be truthful and always honest to her. Whenever you have a chance compliment her on something, in that way she will start feeling safe with you and she will also become more and more confident. But like I said, be honest even if you are complimenting her, be truthful about you statements. And don't mention any girls from your past for a while, otherwise she will start to think about them too much. Keep making her feel good and special, it will take time but she will become confident and will be a better person.

All the best with you relationship, i hope your relationship goes well.

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

Poisoning would her have been easier man, a women soul craves for attention and compliments from her man, yeah sometimes joking with insecurities is good, but not to insult I understand you Didnot recognise the line, but women are like flower you should water them with affection, love, care, and complements it is then they will bloom to there true nature and beauty and also bit of trimming around is required by being stern sometimes but depending on situation.

Now you can fix this by following methods maybe.

1. Admit why you did what you did.
2. You have to give her control now at least for few months.
3. give complements not immediately but slowly stop watching porn
4. Spend quality time with her
5. take her to romantic movies
6. Hold her hands, run your hands through her hair.
7. Third eye kisses that will release positive vibe it works it's assuring and powerful.
8. Give her surprises.
9. Cook her a meal.
10. Cuddle with her make her feel secure with you.
11. I know this abit much but you broke her so you have to do this you owe her...

Tstrbrainer · Answer

Yeah this is a serious problem, you had crossed the limit.
But let's not dwell on the past, let's learn from it and move on.

Seems like you already apologized to her and you two still love each other.
First you need to admit that you are really lucky to find a girl that still loves you despite these insults.

Secondly, you need to confess to her. Give her a ring or any other gift she likes along with her favorite flower, it need not be expensive, but it should be from your heart.

Hug her tightly and tell her what she means to you. You need to tell her that you were just messing around to make her jealous, you need to tell her that
she is very cute when annoyed and you just admire her.
Tell her she is the best.
Tell her that for a guy, the most beautiful woman in the world is the woman he loves.
If you really feel like crying while talking to her, don't feel ashamed, but don't fake it.

You should compliment her more, but it should be from the heart and not something that you make up.

In short, just talk to her and be your most genuine self around her.
And pray to God if you believe in God.

I wish you two to be happy together again. All the best

pinkcactus484 · Answer

Posting this shows that, despite what you might have said, you really do care for her and mean well. And you know that what you have said hurt her.

You really need to have a conversation about this. You need to think about why you said what you did and be honest about this with her. Hopefully, she will feel open enough to say how hurt she felt. For societal (and maybe innate?) reasons, women tend to be more sensitive about our appearances than (most, of course there are exceptions) men are. Unless it's a compliment, don't say comment on her appearance, even if it is a joke. Also, when you compliment her now, she might doubt whether or not you are being serious. You just need to accept that.

I don't think it's possible to say if your relationship will survive. It might. It might not. Only time will tell. Obviously, what you say and do will have an impact on your relationship, but it may (or may not) be too late to save it. I think you realise this.

So communication is probably the most important factor here. But be ready to listen, rather than speak. And keep in mind that, for a lot of women at least, we just like to be heard without necessarily talking about fixing the issue. Finally, whatever she says she feels is valid. Even if you don't think that a particular comment that really upset her is that bad, it might be to her. So listen to her, accept that you have done wrong, and follow her lead.

Aguysopinion4799 · Answer

I see that you were thinking you were close enough to make the kind of jokes you would make like I do with my friends, where we make fun of each others little flaws, we do it knowing it is all just a joke.

But with your lover is different, they are trying their best for you to love them even more, to be made fun of based on their appearance would likely make them feel scared that they aren't good enough and that can be very damaging both physically and emotionally.

She likely was pretending to be confident while hiding her insecurities, it is a common type of behaviour in people who aren't actually confident in their own appearance.

I would say you must keep on reassuring her that you only meant it as a joke and that it was a terrible thing to say, tell her that she is beautiful and the best thing that ever happened to you, if you keep doing that she might start feeling more confident in herself and hopefully heal from it.

