Which of the 5 “Love Languages”—Acts of Service, Gifts, Physical Touch, Quality Time, or Words of Affirmation—is your preferred way of receiving love?

[Anonymous]

According to Wikipedia, “‘The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate‘ is a 1992 book by Gary Chapman. It outlines five different general ways that romantic partners express and experience love, which Chapman calls "love languages". They are acts of service, gift-giving, physical touch, quality time, and words of affirmation.”

Choose which 1 of the 5 “Love Languages” is your preferred way of receiving love.

Acts of Service

Gifts

Physical Touch

Quality Time

Words of Affirmation

Updates

+1 y

Don’t just participate in the poll/voting...

Please provide your “Opinion” of what your preferred “Love Language” (way of receiving love) is, and why.

Updates

+1 y

All—FYI:
“The Five Languages” book/concept is discussed in the following article:

www.huffpost.com/.../your-spouses-love-language_n_5a580310e4b0720dc4c5ab71

Updates

+1 y

Here is a link for “The Love Language Quiz”…

www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

Note: It is found on the site from the author of the “The Five Love Languages” book…

https://www.5lovelanguages.com

Updates

+1 y

June 7, 2022 Note - currently, for this question’s poll:
- Physical Touch is the top/#1 love language overall (and the #1 love language separately for men, and separately for women too)
- Quality Time is the #2 love language overall (and the #2 love language separately for men, and separately for women too)

[TonyT1986]

Physical touch. Enjoy holding hands, massage, sexual touch, holding her close. When she touches me it feels great.

[Asker]

Ok Tony... hopefully for you her preferred way of GUVING love is also physical touch

[Asker]

*Giving

[TonyT1986]

I hope so. I’ve learned many women prefer acts of service to receive love.

[Asker]

It’s good that you recognize what love language “speaks to” your SO because, per Wikipedia, the author of “The Five Love Languages” states, “taking the time to learn and really understand your partner’s primary love language, which is often different from your own, can improve communication and strengthen your bond.”

[Asker]

Correction: the quote in my reply directly above does not come from Wikipedia & the author of the book “The Five Love Labguages,” but rather from the article: www.huffpost.com/.../your-spouses-love-language_n_5a580310e4b0720dc4c5ab71

[WilliamY]

Loving physical touch

[WilliamY]

It’s touch because that’s an action and I can feel connected to her.

[Asker]

Can you feel connected to her through one (or more) of the other 4 “Love Languages”—through her giving Acts of Service, Gifts, Quality Time, or Words of Affirmation to you?

[WilliamY]

Sometimes, but touch is best

[Asker]

Ok William, thanks for the feedback

[WilliamY]

You are welcome. Why ask this question? Are you collecting results for something?

[Asker]

No. Someone else’s question on this site made me think of “The Five Love Languages.” That question is the following...

Are you Okay with your Partner Having Close Friendships with the Opposite Sex? ↗

[Asker]

Sorry the link I previously gave is incorrect. The correct one is...

What does it mean when a guy tells you everything but doesn’t ask you anything? ↗

[xxxxxxxlllllllxxxxxx]

Gifts lol. im not very touchy feely and mushy so i prefer gifts

[Asker]

That’s ok, everyone’s different

[Anonymous]

Generally no idea, I do all of these 😅

[Asker]

Did you participate in the poll/voting? If so, which selection did you choose?

[Opinion Owner]

I was tough between physical touch and quality time, but I have to say quality time as my boyfriend is a workaholic therefore him giving time to spend with me means a lot to me

[Asker]

Ok, (you probably already do but) keep letting him know that quality time is so important to you. A big part about the whole “Five Love Languages” thing is that we tend to give love in the “language” that WE prefer to receive it (instead of the language that our SO prefers); he may be giving you the time he feels he can, or might be giving you love in the “language” he prefers to receive.

[Opinion Owner]

We are pretty verbal about what we think and what we like. But we never did the getting to know you, sort of dating part. We were friends first, and at that point we valued hanging out and spending time together so it is a thing that has passed over to our relationship which is nice :)
What is your favourite language?

[Asker]

Oh, so nice that your friendship w him transitioned into a romantic relationship!

My preference is words of affirmation—I love being appreciated through someone’s words. An example of this is even you asking me what my fav love language is—this is great to me, bc you showed you cared enough to ask and find out what I like.

[Opinion Owner]

I am lucky with him, as I know making a romantic relationship out of a friendship can be messy and ruin the friendship but we still remain mates friends as well as partners :)

That's nice, and I agree that being asked makes you feel your opinion matters :) everyone should feel they matter after all :)

[Asker]

Definitely, thanks for asking me. Wishing you much love & happiness w your man & in your life!

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you, and wish you all the best as well :)

[Asker]

Hey again. I have an interesting question out there, that you might want to share your “story” on (and it might lead to good discussions w others)...

