I ruined my girlfriend's self-esteem and I feel horrible?

nuclear13
I love my girlfriend and she is a fox but I made her feel ugly. I thought I was joking with her. Since I felt comfortable around her and she seemed confident I didn't think she would take it serious. I commented about her breast being saggy, I lifted them up and told her "they would look good", she didn't say anything and played cool so I thought it was ok and I kept commenting for the next months. I also compared her to porns and a girl I used to hook up with and told her how perky they were. I just wanted to piss her off and make her jealous, she is cute when she is annoyed. She told me that natural breasts don't look like that and I said that they looked hot and I wanted that way. She seemed very upset I kissed her and told her she was the best. I also commented on her nose, weight, teeth in different times. One day she bursted into tears and asked me why would I do that, told me I caused her sleepless nights and mental breakdowns, she said she was trying so hard to love herself despite all the pressure in todays world and I ruined it. I feel like the biggest jerk ever. I didn't mean to hurt her and didn't think she would care. I always compliment her since the day we met but she is only stuck with the "insulting jokes". I apologized deeply I compliment her body and nose now but she doesn't seem to believe it. She used to be cool, now she is fragile, cries a lot, needs reassurance, jealous and obsessed with her looks. Even though I'm in love with her I tried to break up with her, I couldn't forgive myself and had a bad conscience she told me to stay because she loves me so much. 2 months have passed, she gets defensive when I mention an another girl, she randomly asks me If she is ordinary, would I like her more If she had longer hair and a smaller nose. It breaks my heart. She is gorgeus and out of my league. How can I heal her? I love her and she doesn't want me gone despite all. (I didn't use to be like this, I had low self esteem in the first place this year)
I ruined my girlfriend's self-esteem and I feel horrible?
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