I know you apologised already, but one apology for something is not always enough and in fact is sometimes more damaging because it makes it seem like you just want to get it out the way.

It is good that you feel bad about it, it shows you know what you did was wrong.

Good luck :)

Eagle_93 · Answer

Yeah first off, if you post something like this, prepare for insulting comments as well.

Secondly, I'm not trying to insult you, but I wilo tell you like my mother taught me when I was younger,

"Never make fun of someone for something about their personal body that they cannot change".

It is best not to joke about a person's body because most people are insecure about themselves in one way or another, and when someone makes a comment (though they be joking), the person the comment was directed at can easily take it personally, and of they are already self-conscious about it, then it could wreak havoc on their mental state.

Just genuinely apologize to her, tell her you were a jerk for joking about her in that way (because you honestly were being a jerk... I'd never joke with my girlfriend/wife about something like that, it's too personal to her), and fully explain to her like you told us here.

I'm not saying she will forgive you, but that's the LEAST you can do for her now.

Pyrofox · Answer

Just my 2 cents it sounds like a night for making like iced coffee or chocolate and sitting down and just talking it all out. Explain that you realize like with many relationships it takes two to quote "tango." And if one of you stays silent its pretty much giving the false pretense of acceptance. Come up with some sort of I guess safe word or hand signal that can use to like know somethings not right and or need the other to level out a bit.

I would also suggest taking maybe a break from the relationship on the dating side a bit. Tempers are going to flare and sometimes just a break from one another could be just what is needed.

One of my nieces is deaf and its frusterating for me and her when we dont understand one another. And hand signs for us are the only way we communicate so things often get out of hand. Best of luck man. Just be straightforward and honest I think she will appreciate you seeing the mutual mistakes the most. And just emphasize the need for a mutually moving forward together.

Anonymous · Answer

Well you are a 19 yr old kid and kids like to... kid around. Also you obviously aren’t the type to kiss girls asses. So it’s no surprise you got a girlfriend.

But you got to know where to draw the line. Has she ever said any of this negative shit to you? Has she told you that you have a smaller D than guys she messed around with in the past? I remember I had a fling going during summer time with one chic. I knew her ex. I asked how I stacked up against her ex when it came to downstairs. She said “Oh I remember Jason being thicker” and then she “but seriously that’s okay though. Your awesome in bed”’. But the damage was already done. But I asked a question I might of not like the response to. I’m a 7 incher but I’m average girth.

I also had women mock my nice guy personality and me being “friendzoned” Out of everything that hurts the most by far. That’s much deeper. Much more heinous.

Anyway I would sit down with her and explain that you like to tease. Tell her you are dating her because you think she’s hot. Tell her that you joke around and went to far. Tell her she’s welcome to fire back with anything if you do it again

Tell her that YOU are the lucky one for dating her. Then in the future before you tease her again quickly ask yourself if someone else said this to you how you would feel.

RemoErdosain · Answer

She cheated on you before, so no, don't feel horrible, she had it coming. I'd strongly advice you to break up. I know you probably won't, precisely because you're too attached to her, and probably because you find her too beautiful and think you will not find another one like her in that respect either. If you stay with her, try to fully forgive, and don't do what you did now. The fact that you bring her down like this will only make it more likely that she cheats on you in the future too, apart from bringing misery to both of you because she will feel terrible and you will feel terrible for making her feel that way. You should reevaluate if this is the relationship you want. Some wounds are hard to heal, and yours seem to still be very much open. I saw you upvoting everyone who criticized your behavior in the comments, and it shows you're truly sorry

ChocoBrownieMonster · Answer

Wow, i honestly dont believe you deserve her. Thats like her joking about your dick size and then complimenting all your other things to rub even more salt in to the wounds.
She can forgive you but she'll never forget, you can joke but it was meant and she felt that. There is no quick fix. You'll have to keep re-assuring and dont you dare leave! You will be the biggest coward and you'll shatter her into pieces. Girls can see through your sympathy and pity. Act normal like it's all forgotten and she won't keep reacting to your over-exaggeration. If you keep trying too hard she'll see through it and it'll hurt her more.