Have you had a romantic or physical/sexual relationship wIth a person from the “Friend Zone”? And was it a good idea, or not? ↗

[Opinion Owner]

I will check it out, thank you :)

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I'm funny, I kinda hate the term acts of service cuz it sounds like something you"have"to do when the acts you do for your SO should be things you do out of love. If I cook for myself it's not act of service so if I cook something special for my SO I wouldn't call it act of service, more act of love...
Both words and gifts don't necessarily show/ mean love...
People throw that word out there all the time without really meaning them
And gifts sometimes don't mean someone loves yoy, might mean they're trying to buy your love
It's the making time for you, it's the knowing you're in pain without even saying it, it's the make you laugh when you feel like crying, type of things that mean the most to me

[Asker]

“The Five Languages” book/concept is discussed in the following article:

www.huffpost.com/.../your-spouses-love-language_n_5a580310e4b0720dc4c5ab71

This article states, “In relationships, people tend to show love to a partner in the way they’d personally most like to receive it. For example, those of us who need a big bear hug when we’re stressed might assume our partners would want the same. In reality, they may wish we had helped them cross something off their never-ending to-do list instead.

This presumptive approach can be ineffective because we all have different preferences when it comes to what makes us feel loved and cared for. Gary Chapman ― a pastor, speaker and author who has been married for more than 50 years ― explored this concept in his 1992 New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages...”

The author is quoted as saying, “After many years of counseling couples in crisis and taking notes during each session, I sat down one day and began thinking about what it takes for a person to feel loved. It became apparent to me that what makes one person feel loved isn’t always the same for their spouse or partner. I discovered every person understands and receives love in a specific language, one of five to be precise. The other four are just as important and offer [other] ways to express love to each other.”

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

But that's all about how well you know your partner. When my husband got home from dialysis the thing he needed was time to rest, alone time.. So I'd have the house clean kids fed and dressed and outside in the yard so he could have the house to himself for awhile. A good relationship is finding out what makes your partner feel loved and be willing to show them love that way... But some people might not be able to express love the way you want. But does that make it less love. Sometimes love is sacrificing some things but you gain other things

[Asker]

I totally agree with you—that,, as you say, “A good relationship is finding out what makes your partner feel loved...”

This is fact is the central message of “The Five Love Languages” book: that people have different preferences when it comes to what makes [them] feel loved and cared for”; and if you’re aware of which of the 5 love languages they need and appreciate the most, then they’ll recognize your efforts as expressed love for them and that will help you connect & bond with them more.

[Brainsbeforebeauty]

I agree there

[Asker]

:) :)

[jennifer_bloom]

I got an equal score in all 5 areas

[Asker]

Can you please choose one language for the purpose of this question/poll?

[jennifer_bloom]

I chose acts of service

[Asker]

Ok thanks Jennifer

[irifebeck]

Physical touch. I only hold hands with people I like, link arms with my close friends type of thing. If I hug you that usually means I like you. Aside from that I would probably chose quality time, spending time with someone you love is so important to me.

[Asker]

Ok, nice.
You can take the “Love Language Quiz” and see how you score for each of the languages…

www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

[irifebeck]

Quality Time 37%
Physical Touch 30%
Acts of Service 13%
Words of Affirmation 13%
Receiving Gifts 7%

[Asker]

Quality Time is your #1, and
Physical Touch is your #2…ok.

[loves2learn]

It’s funny and sad at the same time. Hubs and I were complete opposites. Let me try to remember. I also want to mention we had small children at the time I took this and I was utterly touched out.
.
Me:
1. Words of affirmation
2. Acts of service
3. Gifts
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch


Him:
1. Physical touch
2. Quality time
3. Gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Words of affirmation

[Asker]

Oh my gosh—complete opposites…

Are you guys so attracted to each other because “Opposites Attract”?

https://youtu.be/xweiQukBM_k

[loves2learn]

@gagname maybe but I think it’s more a function of our circumstances. I had gained pregnancy weight and needed help with the kids. Also, the children were constantly in my personal bubble. I can’t explain. So I needed words of affirmation that I was still beautiful despite pregnancy weight. And I needed help with the kids!

Meanwhile he was lacking physical connection with me because I was fucking exhausted.

[Kkoalalita]

@loves2learn hey is it cool if you follow me back and I wanted to discuss something with you real quick

[Asker]

@loves2learn ok I see.

Are your love languages ordered differently nowadays than back then?

[loves2learn]

Yes. I value physical touch and quality time now much more than I did 3 years ago.

[Asker]

Ok @loves2learn, how would you rank the 5 love languages for you nowadays (with 1 being your top)?

[loves2learn]

1. Physical touch
2. Quality time
3. Words of affirmation
4. Acts of service
5. Gifts

[Asker]

Ok so the same ranking as his, except your #3 “Words…” & #5 “Gifts” are his #5 & #3, respectively.

[loves2learn]

Physical touch and quality time are more important to me now that the kids are older.

[Asker]

Ok, cool that you both have the same top 2…and that makes for some HOT QUALITY TIME, am I right?…haha.