Smoke-n-Growls · Answer

Man, you fucked up on a colossal level, dude.

There's no quick fix. You need to learn empathy, watch what you say, and think about what you're going to say and how it will impact the people you're saying it to.

No advice here, dude. You really fucked up.

Best I can do is tell you to own up to your mistakes, ask your girlfriend what you can do to help her rebuild her self-love, and honestly never comment in a negative way about her body again.

You want porn titties? Stop dating real women and buy a VR waifu set up. Seriously.

You fucked up so bad, dude. I hope she leaves you and finds a man with empathy and love in his heart and reality in his mind.

Vesuvius87 · Answer

After I read the part about her cheating on you, my feelings towards the matter changed. Personally I would never take back a cheater no matter how remorseful they were. Once trust is broken, there is no point in continuing a dysfunctional relationship. It'll never be the same and you'll end up hurting yourself by trying to get back at her because it'll never get rid of the hurt you felt when she cheated.

My suggestion would be to break up. Since she cheated what exactly is your girlfriend good at besides just being pretty and getting intimate with you? What are her good useful qualities?

If you still want to continue the relationship then you would have to have a long conversation with her about you still feeling insecured and wanting reassurance about why you should trust her again.

Ellie-V · Answer

So you routinely implanted thoughts on inadequacy in her head due to your insensitivity and lack of care and empathy... then when that backfired in your face you look down on her more for being jealous, insecure, “Weak”, needing reassurance AND feel the need to leave her for what you’ve done.
Now you love you again.
On top of that you had low self esteem somewhere in the beginning.
So you, as a person who is/was in the dirt, decided it was a funny lighthearted idea to kick the person you claim to “love” down to your level.
Ooh!!! So much to unpack there.
Umm... I recommend therapy. For the both of you. Also, you are a terrible partner to her and I hope she is able to better communicate her boundaries (preferably with someone who deserves her).

Futron · Answer

I was so angry when reading this, but I read more below and realized there was more to the story. It sounds like she cheated on you, and like you haven't fully forgiven her, so you're tearing her down. That's more understandable, but i think that if you couldn't fully forgive her, you should've dumped her then. I know it's too late, but in my opinion, I think both of you have broken each others trust permanently, or at least for a long time.
Whether you think your relationship is worth pursuing or not, you should probably be honest with her. I know it's not fun, but she needs to know just how bad she hurt you, and why you chose such a destructive route. Both of you really need to apologize to each other if you want to continue being with her, because if either of you are going to continue being unfaithful or distrusting, you probably won't last.

websterII · Answer

lol u dumbass.. most precious thing in your world and you shat on it. you can try less talking and more showing.. do things that show you love her.. small things.. but have no expectations or conditions in return.. cus then they aren't gifts they are bribes. you broke it.. so now you fix it. and that is with love and compassion and humor she finds funny.. leave yours at home. .. do things for her.. like dishes.. cleaning.. running to the store.. take her on nice dates to places and things she will find interesting and fun. show her what she means to you.. and stop apologizing till she's ready to believe you. talk is cheap.. ever hear that? give her a hug and a smile when she needs it..

Flower7 · Answer

Those seem like very cruel things to do: talking bad about her body and making fun of her for it. And trying to make people jealous on purpose is always a bad idea. That is being manipulative. Commenting on her nose, weight and teeth was mean also. I guess this has been a lesson to be careful of the way that you treat people. There might not be much you can to to heal her, but you can try never speaking negatively about her again, and never mentioning things you like about other women or comparing her to other women.

AustinMan · Answer

What strain of hoof and mouth disease do you have? Talk about an insensitive idiot!! You may have destroyed this relationship with that barrage of insults. Where in your education did they skip the part where negative comments on any woman's body isn't just off limits, it's punishable by death, slowly and painfully?

You need to break your piggy bank and buy her some bling or failing in that, some really, really nice roses, preferably delivered to her office so all the ladies see it with a note of humblest and sincerest apology.

sawno · Answer

I can't heal your consciousness on this one, this is all you by being mean to her.
Your going to have to life with that guilt until you made up for it i am affraid.
But the good part is that she is giving you the chance to, so be genuine with her this time because you got in this mess by lying to her about how you truly feel. Let time heal it and show her the love she deserves. Because you have been very cruel to her and she deserves better, so be glad she is giving you that chance and become the boyfriend she deserves.

JDavid25 · Answer

Yeah, I mean I get jokes and whatnot but you did kina bully yo girlfriend if the jokes were as frequent as you said they were.. Now if y'all had an established relationship where y'all banter constantly about each others looks, than I would understand.. But it seems like you were the one constantly makin the jokes and she didn't find them very funny.. But just don't tell the jokes anymore and uplift her with all yo might.. Let her know how much you love her.. It'll take some time to gain her trust with that back.. But you can do it..

Anonymous · Answer

Do you have a death wish?
You're lucky she didn't leave you immediately.
I highly suggest some therapy because the way you are dealing with male/female relationships is not the way to go. By chance do you come from a family where teasing your SO is considered normal. If it is you need to rethink it.

Bang5luts · Answer

Tell her how you feel. Tell her everything you just said. Just at first, get her alone away from distractions. Grab her hand, look into her eyes and have her sit down with you. Tell get you sometimes forget that she's sensitive, tell her you love her and can't imagine a day without her. Then tell her everything you wrote on here. The tell her you never realized how much she really valued your opinion of her. Tell her your embarrassed by your actions and that if she forgives you, you'll never do that again. This should get there ball rolling in the right direction. Then you'll have to comment her, a lot. Good luck!

makriks · Answer

First of all thank you for being open and honest. It really takes a lot of courage to write what you wrote. Of course, it goes without saying that what you did was totally wrong, unfortunately we can't change the past but we can learn from it. The fact that you wrote your true feelings is a sign that you are a good person, now it's time to fix it, it's time to fix what you have broke. I suggest to be the best boyfriend in this planet.

Be super nice to her, take her to the places that she likes, invite her to restaurants and buy her things that loves. Tell her compliments to heal the old wounds, tell her jokes to make her laugh from her heart. You really need to do your very best to fix what you have done wrong!

COMMODOREII · Answer

It is hard to build self esteem in your partner. Many times you tell her she is awesome and in the back of her mind she will say, or well you are just my boyfriend. Its just like when your parents say you are handsome or pretty. Its just not that believable. But it can be done. It will take time and you will need to be her rock when it comes to her appearance. Yes today girls and guys a like are met with unrealistic ideas of what they should look like and even someone who is attractive is often met with jealousy from people will try to break them to make themselves look better. You can help each other really by being honest with each other and never tease by looks again.

KitKnickKat · Answer

This is so hard to read...
There comes a point where you can’t heal someone. Unfortunately you’ve broken her trust and now she feels self conscious. I can’t believe you would think it’s okay to compare her to porns or someone you hooked up with. If MY boyfriend did that I would leave him so fast. That’s horrible. I don’t know what to say, but I think your relationship is doomed ☹️

Marilynjuana · Answer

You really don't have much understanding of what you do to people who care about you and trust you, do you?

_SOARER · Answer

Damn bro
You are an asshole
Here is what you can do. You need to stop watching porn. You need to unfollow all females on instagram. You need to put in more effort to show her that you love her.
You need to never mention another woman again.

Eventually you should propose and make her your wife. It's going to take like a year for her to get over this.

ItsTheNephilim · Answer

Wth dude? Her quietness for the first time should be a clear indication to you that she didn't like the way you joked about her. Did you ever try relating to her? What if she compared you with other guys? Looks? Dick size? Body?
All you can do is shut the fuck up when you want to say such things or just break up with her for good. Just own up the mess you have created, reassure her every time she asks you questions about herself and don't be an idiot again.