[maceygirl]

I picked "Quality Time"
Because there is nothing more to say he loves me than quality time. Whether it is going out to dinner, or a movie, or just relaxing at home, it doesn't matter. It makes me feel loved 💕

[Asker]

Great. Yeah it feels good for others to spend their valuable time with you.

Which way does your boyfriend prefer to receive (and most recognize as) love? (“The Five Love Languages” book says that a lot of the time people GIVE love in the way that they themselves receive love, and in so doing the love they give to the other is not recognized as love it is undervalued.)

[Asker]

*i the way that they themselves prefer to receive love

[Asker]

*or is undervalued

[maceygirl]

I think he likes "physical touch" best. He loves when I embrace him. I know the stereotype is that guys don't like to cuddle, but he likes that too.

[daisyduke13]

Though I think all are important, physical touch is a big one for me. I like affection, holding hands, cuddling, etc. Makes me feel connected to my partner!

[Asker]

Ok. 2 things are important to note regarding the “Five Love Languages:

(1) Each person has their own “love language” (how they prefer to receive love)

(2) We tend to give love in the language WE PREFER to receive and not in the language that our SO PREFERS; and because of this, often our expressions of love to our SO go unrecognized or undervalued

[daisyduke13]

Very true! It’s always important to know our partners love language so that we can provide for them, too.

[Asker]

👍:)

[KAT247]

That was a tough one. I chose acts of service because that’s what I do for a partner too. But that was close to physical touch. That’s so important too.

[Asker]

Yeah, everyone’s supposed to have a primary and secondary way of how they prefer to receive love

[Autember]

Can't I vote for all of them? I'm needy and want a lot from my partners.

[Asker]

No. The “5 love languages” concept says everyone has a PRIMARY/MOST PREFERRED way of RECEIVING love.

[Asker]

Here is a link for “The Love Language Quiz”…

www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

[Asker]

…it will score you in each of the love languages.

[Autember]

Receiving gifts 29%
Acts of service 26%
Words of affirmation 16%
Physical touch 16%
Quality time 13%

I don't know if I really agree with it. Some of the options I had to just pick one as I didn't really prefer one over the other.

I think my love language depends on the person. But I do like gifts. I think words of affirmation are my second.

[Asker]

So did you vote in the poll to this question yet? (I don’t think you did, because there was already 1 pink Girls “Gifts” vote out there.)

Regarding you saying “I think my love language depends on the person”:

We SHOULD change the way we GIVE love to the person we are with—depending on THEIR preferred love language.

The 2 things that are important to note regarding the “5 Love Languages” concept is that:

(1) Each person has their own “love language” (how they prefer to receive love)

(2) We tend to give love in the language WE PREFER to receive and not in the language that our SO PREFERS; and because of this, often our expressions of love to our SO go unrecognized or undervalued

[LivForFun]

I chose physical touch. It's just nice being touched. Like that saying "actions speak louder than words"

[Asker]

Ok. There is an “Acts of Service” love language too, that covers showing love by doing things for others.

In this question I included a link to an article…

www.huffpost.com/.../your-spouses-love-language_n_5a580310e4b0720dc4c5ab71

And in the above article is a link for the site from the author of the “The Five Love Languages” book…

https://www.5lovelanguages.com

***In the above site is a link for a “love languages” quiz—maybe you should take the quiz and see how how close these Physical Touch & Acts of Service are for you…

www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

[Vero4567]

Quality time, it means a lot to me when my partner takes time out to spend it with me.

[Asker]

Ok, Quality Time is the most popular women’s choice in my poll so far.

[Asker]

Note: Physical Touch has since overtaken Quality Time as the most preferred love language for women, and is currently the top/#1 love language overall (and the #1 love language for men separately too) in this question’s poll.

[menina]

I would say quality time even though I don't know what love is.

[Asker]

Ok, it’s basically having intense romantic feelings, desire, and preoccupation with a another person because of who they are/look like and the relationship you share with them.

[menina]

That sounds like something I would like to have in my life but I know that it's impossible. At least for now...

[Asker]

It’ll happen, when the timing is right for you.

[menina]

Hummm I don't think so...

[YourSong]

I got words of affirmation like I already expected hahaha

[Asker]

Cool. And it appears you tied for your #2 love language — with: QualityTime & Gifts.

[YourSong]

Oh yeah I didn’t even notice

[Asker]

Thanks so much for sharing about you with me!

[YourSong]

No problem

[Dnice1]

Definitely physical touch

[Asker]

Here is a link for “The Love Language Quiz”…

www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/love-language

[Asker]

See how you score for each of the 5 love languages

[2Lips]

Whichever falls under feeding me.

[WilliamY]

Acts of service

[2Lips]

@WilliamY nice. Thank you.

[RedFever]

Physical touch.

[Asker]

So besides sexual touch/full sex you like hand-holding, back rubs, and the like?

[RedFever]

LOVE all that! <3

[Asker]

Ok great.

[miniskirtcaley81]

Touch