MissDawn7961 · Answer

she deserves better then a boy like you for a boyfriend / boyfiend ! if you want her back then take her out to eat at the fanciest restaurant there is ! buy her flowers and have them sent to where she works and lives ! some expensive jewelry would be nice too ! do your best to stop talking to her about her flawed body parts for your not great either when it comes to looks or your mean and cruel insults to her ! thanks

nodnol32 · Answer

Sorry mate. I think the damage has been done. It can have a lasting impact. My girlfriend's ex called her a giant for wearing heels and it really shattered her confidence so much that it took her 3 years to wear heels again and that too after I encouraged her. If you love her, you bring out the best in that person.

DanaeAdam5 · Answer

Why don't you tell her all these things?

Explain to her how much you love her and that all these things were jokes that got out of control.

Literally tell her all that staff just like you wrote it in here

Drumlin2001 · Answer

You may have ruined it. Once some seeds are sown there isn't always a way back. Learn from it. You can banter with your mates. Picking out physical attributes of a woman, especially one so young who may not be fully body confident, to be target of your jibes is a bad idea.

winterfox10 · Answer

Dude... what the hell were you thinking that you thought that would be a good idea? YOU NEVER compare a woman to the women in your past. You can't repair the situation. Just love the hell out of her, keep your sense of humor to a minimum, don't mention other women, and give her time to heal. She has to relearn how to feel desirable to you.

Anonymous · Answer

''I feel like the biggest jerk ever. ''

And those are the most popular and most sought after guys. The fact that she is still with you says it all.

I see girls in the comments section talking about you making a big mistake, or that it made them angry. But if you had been loving, avaliable, complimentary, and a really nice guy, she'd have left you already.

''she doesn't want me gone despite all.''

Exactly...

In fact, if guys have relationship problems and are concerned about breaking up without drama, all they have to do is be really nice and the girl will end it for you...

DeeToPlay · Answer

You must be very young or clueless as it's concerning a woman and how fragile and soft they are. Believe me I guess I will suggest first that you show her this letter that you have written. Explain to her that you have made the most regrettable unforgivable mistake of your life and you are going to be trying to make up for it for the foreseeable future. Keep on cleaning up the wreckage of your attempted humor and leave the jokes to the professionals.

Anonymous · Answer

This is either a troll question, or written by a very insecure, controlling, unstable person.

Unit1 · Answer

"I just wanted to piss her off and make her jealous, she is cute when she is annoyed."

You dug her grave, pushed her in and buried her. I hope you are happy now. Getting her back happy is your job now. Find out how she can forgive you.

CasaNorba · Answer

i guess you might of crossed the line a little by bringing it up in a consistent manner.

but nothing to feel horrible about, is not like you demanded her to lose weight, starve herself, get surgery without her consent or put ultimatums on her. maybe she'll get over it with time but on the meantime try not to bring it up again and see how it works

DavidHart · Answer

i think i can relate to... TRUST.

Trust takes YEARS to build,
SECONDS to break,
and FOREVER to repair.

i can't tell for sure what you gonna need to do in order to cure the situation.
But u gonna need to brace yourself in making her your only world.

Shamalien · Answer

where is your heart in all this. Do you really like her that much, are you gunna marry her? Or at the end of the day, is she just another stepping stone? Be honest with yourself... you're making a big mess here

GR00VY · Answer

I don't think you can fix this. You shouldn't have said all those things to her, comparing her to other girls, and all those fake plastic girls you've probably seen online. It's hard to get rid of hurtful things from your head that's been said to you. 😤 I don't think you deserve her. You might do the same bullshit again.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

Ok. What you did isn't wrong but your delivery was wrong. You have to understand, we as men everyone says we suck and we have to compete and earn our confidence.

Women are raised to have false confidence. They can literally sit on the couch and yell fuck you at anyone and eat chips till they weigh 400lbs... and men and women will continue to tell them they are perfect princesses and shouldn't change for anyone.

As a man we know NO SHIT we dont have a perfect nose or physique or intelligence or whatever. And we just grow up that way. Girls grow up being told they are total hotties and gorgeous even if they are lumpy and plain.

So while its GOOD to bring her bloated head back down to reality, you have to be gentle and compassionate about it and build her self esteem back up in things that she actually deserves to be proud about herself. All you did was make her cry and feel worthless.

Dchrls78104 · Answer

Well, you have learned a valuable lesson. Women are very sensitive about their breasts, just like men about their penises. You have the job on your hands to get things back the way they used to be. A heart to heart talk on the issue, as well as a moratorium on jokes about her breasts and other body parts, would be a good place to start.

Sarahr123 · Answer

Why are there so many people like you both men and women who go around damaging people’s confidence?

Anonymous · Answer

My ex was on the same energy. He's single now. Good luck bro, she's probably gonna go for a man who makes her feel desired now lol Im not saying this to be an ass im saying this cause I was in the same situation with my ex, I couldn't even have sex with him anymore lol Id just let her find a man who makes her feel sexy no matter what cause you failed. She sounds honestly miserable, if you can't make yo girl feel sexy than you're already pretty close to loosing her and thats just the facts

not329446 · Answer

Talking of other girls when with her, making comparisons, is rude childish ignorant of her feelings. Common to teens and young adults this behavior destroys relationships. Learn from your mistakes. If you don't this behavior cause future issues. Some of what you said may be common though but it's best never verbalized.
Never compare one woman to another it hurts and drives them away.

likelyOK · Answer

Uh I don't think I'd ever like being compared to probs or any girl you used to hook up with. I don't even like guys mentioning girls they hooked up with. Ex s are okay bc you had an actual relationship with them but I don't like hearing of girls someone hooked up with, total turn off.
I did not read it all, but yeah you went too far and it hurt her not sure how to fix it.

Paul09 · Answer

If compliments make you feel good, insults can hurt you, even if it's a joke. Especially if you dont even say joking at the end. But jokes end up with truth in it. And that's hurtful. Hope you learn from your mistakes and never ever joke around like that. Bring in more positivity rather than negativity.

najekim · Answer

Sounds like a huge FUBAR on your part. You may have get on your knees and beg for forgiveness and sincerely let her know you were a fool for acting the way you did. Ask her what it would take for her to leave all the bad feelings behind and for her to trust you again.

Ninjazzed · Answer

Well there’s two ways you went wrong there. A. Never joke or make fun of her boobs. B. Never compare her to other women. Those are the quickest ways for you to lose a girlfriend. Hope this helped.

Twalli · Answer

Write down all the things you find attractive in her. Go into intense detail. Give it to her. My girlfriend's ex (they dated for 6 years) joked that he was cheating on her in their first year of dating. Her friends forced him to write her an apology note and it was so heartfelt and feeling that she forgave him. She needs to know what you really think about her body. If you don't see each other that much due to the quarantine, send it to her.

Anonymous · Answer

The answer is self image. Her self image is poor and needs to change. Unfortunately it takes time and will power for permanent change. I didn't want to answer this question because I honestly think a person educated in the field of psychology would be able to give you insight into what is occurring in your relationship. Yes she needs to heal/change but there is so much more in that paragraph.

Katielattee · Answer

Sit down and have a serious talk. Let her know you were wrong and tell her how sorry you are. As someone who has been through this before, it's hard for a girl to recover. We already have so much pressure on us to look a certain way and when the person that is supposed to love us just the way we are points out all our flaws, it cuts VERY deep. Spend some time telling her everything you love about her.

Nadim171 · Answer

Listen man, you fucked up.. I get what you were trying to do but a lot of people are way more emotional than you think. This could be fixed. But it will take time.

It is better if you really apologize once then never talk about it again. Treat her very very well for the next at least month. And I mean really well. Like a goddess.

At least, you learned to conceal your opinion next time.

Raja1881 · Answer

There was no need for that. I bet she can list a few things wrong with you, coz I'm sure you aren't Gods gift to ladies. But she has accepted you as is. Before you look at others, consider your own flaws.

I ruined my girlfriend's self-esteem and I feel horrible?

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